RE: When Enough is Enough

RE: When Enough is Enough (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Health and Safety

Message

lovingpet -> RE: When Enough is Enough (5/27/2009 8:16:36 PM)
I don't intentionally anger anyone, but yes, I am watching every single thing they do and say when they are. Hypervigilence. And I still won't trust what I observed after the fact, questioning if I missed something important. lovingpet

PanthersMom -> RE: When Enough is Enough (5/27/2009 9:19:17 PM)
when i finally told my mother about the abuse and the fact that he'd raped me, her comment was "at least you know he still finds you attractive". and she wonders why for a very long time after that i wouldn't talk to her. PM

manxcat -> RE: When Enough is Enough (5/27/2009 9:30:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PanthersMom when i finally told my mother about the abuse and the fact that he'd raped me, her comment was "at least you know he still finds you attractive". and she wonders why for a very long time after that i wouldn't talk to her. PM If it weren't that my mother was an only child i would say yours was related to mine. When i was raped, she said i was asking for it. HUGGS manxy

lovingpet -> RE: When Enough is Enough (5/28/2009 8:17:52 PM)
Isn't it just lovely when family or friends are as clueless as the people who do this to others? Hugs lovingpet

reddivinity -> RE: When Enough is Enough (5/28/2009 8:49:52 PM)
Most people already have their/the answers on the inside...if you have to ask, "Is this Enough?".....IT IS. Get Out...Period....and Take your babies with you. Do not teach/show them abuse is acceptable. They are ultimately the ones that will be suffering. Nothing is louder than silence.

Daddysredhead -> RE: When Enough is Enough (5/28/2009 8:57:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: reddivinity They are ultimately the ones that will be suffering. Nothing is louder than silence. I said the very same thing recently to someone. I know for a fact... that it's a fact. ~ Red

subinlife -> RE: When Enough is Enough (5/28/2009 10:31:28 PM)
First thank you to Lovingpet for starting this thread. I too am a Survivor, I survived my last vanilla marriage. 16 long years of hell, mostly emotional, with some pyhsical thrown in for good measure. He threated to help my only child's father get custody. It has taken almost eight years for me to believe that someone might want me as a woman. There are still things that will trigger a panic attack. I am new to this lifestyle and was very fortunate to get a Dom to show me parts of this lifestyle. I made the mistake of not telling him about the past, thinking it was over. He did something that sent me into total shutdown. He was so kind and held me while I cried for what seemed like forever, then we talked and i realized that no matter how much time passes it will always be a part of me. All of you have my thoughts and my prayers for a better life, be you female or male, we are all survivors. Hugs to all, subinlife

OrionTheWolf -> RE: When Enough is Enough (5/29/2009 2:34:28 PM)
That point will be different with each person. It can be more difficult, but at a certain point when there is no actual power exchange, is usually a point you see in hindsight. For me it took realizing there were some things about the person that I could not fix, and they were triggering things in me that I did not like. Not putting all the responsibility on them, but sometimes people are just not a good fit. I finally had to force her to leave, which in the end I believe was better for both of us. Also, there sometimes may be mental or emotional issues that one or the other are not addressing, and a split like this may make them get the assistance they actually need. Good luck with what you are going through. quote: ORIGINAL: lovingpet So when is enough enough? Is it more difficult to see things getting out of control in a power exchange dynamic? If you are willing to share, what did it take for you or someone you knew, both vanilla and D/s to finally sever an abusive relationship? lovingpet

lovingpet -> RE: When Enough is Enough (5/29/2009 2:46:12 PM)
I just watch so many destructive situations on a constant basis. I just see just beyond where the people in the relationship can and just want to snap them out of it so badly. That point is different for everyone and a point well taken about certain mixes of people being toxic. Little ones always suffer. The collateral damage isn't always evident immediately. A lot of times it is in how they go on to conduct their own intimate relationships that shows how much pain they endured. Thank you to one and all! You are strong souls that will speak out and let others know there is a better way. lovingpet

LadyConstanze -> RE: When Enough is Enough (5/29/2009 3:03:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PanthersMom when i finally told my mother about the abuse and the fact that he'd raped me, her comment was "at least you know he still finds you attractive". and she wonders why for a very long time after that i wouldn't talk to her. PM Parents can be really "nuts" and unfeeling, it seems to be a unique ability they have, I think the generation gap might play a big part in it. I do love my parents but I'm glad that I am in another country, seeing them about once every other year for a few days is really hard work and I find myself constantly biting my tongue!

kiwisub12 -> RE: When Enough is Enough (5/29/2009 7:20:23 PM)
Oh - this so hits a nerve. My parents live in another country, and i have been trying to save money to go back and visit with family. It actually looked as if i was reaching my goal - and then i had a month long spending spree on ebay - and spent the lot. I have to wonder if i really WANT to visit. A bit of the old ambiguety there, i think. I love my parents, but sometimes i don't like them.

