RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given?

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RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/9/2008 6:17:56 AM

slvemike4u

Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StaceyTheBitch

Quote from darchChylde in post 9 to me

So, all in all you are not dominant but domineering; i get it. You are the perfect "mistress" for the majority of male "submissives". You take your cues about D/s from the same place that they do, not from reality but from bdsm porn. There is obviously a market for such, so i'm sure you do very well; and will continue to do so until you mature and join reality.

......My reply

I don't watch bdsm porn or even regular porn. Although I did go see the chippendales live once. You seem to make up false facts ,about people you don't even know, to substantiate your preconceived notions of what Domme's are. "Mature and join reality you say?" Do you know me? No, you don't. What was the bases for that insult? Are you threatened by me?

If I had known you were going to use my post to make up facts about myself and others and to insult myself and others, I would never have agreed.

Personal insults and baseless accusations of others do not give you power darchChylde, they make you a little man. A little little man.

Sure sounds like a Domme to me.IMO we are getting a little of the old "one twue wayy"bullshit here.Her way works for her and I will assume for anyone that she lets serve her....what is the problem with that...

(in reply to StaceyTheBitch)

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Post #: 41

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/9/2008 6:23:58 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I would email you the instructions on how to do it, but since I'm not willing to say that "Stacy is the boss" it wouldn't be read there.

If you want to quote something someone has said on a particular post, just go to the upper right hand corner and click the "quote" option. (Don't worry. People had to teach Me when I was new around here, too.)

As for this

quote:

ORIGINAL: LexiTempest

Are you fucking kidding Me? How about the fact that I can't walk down the sidewalk at night (or day, really) without fear of being raped or murdered by a man? That sounds like a lot of power to Me.

I'm not saying that this isn't entirely valid, but something's getting blurred here. Well, actually, there's a few things being blurred here. For starters, non consentual rape doesn't have squat to do with power exchange. It has much more to do with the ability to abuse power, or at the very least a sense of it. There's nothing in that about giving power to another. It's about someone taking power away.

As for "living in fear", I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that's not how BDSM works (at least not for Me). That's how terrorism works. Whether we want to believe that we have evolved beyond primal instincts such as fear or not, we haven't. Those who play on that fact count on that it. Just one of the ways a person *takes* power from another, without consent.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Post #: 42

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/9/2008 8:22:26 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
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For benefit of anyone unfamiliar with the quoting feature invoked by clicking the quoting icon at the top right of the post, using this method creates a pop-up screen with the entire post quoted. I wonder if a pop-up blocker could interfere with using this feature. Once the pop-up screen appears, one can delete portions of the text for emphasis or brevity.

Also, another way to quote text is to use tags: [_quote_] and [_/quote_] (I have inserted the underscores so as to prevent the quote function from being invoked--the four underscores should be deleted when this function is used via the tags)

For instance,

[_quote_] Keep Austin weird [_/quote_]

would yield the following when the underscores are deleted:

quote:

Keep Austin Weird

And to include the author's name

[_quote_] ORIGINAL: undergroundsea
Keep Austin weird [_/quote_]

would yield the following when the underscores are deleted:

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea
Keep Austin Weird

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 7/9/2008 8:25:18 AM >

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RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/9/2008 9:52:47 AM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: StaceyTheBitch

Quote from darchChylde in post 9 to me

So, all in all you are not dominant but domineering; i get it. You are the perfect "mistress" for the majority of male "submissives". You take your cues about D/s from the same place that they do, not from reality but from bdsm porn. There is obviously a market for such, so i'm sure you do very well; and will continue to do so until you mature and join reality.

......My reply

I don't watch bdsm porn or even regular porn. Although I did go see the chippendales live once. You seem to make up false facts ,about people you don't even know, to substantiate your preconceived notions of what Domme's are. "Mature and join reality you say?" Do you know me? No, you don't. What was the bases for that insult? Are you threatened by me?

If I had known you were going to use my post to make up facts about myself and others and to insult myself and others, I would never have agreed.

