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RE: Dominants with a Temper......sign of weakness or not? - 8/19/2008 2:26:46 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
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Status: offline 		I just think D types who throw hissy fits are throwing their dummies out of their prams.
Dedums dedums dedums......
too late and no good trying to save face when they feel remorseful either.....


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RE: Dominants with a Temper......sign of weakness or not? - 8/19/2008 2:58:50 AM   
honour3


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Status: offline 		How can a Dom have control of a sub if he does not first have control of him self?

Self Control is a must in any life style and especaily if you are in a position of responsability like a Dom is.

If you cant control your self you do not belong in a Dom position.

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RE: Dominants with a Temper......sign of weakness or not? - 8/19/2008 4:24:16 AM   
stella41b


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quote:

ORIGINAL: honour3

How can a Dom have control of a sub if he does not first have control of him self?

Self Control is a must in any life style and especaily if you are in a position of responsability like a Dom is.

If you cant control your self you do not belong in a Dom position.



Speak for yourself. I feel the same can be said about submissives. Any relationship is a position of responsibility on both sides and both should have control, not one, both. It's also called self-discipline.

And guess what? Doms make mistakes, sometimes they're weak, sometimes they misunderstand, they cry, they burst out laughing, they have bad days, and..... they're human.

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RE: Dominants with a Temper......sign of weakness or not? - 8/19/2008 4:35:48 AM   
IrishMist


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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b


quote:

ORIGINAL: honour3

How can a Dom have control of a sub if he does not first have control of him self?

Self Control is a must in any life style and especaily if you are in a position of responsability like a Dom is.

If you cant control your self you do not belong in a Dom position.



Speak for yourself. I feel the same can be said about submissives. Any relationship is a position of responsibility on both sides and both should have control, not one, both. It's also called self-discipline.

And guess what? Doms make mistakes, sometimes they're weak, sometimes they misunderstand, they cry, they burst out laughing, they have bad days, and..... they're human.


Nicely done Stella

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RE: Dominants with a Temper......sign of weakness or not? - 8/19/2008 4:36:12 AM   
honour3


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/25/2006
Status: offline 		Yes mistakes hapen we all era  but continued mistakes like continuly lossing ones temper can not be tollerated. not when ones life may be in your hands.

And stella I agree with what you say about submissives as well. They dont belong if they dont put in the effort to control them selves.
But the issue as I see it is that a Dom has ones life in thier hands. I very much doubt that you would forgive a nuclear tech for making a mistake that resualts in a deadly melt down after making the exact same mistake a dozen times befor.

Yes you can forgive a Dom who makes a mistake and losses his temper. but you can not accept it to continue It is utter folly for both the Dom and the sub.

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RE: Dominants with a Temper......sign of weakness or not? - 8/19/2008 4:45:16 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
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Status: offline 		everyone gets angry everyone has a temper  everyone deals with it differently   i think how you handle it is the key

mothing wrong with being normal yep :)   

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RE: Dominants with a Temper......sign of weakness or not? - 8/19/2008 5:29:17 AM   
stella41b


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quote:

ORIGINAL: honour3

And stella I agree with what you say about submissives as well. They dont belong if they dont put in the effort to control them selves.
But the issue as I see it is that a Dom has ones life in thier hands. I very much doubt that you would forgive a nuclear tech for making a mistake that resualts in a deadly melt down after making the exact same mistake a dozen times befor.



Okay, sure, just as I wouldn't forgive a guy who drives whilst speaking on his cellphone and mows me down at a pedestrian crossing. I'd be dead.

But at the moment I'm living, I take the risks and take my chances. No dom can ever take away my responsibility for being there nor for taking part or taking risks.

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RE: Dominants with a Temper......sign of weakness or not? - 8/19/2008 5:42:59 AM   
RavenMuse


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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
quote:

ORIGINAL: honour3

How can a Dom have control of a sub if he does not first have control of him self?

Self Control is a must in any life style and especaily if you are in a position of responsability like a Dom is.

If you cant control your self you do not belong in a Dom position.



Speak for yourself. I feel the same can be said about submissives. Any relationship is a position of responsibility on both sides and both should have control, not one, both. It's also called self-discipline.

And guess what? Doms make mistakes, sometimes they're weak, sometimes they misunderstand, they cry, they burst out laughing, they have bad days, and..... they're human.


I don't think in that context He needs to 'speak for Himself' as I don't see your positions being at odds.