ChasingOblivion -> RE: When Enough is Enough (6/1/2009 4:19:03 PM)
For me, it was the day my husband pushed me too far and I snapped. He made the fatal mistake of confusing "submissive" with "wants to be treated like trash." Our marriage was a mistake from the beginning. He wanted everything his way and lied, cheated, stole, and snuck around to get it. He drank all the time, couldn't hold a job, screwed around, and ran off like a child every time someone disagreed with him. One night, after a week of horrible fighting, we went to a party. I had too much to drink, passed out, and when I woke up he was nowhere to be found. I found him down the hall banging a woman he worked with that was "just a friend." I lost it. I remember the first thing that went through my head was "Okay, you die now." I have no doubt that I would have killed him if I hadn't been pulled off him. As it was, he was pretty badly hurt. He went back to Florida and I'm moving on. Hopefully to someone who deserves me.

ChasingOblivion -> RE: When Enough is Enough (6/1/2009 4:30:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VelvetCruelty I spent five years with a military man that told doctors over and over that I was crazy and needed to be medicated. It was easier to cheat on me when I was 'zombied out' on the four different medications they had me on - anitdepressant, sleeping pill, anti-anxiety and something else I don't even remember. But, I was a new mom and I loved my husband and I wanted to be a good wife. He got caught cheating on me, in a motel, with a 19yr old girl, when our daughter was just five months old. I forgave him, took him back and spent two years in couples therapy (again, military doctors) listening to how everything was my fault, how I wasn't good enough. Sadly, I wasn't going to leave him. He finally found another girl in Tallahassee, FL living in a double-wide who thought she would be a better wife and mother than I was. I had a breakdown and tried to overdose. After seeing the other people that were in the hospital I came to the realization, that, while I was in a bad way, I wasn't as bad as the girl who wouldn't write down her goals for the day in group, unless they gave a piece of paper to her imaginary friend. He packed up all my crap, gave me 1500.00 in cash and sent me away. I moved from SC to CA - flushed all my meds - went through that whole 'bugs crawling on your skin' withdrawl and survived. I am truly and wholly grateful that he threw me out when he did. I cannot imagine, how cooked my brain would be today, if I was still on the meds that I didn't need, just so I was easier to control. My (soon to be ex) husband's from Tallahassee. He has the same (lack of) taste in women. Could very well have been the same girl.....

angelikaJ -> RE: When Enough is Enough (6/1/2009 5:13:41 PM)
My fill of enough: enough alcohol, enough irrational accusations and enough emotional abuse did not come until he had his hands around my throat and he said he was going to kill me and I had no reason not to believe him. He sent me into hypoxia and when I got away (through a fluke or an angel whispering in my ear)... that was it for me. Because he did not break any bones even with the pictures of the bruising on my neck it was considered a misdemeanor. He got probation.

candisa -> RE: When Enough is Enough (6/2/2009 1:21:59 PM)
Enough is for me was when I had to go to the emergency room from a ear infection and could not hear out of my left ear, because he snatched me out of my truck by my hair, kicking and screaming for him to get off me. Manhandled me to the back of the truck, hair still in one of his hands, with the other hand proceeds to shove my face full of dirt over and over,while I was struggling to breathe dirt filling my mouth and ears trying to wiggle away. As I was able to get on my belly and try to squirm way, he proceeds to pound my ass over and over with his hands. Telling me what a cunt I was and I had a filthy mouth. As I ran to my truck to try to escape, He proceeds to snatch the keys away from me and walked away down the street. I called the cops. He told the cops that I was drunk, but if that was the case, surely I would have to take some type of test and been arrested and taken to jail.He swore he had not taken my key and did not give them back,and the night ended with me having to get a hotel near by, as I was stranded more then 50 miles from home, so that I may call Ford to get a new "chip" key the next morning. As I fell asleep from 4 am to 6 am there was a message on the phone stating my key was down stairs. (amazing how they just showed up ) The bruises he left on my body by manhandling was visually seen by my teenage boy. When my boy said he would never talk to me again, If I went back to this man, that was enough to say, "enough and never again". The choice I needed to make was clear. Complete drama through the prior three years as I tried to understand this man, snapping at him more then one time hitting him in his face which is clearly unlike my regular personality, should have been enough, but wasn't. edited for spelling errors.

