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RE: Depression in the Lifestyle - 12/30/2005 3:03:18 PM

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I agree with you FTopinMichigan.
I've been floating in and out of depression since I was about 12 yrs. old. It does run in my family, my mom suffers from SADD, which is lack of the sun, gotta love canada. And my father is clinically depressed.
Times are better than others. There have been periods where yes I didn't want to wake up the next morning. When I was 12 I almost killed myself because I had no idea of understanding what I was feeling, I one day talked to my mom and she helped me through it. Now I realize not everyone has someone like that they can go to, I was rather lucky. I also learned I can't use anti-depressants because they're rather rough on the stomach and I do have a stomach condition. So when it gets really bad I sort of deal with it. If I ever think about suicide (which has happened twice in total) I think about the consequences. Do I actually want to die? No, Do I want to wake up to my stomach being pumped? Not particularly. Knives? Much too messy and way too painful.
I know I'm probably one of the odd few who actually thinks of these things but it helps.
I think part of it is depression in general is talked about a lot more these days than even 10 yrs. ago. So much like other issues in the world. I mean think about it, child porn 10 yrs ago was hardly discussed, laws were probably not nearly as tight. Now you see something in the news about it all the time.
I have no patience for people who enjoy sitting on the pity pot, I can't be bothered. because no matter what you say to them, they just think of something else.
Is depression in BDSM more common? Maybe no one will really know and statistics doesn't tell you much. I had a teacher who said, There are 3 kinds of lies, lies, damn lies and statistics. You can make statistics twist anyway you want. (Believe me I've done it)
Is BDSM self -destructive? There was a time I walked away from the lifestyle because my depression was so bad I couldn't have handled having a boy at the time I had no control of my life, how could I possibly control someone else's?
So Dominants suffer from depression too...it's part of life.
LadyJC

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

RE: Depression in the Lifestyle - 12/30/2005 3:11:24 PM

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quote:

And, for "most" people, it actually "will" be alright, and tomorrow "will" be a brighter day. Sometimes, "time" does heal...and sometimes it doesn't! From what I've seen, what "is" true, is that many people that are depressed, wallow in it. It is all they know and they like it there, because it's familiar and doesn't force them to change. There is comfort in remaining "the same," or alone, because it is just that...comforting. It's what they know most.

this is SOOOOO wrong on so many levels. i can't begin to tell you how it feels and i also can't tell you how much i wish i didn't feel this way.

this goes back to my original statement that people who do NOT suffer from depression will EVER understand how it feels and as for "wallowing" in it...walk a mile in any depressant's shoes befor judging us.

sorry for the rant.

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

RE: Depression in the Lifestyle - 12/30/2005 3:55:05 PM

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Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1
What i have noticed is the trend to call a lowered mood, ie. mild depression, clinical depression.

Yes, there is a huge difference between mild depression (which is common) and clinical depression (which is crippling).

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

RE: Depression in the Lifestyle - 12/30/2005 6:37:06 PM

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michaelGA I have walked more than a mile in it if you read my previous post. The way I look at it someone always has it worse than me.
For example I left my ex on a whim couldn't stand it any longer, my parents let me move back home, and spend time straightening out some of my bills before even thinking of asking me for rent. At that time I was in one of my most serious bouts of depression.
My mother was most understanding.
If it weren't for them I'd be living at a homeless shelter not having a clue where to go from there. I had to leave him no questions asked. I look at it this way, a lot of people don't even have a home to go to, or know where their next meal is coming from. Or have a clue how to get out of the kind of relationship I was in and end up being stuck there for years and years.
I've seen a lot of people who have depression, some people sit on a pity potty and talk about how No one knows how I feel! There are lots that do, you just don't see it Michael it's depression. If you ever get out of it maybe and hopefully you'll see that.
LadyJC

(in reply to onceburned)

RE: Depression in the Lifestyle - 12/30/2005 6:44:17 PM

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with all due respect, Ma'am...(takes a deep breath and tries to gather thoughts to keep from blowing up)

i have tried every med on the market
i have tried therapy
i have lived on the streets
i cannot change life as everyone knows it
i do not like the terms "pity party" "wallowing in self-pity" or anthing to do with "pity"
i do not want, need or desire ANYONE'S pity.

(breaths in and closes eyes)

i had better stop right there before i say something else that might be "twisted" into something else i DO NOT mean.