Personal insults and baseless accusations of others do not give you power darchChylde, they make you a little man. A little little man.

ok... guess what, if you want to address one of my posts; read them all and see if i've not addressed this issue already

i've admitted that

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

So, all in all you are not dominant but domineering; i get it. You are the perfect "mistress" for the majority of male "submissives". You take your cues about D/s from the same place that they do, not from reality but from bdsm porn.

Any interpretation of reality that disagrees with your own is summarily dismissed as a fantastic product of the demon (OH NOES!) BDSM PR0N? Pff. Might be worth a shot in a face-to-face debate if you're dependent on the bulldozer approach, but when words can be considered and valued? Fail.

right here, i will admit (and have already made clear in many posts previous to this thread) that the statements you quoted above are products of my own personal prejudices and pet peeves; so of course they won't carry much weight

thus, i concede this point to you

if you like, i'll even go further by admitting that in the above statement i behaved like an ass and apologize for responding out of my own personal prejudices... now then, i've proven i can read; please do the same

as far as personal insults, you are right; as far as baseless accusations, you are wrong... in your every post and profile you give me strong evidence for my contention that you learned kink from porn... it could be wrong, but the evidence does lead most logically to that conclusion

as far as having power, this thread is not about my gaining power from anyone; even if i did a time or two overstep the bounds for tact

go ahead and think of me as a little, little man; your opinion means as little to me as mine does to you

edited because i still sometime screw up on the quote feature

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 7/9/2008 10:05:38 AM >

_____________________________

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if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
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Where the fuck do I post?

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RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/9/2008 10:35:29 AM

aidan

Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
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Ummm...okay.

<_<

I'll just try and give my general overview.

Mistress and I are in a power exchange relationship, yeah. She's definitely the driving and major deciding force, and I'm pretty happy to follow along. But that's not to say I have no power, it's just not power over her. Sometimes we have power together. Sometimes it's little things, like what we're going to eat that night or whether or not we rent a movie. Sometimes it's big things like how we get from one place to another on a trip or where we're going to live. We make decisions together, She listens to what I have to say and what I would like, and we go from there. She still makes the final decision most of the time and I go with that, because I trust her, but sometimes we actually (gasp) compromise because those big decisions need us both to be fulfilled and content at the end of the day.

Still, if at the end of the day she says "left", I go left, because I've decided I want her to be in charge for the good of the relationship. Beyond being submissive (though this informs that aspect of my personality), I am just flexible. I don't have much trouble changing and adapting to situations, shifting form while retaining substance. "Be as water," as Bruce Lee once said. It's because of this that I am strong, among other reasons. If I didn't have these strengths or power, I don't think Mistress would be as interested in me. Like Akasha said, she and many other Dominants that I know get a bigger thrill out of having somebody who is strong give them authority and power because of merit, not out of automatic differment.

That all said though, that's in our personal relationship. Outside of our egocentric universe in the great wide world, things become a little more complicated. We're both rebellious - hell, even anti-authoritarian (though I've never liked that term. I'm fine with "authority", it's "imperium" that gets under my skin...but hey, history/language lesson for another day) - people at heart. But we also understand that sometimes there might be people we've got to differ to. Don't believe any man/woman/whatever has power over you? Please, tell that to your local chief of police, or whoever owns the company your work for, or an IRS agent, or the head of your university department. See what they have to say.

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RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/9/2008 10:48:47 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: aidan

Ummm...okay.

<_<

I'll just try and give my general overview.

Mistress and I are in a power exchange relationship, yeah. She's definitely the driving and major deciding force, and I'm pretty happy to follow along. But that's not to say I have no power, it's just not power over her. Sometimes we have power together. Sometimes it's little things, like what we're going to eat that night or whether or not we rent a movie. Sometimes it's big things like how we get from one place to another on a trip or where we're going to live. We make decisions together, She listens to what I have to say and what I would like, and we go from there. She still makes the final decision most of the time and I go with that, because I trust her, but sometimes we actually (gasp) compromise because those big decisions need us both to be fulfilled and content at the end of the day.

