GoddessDustyGold
Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I have an honest question about your ideal TPE relationship and how it relates to money. Is your desire to have control of the finances related to:
* Getting satisfaction out of having complete control
* Getting satisfaction out of controlling money in particular
* Knowledge that you feel best equipped to manage the money and it's easier to have one person doing it
* Knowledge that you will set up a pretty good barrier to entry and only get men who really THINK about TPE before saying "Sign me up!" (you are right, the fastest way to scare them off is mention of their wallet.)
Is it a combination of these things, or one thing in particular, or something I'm totally missing?
I absolutely hate dealing with money. I hate paying bills, I hate doing Estimated Tax Returns, I hate balancing the checkbook and I hate financial planning. In fact, "hate" isn't even a strong enough word; I have such a distaste for it that I am financially irresponsble to a fault, regardless of HOW much money I am making. Therefore, I realized pretty early on my options were to have my partner handle it (if he were good with money) OR getting a financial planner/CPA that would work extremely close with my money, down to giving me an allowance.
I don't like dealing with money, it's a bother. I just like knowing I have it, and I can spend it when and how I want. In that sense, I have control of the money in this relationship. More importantly, I have total control because I *make every penny of it* when it comes right down to it. He doesn't have a job. I've always figured he doesn't have a job because he's a better domestic (and he enjoys it) and I need help with my business anyway. But as I think more about it, I didn't *like* it when he was making money.
I don't care how he spends "our" money, but the fact that I earn it ensures that he asks before he does anything. In that sense, I do have complete control of the finances. I don't worry about it much because he is meticulous with money and I'm the reckless one.
It makes me wonder if I essentially crave the same thing you do, but the fact that I don't like "physically" dealing with finances is an obstacle to acheive that. In a roundabout way I've accomplished a similar scenario. Not the same, but kind of similar.
Akasha
Very good questions!
And I am going to be brutally honest in My answer.
I also hate dealing with finances. But I do it, every month. I pay My bills. I also like knowing I have money to spend, or even just money to cover the cost of living each month. I am not careless with it, and I definitely know how to stretch a dollar. I raised 2 kids on very little, and when I hear of people who can't make it on 3 times the amount of My annual income, I have to admit, it gets My goat.
Money = power. And it is the power I want. It is also a very major thing with the boys.
I do derive the most satisfaction out of having complete control and that includes the money.
I also have the knowledge that a boy will wash out real fast if he refuses to consider the fact that I will control the money.
And yes, I do feel I am very capable of handling and determining the household budget. In fact, I think it is My duty, as the Dominant, to make those determinations. If the boy is just as capable, then I might get input from time to time regarding special purchases, or extra expenditures, but I still won't give over the money to him, just because he is good at it. I am just as good, or better. And I control it.
I do not get any satisfaction out of controlling money, per se. To Me it is just a thing. Admittedly, it is an important thing, but still only a thing.
As to Me hating to pay the bills...well, I won't. What I will do is set up the budget, and make sure the income is there to handle all necessary monthly expenses. Then the boy will handle making out checks and bringing them to Me to sign. He will balance the checkbook. He will figure out the taxes, or a CPA will be hired for the task. And he will be on a limited allowance with permission to purchase the necessary items I allow. *I ALLOW*
I don't mind planning, or setting up a budget, or figuring out if I should purchase something, or wait on the purchase. In fact, I am very good at that. I don't like writing the checks. But I don't really have to. I would have a boy to do that for Me.
As far as investments, if the boy has a good head, and experience in such things, I certainly will make use of that knowledge. If not, then, again, I would hire a professional to help with those decisions.
I also have spoken with many boys who have been okay with TPE as far as their monthly income or paychecks are concerned. After all, they are living with Me, so they could consider that part of their living expenses. That is a good way for them to justify allowing control over that. However, I often hear, "but I'm not going to sell My condo, or you can't touch My savings account, or I need to keep the gold card", and ya know what? The minute I hear it, they are out the door. Not because I wanted the condo sold, or I was going to insist that they turn over the savings account, but because they began to dictate how far I could go. They jump the gun and make an assumption. It is the first hint to Me that they are not going to be a good boy. They are still going to figure out a way to hang onto some control/power. Maybe I would have determined that the condo would create a nice, positive cash flow while it continued to build equity. I probably have little interest in the savings account, but I would fix it so it becomes untouchable without My permission. And I won't touch a retirement fund. In fact, I insist it continues to be added to. And yes, I would take away the gold card. It would be put away. It is not to be used without My permission. It is what *I ALLOW*.
Money is a very powerful thing. I am the power in the relationship. If I don't control the money, IMO, I don't have all the the power. That is what a TPE means to Me. It is as simple as that.
What you have done, in essense, Aakasha, is created a comfortable environment where your husband doesn't earn any money. And you earn enough for both. You are already aware that if he was earning money (perhaps this happened), he might feel more inclined to not defer to your ultimate decisions. Maybe he had more of a stake in the household, because he was one of the breadwinners. Or maybe he didn't ever act on that idea, but you always had that idea in the back of your mind that some of this belonged to him and it took away part of your power base. You would have to think that through for yourself. In a sense, although you have a good, strong relationship, and you trust him with the finances, you still have made him dependent in a certain way by becoming the sole breadwinner. Male Doms do this often. They are the major breadwinner, and sometimes they will not take in a femsub unless she agrees not to work. If she does work, and there is enough money in the household, then often, her money is simply put by, for her, and/or for a rainy day. And if the income is needed for the household, there doesn't seem to be this same drama regarding money.
I will take a boy with less income, but who has been prudent with his money, and is not loaded down with so many bills he almost has a negative cash flow, to a boy who is loaded to the gills but tells Me that no one is going to tell him what to do with his money. It's the principle of it.
Money = Power. You already know this, and you have already effected your power in your way. It really isn't just about the play. It really is about the power.
< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 2/5/2006 9:17:05 PM >
_____________________________
Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom
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