(in reply to LadyJC)

RE: Depression in the Lifestyle - 12/31/2005 6:16:52 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA

quote:

And, for "most" people, it actually "will" be alright, and tomorrow "will" be a brighter day. Sometimes, "time" does heal...and sometimes it doesn't! From what I've seen, what "is" true, is that many people that are depressed, wallow in it. It is all they know and they like it there, because it's familiar and doesn't force them to change. There is comfort in remaining "the same," or alone, because it is just that...comforting. It's what they know most.

this is SOOOOO wrong on so many levels. i can't begin to tell you how it feels and i also can't tell you how much i wish i didn't feel this way.

this goes back to my original statement that people who do NOT suffer from depression will EVER understand how it feels and as for "wallowing" in it...walk a mile in any depressant's shoes befor judging us.

sorry for the rant.

Michael, you've choosen to "quote" me, yet completely ignore the fact that I also posted that I "know where I speak from" as I went through a long depression, and out of denial, I failed to accept the diagnosis, as I felt it was not possible, for me. I emerged from it..."years" after it started. It was not just a matter, of blue days, here and there. So, perhaps you shouldn't think you're the only one in the world that has suffered from depression. You are not alone, and have to realize too, that if you accept that "others" suffer too, you might find help, as well as support.

K

(in reply to michaelGA)

RE: Depression in the Lifestyle - 12/31/2005 6:26:32 AM

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i "do" both accept and acknowledge that there are others such as myself, i also acknowledge that there is no cure for it either...

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

RE: Depression in the Lifestyle - 12/31/2005 6:36:54 AM

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I haven't read the entire thread, just the OP, so sorry if i repeat what's already posted.

I suffer from anxiety/panic and some depression - although it is under control for the most part, it's a lifelong battle for me. I can most definitely see how my own emotional issues have played a part in my attraction to the lifestyle, i can also see how my upbringing has played a major role in me being a submissive female and masochist.

It's no surprise to me that many of the subs/slaves i have met have a history of cutting themselves, or depression, or some form of emotional disorder....not to say that everyone in the lifestyle is disfunctional, by any means, i know there are many well adjusted individuals who happen to just enjoy the lifestyle and be dominant or submissive in nature because it's simply who they are.

I have come to a place in my life however, where i have learned to embrace my disfunctions, i know that for me, what i have lived through in my life has made me who i am....which doesn't say much, lol, but i am pretty content with how my life has turned out, sure i would've loved to have grown up in a well adjusted family, with no major disfunctions, but that wasn't the case, so all i can do now is accept who and make the very best of it. I spent my childhood trying to fit in, and be a "normal" person, once i grew up and took a good look around me i realized that everyone has their own issues and those that appeared so put together were some of the most fucked up people i knew! lol....anywhooo, i think i have lost my train of thought here, again, it's still pretty early and i haven't had my daily dose of caffeine...so excuse the babble.

sweetwhisper

(in reply to skittles47)

RE: Depression in the Lifestyle - 12/31/2005 6:49:52 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA

i "do" both accept and acknowledge that there are others such as myself, i also acknowledge that there is no cure for it either...

No cure? No hope? Sadly, you have been misinformed if you think there is no light at the end of the tunnel. It is more than apparent that you feel there is no way out of depression, in spite of many people here offering stories of hope and happiness that they've found. It seems that with that outlook, and misinformation, that you will be destine to remain there.

K

(in reply to michaelGA)

RE: Depression in the Lifestyle - 12/31/2005 6:51:58 AM

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Joined: 5/18/2005
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Everyone's childhood leads to who they are today as I discovered. I as well grew up in a dysfunctional family. (My mom always says she puts the Fun in dysfunctional) My parents are both in the lifestyle and told me when I was 17 yrs. old.
At first I was like OMG that's disgusting, but I realized I only thought that because it was my parents. I soon started asking questions and taking interest. As soon as I became of legal age to go to the events I did. I embraced it all. My depression is a lifelong problem for me. I admit it, and move on. I take each day in stride and try to accept what comes along.
MichaelGA I can understand you say you hate those words, but I read the thread about you being alone for christmas and through this thread, honestly it sounds like you wallow in self pity, now you're right I don't know you irl so I can't just judge from the posts but that's how I interpretted them.
You also did imply that no one knows how you feel,

