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"Hard limits" - 9/25/2008 11:11:40 AM

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Do you decide what you hard limits are after you experienced them, or you list certain things as hard limits simply because you are apprehensive?

For example, someone who has never experienced knife play before lists it as a hard limit. He does not know anything about knife play, but the word "knife" just scares him off. One day someone ties him down and forces him to experience it, and he finds out that its quite fun.

If your dom/sub suggests that you try out something you listed as a hard limit, but have little or no prior knowledge of, will you let him/her?

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RE: "Hard limits" - 9/25/2008 11:21:53 AM

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I only list something as a hard limit if it is something I've tried and didn't enjoy at all (like face slapping) or if it's something that completely grosses me out and I just could never bring myself to do it (like foot worship..ewwwwwww!!!!

). Other than that, I try to always remain open minded and try something at least once. My attitude is, I don't know if I'll like it unless I actually try it. If it's something I'd prefer not to do, or I'm not comfortable with, I'll certainly mention that, but I wouldn't say it was a hard limit and would leave it up to negotiation

**Edited to add** I LOVE your sig line zakkan! Achmed rules!!!

< Message edited by jezzabelle -- 9/25/2008 11:31:43 AM >

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RE: "Hard limits" - 9/25/2008 11:24:00 AM

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My hard limits apart from the usual ones, are usually things that I have had experience of, though not in a D/s relationship.
These things will often cause violent reactions

.
If someone was to ever tie me down to test a limit,...........well let's just say it won't be pretty when I'm untied.
x

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RE: "Hard limits" - 9/25/2008 11:29:45 AM

RCdc

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Hello Zakkan
I don't limit myself.

the.dark.

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RE: "Hard limits" - 9/25/2008 11:29:57 AM

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I don't have hard limits, in fact i don't have limits other than those Sir sets.

However if i did i would always try something before setting it as a hard limit.

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RE: "Hard limits" - 9/25/2008 11:36:31 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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I save hard limits for things that I have absolutely no interest in participating in, usually because I know what is involved in them, and I've had the opportunity to experience them and decided that once was enough (or more than enough). A couple of things on my hard-limit list are things that I'm just constitutionally not suited to or things that are health issues, as well. To me, the 'hard limit' list is just that -- it's the things that you don't touch, never would touch, or absolutely -can't- touch. It isn't just for things you don't think you'll like. That's what soft limits are for.

My general rule is that I'm willing to try most things once -- but if someone tries to push something on me, whether it's an idea or an action, they're liable to find themselves hustled out the door with my foot firmly planted on their ass... and that is regardless of whether it is something I'd normally enjoy or something I can't stand. Just the act of pushing me makes it something I am -not- going to do. Yes, I am stubborn -- so sue me.

CFB

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RE: "Hard limits" - 9/25/2008 12:14:34 PM

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From: Georgia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zakkan

Do you decide what you hard limits are after you experienced them, or you list certain things as hard limits simply because you are apprehensive?

I have not experienced any of my hard limits nor do I wish to which is why they're hard limits instead of soft limits. Not all of my limits are due to "simply" being apprehensive, although electroplay is out because I have an intense fear of being shocked. Some of them are for health reasons, like sounds. I get frequent urinary tract infections. I don't need anyone putting anything in my urethra that doesn't belong there and causing irritation or inflammation. Some are due to the ick factor involved, like scat. I couldn't change my own son's diapers without retching.

quote:

ORIGINAL: zakkan

For example, someone who has never experienced knife play before lists it as a hard limit. He does not know anything about knife play, but the word "knife" just scares him off. One day someone ties him down and forces him to experience it, and he finds out that its quite fun.

Or....someone ties him down and forces him to expeience it, and someone winds up a bloody mess because he totally freaks out. If I say don't ever do it and someone goes and does it anyway, especially while I'm helpless to do anything about it, that's the end of everything for me (the end of the scene, the end of the trust and respect, and the end of the relationship), otherwise known as a deal breaker.

quote:

ORIGINAL: zakkan

If your dom/sub suggests that you try out something you listed as a hard limit, but have little or no prior knowledge of, will you let him/her?

First, he'll probably get "the look." Then, I might consider it for a minute before saying no. Actually, I'll probably be considering my choice of words. I would prefer not to be pressured into doing something that I've already stated I don't ever want to do. I think it's disrespectful to disregard my feelings about something as well as an insult to my intelligence. I don't always have to try something to know I won't like it. Believe me, if I ever change my mind, he'll be the first to know!

