RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of

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RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 6:15:00 AM

Posts: 279
Joined: 7/29/2008
From: Connecticut
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quote:

If he had refused to speak to me for a week over it, i would have become depressed and destraut and propbably forgotten my meds most of the week.

Exactly!! And I guess this is what I was hoping to hear. While I can agree with a day or two, more than that I believe causes more damage than what it is worth. Slaves are silly creatures when left to their own devices even sillier if they think that they have been abandoned. Thanks for sharing!

Aramis

(in reply to tsatske)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 8:48:36 AM

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From: NJ
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterAramis

Slaves are silly creatures when left to their own devices even sillier if they think that they have been abandoned. Thanks for sharing!

Aramis

Did anyone else find this insulting or am i just being too sensitive?

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to MasterAramis)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 9:08:15 AM

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No I don't think so

< Message edited by AnnaOfAramis -- 9/4/2008 9:09:25 AM >

(in reply to natasha66)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 9:10:32 AM

Posts: 279
Joined: 7/29/2008
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

Did anyone else find this insulting or am i just being too sensitive?

It wasn't meant to be an insult, it's just my view on my experiences with female slaves who are not owned and that run amuck because of their deep seated need to serve. Many I have personally seen will jump at the first man that comes along that claims he has Mastered himself and is now ready to Master her. That is plane silly. I could go on an on. Slaves are very dependent creatures. Keep in mind I am referring to slaves not submissives. The latter I know nothing about.

I have been in the lifestyle for many years and have seen some things that have left me scratching my head at what slaves will do when Masterless.

Sincerely,

Aramis Duval

< Message edited by MasterAramis -- 9/4/2008 9:11:26 AM >

(in reply to natasha66)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 9:15:56 AM

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I went through feeling abandonment when One I was interested in would 'disappear' for weeks at a time with no explanation. He informed me with no hesitation that it was not for me to question, nor was I allowed to contact him for any reason other than emergency (fire department, police, or ER-type events). I felt 'shelved' until he decided to take his toy down and play with it and decided I needed more hands on than that. Of course, I constantly questioned my own submissiveness because of this and will always wonder.

(in reply to Lashra)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 9:34:20 AM

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterAramis

quote:

Did anyone else find this insulting or am i just being too sensitive?

It wasn't meant to be an insult, it's just my view on my experiences with female slaves who are not owned and that run amuck because of their deep seated need to serve. I have been in the lifestyle for many years and have seen some things that have left me scratching my head at what slaves will do when Masterless.

Sincerely,

Aramis Duval

i am one of those that need to serve, BUT i have self respect, too. "Running amuck" is definitely not my thing. I'm just sayin'.....

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to MasterAramis)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 10:47:13 AM

Posts: 279
Joined: 7/29/2008
From: Connecticut
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quote:

Of course, I constantly questioned my own submissiveness because of this and will always wonder.

May I ask you, was he up front with you on how he would handle you? Did he tell you before hand how you would be treated? In your case this does not sound like a punishment thing but more of a toy situation, we he wanted to play with you he would, other than that you were shelved? Is that right?

Aramis

(in reply to SarahnNV)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 11:59:45 AM

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This is the kind of stuff that only reaffirms why I don't do long distance or online type M/s. It's going to be really hard for me to avoid communicating with a girl that is working in the kitchen with me, bringing me coffee, or sitting at my feet to watch television in the evenings.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MasterAramis)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 12:28:47 PM

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I do not understand. One can be around someone and not talk to them for 24 hours. What does a LDR have to do with it?

C-D

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 12:43:38 PM

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I said communicate, not talk. Vast difference.

A look is communication. My body language is communication. Touch is communication. Laughter is communication. Etc etc etc......

Online none of those exist.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 9/4/2008 12:44:09 PM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to CruelDesires)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 12:56:07 PM

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

This is the kind of stuff that only reaffirms why I don't do long distance or online type M/s. It's going to be really hard for me to avoid communicating with a girl that is working in the kitchen with me, bringing me coffee, or sitting at my feet to watch television in the evenings.

Hear hear!!!!

The longest distance relationship that I could have would be an hour or so drive away. And then, in time, I want them with me because an hour is too far to drive if I just want to see them at lunch during the work day. I WANT communication on all levels with any one I am involved with. Talking on the phone, IM's, emails are ok substitutes if there is a short time between visits, but if I could only see someone once a month...that would not work for me at all.

As for ceasing communication for any length of time...I guess for some type of behavior correction 24 hours would be more than enough.

But my question to you is this: How do you have behavior issues with someone who is not in your presence? Was it not communicating?

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 12:56:40 PM

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterAramis
When I ask the question as to why, I get "well she is slave, so what?"

That is the popular way of getting rid of a slave they no longer want without appearing to be the bad guy. A Master who thinks that they can disappear from contact for as long as theyd like, and expects the salve to be sitting there and waiting patiently just because they are a slave needs a severe reality check.
How long do I intentionally go without contact? A few hours a day, and even that was grudgingly.
As a punishment, I might tell them they have a day to think about something they had done... but I would never disappear without explanation. That does nothing towards training. If you are using something to train the subject needs to know what the point of the exercise is, and how they did afterward or there is no effect from it. If I want Fox to learn to bake cookies, I need to do more than just buy the ingredients and leave them on the counter. I have to tell him what I expect him to do and follow up when it is done.
I have always found that constant contact was a far better training tool than infrequent contact. I keep myself at the forefront of their thoughts. The longer they are away from me, and out of contact, the more likely their minds are to wander.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MasterAramis)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 1:18:16 PM

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterAramis

quote:

If he had refused to speak to me for a week over it, i would have become depressed and destraut and propbably forgotten my meds most of the week.

