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Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 1:18:58 PM

Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline

Good evening,
I am hoping to get the reaction from some Dominant male types. I have meet a man, a dom from this site who I truly enjoy intellectually and physically. However, he is in an hour an half away and with the gas prices as they are that gets expensive really fast. I have to stay local (in town) because of my UMs so he is doing the traveling, I want to offer to help pay for the gas when he comes down to see me but I am not sure how it will be taken. How would you as a dom take it if a sub you were seeing offered this? Would you be offended? Why or why not?

Thanks in advance for the imput.

Blessed be,
Nika

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 1:27:02 PM

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Joined: 5/16/2007
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i know you wanted a comment from the Doms here. i met someone not from this site,but vanilla.He lives a hour away. and He does all the traveling and i cant move to Him bc of my son. its very frustrating to say the very least. its not easy to have a long distant relationship on what ever level its on. He comes about 2 or 3 times a week depends on His days off. then have to leave bc He has a dog to look after. it costs Him at least 50 a shot. and He has asked for money for the gas, and it embarrased Him. but since i cant make the drive, i feel its only fair. it scares me a little bc the gas prices arent really going to go down. i do believe alot of men wont take the money, bc of the Dominant "i take care of you deal." keeps them from taking the offering without being offended.

(in reply to SweetNika)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 1:28:17 PM

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From: Jersey
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Im not a dom but I have a comment or two--

If he couldn't afford to make the trip, he probably wouldn't do it, or perhaps wouldnt do it as often.

If you want to feel like you are contributing to the visits on some financial level, how about buying groceries and cooking for him, or buying him a bottle of his favorite wine (or something else) so he can unwind when he arrives. Or you could buy a 'toy' that you think he might like to use on you. I personally wouldnt offer the gas money. It's kind of tacky.

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I give good agita.

(in reply to SweetNika)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 1:29:09 PM

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I think the best method here would be to ask him. say "hey those gas prices are insane, i'd like to help you out with the costs if you wouldn't mind?" he'll either say "no thanks" and chuckle it off, or say "Thank you, please." and take the money. Or he'll flip out cause you wounded his sensitive male pride, and you should start seeing red flags waving infront of your eyes.

(in reply to SweetNika)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 1:31:06 PM

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I'd say the best way to answer your question is to ask politely and see what happens. If he gets offended, then you know this is a touchy area and you should both discuss further. If he doesn't, then you know it's no big deal. Win win either way.

If you approach things with always walking on eggshells and avoiding any "conflict" then you'll never have lasting fulfillment. You'll kill yourself before you ever get started.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Lordskitten)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 1:32:14 PM

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Joined: 5/10/2007
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Every time I have dated I have offered to pay for everything. I have never once had to. The lady has bought concert tickets, or after-dinner coffee -- maybe small, but something. I have dated both Dommes and subs since I decided to date only non-vanilla, and both have acted the same way about money.

This is the 21st century. Lots of women make more than the men in their lives, and gas is expensive. It's a way of demonstrating you are hopeful -- and making more frequent meeting possible.

Women (and men) who say, "I'm old-fashioned and the man should pay for everything," fail to understand that there are over 500 home foreclosures a day in California alone. Mating dance economics has become a team effort for most people, even if they have "professional" jobs (and most don't).

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SweetNika)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 1:32:43 PM

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From: Forest Hills, Maryland
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angel, I asked for the advice of men specifically not because other's can't or wont offer some sound imput but because men know how men think. -laughs- Your right though, I don't want to offend him by asking but at the same time to me it seems reasonable and the gas prices do scare me right now knowing for now it is a long distance relationship. I don't ever see him asking but I do know him paying for it every time limits how often we see each other. -laughs-

Nika

< Message edited by SweetNika -- 5/24/2008 1:43:04 PM >

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Blessed be,
Nika

(in reply to angelwithhonor)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 1:34:32 PM

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From: Constrictor1
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SweetNika,
purely from my point of view, I would think that your offer would be one of the sweetest things to do in an effort to help the budding relationship. On the other hand I would gently decline as I would not start a relationship without understanding the costs (material or otherwise) and be willing to meet them. My responses have little to do with pride, more a matter of understanding how my world works.

Constrictor1

(in reply to SweetNika)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 1:43:04 PM

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I would offer gas money and if he gets offended then stroke his ego by saying I want so much to be with you I just had to make the offer,Any one that comes to see us pays their own way and we do the same if we travel..To be honest our trips have been curtailed due to the high prices of fuel...well life in the country isn't that bad smile..

< Message edited by hammernhoney -- 5/24/2008 1:44:05 PM >

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RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 1:58:17 PM

SirJohnMandevill

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordskitten

I think the best method here would be to ask him. say "hey those gas prices are insane, i'd like to help you out with the costs if you wouldn't mind?" he'll either say "no thanks" and chuckle it off, or say "Thank you, please." and take the money. Or he'll flip out cause you wounded his sensitive male pride, and you should start seeing red flags waving infront of your eyes.

