RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given?

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RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/14/2008 12:21:05 PM

Posts: 32566
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I suppose that I see it like this.

What I know today when coming up on 40, is worth a lot more than what I thought I knew at coming up on 30. Thankfully, I was not so arrogant as to understand the difference.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/14/2008 12:36:17 PM

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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I don't think I am shunning anyone in particular, rather I am objecting to obnoxious, bratty behaviour. I don't find that kind of thing acceptable from ANYONE, regardless of age or orientation.

There ARE young dominant women here who present themselves beautifully. Just one example of someone who is young, hot, well-spoken, polite, and always welcome here---Pyrrsefanie! I know that you can all think of other examples past and present.

Aakasha, I have to say that the idea that we are "threatened" by the young is nonsense from my viewpoint. I am but a middle aged hottie now, but I feel no threat from anyone, regardless of their age, gender, or other qualities. I am who I am, and I worked hard to get here. I have mentored the new (yes, I said MENTORED, flame me now!) for years, and I do not hesitate to call 'em as I see 'em. Does the lovely Stacey have a hope in hell with any man that I am likely to be interested in? Maybe yes, maybe no. Does it matter? No, it doesn't. I am confident in my own skills, my own self, and my own merits. Obviously Stacey is in hers as well, and to that I say Brava! I do sincerely hope that she develops a thicker skin to go with the self-image that she is projecting. It's hard to know what to blow off as rhetoric and what to take seriously, some days!

I remember very well indeed how it was to be young and hot. In those grand days Before The Internet, when dinosaurs walked the earth, we actually had to prove ourselves face to face in front of real people. Dumbass behavior got smacked down in a hurry, or at least was roundly laughed at. The ones that didn't learn about HUMILITY, respect for those with more experience, and just plain good manners left the party early. Some of them are still around the scene in this neck of the woods, at a more advanced age, but with not a whit more maturity or life skills.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/14/2008 12:44:13 PM

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Francine, all I can say is, I think, someday, when I am close to your location for Myself, or you come to Mine, you and I have wonderful things, and common ground, to talk about.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/14/2008 12:50:54 PM

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That's for sure, LP! (I think I will come to you, though, all we have here for excitement is Boijen, and she's already claimed!

)

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/14/2008 1:02:28 PM

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LH, you've said everything that I have wanted to say. I think I'm still pretty hot for approaching 50, and I wouldn't want to go back to being 23 for anything. I'm not envious of younger women's good looks because, you're right, they are attracting the sort of men I wouldn't even look at once, let alone twice, and the men in whom I *would* be interested wouldn't be interested in them, as these men are looking for a domina who is cultured, sophisticated, and extremely well educated. Those of us who are not fans of bad behaviour tend not to let it slide in anyone, regardless of age, sex, or appearance.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/14/2008 3:16:20 PM

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Joined: 7/4/2008
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That ringing.
That ringing in my ears.
Is someone saying something about my youthful years.

That ringing.
That ringing in my ears.
Is someone talking about me, yes it so appears.

That ringing.
That ringing in my ears.
Sorry but your insults can't bring me to tears.

That ringing.
That ringing in my ears.
Is it ever gone a stop
before my ears go pop.

That ringing.
That ringing in my ears.
The attention I whore
but the attention is a bore.

That ringing.
That ringing in my ears.
I am Stacey I am not an evil Witch
I am Stacey I am just a big Bitch

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/14/2008 3:22:54 PM

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Sweetie? It is NOT all about you. Honest. And once you figure that out, maybe we will start listening to you.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to StaceyTheBitch)

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/14/2008 3:41:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

That's for sure, LP! (I think I will come to you, though, all we have here for excitement is Boijen, and she's already claimed! )

I actually had the pleasure of meeting boijen and MsK at SELF last month. I have to tell you that I enjoyed their company very much. I always enjoy meeting people from the boards who I have grown to admire. They were both a real delight.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/14/2008 4:05:35 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Sweetie? It is NOT all about you. Honest. And once you figure that out, maybe we will start listening to you.

Laugh. My. Ass. Off.

Stacey'y name is mentioned multiple times in the post I see above. Other times she is obviously made referenced to. I may not be an Einstein but I know if your name is mentioned in a post then IT IS ABOUT YOU.

You talk about Stacey and then say it's not all about her. Maybe not ALL about her but it's certainly MOSTLY about her.

I am the only one in this thread that has met Stacey in person ( a few days ago) and I am the only one qualified to speak as to her maturity level. The rest of you are going by her post which seem to show more maturity than many of you are displaying. I see all kinds of insults and judgments made about her by many of you but I don't see her making the same judgments and insults about any of you.

