RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/12/2008 9:27:58 PM

kc692

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Winsome, there are no prescribed rules for who can and can't post in any thread......moreso, I would have thought this one belonged in General,or Offtopic, instead of Ask a Master...after all, he is trying to get information to the unknowing and the hapless, surely according to him that wouldnt be in the Masters category would it?

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/12/2008 9:55:31 PM

WinsomeDefiance

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

Winsome, there are no prescribed rules for who can and can't post in any thread......moreso, I would have thought this one belonged in General,or Offtopic, instead of Ask a Master...after all, he is trying to get information to the unknowing and the hapless, surely according to him that wouldnt be in the Masters category would it?

Oh I know

The only prescribed rule for posting in any thread, is the one I hold myself accountable to, but I really do try to stay out of topics addressed specifically to Masters or Mistresses. Not because I feel I have nothing to offer, or that I'm unworthy. It just isn't addressed in a way I feel invited to respond with an opinion.

I think the post would have had a wider audience, if it had been posted elsewhere. Definitely agree there. All I'm left to assume, is that he was looking to offer Dominant men his insight on how to avoid wasting time. I was still curious enough, as to the success rate of his approach, to ask. I'd hate to dismiss out of out hand, anyone's advise, if it held something of value that I could take away from it. Even if the opening statement held qualifying remarks I wasn't particularly inclined to support.

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 7/12/2008 10:03:46 PM >

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/12/2008 11:14:32 PM

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Oh, you mean "world of warcraft"?

I don't play that.

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/13/2008 7:01:41 AM

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To the OP

Every situation can be judged on it's merits. In some similiar situations you might have a game player in other situatins you just might have someone more cautious. Fact is, there is no universal method or approach that is going to indentify who are time wasters or not.

Lets screen for gold. The size of the screen holes will dictate the size of nuggets I will find. However, some nuggets of the same size will be stone and some will be gold. The key is to set the screen holes to the size that you can see the nuggets of gold in amoung the stones. So.. what standards does an individual need to see those nuggets of gold? I thnk that is an individual question that needs to be answered.

Secondly, I don't find it particular usefully to finding stone nuggets. Finding the them is rather easy. Be it you call them time bandits or some other catchy label. What is important is finding the gold nuggets.. and I am not so sure people do a good job at that considering that a significant portion of relationships fail. We set our standards, we choose where to be to find our life long partner... or to state another way.. we decide on the size of the screen holes and we choose where to sift for gold. Making wise chooses on where to sift for gold is just as important as the size of screen we should use. But in the end, it all takes Time and Effort.

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/13/2008 7:49:03 AM

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SirBitterSweet, I'm glad that you didn't include not wanting to chat via Yahoo or a similar interface as part of what proves one to be a time bandit. I used to give out my ID freely. There would be times that I would be having an online session with someone and four other guys would pop up - all wanting immediate attention and commenting on the more provocative photo. I ended up blocking all but a few people because chat was stealing too much of my time. It's not that I'm not real or out to waste the time of others - it's that I know what I am specifically looking for and one of those things is not to be constantly bombarded by people who expect me to drop what I'm doing to immediately talk with them. I save that privilege for my Master.

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/13/2008 8:36:27 AM

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Hello BitterSweet,
An interesting post...The first one that is... But you see, the only time bandit around is the one that I allow. They are like dust bunnies. They don't exist unless I am shirking in my duties. Now sometimes I rather enjoy doing other things and letting the dust bunnies grow. Sometimes I enjoy conversations with folks where nothing is going to happen. Sometimes it is merely the process that is the enjoyment, not the end point. And I am responsible for my time... no one else. For example, I'm spending time answering your post instead of ... making a pot of coffee or sewing on a button, or oiling the chain on my bike, preparing my next lecture. But I do it because I enjoy the process. I am using my time wisely because it brings me pleasure. What for one is a time bandit, for another may be a hobby or an excercise or art.

