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RE: Why do you put up with it? - 11/29/2005 11:43:08 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn

actually, it was verbal abuse; I just didn't quote it all here for everyone to read. AND harassment, of course, in the continued attempts to email me.

I just can't see someone being abused by another in email when it's a person you don't know or have anything invested in.

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Why do you put up with it? - 11/29/2005 12:01:50 PM   
Chaingang


Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I just can't see someone being abused by another in email when it's a person you don't know or have anything invested in.


Sheesh! Do us all a favor and buy a dictionary or use one online. This is a style difference, she is choosing one word choice over other options. You, by contrast, are asking her to express herself in language as approved by you. As if!!! You aren't even saying that you don't understand her, you are just insisting that she is using a word incorrectly when she isn't.


_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Why do you put up with it? - 11/29/2005 12:08:54 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Mercnbeth---Let Me raise My martini glass to this one, <ouch> sore hand from fist banging due to the same frustration---

quote:

Why the way Other People Act bothers You so much is a mystery to me

Personally for the same reason I don't tolerate racism, genocide, sexual abuse, rape, murder, slander, crooked politicians and bad restaurant food--I have My standards.

MHOO314


Firstly, of course, big squishy virtual hug to You, Ma'am.

Of course You have standards -- we all have standards -- unless comatose. My point was why do we get ourselves so exercised when the next guy -- in his private life which does not affect us -- has different standards than we do? Merc is taken; He and Beth are in a committed relationship. As far as i know Merc has no reason to be searching in the sense that those of us who are single search. So why does Merc or anyone else care why another Dom or Master communicates a certain way with a submissive or slave?

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 11/29/2005 12:10:12 PM >

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Why do you put up with it? - 11/29/2005 12:12:11 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang
You aren't even saying that you don't understand her, you are just insisting that she is using a word incorrectly when she isn't.


Well I think "abuse" is a serious word that should be taken seriously. I think it gets tossed around too easily and without understanding which takes away from ACTUAL abusive situations and loses perspective on them.

I'm not insisting she use my word, I'm just putting forth my ideas on the interpretation of the language.

Overuse of Abuse

(in reply to Chaingang)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Why do you put up with it? - 11/29/2005 12:13:32 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
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quote:

I send back a message simply saying thank you.
I'm just curious why you feel the need to change their approach. Just because it doesn't appeal to you doesn't mean it won't appeal to one who is their perfect match. It seems as if your tutorials are your own doing.

Aileen68


i am searching for my One. When i get a "i like your pic" email, i have been trying to help that Man communicate with ME, just in case He made a false start and may be my One after all. However, it has been tiresome and mostly fruitless and i may give up.

candystripper

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Why do you put up with it? - 11/29/2005 12:15:42 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper
i am searching for my One. When i get a "i like your pic" email, i have been trying to help that Man communicate with ME, just in case He made a false start and may be my One after all. However, it has been tiresome and mostly fruitless and i may give up.

I think you should work on learning and LISTENING to those early cues that this guy is a dork instead of ignoring them and giving them the benefit of the doubt. You've got enough cyber experience at this point at least to know the signs.

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Why do you put up with it? - 11/29/2005 12:16:11 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		ROFLMAO.

Housekeeping; cooking; food shopping; laundry; and dishes are all hard limits for me.

LOL.

candystripper

P.S. i also refuse to take out the trash.

(in reply to Sartoris32801)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Why do you put up with it? - 11/29/2005 12:19:19 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

So why does Merc or anyone else care why another Dom or Master communicates a certain way with a submissive or slave?


Why do you tutor your "suitors"? We are cut from the same "helpful" cloth.

We're hoping you find exactly what you seek and are confident you will. Good luck!

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Why do you put up with it? - 11/29/2005 12:20:46 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
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quote:

Just this weekend I had a "slave" approach me. He had a list of requirements a zillion miles long. The instant I started explaining what *I* was looking for, he jumped all down my throat (for not instantingly agreeing to his, uh, terms), called me a fake, and started abusing me. Then he sent me an email telling me not to email him any more *(like I was going to!). Then he sent me another email, which I deleted without reading and put him on ignore. Then he logged in on another account and sent me another email, which from the name I had a good clue who it was, so I deleted that too and put that name also on ignore. And I'm thinking, this is SUBMISSIVE????!!!!!!!!!!!

Cripes!