"this is SOOOOO wrong on so many levels. i can't begin to tell you how it feels and i also can't tell you how much i wish i didn't feel this way.

this goes back to my original statement that people who do NOT suffer from depression will EVER understand how it feels and as for "wallowing" in it...walk a mile in any depressant's shoes befor judging us."
When FTopinMichigan made her large post.
LadyJC

(in reply to sweetwhisper)

RE: Depression in the Lifestyle - 12/31/2005 6:55:17 AM

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Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
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I have friends both lifestyle and not who suffer/live with depression, etc. I myself was diagnosed 6 years ago with Massive Depressive Disorder, and only nearly 2 years ago began to get into the lifestyle. Depression is not what made me look to the lifestyle though. Realization and acceptance of being submissive is. Depression or not, I am a submissive. It's who I am.

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Deviant Mind
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(in reply to sweetwhisper)

RE: Depression in the Lifestyle - 12/31/2005 6:57:19 AM

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i wouldn't call a lifetime of suffering as being misinformed. at risk or repeating myself, i have been on every pill on the market, i have heard the ramblings of the "Professionals" as they try to explain away and belittle those who suffer from this "disorder" and i can tell everyone from my personal experience, it's all window dressing at best...some things cannot be changed, cured or even swept under the rug.

to those who were successful in "surviving" this "disorder" and to those who were brave enough to commit to the ultimate end...i salute you all

peace is not an easy thing to come by these days so cherish it while it lasts because, in the end, there's nothingness. a black void for us all to look forward to

< Message edited by michaelGA -- 12/31/2005 6:58:18 AM >

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

RE: Depression in the Lifestyle - 12/31/2005 7:11:00 AM

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Joined: 11/28/2005
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I agree, some do wallow in self pitty and victimization. I did this for years, though i didn't realize i was doing it. I still have to snap myself out of self pity many times. I know it's much easier to say, oh get over it and move on, than to actually be able to do it and i know from my own battle with these disorders that sometimes you really can not just pick yourself up and move on...my panic/anxiety disorder got so bad that i wanted to check myself into the mental dept of a local hospital, they sent me home said that i wasn't that crazy! which i guess should've been a good thing! lol but i was so far gone not only could i not see the light but the tunnel was no where near at that point. Anyhow, i grabbed on to the last bit of hope and as a very last resort gave anti-anxiety meds a try (paxil to be exact) i can say, from my own experience, without a single shred of doubt in my mind, that it saved my life. Therapy didn't work, friends and family couldn't help, all the advice in the world could never have done what the medication did. It was clearly something that was out of my hands for sure....it's been several years and i am now starting to wean off it ....slowly but surely.

Sometimes, even amidst all of the confusion and haze that mental/emotional disorders can bring to a person, you have to find some way to cling on to a last piece of straw that might just help you....you can't just wallow in your dysfuntion, you can't just sit in a corner and say, oh i am screwed up, i am a victim of life....and from my own experience, i know it's pretty hard sometimes to be able to help yourself when your mind is not in the right place to begin with....but when you can't see that light, or even the tunnel for that matter, you need to reach out and whether it is through medical science, or religion, or whatever helps you, grab on to it and give it a shot. I agree that it must be difficult for those who have never experienced serious mental/emotional disorders to be able to comprehend this, or to understand an individual who has these issues, but unfortunately, i can relate.

sweetwhisper

(in reply to LadyJC)

RE: Depression in the Lifestyle - 12/31/2005 7:16:11 AM

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Michael, i do agree that for most of us who suffer from these type of disorder, it never does go away... i am clear on the fact that my dysfunctions will never just go away, i can hope! but realistically i know that i will forever battle with my demons. But, i can't just surrender to them either, not completely anyways...i can embrace who i am and i can accept the fact that i do have disorders, but i can also try my best to live the life i want to live and be content with who i am.

by the way, is it just me or do you look just like Jack Nicholson?! I mean, everytime i see your avatar picture all i can think of is " Heeeeere's Johnny!" lol...

sweetwhisper

(in reply to michaelGA)

RE: Depression in the Lifestyle - 12/31/2005 7:43:27 AM

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Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
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post deleted.... it's just not worth the candle

< Message edited by JohnWarren -- 12/31/2005 7:47:03 AM >

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