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This has always bugged me... - 6/17/2008 8:08:36 AM

LotusSong

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The situation where a female needs permission from her Dom to top (or in her mind 'dominate') another and then only who he says she can.

Lead, follow or get out of the way, for pete's sake.

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RE: This has always bugged me... - 6/17/2008 8:32:11 AM

LadyLynx

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I have met FemDoms like that with their subs who switch. A MaleDom once told me, he has that rule, because a male sub tried taking advantage of his girl. He (the Dom.) proudly said that she kicked his ass, and threw him out. But since then, he feels better in controlling at least part of the situation. Personally that doesn't appeal to me in the least and is one of the reasons why I don't have much interest in submitting to someone in a dynamic.

With alot of Male Doms, it is territorial.

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Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 2

RE: This has always bugged me... - 6/17/2008 8:34:34 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
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I see no issue with the idea since it seems consistent with each D/s relationships and non-monogamous relationships.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to LadyLynx)

Post #: 3

RE: This has always bugged me... - 6/17/2008 8:38:34 AM

Sylverdawn

Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Uhmmm.. when you submit to a D/s dynamic.. I dont think that means just when it convienent for you.. You give up the right to get to do what you want when you want cuz you want.. I kinda thought that was the point.. lol

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RE: This has always bugged me... - 6/17/2008 8:39:03 AM

LotusSong

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... but then does the male submissive ever have a totally focused "domme" he can rely on while the premise will always be "if my master says so"? Men are territorial for sure, be they top or bottom.

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Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

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Post #: 5

RE: This has always bugged me... - 6/17/2008 8:39:42 AM

Dnomyar

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Im not one of those Doms but I can understand them being territorial. Subs/slaves being bombarded with Im a better Dom than your current one is. A lot of the women on here are saying that they have to much mail to answer quickly. Granted there are immature Doms who try to micro manage their subs. For the most part the men outnumber the women on here so the competition is great.

(in reply to LadyLynx)

Post #: 6

RE: This has always bugged me... - 6/17/2008 8:45:25 AM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
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if she agrees to that dynamic. why should it bother you?

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Post #: 7

RE: This has always bugged me... - 6/17/2008 9:22:55 AM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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It bugs me too, LotusSong.   I freely admit that this is entirely MY problem~~ I also cringe when I hear a grown woman call someone not her parent "Daddy".  It's just me. I would never say WHOA that is so wrong, quit that~~if everyone is happy, spiffy, I just won't be trying that at home.

Whenever something bugs the crap out of me, I try to learn more about it so I know WHY. (sometimes I find that I just have a prejudice! ) Obviously the chain of command dynamic works for lots of people, so it's perfectly valid and not some kind of fantasy thing. I have seen some who say that whoever is my sub is master's as well, and others where the master isn't interested in interacting with her subs at all.   From what I have observed, it's all about the woman. If she is providing what her submissive wants, it's all good.

Part of my problem with understanding this is that I have no submissive wiring. I can follow orders, I can serve, and hey! I can even be a really cooperative bottom.   Soeaking from my own perspective, I would not feel like a fully functioning dominant if I were following someone else's orders outside of a scene context. Give up my vibrators? Cut my hair in a certain way?  Do this, but not that? Ummmm....think NOT.    I would feel constantly hobbled, that someone was looking over my shoulder, that I had to second guess all my decisions because Master Might Disapprove.

As I said, it's just me, and HEY!! here is part two of my issue~~~it only bugs me when the WOMAN is being held back!! I am looking for a switch partner, and I would love to share a girl with him.... so, how does THAT work? <G>

Funny old thing, life!

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RE: This has always bugged me... - 6/17/2008 9:39:30 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne

if she agrees to that dynamic. why should it bother you?

Several reasons:

... because it plays to the mind of "a Domme is only a sub who hasn't found the right master". as well as it proves a lack of understanding what the Domme dynamic is.. you know - she's the one in control by her own volition?

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Post #: 9

RE: This has always bugged me... - 6/17/2008 9:53:42 AM

LadyLynx

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I have run into very few Male Doms who think that. much less have the balls to say it

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 10

RE: This has always bugged me... - 6/17/2008 9:55:15 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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I have run into PLENTY, Sarah, though they don't have the balls to say it to ME! <G>

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Post #: 11

RE: This has always bugged me... - 6/17/2008 9:59:59 AM

LadyLynx

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lol. hmm maybe I havn't heard it because they don't think I am much of a switch............lol. *shrugs* I don't really give a crap. *smiles*

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 12

RE: This has always bugged me... - 6/17/2008 10:02:38 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Yeah, no kidding! A certain Gorean Master in town said I was either on the rag or off my meds on a public list (in response to a post I made) but won't make eye contact with me in person!

As to the topic, Ma'am Jay? BSB? DarchChylde? Input on how this works for you?

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Post #: 13

RE: This has always bugged me... - 6/17/2008 10:10:54 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
... but then does the male submissive ever have a totally focused "domme" he can rely on while the premise will always be "if my master says so"? Men are territorial for sure, be they top or bottom.