Exactly!! And I guess this is what I was hoping to hear. While I can agree with a day or two, more than that I believe causes more damage than what it is worth. Slaves are silly creatures when left to their own devices even sillier if they think that they have been abandoned. Thanks for sharing!

Aramis

I think there is a difference between a slave, and a drama-whore.

Just saying.

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to MasterAramis)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 5:07:38 PM

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Joined: 6/11/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

That was scarily accurate.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
But in general most doms just don't know how to deal with real problems so they walk away until the sub is scared enough to shut up about it and act like it's not really a problem.

This sort of freaks me out, because I'm the type that wants to get into the nuts and bolts and what the problem is.

(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 9:20:30 PM

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterAramis
It wasn't meant to be an insult, it's just my view on my experiences with female slaves who are not owned and that run amuck because of their deep seated need to serve. Many I have personally seen will jump at the first man that comes along that claims he has Mastered himself and is now ready to Master her. That is plane silly. I could go on an on. Slaves are very dependent creatures. Keep in mind I am referring to slaves not submissives. The latter I know nothing about.

I have been in the lifestyle for many years and have seen some things that have left me scratching my head at what slaves will do when Masterless.

Sincerely,

Aramis Duval

Wow...just wow. You make it sound like slaves can't possibly survive without a Master. They must shrivel up and die without one because SURELY she can't eat, sleep, work, care for her family, pay the mortgage, etc...without that oh so precious man to do it all for her.

Sorry, I don't call that a slave. I call that a person in some deep need of some serious therapy.

(in reply to MasterAramis)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/5/2008 2:14:07 AM

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Joined: 9/24/2007
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i know this thread was directed at the Masters, but my two cents is this:

A lack of communication - especially if i don't know why -- would imply that He just doesn't give a damn about me. It'd hurt like hell, and if it lasted too long it would end the relationship. i need to serve and i can't do that if there is no communication.

As far as a punishment goes, it would be far more effective to have Him talking to me, telling me what i did wrong, how disappointed He was and what i needed to do to correct the behavior. Being in His presence, with a frown on His face and displeasure shown in His body language *shudder*-- very effective.

Our relationship is LDR. There have been times when we have gone a week or more without contact due to traveling, etc. Because these lapses were discussed in advance, it didn't bother me as much.

We speak on the phone every few days, email about the same. Not quite daily but certainly regularly, with emails from me expected at specific times. If i didn't write Him, or He didn't reply, that would be a sure sign that something was off-kilter.

_____________________________

And thus i conclude with a wish you go well,
Sweet be your dreams, may your happiness swell,
I'll leave you here, for my journey begins
i've gone to be with Him again...

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/5/2008 6:50:58 AM

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

I have a question for you all. If you have a collared slave, but she is not living with you, but is fully committed to you, how long would you go without intentionally communicating with her? In example, phone, email, text, or visiting. Also what would be the purpose of not communicating with her? Would it serve an educational or punishment purpose?

The answer is dependent on Why a person does it in the first place.

For me..... I expect constructive healthy communication... and I will shut down communication if it is becoming unhealthy or destructive. The length of time will be dependent on how long I think it will take to resume constructive dialogue....... now sometimes I will leave that to the slave.... send her away and tell her to come back when she can resume constructive communication. The length of time is not set in stone.. and can be minutes or it can be hours or days. The point is to get the results a person wants... and that is constructive dialogue. I don't see it as a punishment... becuase I am not choosing the consequence.... they will choosing it by the behaviors they demonstrate... they want a different consequence... then they need to choose different behaviors. The consequence does bring some learning or educational value but that is not the point of it. It's simply... I am not going to get into the mud with my slave... it's that simple.

Now... there is things I will do to help my slave to teach her to make different choices and how she can do that. Secondly... one needs to be very careful in how you do this... DON't make it about what they are saying!! it's How they are Saying it. If you give the impression that you sending them away because of what they are saying... you are going to have a very negative consequence of your own.... but not so obvious at first. Even bad things can be said constructively... but one also needs to be strong enough to hear bad things!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to AnnaOfAramis)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/5/2008 9:01:09 AM

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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Thank you,
I was offended on their behalf too.
OP it is not that they are silly creatures. More likely it is that they go nuts because they were in the hands of an idiot control freak who left them without the ability to judge their own self worth.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterAramis
It wasn't meant to be an insult, it's just my view on my experiences with female slaves who are not owned and that run amuck because of their deep seated need to serve. Many I have personally seen will jump at the first man that comes along that claims he has Mastered himself and is now ready to Master her. That is plane silly. I could go on an on. Slaves are very dependent creatures. Keep in mind I am referring to slaves not submissives. The latter I know nothing about.

I have been in the lifestyle for many years and have seen some things that have left me scratching my head at what slaves will do when Masterless.

Sincerely,

Aramis Duval

Wow...just wow. You make it sound like slaves can't possibly survive without a Master. They must shrivel up and die without one because SURELY she can't eat, sleep, work, care for her family, pay the mortgage, etc...without that oh so precious man to do it all for her.

Sorry, I don't call that a slave. I call that a person in some deep need of some serious therapy.

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/5/2008 9:34:31 AM

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Don't do that it is mean really mean and I for one would probably lose trust in you.

(in reply to Lashra)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/5/2008 10:01:06 AM

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Joined: 11/19/2005
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Thankyou ,littlewonder and Missokyst. you both said exactly what was going through my mind lol.

I'm a grown up,. running amok doesn't really work once you're past six years old.

(in reply to natty08)

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