As for people who are disabled and not socially ept. Well, the internet has been a BOON for people with disabilities. We can learn much from each other and now we have a forum through which we can enjoy one another's company. I learned to speak American Sign Language to be able to speak with deaf people. I am not deaf, I didn't know anyone who was deaf, but I just wanted to be able to. And now I can use the internet to talk with people whose language I can't speak, deaf people are able to interact with the hearing, those who don't have auditory voices can now join those of us with working vocal chords. Imagine if someone were to tell Stephen Hawking that he is a time bandit. Well that would be an interesting experience.

As for your knowledge of psychology.... The first rule of a Twue Psychotherapist is to do no harm. Your responses are deliberately condescending and snotty. I expect no harm is done because you don't have the authority or respect to actually harm the people on the boards. I have faith in the people here. However, you may want to rethink about the vinegar you throw out. It's like saying I know the pythagoreun theorum or what a keystone is. Therefore, I can give you advice on how to build a bridge. Foul! I say.

Good luck. May you find some honey in your world,
sunshine

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/13/2008 8:49:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

SirBitterSweet,

Thank you for the interesting post, it was well written and thought provoking. It did raise a few questions that if you have time, and are so inclined to share:

1) Using your prescribed method, what is your success rate? Success being measured not so much as NOT wasting your time, but rather cutting through the online courtship and coming to a positive common ground that moved forward into a rewarding relationship in real life?

There are maybe 40-50 people I have talked to after a corresponance on the internet. I'vr probably eliminated hundreds. The ones who talked with me may not have been a match, but the communication accomplished something. (We shared a moment and learned how another person thought and articulated their feelings.) Two women actually flew down to see me to determine if we had a future. One was local, we dated and became friends. NONE of the people I met in person were from CM. I learned most of my TB skills on AOL and carried tt over to CM.

2) Assuming your prescribed method works, (and I'm assuming it did) how long were those relationships sustained?

For reasons I do not wish to go into, most relationships I found that the person was D/s oriented had severe background issues. I should have never taken on these relationships, but I cared deeply about the person. The bonds I formed with these people are everlasting, but also tragic. I don't like discussing it. My philosophy is that no relatinship is successful until you find the right one. Some therapists would disagree with that, but really, it's all opinion with no right or wrong answer.

3) Assuming you found fulfilling relationships offline using your prescribed method, did the relationships end amiably?

Yes. It's not good to end anything with bitterness. In my case, I made a profound difference in their lives and they acknolwedged this..

Winsome

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/13/2008 8:55:27 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

I thought the "Time Bandit" was one of the crab fishing vessels on the Deadliest Catch....... on the Discovery Channel.

Yeah and i was seriously hoping to spot Captain Jonathan's profile...dammit!

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/13/2008 9:07:46 AM

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Knights of Mist

From an ethical standpoint, your POV is the noblest I ever read on here. And it would also seem by the replies to this post, people are making some over-the-top assumptions that this post is a strict recipe for how to go about finding someone on here.

SORRY THAT is NOT what the post is about.

I give the reader the assumption they already developed and established all the pre-factors of a good potential mate. I am assuming that one of the parties is being elusive.

I have sent people to this site to become members. You should hear their horror stories. And if not for the humiliation, you should only hear mine -- but I'd sooner not relive this.

In my experiences on the internet, I get a lot of time wasters. People want my time. Even in public, when I went out last night, four people came right up to me and engaged me in conversation. Not complaining, Just pointing out the facts. And even more evidenced, just look at all the ridiculous posts (not judging the nice posts in this thread) where it is clear the people who are posting care less about the post but - a) seek to get the spotlight by behaving caustically b) competing with the posts to control the thread or show off to their comrades c) peopel who visit every thread to earn paddles (serious -- the more paddles I see, ( and not always) the more the member seems to want to paddle someone else!)