To elaborate on my prior post, in any D/s relationship--Fm, Mf, Ff, or Mm--if the submissive in that relationship is to play with others in any manner, I expect it would require approval of the dominant.

Also, often in non-monogamous relationships, the primary partner has a say about with whom the other can play. If one perceives a third party to threaten the relationship in any manner, generally such a person is avoided.

In relationships where such approval has been given, I expect there might be different levels of micromanagement. I have heard of some relationships with so much involvement that the dominant directs the play, as well those where permission is given at a broad level to have the relationship, and there is little involvement or influence on the relationship from then on.

I agree that relationships that are micromanaged are more likely to be problematic. However, that is where the third party comes in by choosing or rejecting the relationship. For some men this heirarchy or interference would be a deal breaker, and for some it would be tolerable, acceptable or perhaps even interesting. The submissive or switch is also relevant in this equation. If the authority of her dominant is too much, perhaps it is time to renegotiate or recognize that she has moved on to a different role.

I have had play with women who had primary relationships with men. I have not seen these relationships to be exclusive and invested and expected accordingly. In such cases, I have been respectful of the primary relationship and understanding about needs to preserve that relationship. Generally, I have seen reciprocated respect from the man about the secondary relationship and have not encountered any difficult situation. The situations I have had did not have much involvement from the man. There was one instance, however, where the interference was becoming an issue for me and I withdrew from it.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 6/17/2008 10:55:22 AM >

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 14

RE: This has always bugged me... - 6/17/2008 10:38:01 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne

if she agrees to that dynamic. why should it bother you?

Several reasons:

... because it plays to the mind of "a Domme is only a sub who hasn't found the right master". as well as it proves a lack of understanding what the Domme dynamic is.. you know - she's the one in control by her own volition?

How?

it only works for couples who have that dynamic. Why would it imply anything for any other dominant, single or not, not in such dynamic?

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(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 15

RE: This has always bugged me... - 6/17/2008 11:08:13 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong... because it plays to the mind of "a Domme is only a sub who hasn't found the right master". as well as it proves a lack of understanding what the Domme dynamic is.. you know - she's the one in control by her own volition?

I am wondering if what you have difficulty with is that a woman is submitting to a man, or that a person who is in a dominant role is submitting to another dominant, each of which seems to conflict with your philosophy.

I think a woman who is submissive to one partner can have an effective relationship where she is dominant to another one. Just as women who do not have a dominant partner can have an effective dominant relationship within a set of rules defined by the law, a woman who does have a dominant partner can have an effective dominant relationship within a broader set of rules.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 16

RE: This has always bugged me... - 6/17/2008 12:29:29 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
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I do the same thing with my boi.. I'm in charge.. so I get to say who she tops... its a fairly simple concept, hence the big "D" by my name...

works both ways ya know...

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When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

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Post #: 17

RE: This has always bugged me... - 6/17/2008 12:30:54 PM

Madame4a

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From: Washington, DC area
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So what does this say about my dynamic?

or better yet.. in a M/m dynamic? do you feel the same way or is this just when its a Male D and female s?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne

if she agrees to that dynamic. why should it bother you?

Several reasons:

... because it plays to the mind of "a Domme is only a sub who hasn't found the right master". as well as it proves a lack of understanding what the Domme dynamic is.. you know - she's the one in control by her own volition?

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 6/17/2008 12:31:48 PM >

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 18

RE: This has always bugged me... - 6/17/2008 1:18:04 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

Wow.

I'm lucky enough to have a dom who thinks it's ammusing when I find my own people to top, and even bought me a set of nasty canes to be used on whomever I like.

That being said, I've talked to many "dominant" men who find switch women intimitating. They barely know how to top, and they feel that if the woman starts to top others, they will lose control... or something.

Silly, but true.

< Message edited by Lynnxz -- 6/17/2008 1:19:55 PM >

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Post #: 19

RE: This has always bugged me... - 6/17/2008 1:35:43 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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My comments are based on my heterosexual experience in which I owned only male slave. That's what I know. So what you do would be of no interest to me..that's a dynamic I'm not involved in. That being said..I feel having to ask permission to dominate and only that which the dominant OKs gives a male more power over a person than he is entitled to. If the female wishes to be dominant- the only permission she needs is her's. Otherwise it's all a game of pretend.

Also, take into consideration the fulfillment of a submissive who wants a Domme's entire focus without having to know a Dom is standing there pulling the strings. Men are drawn to an image of that which they seek in their minds first..to find that that image is a Dom in Dommes clothing might be a great disappointment. If the girl is up front and lets the male sub know what is going on... then if he wishes to submit to that dynamic, it is his decision.

I'm not saying it is wrong.. I'm saying it bothers me because I have seen the outcome of a pairings like this where the male sub falls for the fem sub playing Domme only to be shoved aside because of her loyalty to her Dom.

Male subs have enough roadblocks in finding a partner.. this one give false hope to those who are looking for a more permanent arrangement and ownership.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 20

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