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Protecting your submissive - 7/11/2008 12:01:45 PM

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I have been in the lifestyle a long time now (I'd rather not commit on how many years!) Recently I noticed a rather explicit set of pics on CM - granted saxy but nevertheless explicit. From her profile it seemed that she had been required to post the pictures by her Dominant who seemed to enjoy the reaction they were getting. Having experienced the trauma a previous sub of mine went through when her pictures found their way into 'other hands' I messaged the sub concerned (very politely) to caution her about putting such images in the public domain. The response I got was, to say the least, aggressive. What are the feelings of other on this - it has always been my belief that it is my responsibility to protect my submissive. I love humiliation but have always been careful to ensure that, while experiencing deep humiliation, my sub was safe. Have I over reacted?

R

RE: Protecting your submissive - 7/11/2008 12:04:00 PM

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It is nice of you to be concerned - I'm sure your heart is in the right place - but since you are not a party to this dynamic it would probably be best to do as Dear Abby so often suggested and MYOB.

(in reply to WMPerv)

RE: Protecting your submissive - 7/11/2008 12:13:14 PM

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No matter that your intentions were good ... you are not in their dynamic, and it is not your business to offer advice.

(in reply to batshalom)

RE: Protecting your submissive - 7/11/2008 12:20:38 PM

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As they say: "The road to hell is paved with good intentions".
That said, I think you were correct to at least point the obvious out to her. It's her place to accept or reject your advice.

< Message edited by masterforRT -- 7/11/2008 12:21:25 PM >

(in reply to NeedingMore220)

RE: Protecting your submissive - 7/11/2008 12:35:17 PM

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I disagree with you, Batshalom...

MYOB is a prayer for ignorance. I feel its a human's right and duty to seek what's right. Anyone's public actions are open to being questioned by those who have to experience them. As such, they should expect to field comments and questions. Yes, they can deal with these statements however they please, but they should know they might come. Any action, whether it being posting hawt newds or a man shopping for panties, should be defensible*.

Advice can be offered by anyone at anytime. Whether it will be taken well is another story. Some (dare I say most?) people CLEARLY do not want advice on their public actions. This does not mean its wrong to give it.

*This doesn't mean that the person should have to expose the true reason why, but there should be a true reason why. "Mind your own business" is a fine response, though a bit aggressive, but public is public.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to batshalom)

RE: Protecting your submissive - 7/11/2008 12:41:52 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

It is nice of you to be concerned - I'm sure your heart is in the right place - but since you are not a party to this dynamic it would probably be best to do as Dear Abby so often suggested and MYOB.

what she said.

since this doesn't concern you and she's not your submissive to "protect" , it was truly none of your business.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to batshalom)

RE: Protecting your submissive - 7/11/2008 1:04:54 PM

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I'm guessing I'm just trying to do what I wished someone else had done for my ex sub - offer a few wise words of counsel. Nevertheless I take on board what you are saying about being outside the relationship.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

RE: Protecting your submissive - 7/11/2008 1:13:28 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WMPerv

I'm guessing I'm just trying to do what I wished someone else had done for my ex sub - offer a few wise words of counsel. Nevertheless I take on board what you are saying about being outside the relationship.

The gold standard for deciding if a course of action is right is to generalize it. In the situation of love, butting out seems so respectful.

What about to culture atrocities like female genital mutilation?
What about religious practices, like sacrificing virgins?
What about international affairs, like ethnic "cleansing"?
What if you saw some guy beating the shit out of some woman? Do you stop trying to break it up when you see they have matching wedding bands?

It's not generalizable to mind your own business because you're not directly involved (yet). You did the right thing. Accepting criticism would be the right thing on their part, and they failed to do that.

You did not fail.
They did fail... So a failure of the system occurs.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to WMPerv)

RE: Protecting your submissive - 7/11/2008 1:44:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

It is nice of you to be concerned - I'm sure your heart is in the right place - but since you are not a party to this dynamic it would probably be best to do as Dear Abby so often suggested and MYOB.

Ditto Ditto Ditto!!!

What may look painful and destructive to you might just be what makes the other person thrive. As one who has received unsolicited (and inappropriate) advice from people I do not know, who do not know me, who do not know my Master, and who do not know anything about our dynamic. I found it to be rude and ignorant of them. It's one thing to say, "Hey I noticed this, would you mind giving me your thoughts on how you feel about it? I'm interested" versus, "Hey I noticed this, and do you realize how terrible that is for you???" The former engages in conversation for the purpose of learning, understanding and sharing. The other, in my opinion, is condescending and out of line.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to batshalom)

RE: Protecting your submissive - 7/11/2008 1:47:49 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper
What about to culture atrocities like female genital mutilation?

Using this as an example. Did you know in many of those cultures the girls voluntarily opt to do this because girls who have not undergone such a horrific ordeal (and it is horrific) are outcast and thought of as unfit for society? Telling the girl how wrong it is to do such a thing, especially if you know nothing about her, her family, and the intricasies of her culture, will go over like dropping vinegar into water. Understanding the culture and trying to do something to change societal views within that culture, however, will likely prove to be more effective. Otherwise you're not getting anywhere.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

RE: Protecting your submissive - 7/11/2008 2:05:52 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

What about to culture atrocities like female genital mutilation?

it's not an atrocity when it's a rite of womanhood for them.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

RE: Protecting your submissive - 7/11/2008 2:17:57 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

What about to culture atrocities like female genital mutilation?

it's not an atrocity when it's a rite of womanhood for them.

No, it's an atrocity. It's a completely pointless practice whose roots are firmly placed in keeping women down. While I'm not against bodily mutilation for various causes, I feel the risks and long term ramifications of FGM are something the world can and should do without.

