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How WRONG is it of me to dishonestly.... - 8/22/2008 8:14:15 PM

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...sign up on a gay BDSM message board/personals site with a fake male profile and pick up 'cute gay bondage bottoms', pretend to be a top, get them on cam, make them do stuff while I pleasure myself, but never agree to talk on the phone, reveal my gender or meet them in real life? Is it unethical if I tell them up front I never will meet them but am just looking for online jollies, but still never reveal my true gender? If I go through the whole process of filling out a profile and make all the stuff up just so I can get off on looking at guys on cam in bondage, does that make me a cheat and a liar?

No, I have not done it. But I have thought about it. I don't think I could ever bring myself to do it, but I can't help but think that it's done a lot in the het online community across all spectrums, and to some degree, it's "buyer beware"; if the guy on the cam is getting off on it just as much and didn't ask, who cares if he thinks I'm a hairy bear dude when I'm really a chick? I guess I care.

It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I'll never do it. Maybe I should - screw it, right?

Thoughts?

Akasha

Akasha

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RE: How WRONG is it of me to dishonestly.... - 8/22/2008 8:18:51 PM

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If it leaves a bad taste in your mouth, then you already know the answer.

Edited to add: On a scale of 1-10 where 10 is the worst things you could do and 1 is perhaps forgetting to flush, I would put that at about a 2 (assuming you keep to all those restrictions).

< Message edited by Honsoku -- 8/22/2008 8:24:56 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How WRONG is it of me to dishonestly.... - 8/22/2008 8:21:08 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Honsoku

If it leaves a bad taste in your mouth, then you already know the answer.

Well, I know the answer for me personally. I think deep down I wondered if other people could talk me out of feeling bad about it and get me to do it, ahhaha...but probably not. But people do it all the time I'm sure. They obviously don't feel bad about it - they create entirely fake personas, steal pictures, etc. to get what they want - obviously it's not sociopathic, too many people do it. Am I a prude?

Akasha

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RE: How WRONG is it of me to dishonestly.... - 8/22/2008 8:24:23 PM

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if you both get off on it, what's the harm?

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How WRONG is it of me to dishonestly.... - 8/22/2008 8:27:09 PM

Ellsa

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Yes, you are a prude.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How WRONG is it of me to dishonestly.... - 8/22/2008 8:27:41 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dodedo

if you both get off on it, what's the harm?

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!
Now, why can't I keep that in my head and not feel horribly guilty when I consider doing it?

Akasha

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RE: How WRONG is it of me to dishonestly.... - 8/22/2008 8:29:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dodedo

if you both get off on it, what's the harm?

The only harm is to herself. Most people value honesty in themselves (including her, I expect), and this would require discarding that for some quick fun.

(in reply to dodedo)

RE: How WRONG is it of me to dishonestly.... - 8/22/2008 8:32:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: dodedo

if you both get off on it, what's the harm?

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!
Now, why can't I keep that in my head and not feel horribly guilty when I consider doing it?

Akasha

Because deep down you know that you are throwing away your principles for some fleeting enjoyment.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How WRONG is it of me to dishonestly.... - 8/22/2008 8:33:00 PM

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The laugh would really be on you-if it's someone playing the same game. ;)

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RE: How WRONG is it of me to dishonestly.... - 8/22/2008 8:45:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Is it unethical if I tell them up front I never will meet them but am just looking for online jollies, but still never reveal my true gender?

Sounds more up-front than 90% of the profiles up on any of these websites. There's plenty of exhibitionists out there that I'm sure would be willing to perform on camera for the Hell of it. Although really, is asking a gay guy to strut his stuff even if you're a female really that bad? My gay guy friends used to let me watch them tie each other up and make out and stuff.

Unethical in my opinion would be if you posed as a man and led a guy on with pretenses of a relationship, but since that's not what you're looking to do, I vote go for it.

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RE: How WRONG is it of me to dishonestly.... - 8/22/2008 8:50:17 PM

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Personally, I myself would never do this. I mean I suppose I could Hijack some pictures and pretend to be a lesbian, just for some cybersex.   I'd rather do it the upfront and honest way if I want just cybersex or phonesex.

OK, the first CM girl that I got burned by.   She was using somebody else's picture and passing herself off to be some 28 year old hottie. Anyways, her and I the more we talked on the phone and in IM's. Something really difficult started to happen with her. She started to develop an emotional attachment towards me.   However, here's the problem, she had been feeding me a crap load of lies all along.

She actually boxed herself into a corner. Anyways, then the day came when one lie started to unravel her whole ball of lies.   All I did was simply pull the string, and dug like hell for the real truth about alot of things.

The list of lies included.   Her real name, age, picture, the fact she had kids, and the fact she was going around using men for Cyber and Phone Sex and she got off on Clipping Fakes and wankers Dom at the knees.   Basically, she was totally into doing these things for Entertainment and to make her feel good about herself.

Yes, I was extremely pissed off. However, I wanted to get to bottom of things. Why she did what she did. Point out that this was self defeating behavior or whatever else.   Make her realize that she just hurt herself as much as she hurt me. That it will happen again in the future. That it's totally go nowhere behavior.