This thread is almost a farce, I should have added a disclaimer at the beginning of the thread -- if you can't add something helpful to this thread or say something nice, you are a time bandit -- lonley, despondant and you want others to be miserable with you. And probably, as suggested by a few others -- this post might have done better somewhere else, where it does not attract the egotistically crippled.

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/13/2008 9:20:08 AM

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SunshineMmiss

It seems to me you personalized what I posted. This is a sign that you should rethink what you write. It was not directed at you and how YOU handle your relationships on here is really your own business. If your method works, then it works for you. Hurray! But there are people who are banging their head against the wall and they are NOT you...

Second, I give back what I get. I made a post and whenever someone threw vinegar at me, I simply mirrored it back. This is called the behaviorist milieu approach, No, it's not always pretty. But the world is a dichotomy, it is both pretty and ugly at the same time.

Finally, you strike me as someone who takes the noble path... someone who when is handed the vinegar, you take it with a smile placing yourself above it. I call that masochistic and unneccessary.

Since you did not claim to be a therapist and appear to have no training as one, you speak from experience but seem to be falling victim to the concept that the world is as YOU see it. You are also ignorant to the articles published by prominant therapists about the communities on the internet. M favorite authors were all women, by the way.

As much as you are entitled to your opinion, your post is passive-aggressive manner of lashing out and your post wreaks of denial.

My advice to you is don't call the kettle black. This post was designed to share a technique, the profile of the bandit mentality and it is up to the member to decide when and how the technique should be used. Surprised you didn't get that.

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/13/2008 9:21:48 AM

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Greetings SirBitterSweet. I started several threads with the same purpose you had in mind when starting this one and received just as many if not more negative responses. Everyone automatically assumed I had some kind of social disorder for starting such a thread. That I was a pathetic nobody that would never find anyone. I even had one Dom say if I found someone he'd eat his whip. I'm moving in with my Sir and we plan to be married within 2-3 months. Don't you just love the conclusions some people jump to? lol

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/13/2008 9:24:35 AM

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Chamberqueen, what a fascinating point! Yes! I am thinking about this and would agree with you.

I want to add something here, as you inspired this thought.

From a biological standpoint, from our nature as social animals, it is scientifically proven that we select our mates by a) visual cues b) sense of smell c) physical heartiness and health d) ability to provide for young e) audio cues and a slew of others that I can't remember. AND get this -- all of these are ABSENT in online communication because there is no natural way to verify these things if the other person refuses to reveal them.

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/13/2008 9:28:08 AM

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Dear DefiantbadGirl

You probably would make a good therapist for me! LOL But I would not want to 'bandit' your time from your beloved! Congrats, you found the magic you deserve! Probably a good post if you ever want to give advice on how you two went about the courtship.

The questions remains.... am I wasting my own time by trying? I'm undecided here.

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/13/2008 9:44:41 AM

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I love this place. I'm sitting by the pool with a buzz and a beer.

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/13/2008 9:46:04 AM

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/13/2008 9:46:36 AM

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Aileen, I am glad you think this post is all about you. Now share your beer and spread some sun tan lotion on my back for me....

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/13/2008 9:48:11 AM

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Hey, DBG! Congratulations!

And, by the way, I don't remember you ever posting anything like this.

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/13/2008 9:49:11 AM

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No...It's definitely not about me. I don't start threads on how crappy people and life are. I start threads on fun happy things. I don't have issues meeting people and enjoying the time. I don't analyze why I'm happy. I just enjoy it. Ever think that maybe positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative?

edited to add...Oh and I'm also wearing a sexy little black string bikini while I lounge by the pool.

< Message edited by Aileen1968 -- 7/13/2008 9:50:47 AM >

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/13/2008 9:56:44 AM

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Aileen; I was going to say that I thought he actually made some valid points in regards to meeting people on here, but...I forgot exactly what I was going to say what with the string bikini and the oil and stuff...

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/13/2008 9:59:40 AM

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Tub Girls!

Time Bandits?

Discuss.

6

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