LadyMorgynn


O Lordy...fools for everyone. And here i thought submissives had that cornered. LOL. Now what we need is someone to join this bitch-fest and decide who won...who suffers the most fools? Maybe we can persuade Lam to act as judge. i sure miss LROD.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 11/29/2005 12:21:16 PM >

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Why do you put up with it? - 11/29/2005 12:26:47 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

i am searching for my One. When i get a "i like your pic" email, i have been trying to help that Man communicate with ME, just in case He made a false start and may be my One after all. However, it has been tiresome and mostly fruitless and i may give up.

candystripper


I look at it as this... How someone approaches me is represntative of how he is in life. If his message is rude then I assume he is rude. If it's to the point and clearly stated then that's probably how he is and how he expresses himself. Rather than try to change how they correspond I just waited for the one that showed up and said what I needed to hear and said it how I needed to hear it. You can't change people to fit how you would like them to be. All that does is use up your energy and time, which you admitted has been happening. You have a criteria that you want met. We all do, but it seems lately that, based on the recent threads that you've started, you've become somewhat preoccupied with trying to change what can't be changed...how people approach you and what they say to you. It takes much less energy to just skip over who doesn't connect. You're female and it seems as if you've forgotten how to trust that wonderful intuition that we all have. Just my view based on your recent postings.

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Why do you put up with it? - 11/29/2005 12:34:04 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
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quote:

I look at it as this... How someone approaches me is represntative of how he is in life. If his message is rude then I assume he is rude. If it's to the point and clearly stated then that's probably how he is and how he expresses himself. Rather than try to change how they correspond I just waited for the one that showed up and said what I needed to hear and said it how I needed to hear it. You can't change people to fit how you would like them to be. All that does is use up your energy and time, which you admitted has been happening. You have a criteria that you want met. We all do, but it seems lately that, based on the recent threads that you've started, you've become somewhat preoccupied with trying to change what can't be changed...how people approach you and what they say to you. It takes much less energy to just skip over who doesn't connect. You're female and it seems as if you've forgotten how to trust that wonderful intuition that we all have. Just my view based on your recent postings.

Aileen68


i am about convinced you are right; no Man who writes "i liked your pic" is ever gonna turn out to be my One. Much frustration later, i am willing to concede if a Man cannot communicate and read, well, it's a waste of my time to email Him anything apart from "TY".

My Op posts lately have not been an effort to change people, just a sharing of things i have made note of in my life that might be worth discussing or that might help someone else. i may kvetch in a post, but i try not to start whole threads on kvetching.

candystripper

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Why do you put up with it? - 11/29/2005 1:45:41 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		After reading this, I actually went and took a look at my profile, just to see if I had put in a 'laundry list' so to speak. While I do ask, ok, I don't ask, I make it plain and simple...while I make it plain and simple that there are a few things I WILL not do right away, I don't feel that they are unreasonable requests. I basically let it be known right off the bat that I will not cyber, my phone number is private until I feel comfortable, and my picture, well, if we find a common ground right away, I am more than willing to send. I think I get into the 'stubborn' mindset when someone emails me and says right off the bat 'give me your messenger, your phone and a photo', all before even saying hello.

/shrug

I do understand what you are saying though, that we place too many restrictions on taking those first steps to get to know someone. And yes, I believe that in the long run, we are short-changing ourselves.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Why do you put up with it? - 11/29/2005 2:41:40 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I basically let it be known right off the bat that I will not cyber, my phone number is private until I feel comfortable, and my picture, well, if we find a common ground right away, I am more than willing to send. I think I get into the 'stubborn' mindset when someone emails me and says right off the bat 'give me your messenger, your phone and a photo', all before even saying hello.


Irish,
Those aren't hoops or even a laundry list. You are very wise to avoid any cyber play. Refusal indicates your goal of meeting is firm. More than anything else you can do, it will keep away most of the one handed web surfers who seek to use you in lieu of paying for phone sex. Do it once, and it's like feeding a stray cat - they'll be back, usually when most inconvenient.

You go on being stubborn and you'll achieve what you seek. The phone, photo, and meeting should be a given only when you're comfortable giving. Just like all the rest of you that you have to give. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to see, if nothing else, this thread has made some think of something from another perspective.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Why do you put up with it? - 11/29/2005 5:22:24 PM   
Chaingang


Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah, I agree that some basic info about who you are and some minimal requirements is not out of the way in a profile. I just read your profile, Irishmist, and I don't find it noteworthy by way of asking for anything unexpected. I myself do not cyber or do phone sex or any of that nonsense. But I will give my photo to just about anyone because, as it happens, it's not a photo of me holding my dick from the perspective of someone about to suck it; no, it's just a picture of me standing somewhere in my house, fully dressed and no evidence of my giant penis.

There are much longer laundry lists which once they go on too long actually just become funny. You get to that third journal page of stuff "she" wants and it just starts to scream something like "delusional" or "high maintenance" or what have you.

The moon and the stars aren't enough for some people it seems.

There are gals here that basically want a Dom that is over 6 ft, in great shape, makes a cajillion bucks a year, is fantastically well-hung, better looking than Brad Pitt, isn't poly, isn't bi, doesn't switch, understands the needs of her and her 6 children, etc. etc. etc...

What you don't see much of is what they offer in return. I used to have a more detailed profile but I gave it up for actual conversation. My old profile used to detail my experience and what I offered. Why aren't some of these clueless people listing what's so great about them that they merit strict conformity with their exhaustive requirements? Even when I see a pretty face I immediately think "What else have you got, lady?" Being attractive by itself is absolutely not enough.

