RE: When Enough is Enough (Full Version)

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DesFIP -> RE: When Enough is Enough (10/5/2008 5:44:25 PM)

I stayed longer than I should have. He became emotionally abusive after our oldest developed severe mental illness. But she was so unstable I was afraid it would be more than she could take if he left. She loved/loves him anyway. It took him grabbing her and slamming her head into the wall to say enough. I only wish I had called the police.

The sad thing is that even then I didn't throw him out. I made it clear next time I would call the cops and that if he wanted to stay he had six months to get help. He made not even one phone call during that time, not even to my daughter's therapist or the therapist he had gone to in the past. Then when the six months were over and I told him out he was shocked to discover I had meant it.



lusciouslips19 -> RE: When Enough is Enough (10/5/2008 6:12:18 PM)


What incredibly strong women (and man) you are!



lovingpet -> RE: When Enough is Enough (10/5/2008 7:15:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19


What incredibly strong women (and man) you are!


I couldn't have said it better myself!!!  Thanks to all who have been willing to share.  I hope that others will be willing do so as well.  I think it is demonstrating the spiral that continues until a final decision is made to put it to an end.  Maybe someone will find the courage to walk away.  Thanks once again.

lovingpet



DearJessicaD -> RE: When Enough is Enough (10/26/2008 3:28:50 PM)

For me it was when I realized he did not respect ANY of the boundaries we'd discussed, realized he said hurtful things in attempts to hurt my feelings and make me cry, isolated me from friends, embarrassed me in public to the point of a few of my professors pulling me aside to talk to me, etc.

And that's all on top of him ignoring my physical health and not letting me take care of it.



Beneathhumanity -> RE: When Enough is Enough (10/26/2008 4:52:47 PM)

Enough is enough when you feel harmed and unsafe, pain is okay to feel, but harm on the other hand is a different story. Harm can happen both physically and emotionally.



Huntertn -> RE: When Enough is Enough (10/26/2008 5:56:24 PM)

I remember thinking this cann't go on..the last five years of my marriage really sucked, but I wanted to make this work for my kids...till one day I knew this was worse on my kids than If I ended it..so I did..and yea I was the so called Dom too!



lovingpet -> RE: When Enough is Enough (10/26/2008 7:21:00 PM)

My appreciation all these recent posts.... If anyone has anything further to share, it would be greatly appreciated.

lovingpet



wandersalone -> RE: When Enough is Enough (10/27/2008 5:20:12 AM)

For me it literally took being in a major accident and having to be flown back home overseas that got me out of the abusive relationship .... one of my many memorable experiences with him was him literally leaving me alone on the side of the road in a foreign country, not speaking the language, and me having to chase him and beg him to let me stay.  This relationship was many years ago and was my first significant relationship.

A few months ago I was in a d/s relationship and I ended it when I started feeling some of the same things I felt in that previous relationship eg. checking my words before I said them so as not to upset him, apologising when I hadn't done anything wrong, feeling bad for him misunderstanding me, feeling less than.  Thankfully I finally acted on these feelings however it does bother me that I let them go for quite a while.



cravesdom -> RE: When Enough is Enough (10/27/2008 5:34:32 AM)

Mine was a vanilla relationship, but even though I had married him for all the wrong reasons, I believed that once married you should do everything you can to make it work. And because we had children together I thought I needed to try even harder for their sake. I was married for 5 years and the abuse started after about a year of marriage. Actually it had probably started in smaller ways long before that, but I didn't really recognize it until it became physical. The turning point for me was when I ended up spending a week in the hospital after I suffered post-partum depression. I realized that the time I was in the hospital was so peaceful. It had become the norm for me to feel like I was walking on eggshells all the time, worrying about what I said and did and whether that was going to set him off. I decided I could not live like that any longer and as soon as I was out of the hospital I filed for divorce. That is one decision I have never regretted. I wish I could say the abuse stopped after I moved out and the divorce was final, but it continued for many years after that, but at least I didn't have to deal with it all day, every day.



DavanKael -> RE: When Enough is Enough (10/27/2008 7:07:08 AM)

When I got relegated to a paycheck and treated as second in my own marriage, that was enough.  It wasn't the sum of the trangressions en toto but it was my line in the sand.  We were together for 17 years. 
Davan



DearJessicaD -> RE: When Enough is Enough (10/28/2008 9:21:28 AM)

To be honest, I have only had four boyfriends in my entire life (including my current relationship) and I think a part of why it took me a while to get out of the last relationship was because I had a lot going on and it was what I considered my first "grownup" boyfriend.

What it took for me to get out was having a slew of people, all in my life in different ways, asking if I was okay and telling me I seemed very different and not in a good way. All within the span of one week.

It would have been easier for me to leave if he'd cheated on me, because that would have been a hard, black and white line he'd crossed.



theobserver -> RE: When Enough is Enough (10/30/2008 6:27:24 PM)

For me this question was most hard to overcome (and I still don't think I fully have) when it's a parent and not a lover or spouse. I lived with the reality of physical and emotional abuse growing up as a kid and teenager, so I vowed that I would never be romantically involved with someone like that. The truth is that, I very much became involved with people who were controlling and emotionally abusive. Those were easy to get out of, even my failed marriage; although he did the leaving.

With my mother, it's been the one relationship (when I stop and think about it) that closely resembles the battered woman syndrome. No matter how many times I say enough is enough, I keep going back. And she's done a lot, but it's so hard to turn my back on her. She's stolen from me, hit me in the eye with broom handles, burned me with hot irons, split my lip and that was all before the age of 10. So I've been running ever since. When I turned 18 I wanted out and I joined the Army get as far away as possible and it seems I've just continued this lifestyle of moving, because I would (and do) hate going back to my homestate and I really really don't want to be in a situation where I'd have to go back (to her) home to live. I have bruises, some physically noticeable and most not, that will stay with me and ever time I talk to or see my mother, it just all comes back.




lovingpet -> RE: When Enough is Enough (10/30/2008 6:33:40 PM)

It is odd what we think it will take to make that final decision.  Sometimes what seemed a final transgression somehow still gets dismissed.

