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RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 1:18:21 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
Sure, why not? It's just sex. I don't see the big deal nor why so many people have made the assumption that your dom couldn't get a girl for himself. I mean, he got you, didn't he? ::chuckles::

It has nothing to do with getting a partner - it has to do with the inability to make a decision other than deciding someone else gets to choose. I'm not a hand holder or holdee. So it just isn't part of who I am.
For softness and DV, the scenario is comfortable for them, but the question was set out to others. I don't see anyone questioning DV's ability to get a cunt or girl when he wants one, but answering from their POV.

And I would question the whole 'it's just sex' thang. If it was 'just sex' then really what is the point of getting someone else to do it? Plain ole sex is easy - why make it complicated?

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to BitaTruble)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 1:18:27 PM

Posts: 1821
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Meaningless sex was something I did when I was younger. It doesn't do it for me now. I wanted more and I have more, in Him.

And I hardly think that wanting more than just sex for the sake of sex makes someone fridged, anymore than I would think that those who fuck anything that walks by are somehow more sexually open and fulfilled.

People are complex critters, and this is just one of many threads that shows that complexity.

DV and softness have a dynamic that appears to be working for them. Even if I can't relate to her or their dynamic, I can certainly appreciate that it makes them happy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

BRNaughtyAngel,

Actually it is much easier than you think I used to get my friends laid all the time. To some people sex is an action and all it takes is putting the right people together and convincing then that it's going to be a positive experinence in one situation two that I hooked up in a Bar ended up Married and are today expecting thier third Child.

It isn't Hooking it's letting someone know No Strings Attached Sex is okay.

It's easy to do and something I would think is easier for a Girl to Acomplish for a Guy then it is for a Guy to Acomplish at all. Women tend to trust women and when one woman talks to another and tells her how great the sex will be and that there will be no strings attached and it will be a hot night of skin smacking sweaty sex other women tend to agree and follow another womans Cue.

It's interesting the belief systems that are being stated in this thread it makes me wonder if the majority of people on this site are Sexually Fridged.

Doesn't anyone have sex just to have sex?

Steel

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 1:24:53 PM

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No if I want someone else I will go and find them myself, I do not expect my malesub to do it for me. Thats just my way of handling things. I know every Dominant is different. I also think of my male as more than just "meat", he is a human being with intelligence, feelings and a heart, none of which I want damaged.

If this dynamic works for you and him then keep on with it but for us it wouldn't fly.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Midnght)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 1:36:38 PM

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Is anyone else missing the whole point of why a dominant is "allowing his submissive" to procure "meat" for his bed? Are people really so blind?

The whole reason for allowing or requiring his submissive to do this, is because he thinks it will be easier for the submissive to accept him having other meat, if he makes her think she has a say in it, or a part in making it happen for him. Has anyone ever seen what a dominant has to go through when he decides one woman isn't enough for him & wants to play with more than one? He already has a good submissive, who pleases him. He doesn't want to risk losing her. He doesn't want to have to deal with the jealousy. He has a dilema if he wants to have his cake & eat it too. He can easily decide to hide it from his submissive, but if he lies about it, or lies by omission & she finds out, then he has to deal with the lack of trust he established with her.

So long as his submissive picks his the meat for his bed, if she shows any kind of jealousy, or talks about it with him, he can always turn the issue back on her & say that he was so honorable that he allowed her to pick the woman & that since she picked her, any blame for jealousy issues are on her (his submissive's) shoulders.

I suppose the submissive could be brainwashed to think it is honorable for her to pick his meat for him, but seriously, it is just his way of making his life easier, so he can have his own way, having his cake & eating it to, so to speak. Please give me a break. Often, the submissive will have a strong bond with her Master, & will not do anything that will risk that relationship. She will go along with, & believe anything he tells her, so long as he convinces her, that what she does is unselfish & that whatever she does for him is for the good of the relationship.

And by the way, most women do not want to go out & have sex with a guy just because other women tell them how great it is with them. I think many of us would just as soon pass.

(in reply to Lashra)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 1:38:53 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoNYCDommes
So your assumption is that everyone--or at least every decent hunter--feels the same way you do, about enjoying the hunt?

Without the hunt, how is pussy different from masturbation?

Human toys provide a bit of variety. :) I'd honestly be surprised if you really believe that the hunt is the only difference between pussy and masturbation. Doesn't a pussy, ass, or mouth feel different wrapped around your cock than your hand does, for example?