I have met Stacey and I can say with confidence she is much more mature than her years. She's young, stubborn, beautiful, and a little peculiar , but defiantly NOT immature. You people don't have a clue about the life she leads nor do you have a clue about the things she's been through. I've spent three hours with her in person and I've just barely gotten to see who she is.

Before any of you start to make the claim that I am her made up profile (as some did before) let me state this. I am in Philadelphia Pa. Stacey is at her Shore house in New Jersey (she says so in her Journal). Our computer IP addresses are 100 miles away. The moderators can see this. If they check and see that I am lying then they should say so. They won't because I am telling the truth.

Until you meet Stacey, those of you speaking about her maturity and other personal issues of hers are talking out your asses.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/14/2008 4:22:03 PM

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One most certainly can judge the maturity of someone through what he or she writes. If that's not the case, then whatever conclusions you have come to about other people through their writings will be equally useless.

(in reply to SilverPawn)

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/14/2008 4:51:15 PM

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SilverPawn

I'm just starting to wonder if she has you on some sort of directive as her sub to come to her *rescue* every time someone mentions her name on the boards. Not saying there's anything wrong with that, but if she is the mature, capable dominant that you say she is, I highly doubt she needs you in that capacity.

This is just another example of how styles of Domination differ. If it were Me, and I had responded, much like the way Stacy did with her poem, that would have been the end of it. I would not be pleased that My sub acted on his whim that there should be more to say on the matter. No sub of Mine is going to overstep My authority by showing the world at large that he thought I hadn't handled the situation competently.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SilverPawn)

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/14/2008 5:44:26 PM

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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LP, I couldn't have said it better!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/14/2008 7:20:17 PM

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Joined: 11/17/2007
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Well, I'm a day late and an opinion short, but.....

I don't believe any woman (or any man for that matter) is dominant over every man (or woman)....at least not if they are healthy human beings. We are all liminal creatures--we ebb and flow through relationships. Anyone who insists on ALWAYS being dominant is afraid of something. They have to be so afraid that someone or some situation is going to take from them that they HAVE to be dominant. Of course, when that's the case, its not truly dominance or power exchange. The same with subs--subs to "submit" because they are too afraid to step up occasionally aren't submissive.

One of my big concerns is that secondary will some day end up with some twit who things she's dominant but is just a bully. He is a smart, strong, sexy intelligent man who willingly submits to me. I love it when I see his strenght of will and intelligence. Frankly, that's what makes a man sexy and desriable....and no, I dont share. Quite often he has a great idea or stands up for something we believe in when I would have just slide along. I admire that and respect that in him. It just happens that what I say goes--my slave obeys me.

Also, I gotta be honest, it'd be rather creepy to think that secondary responded to me this way just because I have boobs and female parts. Eeeek, hopefully I'm more than that. And since I'm more than that, I can yield when needed-in my relationships with others and in my relationship with secondary.

Which I guess is part of the difference in view point. My dominance in my relationship with secondary is out of my affection for him. Its a positive flow compared to a protective barrier. So I don't really go around thinking "power exchange"; secondary is my slave.

Now that doesn't mean everyone with a difference view point is being protective, but they may just not be in it for the relationship. Which may be the source of the disagreement. DC is in a relationship. Others seem to be involved in BDSM activities. Neither is better, its just the motivation is different.

Last points: 1) I don't watch porn. I actually tried it 2x and just kept thinking that it was really stupid; I just didn't get it. I mean seriously, why watch someone else, when I'd rather be doing? So to the question doesn't everyone--nope. 2) I don't run around in fear that I will be raped. It could happen; I could also be bitten by a cobra. Doesn't mean I have to be defensive with all snakes, just need to take precautions when I feed the cobras. 3) Rape isn't only a female issue. Our society doesn't like to talk about the rape of men and male children but it is far too common.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/14/2008 8:03:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

When people ask how come no "attractive" single, sexy dominant women are involved in the scene, this is why. If a lady comes around who is cute, young and has a sassy (label it as immature, if you like) demeanor, the bitter subs who can't have her turn into assholes,

While i haven't been chasing Stacy's Drama Llama all about the place, based on this thread i have to object on behalf of my peeps... The bitter boy bottom brigade has bellowed bullshit and is waiting for the Easter Bunny to hop on off down the bunny trail

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/14/2008 9:31:50 PM

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Joined: 12/28/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLou

I‘ve seen quite a few women (and men) who believe in their ‘dominance/power’ because of their generic sexual/BDSM appeal over someone. It is a ‘real’ form of ‘influence’, as many people genuinely fawn over it, and many men and women use it to their advantage. But it’s a superficial form of ‘influence’ that only lasts as long as ‘influencee’ is lustful for it, which in itself is highly fickle and subjective to many forces. I believe this is the kind of ‘power’ the OP referred to. It’s a fun and playful kind of influence, very lightweight.....