And then there are the lists of what they won't do. Now excuse the fuck out of me, but this is a BDSM styled personals site, so when a woman lists so many things that she won't do I begin to wonder what she does do that makes her think she belongs here in the first place. There is on person I laughingly call "the blob" that has so many things that she won't do that it makes my head spin. The reason she is here is that she is married and is interested in ONE fairly extreme and unique type of play. Right off, I won't play second fiddle to some lame-ass husband. I know guys are supposed to just want to "hit it" and not care - but I do care, and she won't let you hit it anyway. All she wants is for someone to indulge her one unique interest. Good christ, if that's all I get she should probably be paying me $300 an hour as a kind of therapist - I mean, what's in it for me? I am also stunned by the number of people seeking "discrete" as if I didn't intend to occasionally leave marks on them. And the lameness just goes on and on...

Fuck that bullshit. I'd rather use my good right-hand from here until doomsday before lowering myself to the standards of these fools. If their current relationship/s is/are a disaster, what hopes should I have in becoming involved with such a person?

So sorry, Irishmist, if you want to make the "chuckle out loud list" you will have to make your profile stand out a lot more! Maybe you could add in the requirement that all people contacting you should be "wealthier than Bill Gates."


_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Why do you put up with it? - 11/29/2005 5:50:54 PM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		CandyStripper -

Five of us got together this evening in the NYC area -

We decided that we could live with your demands as long as there is copius sex involved - and, we will have to negotiate the trash thing...

We do not want to be your "one" we will be your quintet.

Let us know where the negotiations go from here.

~J

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Why do you put up with it? - 11/29/2005 5:59:46 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		a garden variety slut



Hmm I think I'll have to make a nick name called Garden Variety slut now, that sounds so catchy:P

(in reply to Webmaster60)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Why do you put up with it? - 11/30/2005 5:07:06 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

So sorry, Irishmist, if you want to make the "chuckle out loud list" you will have to make your profile stand out a lot more! Maybe you could add in the requirement that all people contacting you should be "wealthier than Bill Gates."


Darn, you mean I can't shoot for higher than Bill Gates?

(in reply to Chaingang)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Why do you put up with it? - 11/30/2005 5:40:47 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Been an interesting thread to read this morning while sipping my tea. Its funny... when I was in school I was referred to as a dreamer, there weren't many of us. These days I think I'm living in a world full of dreamers who can't wake up. Funny how much 20 years changes things... where did the time go?

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Why do you put up with it? - 11/30/2005 6:08:45 AM   
justatoy2


Posts: 163
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		i see both sides on this issue. Its hard as a female on this site or similar sites. We have to week through alot of mail. Most of it being one liners or "submit to me" emails. So i don't think its unreasonable for a submissive to have a list of what she would prefer in a profile. For example i prefer men over 40. Thats not to say i would never consider one under 40, its just a preference. I am a person first and foremost with certain likes and dislikes. That however does not make me any less or more of a submissive. And as a person why shouldn't i have a high standard from which i live? Why should i settle just because im submissive? However i do see the OP's point as well. I was reading a profile the other day on a male sub, who stated the long list of his kinks that she must adhere to, and then stated something to the affect that he would worship her with his tongue after she earned that right...i was like huh?? I have never heard of a Dominant having to earn a right of being licked!! So i had to laugh at that one.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Why do you put up with it? - 11/30/2005 7:06:28 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		toy,
There are two sides, but ultimately you have to place high consideration of your goal. If a dominant did ever reply to a list of demands I would question that he really met the most important one - Dominance. You should question it too.

I directed this thread's question to the dominate side of the equation. A common reply from the submissive side, and a very important one was addressing the flood of mail that submissives receive, especially female submissives. Considering that beth is part of a couple and still gets plenty of mail I bet it's even worse for a single.

I thought of it in terms of the resumes I receive when I post for a position with my company. 95% don't qualify - discarded. 4% want/need more than I'm willing to give - discarded. 0.9% qualify on paper, but validating their information results in discovering lies. Of the 0.1% remaining they get to come in and talk, and from them I pick one. Use the same pragmatic approach to what you receive. Eliminate the 95% without comment and weed through the rest.

Remember, your profile is also your resume. Say enough to be interesting. Try your best to use the "one page" approach. The second pages of resumes are rarely read, if they have three pages they never make the first cut. Make it short, simple, interesting. Make the reader curious about you. A reader shouldn't say; "Damn! This just goes on and on and on....". Tricks like asking questions to make the reader think will set you apart. Conversely on the response side or the unsolicited email sending side; note something about the other profile and highlight how you mesh with a quality or trait of the person.

Getting 300 emails to weed through is no fun. Maybe this will help the sort process.

(in reply to justatoy2)
Profile   Post #: 60
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