|
MmeGigs -> RE: married sub - how to tell my wife (9/22/2008 4:19:09 PM)
|
This was posted to a femdom newsgroup eons ago. I got permission from the author to repost it. I no longer know where he is or what he's doing, but I assume that he wouldn't mind me posting it here. I think that it's the best thing I've ever read on the subject.
SEDUCING YOUR WIFE.
Not that I'm an expert, but an internet friend familiar with my story suggested that I write a brief summary of how to seduce a latently dominant wife. For what its worth, here goes:
1. Give her the benefits of your submission without expecting any domination in return. Let her feel what it is like to have her loving mate tend to her nails, draw her bath, cook her meals, brush her hair, all without any expectation. Women are scary in how easily they pick up on feelings and she may just clue into the d/s energy even if she has no name for the feelings.
2. Do not discourage any kind of reaction to your submission. A loving wife may well react to your catering by responding in kind. Let her feel what it is like to serve, if she wishes, without expressing disapproval. She may come to understand your perspective.
3. Be subtle. Why put lables on things, like BDSM or torture except to push your own buttons. Let her feel your adoration without any expectation or scary lables being applied. Instead of droping to all fours to kiss her feet, why not go rent a movie she would like, make popcorn and sit at her feet with the one bowl. Don't make a big deal of it, just see how it fits for you as a couple.
4. Get off the internet for a time. Commit to her, not to some unrealistic fantasy that could never be and if it did come to be, you might not like.
5. Communicate. I was an idiot. My wife had as much at stake in our 15+ year marriage as did I. We both love each other and there was no way, I now know, she would let my kink drive us apart. It took a long while before I could tell her directly I was not genuinely happy unless she was in charge, but we did get there. I suspect many women would be thrilled to learn their husband's fantasies and that they will be living them out with their mates. My wife is still a little hurt I took so long to "come out" to her with my desires.
6. Submit. By this I mean, accept that she will ultimately determine how far and in what direction you go. My wife is not into harsh punishment. She is more apt to cancel rewards (like a spanking) than she is to hurt me if I disobey. As it turns out, this is actually a better way to control me as otherwise I'd be provoking to get punishment.
Accept that part of your submission may be that having learned your fantasy she may not go entirely in the direction of your choosing. Knowing that your wife is genuinely in charge of how you will submit is a lot more satisfying in the long run than checking off a list of things you want her to do to you.
7. Relax and remember how it was to start. Do not expect DS to immediately replace every aspect of a loving relationship. Let it start as adventurous play and mature into something more permanent in the long term. So many men are at the top of the BDSM learning curve and forget that this is new to their wives and how even a little d/s "play" can thrill a beginner. Let her have her first experiences without digruntlement or disatisfaction as to how "mild" the play may seem to a jaded internet junkie.
I have found that mild but very real submission to my wife is more exciting and satisfying than any contrived hard core chat room scene. You won't get to hang up on this woman the minute you cum. This woman will know your desires even when you are in another context. There is a multiplier effect at work when you submit to your wife that is well worth a little patient love.
|
|
|
|