It is great that the subject of other relationships was brought up.  It is a situation that occurs frequently and the bond in a parent/child relationship is hard to give up.  I have seen many a person struggle with this and it is like losing the parent to death itself when that tie is finally broken.  After the grief, though, comes healing. 

Thanks again for the new posts!

lovingpet



GoodFeathers -> RE: When Enough is Enough (11/24/2008 9:28:43 PM)

My most recent ex was a "dominant" (little d for a reason) was controlling to the point of being abusive.  Did he ever hit me out of anger?  No.  That wasn't his style.

Not all abuse is physical.  It's emotional.  It's mental. 

He would control every little thing--up to and including wanting me to be happy and pleased at all times, even if I wasn't.  I was to throw on a smile and cheer him up and ensure that was always happy.  When I was having a problem with him, he would explain it away and talk circles around me until I started to think it was my fault and he hadn't done anything wrong. 
If you're always cow-towing to your dom's whim, above and beyond what should be expected of the average human, it's probably time to take a step back and objectively analyze the situation. 

I've found there are a few things you should ask yourself if you're starting to have doubts:

1.  How often am I apologizing?
2.  Did I do anything wrong that would warrant me apologizing?
3.  What am I apologizing for?  (Is it something I did, or who I am?)
4.  Do I feel like I can leave if I want to?
5.  Am I afraid to tell Him/Her what I am *really* feeling or thinking because s/he may not approve?
6.  Are His/Her actions/words that are obviously hurtful explained away or swept under the rug?

If you answer yes to these questions...it might be a good idea to leave before you get too miserable.




WinsomeDefiance -> RE: When Enough is Enough (11/24/2008 9:39:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

year 2 of vanilla marriage ...when he held a knife to our child  threatening to harm him if I did not agree to his terms


It took me fearing for the lives of my children and the support of a close female friend of mine

year 11 of vanilla marriage, when he bashed in the skull of our family pet, with a mallet, then left Domino lying under our children's swingset and later took our boys (10, 8 & 6) out there to show them, saying "If you boys don't straighten up, you're next."  That, and the injured kidney from being repeatedly kicked. 

That was 11 years and 1100 miles ago.  I walked away and never looked back. 



allthatjaz -> RE: When Enough is Enough (11/25/2008 5:56:38 AM)

As far as vanilla I have had no abuse within a relationship.

I had a mentally abusive 'supposed Dominant' and ended up thoroughly depressed, feeling trapped as we were living together and pretty worthless. This abuse is trying to affect my present relationship but at least we are talking about it and getting through it.


Edited to say 'hugs you women that have been through the shit you write about'



lovingpet -> RE: When Enough is Enough (11/25/2008 8:16:16 AM)

I thank everyone who has continued to respond.  Sometimes it is a good reality check both in vanilla and this life that there are just ways of being treated that are unacceptable.  These things are different for everyone, but we each still have the right to expect to be treated well and respected. 

Keep contibuting if you have something to say, because it is a reminder to those who may be lost right now that there is better and more and maybe just one will step out and find the courage to make a change.

lovingpet



pixidustpet -> RE: When Enough is Enough (11/25/2008 8:38:04 AM)

i was abused by my father, and so learned i wasnt worth any better than that.  i married an abusive man who eventually drove me into a suicide attempt in a bid to get away from him.  he filed for divorce while i was in ICU.  i finally "saw the light" when the counselor told me "if you would only submit to him like a good wife should, things wouldnt have come to this".  i dont think the suggestion i made to the counselor would have been physically possible, his desk wouldnt have fit without a LOT of lube.[:D]

i'm divorcing my second husband....he wasnt physically abusive, but withholding intimacy of any sort as punishment for not being exactly as he thought i should be was not a good thing....and he did that deliberately for nearly 2 years.  stupid me, i thought it was because his needs were being met elsewhere (we were polyamorous in the relationship) and he had lost track of time.  i decided to leave.......

because i found out that he had ALREADY made plans to leave me as soon as our younger imp was finished with high school.  TheEngineer told me "why should you wait another 4 years to be dumped then seek happiness?"  so here i am.

there is abuse then there is abuse.  there is physical abuse where your body has taken all it can and your brain finally says enough is enough.  there is mental/emotional abuse till all is left of you is a shell, then the body doesnt even care when the physical abuse happens. *shrugs*  i dont know how i found myself outta there.  i just know i'm in a lot better place now.

kitten



tied4urpleasure -> RE: When Enough is Enough (5/25/2009 8:16:33 PM)

I lost a very close friend. she was my mistress in my younger days. She was murdered in 2002. She was in the M/S lifestyle. she was being trained by another Master whom wanted her to himself and she refused. He had a session with her which was her last. He had tied her hands behind her back, asking her again to be with him, she refused and he told her if he cant have her no one else will. he shot her point blank in the temple. He is now serving a life sentence without the possibility of parole.



lovingpet -> RE: When Enough is Enough (5/25/2009 8:26:49 PM)

I am surprised to see this thread come up again, but I am sure that it is something that needs to be fresh to someone from time to time.  I remember it taking some seeing other people's pain from what I was experiencing to help me know I needed to do something.  I hope others will read this thread and gain courage, peace, and insight.  Thanks to all you very strong people for sharing some of the darkest times in your life with me and others.

lovingpet



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