Then there is another form of ‘influence’ which is much more substantial. That which develops only over time, communication, compatibility, trust, love, chemistry, a mutual understanding and volunteerism to give up/take up an exchange of energy on a more permanent basis - it transcends the lustful/sexual/kinky/ego etc....

This is the more substantial energy exchange/influence/P.E/D/s etc, that generally lasts a lot longer, is less objectifying and is less self-deluding than the alternative described above, and arguably more healthy. I believe this is the antithesis to which many have been ‘debating’ with ‘StacyTheBitch’ with here and in other threads, and what ‘StacyTheBitch’ doesn’t seem to understand with her quote the OP highlighted.

Personally, for me, I’m not interested in my ‘power’ over a man coming from purely his and my own sexuality - I have no desire to deal with just that limited aspect - I have no desire to play up to someones kink, I have no desire to be objectified....

But that doesn’t mean I don’t respect the right of people who don’t have the same ideals as myself, and wish to indulge in the opposite of my ‘truth‘. I’m certainly not going to debate the rights, wrongs and ‘trueness’ of what they believe in - it’s a pointless exercise. Live and let live I say.

Hey, great post. But you still are judging in a subtle way -- you're calling the energy that comes from youthful beauty and sexuality superficial and limited, and counterposing it to a deeper and more substantial form of attraction. That's an implicit ranking.

But I don't think the attractions of beauty and youth are superficial. They've inspired the greatest art for thousands of years -- in painting, sculpture, poetry, dance, literature. I'll always remember standing in the Uffizi with the Birth of Venus in front of me, the Primavera to my right, and another Botticelli Madonna to my left. All featuring the same model -- a hot, slim, blonde, probably in her late teens or early 20s. I'm sure you'll agree that looking at those paintings was not a superficial experience. So why is it a superficial experience to be moved by the same beauty in the living body of another human being?

Now, the attraction of beauty is not as *secure*, not as *reliable*, as other sorts of attraction based on a meeting of minds or personality. I'll definitely give you that. It's also not as fair -- beauty doesn't come only to those who deserve it, and it's often taken away through no fault of our own. But that hardly makes it superficial or shallow. Life itself is temporary, insecure, often unfair. That fleeting and arbitary quality of life is one of the deepest things about it. When we admire beauty and youth we're in many ways considering our own mortality, our own imprisonment in bodies that will decay. That's pretty profound.

Valuing physical beauty in others is dangerous. Beautiful people can be insufferable. It's easy to envy them. The world celebrates them for a random, arbitrary gift of nature, while ignoring our wisdom and thoughtfulness and wonderful opinions just because of a face that's a little wrinkled or a body that could stand to lose a few pounds. But let's face it, they *are* superior in a way. They're beautiful.

(in reply to LadyLou)

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/14/2008 9:33:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SilverPawn

You talk about Stacey and then say it's not all about her. Maybe not ALL about her but it's certainly MOSTLY about her.

Sets bag of popcorn down from watching the train wreck, decides to make an observation and maybe express an opinion or two....

I suspect the reference to "it not being all about her" is not about Stacey per se, but about the attitude she carries with her (also found on her profile when I last read it) which she shares with a number of other Dommes whom I've casually observed generally don't seem to be able to maintain long term relationships (there are exceptions), who state that everything in the relationship is to be about them while stating that the submissive's needs are of no concern to them. That was my personal take on things, along with her seeming lack of clarity as to what it was that she was looking for when I first read her profile after she posted in the Submissive's Forum complaining about people not beginning their posts with "Stacey is the Boss" (something I personally would never do). So as such, I'm not certain the comment was made about Stacey as a person, but more about her thoughts and behavior in regard to establishing healthy and lasting D/s relationships with submissives; something I recognize may not be of importance to her at this stage of her life.

Ventrix was quite on target that many subs would have no interest in Stacey (nothing personal Stacey), and would be looking for a woman of more maturity who values intelligence, manners, a man's demeanor, his character, the way a man carries himself, that he has interests to share with her, can carry a conversation, and I suspect that he sees the inner beauty that he finds within her even more attractive than what's on the outside; most likely growing in intensity to the point that it's all he ever sees (not that she's not an attractive woman on the outside too! ;) ). She'll always be just as beautiful and desirable to him, at 60, 70, 80 and beyond.