This seems like a sound approach. My .02 zlotys: Personally, I wouldn't be offended.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to Lordskitten)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 2:06:25 PM

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Well, bang goes the illusion you're a sub. Is there something about this man you're not sharing with us? Is he on a fixed income? Social Security? Is there something about you you're not sharing? As far as I can see it is a perfectly normal thing to get in one's car and go see somebody one wants to see. Why are you making a big deal out of a short drive? I drive 140 miles round trip to D.C. to see my dentist, my Durango gets 13 mpg, or thereabouts. She's never offered to reimburse me for my gas... always only wants more money..

(in reply to SweetNika)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 2:30:05 PM

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I would be delighted by the offer. I'd be flattered that My submissive was serious enough about seeing Me, that she'd be willing to make a financial contribution to increase My ability to do so.

If this means that, by not having to pay for all the gas He uses travelling to visit you, He is able to travel to see you more often, or have extra spending money for toys, gifts, or whatever, I cannot see it as anything but a win/win situation.

(in reply to antipode)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 2:31:17 PM

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From: The Desert
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in this case it would seem to just be a case of helping each other, like people do in a relationship
I dont see any reason he would be offended, but of course, Im not him

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RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 2:37:05 PM

Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
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I decided to simply ask him and tell him the truth that I would like to see him more often and I appreciate that he is so understanding about me having to stay in town b/c of my UMs but I don't think it is fair he has to foot all of the travel expensive because gas is expensive.

Thanks again for the imput.

Nika

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika

(in reply to Asherdelampyr)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 2:37:35 PM

Posts: 240
Joined: 12/18/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

Well, bang goes the illusion you're a sub.

I must've missed the memo that being a Dom means I must financially support My sub in all aspects of O/our relationship, and that if she helps in any way, she's not really a 'sub'.

Where do people get these 'rules', anyway?!

As for the rest, I must say I think its more than a little ridiculous to compare a D/s relationship, to the relationship you have with your dentist...

(in reply to antipode)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 2:37:46 PM

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From: Nashville, TN
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Id think the offer itself might be seen as a positive, if you phrase it properly. Somthing along the lines of being able to see more of one another if you were allowed to help with the gas money. Dont make it sound like you think he needs the help. Though, if you are feeling guilty that he does all the traveling and pays you ca let him know that too, youd like to help sine you cant travel to him, youd like to make it easier for him to travel to you...
Its ALL about the phrasing.

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Asherdelampyr)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 2:41:43 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetNika

Good evening,
I am hoping to get the reaction from some Dominant male types. I have meet a man, a dom from this site who I truly enjoy intellectually and physically. However, he is in an hour an half away and with the gas prices as they are that gets expensive really fast. I have to stay local (in town) because of my UMs so he is doing the traveling, I want to offer to help pay for the gas when he comes down to see me but I am not sure how it will be taken. How would you as a dom take it if a sub you were seeing offered this? Would you be offended? Why or why not?

Thanks in advance for the imput.

Blessed be,
Nika

Hi Nika. I'd think it was sweet to offer.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to SweetNika)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 2:56:46 PM

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Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetNika

Good evening,
I am hoping to get the reaction from some Dominant male types. I have meet a man, a dom from this site who I truly enjoy intellectually and physically. However, he is in an hour an half away and with the gas prices as they are that gets expensive really fast. I have to stay local (in town) because of my UMs so he is doing the traveling, I want to offer to help pay for the gas when he comes down to see me but I am not sure how it will be taken. How would you as a dom take it if a sub you were seeing offered this? Would you be offended? Why or why not?

Thanks in advance for the imput.

Blessed be,
Nika

Hi Nika. I'd think it was sweet to offer.

My thoughts, too...! And I'd doubtless generalise that it's typical of a sub to offer.... lol

I'd also decline the offer because I'm one of those male dinosaurs who was uncomfortable with the girl paying in my vanilla past and I won't have a bar of it now that I'm uber-dominant.... Not that I wouldn't mess with her mind; that rather than pay for petrol she should buy me a more economical NEW car instead.... ;-)

Focus.

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Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Level)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 3:02:59 PM

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Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
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I usually have guys offer to pay for absolutely everything on a date. Honestly, it kind of makes me feel like a parasite, and I've never had them seriously object when I pitch in. I did fly an ex of mine up to Atl once, he felt horrible about me having to pay for it, but it really wasn't a big deal for me, because his car had just died.

I can't really see someone hitting the fan because you offered them some gas money. Lordskitten is absolutely right about how to go about it as well. ^_^

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HBIC

(in reply to Focus50)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 3:04:49 PM

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Joined: 5/25/2005
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why not buy him a gift card to a gas station every so often?

put a little bow on it and make it cute.

that way you won't have the discussion about finances and he won't have to be put in the position of accepting or declining money.

some of the best gifts are the most sensible ones!

(in reply to SweetNika)

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