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When you're going down on me
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RE: "Hard limits" - 9/25/2008 12:48:26 PM

shivermetimbers

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Most of my hard limits are from apprehension. However, I could be enticed to try them under circumstances where I am confident my safety is assured. A good example is being placed into the trunk of a car. I work with head injury patients, and had a patient who had an anoxic brain injury from being thrown in the trunk of a car with no way to release the safety latch from the inside. There was a leak into the trunk from the exhaust. It was a prank gone bad. If my partner had a scene in mind involving that, I would have to know the exact vehicle to be used, and know exactly where the latch was, and able to engage it. That would kind of take the fun out of the whole scene though I would think.

I have only engaged in two activities that have become a hard limit, but it is more of a modification of the activities then an outright banishment. All and all, I think I'm very open to any form of play my partner may desire. As long as she is knowledgable about what we are to engage in, I'm willing to go to new places I've never visited.

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RE: "Hard limits" - 9/25/2008 12:58:25 PM

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Greetings Eeveryone
greetings zakkan

i'd like to say i have none, but that wouldn't be truthful. when others say "i don't have any limits other than what my Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme/Top says i do," well .... hmmm. that seems a bit of a half-truth, as they've most likely picked a Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme/Top that won't do what the sub has as a limit anyway, so the sub doesn't have to have any limits. for example, i don't do scat, if i have no limits except what my Master tells me, then i most likely knew before He became my Master He doesn't do scat either ......... see?

but, i digress. i used to think i had no hard limits until i saw my first 5-page fetish checksheet. there were things on there i couldn't even figure out what they were let alone whether i wanted to try them. plus, after having been around dungeons and kinksters for several years, i've come up with ~~

i have soft limits (those i'm more than willing to try with the right person and not necessarily the one that owns me) but not with just anyone. i have hard-soft limits, which are the ones i can eventually be willing to try with, most likely, the one that owns me, and i have hard limits. two of my not-so-common hard limits include: forced smoking and any kind of dental play. dental play you ask? yep, no one is getting in my mouth and messing with my teeth - i just cannot cannot cannot handle it.

now that being said - i've tried Lots of things, and i'm realllllllly open minded to trying Lots more. but there are a number of fetishes that fall into the above categories. just not that many.

well wishes,
gemmie

edited for typos

< Message edited by justgemmie -- 9/25/2008 1:00:46 PM >

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RE: "Hard limits" - 9/25/2008 1:00:50 PM

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I have one personal hard limit that I developed from life experience: I won't lie to myself.

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RE: "Hard limits" - 9/25/2008 1:02:28 PM

ranja

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most peoples hard limits are scat and children...
and i think it is irresponsible and very stupid to tie somebody up and then break their trust
suggestions can always be made...things intrigue if brought to attention in an tempting way, no pressure, just suggestion yeah that'll get me

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RE: "Hard limits" - 9/25/2008 1:03:11 PM

littlemisssnarf

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gosh - who knows what is a true hard limit until they attempt to break through it - i think a huge amount depends on the trust and dynamic within a relationship.... i know what i THINK mine are.... but have already been proven wrong on some....

i guess some barriers can be pushed through with care and others just get deeper foundations - tis all about the discovery!

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RE: "Hard limits" - 9/25/2008 1:03:49 PM

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From: The Land of Voodoo
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zakkan

Do you decide what you hard limits are after you experienced them, or you list certain things as hard limits simply because you are apprehensive?

For example, someone who has never experienced knife play before lists it as a hard limit. He does not know anything about knife play, but the word "knife" just scares him off. One day someone ties him down and forces him to experience it, and he finds out that its quite fun.

If your dom/sub suggests that you try out something you listed as a hard limit, but have little or no prior knowledge of, will you let him/her?

My hard limits are only a few, generally from either phobias I have (needles and fire) or things I personally find repulsive (scat, cuckolding, and listening to Avril Lavigne, for example). Mistress respects my views on those, so I don't worry. I'm usually pretty open-minded and am very much a freak and generally a fucked up individual, so for something to disturb me enough to make it a hard limit, it is very serious.

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RE: "Hard limits" - 9/25/2008 1:14:38 PM

Usako

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There are some things I don't have to try to know I NEVER want to do it, like scat or drinking piss. No man/woman on Earth or on any other planet will get me to do either of those two things.