Still, if at the end of the day she says "left", I go left, because I've decided I want her to be in charge for the good of the relationship. Beyond being submissive (though this informs that aspect of my personality), I am just flexible. I don't have much trouble changing and adapting to situations, shifting form while retaining substance. "Be as water," as Bruce Lee once said. It's because of this that I am strong, among other reasons. If I didn't have these strengths or power, I don't think Mistress would be as interested in me. Like Akasha said, she and many other Dominants that I know get a bigger thrill out of having somebody who is strong give them authority and power because of merit, not out of automatic differment.

That all said though, that's in our personal relationship. Outside of our egocentric universe in the great wide world, things become a little more complicated. We're both rebellious - hell, even anti-authoritarian (though I've never liked that term. I'm fine with "authority", it's "imperium" that gets under my skin...but hey, history/language lesson for another day) - people at heart. But we also understand that sometimes there might be people we've got to differ to. Don't believe any man/woman/whatever has power over you? Please, tell that to your local chief of police, or whoever owns the company your work for, or an IRS agent, or the head of your university department. See what they have to say.

These are good points, and after mulling this all over even more, I think I still haven't clarified (or even understand) what I mean myself when I say I have all the power (by choice) in any given relationship. Because while I can confidently say that, it also does not mean that I am attracted to, or involved with, mindless lemmings or horrible asskissers. In fact, there is nothing I hate more than an ass kisser or a "yes man" - I like my men to have spunk, spirit, an opinion, and a willingness to stand up to me. But I still have all the power. How does this happen? I don't know, it just does. Maybe femdoms are equipped with a kind of 'radar' that connects us with men that ultimately know their place is to defer; but that doesn't mean I am unreasonable, OR that I am attracted to men who are ready, eager, willing and DYING to hand over ALL power to me at the word 'go.'

I also am not attracted to men who have a need to give me all their power, give me total authority, or rely on me to either fill their ego, maintain their self image or give them constant direction. So it almost goes right against the idea of having power out of the gate. Yet, I know I do. In any relationship I've ever had, I knew I was in control. Even if I *pretended* to be "more interested" it was a carefully calculated ploy to get a man emotionally vulnerable (I'm talking about High School here, the time in our lives where many of us behave in manipulative manners!) so I could take control right back. But I have never been attracted to men who were like lost puppy dogs following me around waiting for a command or cowering if I raise my voice. You can still have control of a man if he has power - and I think that's what I think of when I say "power exchange."

Akasha

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RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/9/2008 11:24:37 AM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
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From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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i'm beginning to think that along with

dominant
submissive
slave
mistress
dominate
submit
sex
play
scene
love
lifestyle
kink
vanilla
and many, many, many others

we can add "power" and "power exchange" to the list of words in this lifestyle/community that are either too open to interpretation or are simply too vague to lock down a concrete definition for everyone to agree on

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

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RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/9/2008 11:33:29 AM

slvemike4u

Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

i'm beginning to think that along with

dominant
submissive
slave
mistress
dominate
submit
sex
play
scene
love
lifestyle
kink
vanilla
and many, many, many others

we can add "power" and "power exchange" to the list of words in this lifestyle/community that are either too open to interpretation or are simply too vague to lock down a concrete definition for everyone to agree on

Agreeing to disagree cordially is not a bad place to start either

(in reply to darchChylde)

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RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/9/2008 11:48:53 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TravelerChris

it's called a typo. i am fully aware of the difference between the words. do all you do is correct typos and criticize people? i am aware of your attacks on my Domme Stacey. yes, I am StaceyTheBitch's assistant, it says so right in my profile.

No, in fact I've nailed My own boy on these boards for the mistake. Pet peeve of Mine when often people exchange the two words without knowing the difference Wait until that typo has to do with domineering. People will have a field day.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/9/2008 11:52:30 AM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
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From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slvemike4u
Agreeing to disagree cordially is not a bad place to start either

Go right ahead, nobody is stopping you. You see, your post does not even attempt to add anything constructive to the conversation. The entirety of the post was to pass judgement upon me. As far as my "agreeing to disagree cordially"; i save that for either those who i respect or those who haven't actively given me reason to not respect.

i've never claimed to be a nice person; as a matter of fact, i'm entirely understanding that i am often too aggressive in stating my opinion... but i'm not going to apologize for that, as we are all adults here and should be able to handle having our toes stepped on occasionally

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to slvemike4u)

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RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/9/2008 12:22:56 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

He may not claim it, but it happens to be true.