It also occurred to me (as I sat in the business meeting I had between reading your question and typing this response) that "the hunt" is probably different for men than for women. For us, it's a bit more like shopping: once we find something we like, acquiring it is trivial.

Which I suppose is not a bad seque into my answer to the question posed by the OP. I enjoy the idea of having a sub procure for me, in theory. However, as with shopping, depending on what it is that I want, a sub may not be able to select those I would like best. I would trust most subs to be able to procure, for example, limes. However, if I need a new pair of shoes, it would be most efficient for me to go to the store myself.
Still, if the need for the shoes is in no way urgent, it could be quite amusing for me to set a sub the task of finding them. I would enjoy observing the sub's dedication to please me, even when faced with such a difficult task, his concern over finding something I'd like, and would be quite curious to see what he eventually brought back, even if they were so inappropriate that my next instruction was for him to return them.
Of course, setting a sub the task of procuring another sub, rather than a pair of shoes, brings in additional dimensions that make the situation even more interesting.

(in reply to celticlord2112)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 1:42:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissIsis
The whole reason for allowing or requiring his submissive to do this, is because he thinks it will be easier for the submissive to accept him having other meat, if he makes her think she has a say in it, or a part in making it happen for him. Has anyone ever seen what a dominant has to go through when he decides one woman isn't enough for him & wants to play with more than one? He already has a good submissive, who pleases him. He doesn't want to risk losing her. He doesn't want to have to deal with the jealousy. He has a dilema if he wants to have his cake & eat it too. He can easily decide to hide it from his submissive, but if he lies about it, or lies by omission & she finds out, then he has to deal with the lack of trust he established with her.

This is true. Some will exchange dishonesty for passive-aggressive behavior. Not productive scenarios in either case.

_____________________________

(in reply to MissIsis)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 1:45:04 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

Procuring - finding suitable and willing sexual partners for a third party.

One of the services I give is procuring. I wasn't happy about the idea at first, when I was initially told I was expected to do this I became huffy, indignant and hurt. It took a lot of maturity, acceptance, and most importantly just deciding I was going to submit pleasingly to it and get on with life. I want Sir to be as happy as I can make Him, being a good girl for Him will do that and a good girl for Him - gets Him enough pussy to drown in.

If I am the one going out there and finding Him other girls, nothing is hidden from me, its open, healthy, respectful and therefore unlikely top explode into a world of hurt and damage. I have no say whatsoever in Sir's sex life - none - zip - nada. Its not up for negotiation and never has been. I could though have a big say in who shares His bed if I am the one putting them there. I have no control on IF there is another girl in Sir's bed ... but I can have control over WHO the other girl is in Sir's bed. I can make sure they are all suitable, well behaved, pleasing to Him, and tolerable to me.

A big issue for girls asked to procure is their own insecurity about their position. Sir has told me again and again that I am secure in my position as long as I am pleasing. I am learning also, that I cannot easily be replaced. So .. being that I cannot be easily replaced, and that He will not seek to replace me as long as I am pleasing - what possible risk can another girl be to me? .. *especially* if I am the one who put her in His bed.

How does procurement sit with you?

I have a question. What happens if you find someone for Him that is both His and your ideal sexual/submissive partner? Say for instance... Someone as pretty or prettier then you? Someone as young or younger then you?... Someone as submissive or even more submissive then you? Someone who is as perfect or even more perfect then you? Someone who can move in a take care of His wants and needs right away? Are you at this time and place, entrenched and secure enough in your relationship with Him to handle it if that occurs? I am interested in your answer. :)

CD

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to softness)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 1:51:11 PM

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*shrug* To each their own. My Lord and I have our way, and it works for us. In our life, we put each other before everything else. This relationship is the core of our lives, and we both place US before our individual needs. I would not be difficult to replace: I am irreplacable. He is irreplacable.

Is it just sex? I don't know. I see most women as devious, sneaky, and backstabbing, and the majority of my close friends are men. The few women that are the exception in my life I have been friends with since grade school age, or I am related to.

My Lord and I are constantly on guard against anything that creates discord in our world. We carefully screen potential partners. Even a casual sex partner could generate untold drama. We are not into drama, especially anyone elses.

