HotMistress22
Posts: 58
Joined: 3/23/2008
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In the passion of it all one can loose touch with personal safety. Some pre-measures need to be in place if you are a Female whether Dominant or submissive.
Disclaimer: Everyone’s risk tolerance levels are different. Some are more stringent than others when it comes to personal safety, I have adopted the most stringent route.
I spent months on this site talking to a few (multiplied by many accts they have). They would not go away. When I was on to them they simply would create another acct profile etc. Basically ones who wanted online cybersex only, wasting my time when they knew I was only into RT. Once I implemented the protocol below..well a series of protocols, they all went away. And now my success rate has been very satisfying:)
Here is my protocol I use to not only determine that the potential date is a real person and wants to sincerely meet me in RT but also I have the information I need to do background checks to make sure he is safe and sane.
I invite him for a cyber date via web cam. I tell him that during the cyber date I will need to see a Drivers License (pic and DL number.), Vehicle registration and a utility bill in their name. With this information (utility bill) I can confirm their name and where they live. With their address and name I can do free public records searches in the county they live in to screen for criminal/civil records etc. With the drivers license info I can check their age and confirm profile pic similarities and with the vehicle registration I can find out the vehicle's make, model, year and license plate number.
Finally to verify this information I ask the potential date to hold up the above-mentioned documentation up close to the web cam until I am able to get the clearest image. The potential date may need to adjust room lighting so that I am able to see numbers etc.
Here is another protocol I found on the net years ago that I use and agree with.
Mind you it was written from a Male Doms perspective. I feel there is no difference in my mind in a Femdom relationship..Generally the Females safety is Paramount. Lets face it even though I am a lifestyle Female dominant, Realistically I am 125 lbs wet with an attitude:)
http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Ds/1st_meeting.htm
Use your common sense, listen to your Inner Voice and THINK! This cannot be stressed enough... especially for newcomers to the lifestyle/lovestyle.
I am often amazed at the lack of common sense that both women and men use when setting up a meeting with a prospective partner. In the vanilla world, there is probably every bit as much danger as in this lifestyle in a first time meeting; however, in a world where consent is the difference between an assault and battery or a great "scene/session", I would expect to know a whole lot about someone before meeting them in RT. While there are no "rules" as such about how to meet/what to do at the first meeting, etc., I'd like to offer some guidelines I use and what information I require before meeting someone for the first time.
First off, I want to know where they live and what kind of living arrangements they have (i.e., are they married? have a roommate? a significant other? other family?). I want the address and phone number and expect to call them at this number sometime before the meeting. Obviously, if they are married, calling them at home probably won't happen, but then a work number is essential (something that will verify the ability of getting in touch after the meeting).
Second, I want to know where they work, their job title, the address and phone of their employer (and this must be verifiable somehow, either by doing an "employment check" like a personnel officer or bank officer would do).
Third, I want to know the make, model, color, year and license plate number of the car they are going to drive, and to whom it is registered since this person may not be the registrant of the vehicle.
Fourth, and perhaps most important, I want some proof of a blood test for STD and HIV available for me to see when I meet the person (though this could wait until the second or even third meeting, but I must see this before playing with them). I would not accept a photocopy as they are too easily altered.
The most important thing I want to get across to submissives (of either sex) is this: you are primarily responsible for your own safety in any given situation. This means that if you are uncomfortable... either say so and/or leave the meeting. Don't place yourself into situations that could be beyond your control until you really know the prospective partner and have a sense of trust about them. And, for heaven's sake, be responsible for your own *escape* from a situation; do not get into anyone's car that you do not know extremely well! Drive your own car (or if you don't drive, be sure to have the number of a local cab company, plus change for a public phone as well as the money to pay the cabfare; and locate the public phone before you sit down for this first meeting).
Do not give out a lot of personal information online or in email or on the phone. Don't, for instance, give them the address of where you work or the exact address of where you live. Also, it is not a good idea to give someone your work number until you have known them for a lengthy period of time. Always meet at a public place, preferably during daylight hours. Never have a stranger come to your house as the place for the first meeting.
A very dear friend of mine has a pretty good *measure* of one's level of trust of a prospective partner: If you would lend your ATM card (with PIN number) to this person (or your credit cards), you probably know them well enough to have a pretty high degree of trust in them. Surely, if you wouldn't trust someone with your money, you'd not trust them with your life.
Another thing I hear quite often is that a submissive feels they are ready to meet their prospective dominant and yet they are too embarrassed to talk about the "activities" that they may be doing in a scene. If you cannot talk about a particular "activity" trust me to tell you that you are NOT ready to DO that activity!
THINK before you act; go slowly... and then slow down from there. There are NO guarantees that even after that bond of trust and respect is felt that things cannot go wrong when you play, but negotiating even the tiniest detail will help insure that there is open communication and that you will not be (hopefully) pushed beyond your limits.
There is a hyperlink to Jay Wiseman's "famous" Negotiation Form on my website; print it out and USE IT.
_____________________________
Come see Me at:
http://www.MistressPlanet.com
Where Dreams Come True.
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