Self-discipline is needed for everyone regardless of Dom, sub or vanilla. What He is saying is that it is ESPECIALY important in a Dominant.

If a sub (in a relationship) has a brain fart, loss of self discipline, fucks up... she is accountable to her Master/Dom who can step in and help her get back on track, repair any damage and put things right.

If a Dominant has such a brain fart, no-one has the 'authority' to step in in such a manner, the person He is accountable to is Himself. His submissive isn't in as strong a position to be able to help.

Within a D/s relationship such a lapse by the sub isn't as likely to cause lasting damage as if the Dominant partner makes the same fuck-up. Sure We ARE still human, we DO fuck-up but the cost to the relationship is very often greater when We do.


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RE: Dominants with a Temper......sign of weakness or not? - 8/19/2008 5:50:46 AM   
PoppaLarge


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I was just reading a thread about submissives with a temper.

To me, temper is a negative. It instantly leads me to think of temper tantrums and insecure, out of control, behaviour. Something that is, to me, a huge weakness of character.



I am new here but have been observing for awhile...so here it goes.....

There is a difference between having a temper and throwing tantrums.  I have a bad temper, but I try never to act out as a result of my immediate feelings.  That would be bad....TRUST ME.  I do agree that an adult that throws a fit does probably lack some self-control it is not necessarily a sign of weakness.  In my opinion the person that is weak is one that doesn't reckognize their weaknesses/flaws OR is fully aware of them and chooses not to improve.

Everyone has a temper, its just what activates it that differs from person to person.  If you (in general) don't have a temper, I would love to meet you and push some buttons.  I guarantee that I can find that hot spot given enough time.

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RE: Dominants with a Temper......sign of weakness or not? - 8/19/2008 7:17:48 AM   
CreativeDominant


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I was just reading a thread about submissives with a temper.

To me, temper is a negative. It instantly leads me to think of temper tantrums and insecure, out of control, behaviour. Something that is, to me, a huge weakness of character.

Not to confuse anger with temper. Anger is a natural response, but again to me, temper is an immature and negative way of handling temper. A big negative.

I am a HUGE advocate of communication. I want to know the what's and why's and how's of solving the problem. A temper is not condusive to that. It only alienates and throws up walls. Puts people on the defensive.

I am curious what other's points of view is on this. Is there a difference in anger and temper to others? Do you feel there is ever a good time to have a temper tantrum?

Talk to me people!


O.K., O.K....I'll talk!!!
I am quite capable of anger.  I know it and accept it as one of the many emotions I am capable of feeling.  There've been times in my past when that anger was displayed in a "fit of temper".  While I agree with you statement about temper being negative, I will disagree with the idea that it is always so.  Depending on the expression and the desired outcome of the fit of temper, it has been called for and has been positive in some circumstances in my life though I will admit to the idea that there are fewer instances...in looking back...when the outcome was positive versus negative.  It was by taking just such a look back that I went to my counselor and said "Hey, we need to deal with some of my anger."  He helped me to find other ways of dealing with anger that was beneath the surface, simmering away and adding...unfairly...to anger over other situations.  Separation of what you are really angry at from anger that comes from past issues is helpful.  Separation of anger over a specific incident rather than letting anger build over several similar incidents is helpful.  Analysis of whether or not anger is even the acceptable response to an issue...and at what level...is very helpful and has been particularly so in my case.

I get angry with my ums, my brother, my patients, my submissive partner (when I have one).  But I learned a long time ago how and when it was appropriate and the appropriate ways of expressing it. 

I think nowadays in society, including some segments of D/s, wherein it is stated that "anger is never an O.K. response", we are....wrongly, in my opinion...trying to teach people that ANY expression of anger is not O.K., that a reasonable person doesn't get angry because they can always understand the other person's point of view and accept it.  Come on people...you know somewhere inside yourself as well as I do that this outlook is bullshit.  It is part of that "Kumbaya" outlook that just might get you killed someday. 





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RE: Dominants with a Temper......sign of weakness or not? - 8/19/2008 9:21:52 AM   
WaywardFilly


Posts: 9
Joined: 4/3/2008
Status: offline 		first "rule" of thumb
A Dominant must be in control of him/her self before they can take control of another human being

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RE: Dominants with a Temper......sign of weakness or not? - 8/19/2008 9:42:35 AM   
Wardandjune


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline 		Not to confuse anger with temper. Anger is a natural response, but again to me, temper is an immature and negative way of handling temper. A big negative.