As for the aspect of "doing it willingly to fit in with the culture" vs. "telling the girl it's wrong." I am misunderstood (which makes sense, as I was very vague). I don't mean going to the individual, I mean dealing with the culture. That is an aspect of culture which violates basic human rights. When dealing with a couple, you only have the choice to talk to one or two people, but for that example, I meant the culture as the entity that needs to be addressed.

An advice giver does not need to have all the facts. A GOOD advice giver needs to have the facts. The question here is "Should third parties feel that it is right to offer advice?" I submit the answer is yes. Let the receiver decide how to take it.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

RE: Protecting your submissive - 7/11/2008 2:19:03 PM

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I can understand your concern.....but like others have stated, you are outside the dynamics of their relationship......besides....one thing i've learned over the years in the "lifestyle".....you can't save someone from themself. Many people only learn thru hard lessons.......

quote:

ORIGINAL: WMPerv

I have been in the lifestyle a long time now (I'd rather not commit on how many years!) Recently I noticed a rather explicit set of pics on CM - granted saxy but nevertheless explicit. From her profile it seemed that she had been required to post the pictures by her Dominant who seemed to enjoy the reaction they were getting. Having experienced the trauma a previous sub of mine went through when her pictures found their way into 'other hands' I messaged the sub concerned (very politely) to caution her about putting such images in the public domain. The response I got was, to say the least, aggressive. What are the feelings of other on this - it has always been my belief that it is my responsibility to protect my submissive. I love humiliation but have always been careful to ensure that, while experiencing deep humiliation, my sub was safe. Have I over reacted?

R

_____________________________

We attract hearts by the qualities we display. We retain them by the qualities we possess.

Shoes can change your life................. Cinderella

(in reply to WMPerv)

RE: Protecting your submissive - 7/11/2008 3:24:10 PM

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From: Apple County NY
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There are a lot of stupid people out there who are more interested in getting their own kink met than in meeting their partner's needs. And yes, putting explicit pictures might not bother someone who at 19 is flipping burgers for gas money but in 8 years when they get turned down for a job at a law firm because of it will be too late.

And most employers do search people on google, facebook, myspace etc. In fact there are several firms who make their money trying to mitigate such damage by either requesting removal of such pictures or comments from webpages, threatening legal action if requests do not work, or posting sufficient new positive information that the negative ones do not show up until after 10 pages in on google.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to silkncarol)

RE: Protecting your submissive - 7/11/2008 3:27:56 PM

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I'm assuming she probably told you to fuck off.

Fine. She feels that way now. But, in a couple years, when those photos (and God knows what other questionable material may be up on the net at her Dom's behest) are accessed by people to whom she's applied for work, or by the administration of a school she wants to attend, or when her bitchy neighbor finds them and turns them in to her religious leaders....(or the cops, or social services, should she have kids) she might feel differently.

It's so easy to post crap online about yourself. You have to do so with the understanding that eventually, your family, friends, or local community will find it. You have two choices at that point, either move away, and consider your connections with others lost... or you can proudly wear the scarlet "P" (pervert) and tell others to kindly fuck the hell off...

I've pretty much chosen the latter.

But, I'd advise people to chose how much of themselves they expose. Now that we can be all wiretapped at will... (and email will be next, along with datamining the 'net) the authorities can build up files on all of us pretty quickly. They can also use that information to make our lives hell, should they so desire...

As I recall, several people involved in the "Overturn Ammendment #2" campagin in Colorado (after the 1992 election cycle) were threatend with having their children taken away because the "religious reich" dumped info on them to social services. All culled from websites and online forums. I also personally know one goth chick who was denied employment because her "My Space" page seemed too extreme for the corperate image of the company she was applying to.

My advice: caution.

(in reply to silkncarol)

RE: Protecting your submissive - 7/11/2008 4:26:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

I disagree with you, Batshalom...

MYOB is a prayer for ignorance. I feel its a human's right and duty to seek what's right.

Interesting. But who's to say what's right? Preaching to someone from the stance of your own morality and "superior intelligence" certainly won't often have them thirsting for more of your wisdom.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper
Advice can be offered by anyone at anytime. Whether it will be taken well is another story. Some (dare I say most?) people CLEARLY do not want advice on their public actions. This does not mean its wrong to give it.

Nor is it wrong for unsolicited advice to be treated coldly or even acidly. ~shrug~

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper
*This doesn't mean that the person should have to expose the true reason why, but there should be a true reason why. "Mind your own business" is a fine response, though a bit aggressive, but public is public.

And private is private. If you offer me a piece of private advice on my public profile, or whatever public thing I happen to be displaying at the time, sometimes (not always) my private response back will be much more aggressive than "mind your own business."

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

RE: Protecting your submissive - 7/11/2008 4:29:27 PM

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Shrugs..........she must have wanted them up as much as he did.

Ever hear of an *exhibitionist fetish*?

MYOB.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to WMPerv)

RE: Protecting your submissive - 7/11/2008 4:40:52 PM

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If I'm doing something that puts me in potential danger, yep please tell me. I might not have thought it through in that way. In a respectful way... of course. But hell yes, tell me.

Excuse me, you might not want to light that cigarette by the oxygen tanks. They will blow up.

I tI think it is our responsibiltiy to check in with people... and then let it go.

sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Leatherist)

RE: Protecting your submissive - 7/11/2008 4:43:18 PM

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Don't presume your issues and dangers are the same to others. Even if they are taking big risks- it is their risks to take. Smile and shut up.

And sunshine- would you interrupt a scene just so you could check on whether that woman really was ok with having her skin broken open?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

RE: Protecting your submissive - 7/11/2008 4:50:27 PM

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If she was following her Master's orders, then you were suggesting that his edicts may not be good for her. That's not your call.

If you were concerned, you should have taken it up directly with the Master.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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