If it's working for you, why fix what ain't broken? I can only speak for me and mine, and in our world, we place importance on treating each other with value. I lift him up, he lifts me up, and together, we are making our lives better. I guess that's our version of kink.

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(in reply to meatling)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 1:51:38 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

ya .. from 10,000 miles away, half His age ... who was a card carrying lesbian at the time ... sworn off all men and all real time play forever

no wonder He has to get me do it .. He has no skills at procuring for Himself *at all*

Well, it did take him THREE YEARS to close the deal. So he wants sex more often than that huh?

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to softness)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 1:52:26 PM

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Of course I'd procure for him if that is what he wanted. However, I'd have to be very honest with the women I'd find for him. I'd have to explain how many sexual partners he'd had in the past several years. I'd have to explain how each and every sexual encounter means that his chances of having picked up an STD has increased. I'd have to explain how some STDs do not have symptoms and some are not detected by blood tests. I'd have to tell her of any instances I know of when a condom broke or was not used. Of course I would not let out the praise of him. I'd explain that he was a very experienced and versitile lover. I'd also make them realize that the offer was short term as he liked variety and I was the only contant in this life.

In other words...I'd tell her it was a roll in the sheets at her own risk and I'd already accepted the risk for myself as I am his life partner.

(in reply to softness)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 1:58:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

It has nothing to do with getting a partner - it has to do with the inability to make a decision other than deciding someone else gets to choose. I'm not a hand holder or holdee. So it just isn't part of who I am.

I understood the OP differently. It seemed to be very much about getting a sex partner. Nothing more, nothing less.

quote:

For softness and DV, the scenario is comfortable for them, but the question was set out to others. I don't see anyone questioning DV's ability to get a cunt or girl when he wants one, but answering from their POV.

The question was set out to others in the context of the OP though. If the question had been stand alone without that context, I'd have had a different answer. Of course, my answer would have been asking for some context but that's neither here nor there. ::chuckles::

quote:

And I would question the whole 'it's just sex' thang. If it was 'just sex' then really what is the point of getting someone else to do it? Plain ole sex is easy - why make it complicated?

I didn't question the 'just sex' part. What's the point of getting a submissive to do anything that one can do for themselves? Seems to me it would be because they can and they want to and pretty much that's enough for some people.

edited for font size fix

forget it.. can't fix it! lol

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 6/17/2008 1:59:36 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 1:58:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissIsis
The whole reason for allowing or requiring his submissive to do this, is because he thinks it will be easier for the submissive to accept him having other meat, if he makes her think she has a say in it, or a part in making it happen for him.
...
it is just his way of making his life easier, so he can have his own way, having his cake & eating it to, so to speak.

So your objection is not so much to a dom using a sub as procuress, but to a dom having more than one partner at all?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissIsis
And by the way, most women do not want to go out & have sex with a guy just because other women tell them how great it is with them. I think many of us would just as soon pass.

Agreed.

(in reply to MissIsis)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 2:00:55 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

ya .. from 10,000 miles away, half His age ... who was a card carrying lesbian at the time ... sworn off all men and all real time play forever

no wonder He has to get me do it .. He has no skills at procuring for Himself *at all*

Told ya I wasn't any good at this whole thing. :)

Well, it did take him THREE YEARS to close the deal. So he wants sex more often than that huh?

Cali

(in reply to CalifChick)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 2:03:06 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

ya .. from 10,000 miles away, half His age ... who was a card carrying lesbian at the time ... sworn off all men and all real time play forever

no wonder He has to get me do it .. He has no skills at procuring for Himself *at all*

Well, it did take him THREE YEARS to close the deal. So he wants sex more often than that huh?

Cali

I don't know Cali, maybe it just took that long because his wife wasn't into him having all that meat in her bed. At least according to his profile he's in the middle of a divorce.

I gotta say that reading back and forth between this thread and the "It's eating me up" thread is really entertaining. He does have some interesting philosophies. You just could not make this kind of shit up.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to CalifChick)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 2:05:48 PM

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From: Leeds, UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

I have a question. What happens if you find someone for Him that is both His and your ideal sexual/submissive partner? Say for instance... Someone as pretty or prettier then you? Someone as young or younger then you?... Someone as submissive or even more submissive then you? Someone who is as perfect or even more perfect then you? Someone who can move in a take care of His wants and needs right away? Are you at this time and place, entrenched and secure enough in your relationship with Him to handle it if that occurs? I am interested in your answer. :)

CD

with brutal and complete honesty ... because you asked so nicely

If a younger, prettier, sexier, thinner, less opinionated, better trained, more intelligent, more submissive, better in bed, better matched in play, lived in His city and could move in with Him right away arrived from somewhere and expressed an interest in being His ... this is what would happen.