Sorry, dc, but I'm not letting you spread that myth. You're "out" as a nice person.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/9/2008 12:25:22 PM

slvemike4u

Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

quote:

ORIGINAL: slvemike4u
Agreeing to disagree cordially is not a bad place to start either

Go right ahead, nobody is stopping you. You see, your post does not even attempt to add anything constructive to the conversation. The entirety of the post was to pass judgement upon me. As far as my "agreeing to disagree cordially"; i save that for either those who i respect or those who haven't actively given me reason to not respect.

i've never claimed to be a nice person; as a matter of fact, i'm entirely understanding that i am often too aggressive in stating my opinion... but i'm not going to apologize for that, as we are all adults here and should be able to handle having our toes stepped on occasionally

We don't have to go out of our way to step on those toes....rather unseemly for a sub /type personality to do.As for me passing judgement on You ,might want to take Your own advice on that score...other than that, and whether or not You have the urge or need to apologise, I will leave to You

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RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/9/2008 2:24:31 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
Yes, Ma'am has power over me; but She took none of it. She earned it by Her own strengths and i have given it to Her freely. As such, the power that She has directly over me is only that which i have given Her. The idea that She might have had this at the beginning is simply ridiculous, as it is still occasionally a struggle for me not to return to my own nature of distrust and foolish independence. She had to earn the power She has over me and i had to fight with myself in order to give it up to Her.

As far as my normal dealings with women in the everyday world; by the strength of my personality, my deep voice and my own sensuality i generally have the greater power... but by no means all.

Men think in terms of their own definition of "strength". The overpowering.. force me.. degrade me..concepts.

Women are thinking, calculating beings. What we know is that it's the desires that enslave the male. Control the desires and you control the male and usually he is totally unaware we are doing so.

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RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/9/2008 4:00:07 PM

SaraZeal

Posts: 144
Joined: 10/2/2007
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quote:

Are you fucking kidding Me? How about the fact that I can't walk down the sidewalk at night (or day, really) without fear of being raped or murdered by a man? That sounds like a lot of power to Me. If that power did not exist, there would be no need for self-defense classes for women. I suppose it would also be the victims fault for "allowing" to be raped or murdered? Pure BS, and I could not be more offended by this.

Men get murdered or assaulted more often than women, but are not taught to fear it. That's the only difference I guess? I mean, what can you do against knives, or a gun to your head even if you're strong physically, you don't repel bullets.

Men can also be raped, except society has a way of minimizing and confining it to prison rape, when it's actually a pretty high rate outside of prison (though lower than women's rate). They're not believed, and are told they're sissies if it happens - especially against a female perpetrator, then it becomes a joke...

How many men's DV shelters do you see around? Probably none right? When men are actually from anywhere about 30 to 50% of victims, and women are perpetrators in most of those cases, as well (gays represent a low proportion because they're also a low proportion of the population).

The disadvantage women have? They're made to fear it.

The disadvantage men have? They don't get any help if it happens.

('it' being anything violently happening without consent).

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RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/9/2008 4:08:54 PM

augusta123321

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eh as far as power between males and females goes, I think the most interesting thing I've noticed as I've gotten older is how much this "power" for the majority of women diminishes over time. Talk to a good looking at least somewhat successful guy in his late 30's and he will sound a lot like a lot of women in their early or mid 20's, drunk on the power of rarity. As far as the "i have the pussy, i make the rules" schtick, well yeah, true at times but another puerile quote goes "whats the best kind of pussy? new pussy", women only have the power you give them and any inherent power they might have diminishes over time. Of course this isnt true for some women and in the age of the "milf" things have changed somewhat but from what I'm seeing around me its pretty fascinating. Also take the tendency of women to try and select a partner at least equal if not higher than them on the socioeconomic ladder and you have the makings for quite a few frustrated and lonely women.