......LaTigresse






Ward -  Maybe it's weak coffee or something else but......did you mean that temper is an immature and negative way of handling anger?....you say "temper" there..

To me, a temper tantrum is the weak highest level of an angry mood....out of control and no attempt to maintain a rational mind...it is selfish to say the least. I believe patience can slow down such impulses over time and eleminate the tendency of someone to come out of their skin with both barrels loaded.

There is never a good time to have a tantrum, but if it is coming, it better damn well be in private, not in public. Frosty and grim follows any public spectacle like that.

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RE: Dominants with a Temper......sign of weakness or not? - 8/19/2008 9:43:24 AM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		~FR

Honestly, I'd rather a Dom let it out and then have some fantastic fight sex than let it fester and/or develop into some passive aggressive bullshit. Emotion turns me on.

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RE: Dominants with a Temper......sign of weakness or not? - 8/19/2008 2:46:04 PM   
ThundersCry


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I am soooooooooo mad!
 
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RE: Dominants with a Temper......sign of weakness or not? - 8/19/2008 6:03:11 PM   
SimplyMichael


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Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I am pretty good at controlling my anger but I still have a few buttons, that when pressed I find it hard to not be reactive.  Things around being taken for granted and or controlled, can still override my ability to be rational.  I lashed out the other night at someone who hit one of those buttons hard, they were wrong but my inability to control my reaction made what was a fucked up situation into a disaster.

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RE: Dominants with a Temper......sign of weakness or not? - 8/19/2008 6:05:38 PM   
jstmi


Posts: 85
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		i believe that a Dominant with a temper and doesn't know how to control it can be abusive. how about the Dominant who says they will not punish when they are angry? communication is important and key to this lifestyle needless to say in any relationship, i have learned that in a most difficult way.

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RE: Dominants with a Temper......sign of weakness or not? - 8/19/2008 6:24:26 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

If a Dominant has such a brain fart, no-one has the 'authority' to step in in such a manner, the person He is accountable to is Himself. His submissive isn't in as strong a position to be able to help.


I suppose I agree with that in principle somewhat, but the notion of consent makes the Dominant somewhat accountable to the relationship....if he desires to continue to have one.

I'm managed to completely mess up what could have been a great relationship via my own mistakes and the end result of being alone certainly made me feel accountable for those mistakes.

But I guess that still qualifies as being "accountable to Himself".

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 8/19/2008 6:35:38 PM >

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RE: Dominants with a Temper......sign of weakness or not? - 8/19/2008 6:29:56 PM   
NuevaVida


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For what it's worth, I want to thank those dominants who put their stories out there regarding having had a bad temper, amidst all the posts equating that to weakness.  It has been really interesting to read your perspectives, and I appreciate you sharing.

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RE: Dominants with a Temper......sign of weakness or not? - 8/19/2008 7:39:55 PM   
DomDolf


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I am pretty good at controlling my anger but I still have a few buttons, that when pressed I find it hard to not be reactive.  Things around being taken for granted and or controlled, can still override my ability to be rational.  I lashed out the other night at someone who hit one of those buttons hard, they were wrong but my inability to control my reaction made what was a fucked up situation into a disaster.


I have a few of these also. They come with big signs with huge bold letters that say, DON'T TOUCH THIS BUTTON. I can't recall the last time I lost control of my behavior unless you count choice verbal confrontation being whispered with a smile a loss of control. Okay maybe I was gritting my teeth. Really, I let people that are close to me, know when they are dancing around the buttons, if they touch one they had to have tried to touch it. They aren't things you just come across accidental. Almost all of us at one time or another had someone disrespect us to the point that we lost our minds on them. I must be due soon, it's really been a long time. As hard as I try those buttons mess me up every time.

This message isn't flowing, but I'm sure the point can be seen. Correct me if I'm wrong please... I'll just go to bed. lol

Dolf

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RE: Dominants with a Temper......sign of weakness or not? - 8/19/2008 8:00:55 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Having a bad temper is much like anything else.  What you do with it is what makes it negative or even positive.  If you can rein it in and grow from it, then it can be a helpful learning experience.  If you use it to simply stand up for yourself and keep yourself from being walked all over, that can be a good thing as well.  If you use it to lash out at undeserving others, or to belittle others, it can be a powerfully negative force.

Having a bad temper, like most other personality traits, is a neutral thing.  It's what happens with it in the hands of human beings that makes it good or bad.  We have a choice.

< Message edited by NakedOnMyChain -- 8/19/2008 8:02:06 PM >

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