1) I would become hysterical, throw things, stamp my feet, leave the flat, buy chocolate, vodka and malboro lights.
2) I would phone my best friend and tell her to get the fuck over to my flat now ... and bring more vodka.
3) I would smoke half the pack of smokes
4) I pick up the phone, call Dark Victory, and give him my blessing and beg release from service, .. I would have that request denied .. and be told to get my head out of my ass
5) I would go and be violently sick from the emotional stress and smoke the other half of the pack
6) I would get very very drunk and demand my friend went out and found me more vodka.

I am devoted to Sir, devoted to His happiness, and already that is more important to me than my own. I sacrifice my own needs to His already, once causing myself very real emotional pain, but I will do it to make Him happy.

If what you just described came along, I would ensure that I did not stand in the way of His happiness .. right now my first instinct with confronted with Perfect Slave # 1 would be that I was unworthy ..

I know that isn't what Sir would want me to do .. He would want me to be as secure in the face of a perfect slave ... as I would be in the face of some hot girl here for the weekend looking to get her ass beaten ... right now I am not that secure, one day I will be.

_____________________________

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veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to CruelDesires)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 2:06:18 PM

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I don't see any more reason to assume that the dom in question is unable to choose for himself than there is to assume that he is unable to procure for himself. Nor do I see him as placing the decision entirely in the subs hands--surely he has the choice to accept or reject anyone she sends him. Subs make choices for their doms in all kinds of contexts. Even in the ironing example, the sub must decide whether to use starch. Such decisions may seem trivial, but they are still decisions the dom is putting in the hands of the sub.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
It has nothing to do with getting a partner - it has to do with the inability to make a decision other than deciding someone else gets to choose.

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 2:09:32 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

ya .. from 10,000 miles away, half His age ... who was a card carrying lesbian at the time ... sworn off all men and all real time play forever

no wonder He has to get me do it .. He has no skills at procuring for Himself *at all*

Well, it did take him THREE YEARS to close the deal. So he wants sex more often than that huh?

Cali

I don't know Cali, maybe it just took that long because his wife wasn't into him having all that meat in her bed. At least according to his profile he's in the middle of a divorce.

I gotta say that reading back and forth between this thread and the "It's eating me up" thread is really entertaining. He does have some interesting philosophies. You just could not make this kind of shit up.

If you do your research on earlier threads, you'll see some posts from me about my divorce. In the end, I filed for my separation after she got out of the mental hospital and took my kids out of state. You can spin your vitriol any way you like, but I'm perfectly clear on what I want and like, and I'm open with my partners about it.

You may not like it or agree with it, and you're welcome to your opinion.

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 2:09:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoNYCDommes

Even in the ironing example, the sub must decide whether to use starch.

I'm starting to think you have an ironing fetish.

(in reply to TwoNYCDommes)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 2:09:56 PM

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One of my subs enjoys checking out potential play partners for the two of us. I do not require it of him. It is a fun activity that we pursue with me doing the directing. Who makes the first initial contact depends on the circumstances.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to softness)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 2:10:08 PM

Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissIsis

I suppose the submissive could be brainwashed to think it is honorable for her to pick his meat for him, but seriously, it is just his way of making his life easier, so he can have his own way, having his cake & eating it to, so to speak. Please give me a break.

OMG! You mean he wants HIS OWN WAY! What is he, anyway, a Dominant or something?

I serve Master. That is my role. He doesn't brainwash me. I don't resent what is required of me. My Master is mostly monogamous. He may decide one day He wants another woman in our bed. (This is separate from me having a woman friend-with-benefits). If that day comes, He will also then decide if He or I will find her. This is what may happen in my relationship.

Softness describes what happens in hers. Whether her Master can find his own "meat" is irrelevent- he has charged her with the task. How dare we judge the worth of his dominance and their dynamic based upon our own preferences and prejudices?

Is it hot for them? Does she feel valued and owned in the process? Does it add to their intimacy and mutual adventure? These are the only really valuable questions here.

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(in reply to MissIsis)

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