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RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/9/2008 4:13:02 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I am absolutely amazed to see you on the boards. Welcome.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Post #: 56

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/9/2008 4:13:09 PM

augusta123321

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good point sara. A lot of the DV industry has been poisoned by gender bias. There are only a handful of shelters across this country for men and many women have been turned away from shelters because they wanted to bring their 13 old son with them. Men are more often the victim of violent crime, much more often for murder and they also kill themselves at a much higher rate. Male rape is treated as a joke even when some studies posit that are more male rapes than female rapes yet fewer male victims, see if you can figure out why that is. Gotta say my favorite case of statutory rape is one where a 23 year old female had sex with a 14 year old boy and got probation. This 14 year old boys older brother, who was 22 had sex with a 14 year old girl and got 20 years hard time. Fascinating stuff. Its male disposability that causes a lot of this and the misandry, mostly from other men, that makes it acceptable.

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RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/9/2008 4:19:26 PM

mantis65

Posts: 456
Joined: 12/27/2004
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quote:

I don't know why these men fear women.

Because one woman can reject you right off the bat….. or worse latter break your heart. I don’t fear women as much as the emotional consequences of with a relationship with that women going bad.

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Post #: 58

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/9/2008 5:07:46 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

Yes, in the world of female dominant and male submissive, then perhaps the woman has the greater balance of power; but "all of the power to begin with"? This idea is actually repulsive to me.

The only time that i can concievably see a woman having all of the power in a relationship from the very start is if she's dealing with a "submissive" who is more caught up in the fantasy of bdsm porn than in the actual workings of a Ds relationship.

i find no reason to validate the idea that the only power a male might have in a relationship is his size and strength, this is a sexist statement and i'm not sure which gender is degraded the most by it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: StaceyTheBitch

(snipped and consolidated for brevity)

I do wonder why people use the term power exchange so loosely when referring to Domme/ male subs interactions. I find that many times in dealing with men I have all the power to begin with and there is no exchange.

There is never a power exchange when I deal with men in a D/s relationship. I always have the power to begin with.

I've never met a man with power over me, and believe me, I've met many men. I can't take something that they don't have.

Having 100% control over men is my kink. I don't need or even want to take a mans power from him. I just want men that are already powerless around me.

I love men (and women) as long as they obey and thanks to sites like this I can find them.

To me, all of this adds up to an insecure little girl, not a hard-wired dominant woman.

In my experience, insecure people gravitate toward other insecure people. Some of them will try to bully the others because it gives them a false sense of power. The rest will allow themselves to be bullied because they don't believe they can or deserve to have better. Neither of these equals dominance and submission -- it equals abuser and victim.

Much of this reminds me of people I know who qualify as sociopaths. The damage they do to the people gullible enough to enter relationships with them is unbelievable. It's also heartwrenching to watch the unsuspecting victims flock to the superficial charm they exhibit.

In Stacey's case, it may be a maturity issue. Considering her demeanor, I suspect so. Is it insulting and derogatory? Sure. Is it annoying? Hell yes. Does it make her dominant? In a word, no. If she grows up, she might become more than a bitch. Only time will tell. She's not there yet.

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Post #: 59

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/9/2008 6:39:39 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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quote:

To me, all of this adds up to an insecure little girl, not a hard-wired dominant woman.

In my experience, insecure people gravitate toward other insecure people. Some of them will try to bully the others because it gives them a false sense of power. The rest will allow themselves to be bullied because they don't believe they can or deserve to have better. Neither of these equals dominance and submission -- it equals abuser and victim.

Much of this reminds me of people I know who qualify as sociopaths. The damage they do to the people gullible enough to enter relationships with them is unbelievable. It's also heartwrenching to watch the unsuspecting victims flock to the superficial charm they exhibit.

In Stacey's case, it may be a maturity issue. Considering her demeanor, I suspect so. Is it insulting and derogatory? Sure. Is it annoying? Hell yes. Does it make her dominant? In a word, no. If she grows up, she might become more than a bitch. Only time will tell. She's not there yet.

I'm not sure there's evidence to support that conclusion.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

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Post #: 60