There are other things I may not like but may or may not try. That's of course a longer list which may inclusde a hard limit but since I've never thought of or been faced with most of those things I can't list or even think of them off the top of my head. Sometimes you do need to try something once to know you don't like it...but other things you just sort of know. At least for me anyway.

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RE: "Hard limits" - 9/25/2008 1:33:40 PM

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~FR~
Limits are a funny thing. If the person setting the limits is doing so out of self preservation and in an attempt to top from the bottom by directing activities and things that could be done during play time, then shame shame on you girl....but if you really feel that doing action a or having action a done to you would end your emotional world...then by all means hard limit it up.
The big three(and i only add the third in a vain attempt to hide the idea that its prolly not as bad as the other two...hehe)are usually things that a sane person would consider to be absolutely unsafe or unhealthy or inconceivable. Those are hard limits....
Everything else is a preference..."i prefer not to stick your dirty toes in my mouth after you have been working all day and went to the gym at lunch" Now aside from the toe jam and lint and ugh...sweat that would be unavoidable...i doubt greatly that being coerced into sucking a toe or two would cause you to be hospitalized...either on medsurg or psych....i can see how foot worship could logically be placed on the soft limits column and if written small enough may be overlooked when hes perusing for new avenues of humiliation and torture as youre busy cleaning up after supper one nite.
When adding to my limits list i try to apply the addage...is this the hill i want to die on?....is this action sooo heinous that i can not only not continue on in a relationship with this person, but i may have to off myself in an attempt to expunge my moral record...or is it just disgusting to you and youd rather put your eye out than do it.

Hey...didnt we just do a thread on limits....where is that LA when we need her....??

one-eyed perse
"arrrghhh, me mateys"

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RE: "Hard limits" - 9/25/2008 1:36:41 PM

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My hard limits are either things I can't do for health reasons, or for moral ones.

When playing more casually with someone, there are more limits, because I don't know them and don't trust them yada yada yada. There was an occasion when I specified a limit at the start of play, was very clear on the "don't do this" point, was then tied up and blindfolded, only to find the guy most enthusiastically *doing* it. Whilst what he did isn't on my list of hard limits, it's not something I have ever enjoyed since.

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RE: "Hard limits" - 9/25/2008 2:15:04 PM

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From: Dublin, Ireland
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it all comes down to trust with me - but then again shouldn't it?

If that person can get in my head - they can do pretty much what they like...

. They've kinda earned it - i put up so many barriers!

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RE: "Hard limits" - 9/25/2008 2:16:47 PM

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My hard limits are there because I do know what they are through experience. It has nothing to do with the man I am involved with, it has everything to do with personal experience. Unless someone is willing to accept broken bones as a result, then those limits stay in place.
All other limits are there because I dont know my partner well enough to trust him to go there, OR, that I do know him well enough to know that it is likely to go south.
Hard limits are mine.
Other limits are what I have for my partner.
Kyst

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RE: "Hard limits" - 9/25/2008 2:20:10 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

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my hard limits come from things i will never try or have any interest in. some i list i consider unhealthy or just purely gross or disgusting. and "MEN" are at the top of my hard limits

'nuff said

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RE: "Hard limits" - 9/25/2008 3:40:53 PM

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Both and more.

A certain amount of apprehension may be okay, but I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and more than a small amount means I will have a panic attack. Causing an outbreak of mental illness qualifies as doing harm in my book.

Beyond that, I'm 53 years old. If in all those years I have never been able to face eating Spam, it isn't going to suddenly happen that it will be my most favorite food.

I know myself. I have had many years of living with myself and I see no reason to seek out a relationship in which control is defined simply as making me do stuff I don't like. Life is full of stuff that we don't like, a relationship that shares emotional intimacy is supposed to be something we do like, and love.

Basically though, my limits are stuff that are illegal, that I consider morally reprehensible, and stuff that the sheer thought of causes me to panic. And sometimes things that seemed doable ahead of time turn out not to be in reality and get added to the list. Plus there are things he can do now that he couldn't do then, because there was not a sufficient amount of trust or history between us to enable me to know that he does know what he's doing, and that he'll take care of me afterwards even if afterwards turns out to be six months worth of work to regain where I was beforehand.

If I was starting over with someone new, my list would be longer because I wouldn't trust them to be there long term nor know them well enough to know what their response would be, and if I would want them there long term.

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