Venatrix seems to recognize the fact a valuable submissive will have good self esteem and brings other things to the table with him; he isn't there to be used and discarded when she gets bored with him. To me at least, that's what it's all about. I have personal power to share or exchange that has meaning to me. I don't give it away to any woman who claims she's a domme! Once I learned to know and trust her, having determined that she was a woman I wanted to submit to, there would doubtless be a power exchange which a domme would indeed be able to feed upon and I in turn would expect my buttons would get pushed by her along with other needs I have being met in the relationship as well.

If my needs weren't being met or I was being abused, I have in the past and would again walk away; taking my personal power along with me.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to SilverPawn)

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/14/2008 9:33:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SilverPawn

She's young, stubborn, beautiful, and a little peculiar, but defiantly NOT immature.

Thanks SilverPawn. Just one thing though....Who the hell are you calling peculiar? You are the weirdo that turned me down. You freak. *wink*

Thanks for the back-up. It means even more now that I know I am not the one you seek and thus it's not all hormones driving you.
You're just lucky we were in public and I don't do public humiliation. Otherwise I would have slapped you into next week for turning me down before I even had time to consider if I wanted you or not.

Stacey

*gets pissy*
*storms off in a huff*
*doesn't let door hit her in the ass on the way out*

_____________________________

I'm a pathetic attention whore.

(in reply to SilverPawn)

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/15/2008 10:50:04 AM

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Stacey (A.K.A. StaceyTheBitch),

quote:

*gets pissy*
*storms off in a huff*
*doesn't let door hit her in the ass on the way out*

There is no need for this.

You got off to a bad start on the forums, but you're taking a softer approach now and this, in my opinion, is a good thing. When I sent you a PM, I must say I felt like an idiot writing "Stacey is the boss" at the beginning of my message (per your requirements for contact), especially when you're not my boss and I don't have any kind of friendship or relationship with you. You might consider removing this requirement from your profile because it's an impediment to communication, a huge turn-off, and likely to turn quality folk away and attract wankers. Likewise, you didn't acknowledge the message I sent, which was clearly intended to help you here on the forums. Vanilla courtesy goes a long way to helping establish yourself within a community so again I suggest considering this as opposed to the hard-line approach you've sometimes presented.

Speaking of community, LadyPact, LadyHibiscus, Venatrix, and pixelslave are all well respected members on the forums. The reason for this is because they have shown themselves to be knowledgeable, intelligent, kinksters who write well, who treat others with respect, compassion, and tolerance, and who have relevant BDSM experience to share. Consequently, you'll look like a fool badmouthing these people. By all means challenge their ideas, but taking them on personally won't make you look good. And with apologies to pixelslave (who I'm about to omit), these women are incredibly sexy, well-rounded Dominas who many submissives on these boards admire and, if given the chance, would choose as life partners. Again, as I suggested above, vanilla courtesy goes a long way to helping establish yourself within a community. Thus, instead of coming in with both guns blazing, it's not a bad idea to participate more subtly and watch first. Find out a bit about the people here and you'll have a much better time.

Just in case you think you're being attacked because of your youthful age, I'll give you an example of two young women who are incredibly well respected on these forums: Pyrrsefanie and Lynnxz. Why? Because each posts with intelligence, insight, balance, grace, tolerance, a sense of humour, and courtesy.

Your first few posts came across abrasively and after that things went somewhat downhill for you. However, in the "Looking for advice" thread, you took a more lighthearted approach and gave some good advice too:

quote:

If it's a beautiful Mistress you seek
Then at her profile and journal you should peek
If you want to impress that Goddess of Domination
You need to read and study and not be an Abomination
Think about how you can stand out from the crowd
Think about how you can make that Mistress proud
When your study is complete
and you're ready to compete
Send your proud message away
and hope that Mistress you will sway

Continue on with this gentler, more courteous approach and you'll find your footing. I hope you enjoy the forums.

Sidenote: I do believe this thread characterizes your thoughts unfairly and out of context. I'm not sure what got into darchChylde's Cheerios, but he's admitted he went overboard. This happens to all of us sometimes. I'd accept his explanation, let the thread die, and move on to more interesting, relevant debate.

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 7/15/2008 11:00:58 AM >

(in reply to StaceyTheBitch)

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/15/2008 11:13:39 AM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Nicely done, My dear elan. Nicely done.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? - 7/15/2008 1:28:54 PM

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Pixel,

--- And with apologies to pixelslave (who
--- I'm about to omit), these women are
--- incredibly sexy, well-rounded Dominas

Oops. I should have written: "And with apologies to pixelslave (who I'm about to omit because he is male), these women are incredibly sexy, well-rounded Dominas. You are, of course, gentlemanly, handsome, and sexy in your own, male, submissive way. :-)

Elan.

(in reply to pixelslave)

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