What do you do when your dom/me lies?

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What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/1/2008 9:21:19 PM

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Im not talking some harmless white lie, Im talking a real, earth shattering, nuclear fucking bomb. What do you do? (edit: this is not a reflection of anything in my life)

< Message edited by youngsubgeoff -- 9/1/2008 9:31:40 PM >

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/1/2008 9:28:35 PM

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I lose trust and walk away.

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/1/2008 9:31:47 PM

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I guess my immediate reaction would be to cut them loose. But on the other hand, depending upon how you feel about the person and the circumstances around the lie, I'd talk to them about it first. If it's that "earth-shattering" maybe there is some reason that they were afraid to come forward about it. I would at least listen to the explanation before reacting.

< Message edited by marieToo -- 9/1/2008 9:32:17 PM >

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/1/2008 9:43:14 PM

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Well I would ask them why they lied. I would decide whether the lie was serious enough for me to end it or not. If not, I'd judge whether I felt they were sincerely regretful of their lie and willing and able to do the work it would take to rebuild the trust and bond over time to become strong again.

Simplified of course, but that's the basic skeleton.

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/1/2008 10:38:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

Im not talking some harmless white lie, Im talking a real, earth shattering, nuclear fucking bomb. What do you do? (edit: this is not a reflection of anything in my life)

The last time a nuclear bomb was laid on my doorstep, it completely vaporized the relationship.

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/1/2008 10:44:16 PM

Sandyshores29718

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If its that big of a lie then I would lose all trust and without trust there is nothing ;therefore, I'd leave. If its something I can work with then I would and try to rebuilt the relationship.

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/1/2008 11:00:24 PM

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If it's earth shattering as you say, we'd first talk about it and see just how serious this lie was...is it worth repairing the relationship?

If it was a lie that goes against everything I believed, my morals, standards, etc...then I would have to walk away and never look back.

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/1/2008 11:20:12 PM

RCdc

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I would discuss it. I might get emotional. I wouldn't make a decision immediately but consider the what and the why.

the.dark.

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/1/2008 11:20:23 PM

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quote:

Im talking a real, earth shattering, nuclear fucking bomb.

I'd be gone. To those who think that too harsh, I spent 9 years married to a pathological liar, and I'm done with being lied to in a relationship.

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/1/2008 11:21:40 PM

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Like WyldHrt, I was married to a liar. Never again.

Cali

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 12:26:43 AM

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I'd do the same thing I would to any vanilla partner.

Out on the curb.

And I haven't even been married to a liar ;)

There's a difference between a lie (Oh, I like Emo music too! *six months later* Ugh, would you turn that crap off already!?) and a "nuclear fucking bomb" (the equivalence of lying about psychological gender hits home for me, especially if the partner were looking into getting surgery to make her body match her mind. Also lying about their comfort/sexuality/whatever else with some stuff would really be a kick in the nuts for me. I really want to stop dating men that decide that they can't even find men remotely attractive/desirable after me, anymore.)

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 4:31:58 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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good question

honestly, i wouldn't know how to answer a question like this. there are too many possible scenarios which could be the ending result to my relationship with Daddy.

if He lied and i discovered the truth, it would break my heart after the years of established friendship, trust and love i have for Him. what would i do next - that only could be answered upon the time if and when it happens to me.

*knock on wood* - it hasn't happened yet. Daddy's a man of His word.

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 4:41:00 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

Im not talking some harmless white lie, Im talking a real, earth shattering, nuclear fucking bomb. What do you do? (edit: this is not a reflection of anything in my life)

Look at the reason behind it and then decide if it's something I can live with or not, and whether its something that could be repaired.

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 7:13:05 AM

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I have just been there... and for me this destroyed any trust I had in him as well has left me feeling hurt and angry, and it was a major enough issue to permanently bring the relationship to an end in my eyes..unfortunately for him ..he thought there was a strong enough mental bond to think I would willingly accept it

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 7:18:01 AM

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Withdraw trust and submission.

Depending upon the subject, and if he knew beforehand my feelings on it, I might be willing to continue talking to him or not.

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 7:24:50 AM

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I don't know what i would do. My Master is a man of integrity, if it turned he was not the man i thought he was i would be totally devastated. I would not leave him right away. I would talk to him about it, and ask him why he felt the need to lie to me. Depending on the answer i would decicde what to do. I love him so much, but what is love without trust. As least i don't have to worry about that.

Matt's littleone

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 8:05:45 AM

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I'd walk.....been there done that. Never again.

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 9:14:36 AM

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OK, so speaking from the dom side (because, bluntly, I feel just as much of a need for honor and integrity from my wife as I think she has of me), In my opinion, this is a baby and bath water type of problem. The real question is, "how much baby and how much bath water are we talking about?" I've been with my wife for 13 years. There are a LOT of really good and compelling reasons to not send her away casually. She's put a LOT of chips in the pot and can afford a mistake or two or ten... even doozies. Depending on the magnitude of damage done to my trust, there might need to be a puling apart temporarily while that is repaired. For instance, I might well decide that our current level of trust is insufficient to support our current authority dynamic and so minimize that dynamic or eliminate it entirely. But that's a temporary corrective action, not giving up entirely.

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 9:23:09 AM

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First I would withdraw and ask for time to gather my thoughts and feelings, without reacting to the action (take the emotions out of it) Then Hopefully sit down and discuss the situation in hopes for a resolve, be it the end of the relationship,or working on regaining trust, etc..Which also would depend on if the untrusting behavior is ongoing or a one time deal. So many factors come into play here.

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 9:32:11 AM

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I think among other things it depends on the scope of the "lie" and type of the "lie".

Since a D/s relationship is based so fully on trust, it really matters if that trust can be repaired. This weekend I found that my Dom (new relationship) had a huge omission. However, it was a lie of omission and its discovery and the weekend being spent repairing that breach has done nothing but made us stronger.

But if it had been a different type of lie, I probably would not have come back. I probably would have simply left. It hurts when you're really attached, but the relationship is built foremost on trust, and if trust is gone...

-silk

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