I have the habit of wanting to dig to the bottom of things, and the truth. Think I'm a bit of a mental freak for wanting to get down to these layers with people at times. But it's just me.

So, sure somebody can create fake profiles and get their Jollies for awhile. Her excuse and self justification for her actions was the fact that there are some many Fake Game player Doms and that she herself had been burned badly a number of times.   OH Lord, just great.   Take it out on one of us that likes to play things honestly.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How WRONG is it of me to dishonestly.... - 8/22/2008 8:51:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: dodedo

if you both get off on it, what's the harm?

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!
Now, why can't I keep that in my head and not feel horribly guilty when I consider doing it?

Akasha

because there is Harm... it's Harm to your integrity... it's something you value... and when you knowning and willfully take action that misrepresents yourself... your integrity is damaged... and the person you see in the mirror knows it and she values it.... So.. yeah.. you can get off.. but there is a price.

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RE: How WRONG is it of me to dishonestly.... - 8/22/2008 9:13:58 PM

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hmm, well I dont have any qualms with this idea.
But if the idea is to see a guy get naughty on webcam, why cant you do that as a girl?
Or is the idea that its a gay guy, or that youre lying to him?

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RE: How WRONG is it of me to dishonestly.... - 8/22/2008 9:19:01 PM

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Not so much harm... but it does say something about your honesty, and integrity.

I've thought about that sort of thing too, but I found that cyber, even when being myself, isn't "all that." Too bad there isn't a site out there specifically designed for people to show up in a totally different persona, and play out these fantasies.... oh, wait! (slaps forehead) Second Life! Sheesh!

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RE: How WRONG is it of me to dishonestly.... - 8/22/2008 9:33:11 PM

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~FR~

I truly believe that if a similar OP had been written by a guy brand new to the forums, the wanker guns and troll nets would come out in droves and the burning in effigy wouldn't be far behind while the popcorn contingent watched on in glee. I'll stop there before I get my ass moderated and, frankly, this thread just isn't worth that price.

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RE: How WRONG is it of me to dishonestly.... - 8/22/2008 9:40:33 PM

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Nevermind, I've used all of my bitch points up for today.

< Message edited by Pyrrsefanie -- 8/22/2008 9:46:19 PM >

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Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
Ти синтетична до болю

Read my series, Taking Jessica, on http://www.akashaweb.com !

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RE: How WRONG is it of me to dishonestly.... - 8/22/2008 9:43:37 PM

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OK AAkasha, let's ask this...what if I did the same thing, but with straight men and claiming to be a female Domme? Would that change the ethics?

I used to do the "pretend to be female" thing in chat rooms, for two reasons: one is because I am somewhat transgendered, and I wanted to explore the female viewpoint...but another is just because it's much easier to find partners for cyber if you pretend to be female (particularly as a submissive). I eventually grew the habit of telling people up front that "This is just an online fantasy for me, there will be no other contact, no photos, and don't assume anything I tell you is necessarily true in R/L." Some guys were OK with that, some weren't.

One time, though, I did, after a few rather nice chat sessions, reveal to a guy that I was really female. He was taken aback at first (he was fairly young and new to the 'net), but then he decided it didn't really matter: "A lot of men write erotica from a female point of view...you're just interactive!"

However, the last several times I tried doing any cybering, I found it almost immediately dull, so I don't do that any more.

Personally, I feel that if you say up front that you're only in it for online, there will be no other contact, and you don't use someone else's picture, then it's not really that objectionable; anyone you interact with who has any brains at all would, I think, realize there might be something odd at work, and if he's willing anyhow, and you end up providing him with fantasy pleasure, then I don't really think it's all that wrong. If you strung him along, letting him think that you might later be open to phone or personal meeting when you had no such intention, that I would frown upon. YMMV.

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RE: How WRONG is it of me to dishonestly.... - 8/22/2008 9:50:11 PM

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In a different recent thread the question came up about subs wanting Dommes to "confirm" their identity in some way, wheather via cam or telephone or whatever. Probably 3/4 of the ladies that responded were irate that the subs would even consider that they were not who they claimed and most said that, no, they would not even consider such a thing. What you are considering is just one more reason that subs will ask more and more for that confirmation...and DESERVE to get it! Personally, if the Domme is unwilling to confirm who she is I simply assume "she" is either a male, looking to get his jollies, or a male OR female trying to set up a scam and I'll move on.

When people do what you are considering, male or female, it casts a dark shadow over eveyone making it harder and harder to trust anyone.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How WRONG is it of me to dishonestly.... - 8/22/2008 9:53:26 PM

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I agree there are plenty of voyeurs out there. You could probably just post what you are looking for on your profile and get a decent response. I'm sure a few would be repeat customers. I don't think you should masquerade as another just to get something that could probably be easily obtained with the truth.

Keep smiling,

quinta
(Property of MasterWolf2)

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RE: How WRONG is it of me to dishonestly.... - 8/22/2008 9:53:47 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003
When people do what you are considering, male or female, it casts a dark shadow over eveyone making it harder and harder to trust anyone.

Without Integrity there is not going to be any trust.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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