Alphascendant -> RE: When Enough is Enough (6/26/2009 3:13:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: candisa Enough is for me was when I had to go to the emergency room from a ear infection and could not hear out of my left ear, because he snatched me out of my truck by my hair, kicking and screaming for him to get off me. Manhandled me to the back of the truck, hair still in one of his hands, with the other hand proceeds to shove my face full of dirt over and over,while I was struggling to breathe dirt filling my mouth and ears trying to wiggle away. As I was able to get on my belly and try to squirm way, he proceeds to pound my ass over and over with his hands. Telling me what a cunt I was and I had a filthy mouth. As I ran to my truck to try to escape, He proceeds to snatch the keys away from me and walked away down the street. I called the cops. He told the cops that I was drunk, but if that was the case, surely I would have to take some type of test and been arrested and taken to jail.He swore he had not taken my key and did not give them back,and the night ended with me having to get a hotel near by, as I was stranded more then 50 miles from home, so that I may call Ford to get a new "chip" key the next morning. As I fell asleep from 4 am to 6 am there was a message on the phone stating my key was down stairs. (amazing how they just showed up ) The bruises he left on my body by manhandling was visually seen by my teenage boy. When my boy said he would never talk to me again, If I went back to this man, that was enough to say, "enough and never again". The choice I needed to make was clear. Complete drama through the prior three years as I tried to understand this man, snapping at him more then one time hitting him in his face which is clearly unlike my regular personality, should have been enough, but wasn't. edited for spelling errors. What were you doing there "50 miles from home?" Why did he "snatch" you out of your truck? If he had indeed brutalized you, enough so that your injuries were viewable by others, why didn't the police arrest him? If they responded to a domestic situation and saw any visible marks, they would have hauled him straight to jail. Did they charge him with assault? They couldn't arrest you for drunk driving if there were no keys. Believing that your teenager would not ever speak to you again if you went back to this man makes you appear as if you may be almost as immature as the teenager is. If you have indeed snapped more than once, violently hitting that man in the face, as you admit to doing in your post, then it does appear as if that is your regular personality, especially if you have ever snapped and hit anybody else in the face. Have you? Have you ever snapped and hit anybody else in the face, for instance, your teenager? Exactly what actually inspired that man to this alledged act of brute force? In the three years that you knew him, did he ever "manhandle" you in a violent way before the alledged incident? Did he ever hit you in the face? Did he ever break anything in anger? Why would he call you a "cunt" while saying you had a filthy mouth? You admit to hitting him in the face on more than one occasion, was it just a slap, or did you really "snap" and pummel him repeatedly? quote: I also run into those types of personalities , their justification /obsession for punishment is a bit to harsh for my tastes. I strive to be good, to do well, I do not like tension in my relationship. There better be a damn good reason why he is blistering my arse. If I have done something wrong, I should know way in advance that I will have discipline, deserving of that mistake. Communication is key. _____________________________ respectfully, candisa It appears as if you ask of others to treat you in a manner that you are unable to reciprocate. Just how do you expect to earn a man's respect that way? Before you began hitting him in the face, did you let him know in advance? If that happened more than once, why did he return after the first time? You accuse him of lying, yet it seems you are not telling the entire story either. Telling half the story to get by often ends evolved into a lie. Why did he begin manhandling to begin with? Did you tell your teenager that as well? He said you were drunk, how much had you drank? Were you drunk? Hmmm, Woman gets drunk and beligerrent, man takes keys so she cannot drive, woman gets mad and calls police.

angelikaJ -> RE: When Enough is Enough (6/26/2009 5:46:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Alphascendant quote: ORIGINAL: candisa Enough is for me was when I had to go to the emergency room from a ear infection and could not hear out of my left ear, because he snatched me out of my truck by my hair, kicking and screaming for him to get off me. Manhandled me to the back of the truck, hair still in one of his hands, with the other hand proceeds to shove my face full of dirt over and over,while I was struggling to breathe dirt filling my mouth and ears trying to wiggle away. As I was able to get on my belly and try to squirm way, he proceeds to pound my ass over and over with his hands. Telling me what a cunt I was and I had a filthy mouth. As I ran to my truck to try to escape, He proceeds to snatch the keys away from me and walked away down the street. I called the cops. He told the cops that I was drunk, but if that was the case, surely I would have to take some type of test and been arrested and taken to jail.He swore he had not taken my key and did not give them back,and the night ended with me having to get a hotel near by, as I was stranded more then 50 miles from home, so that I may call Ford to get a new "chip" key the next morning. As I fell asleep from 4 am to 6 am there was a message on the phone stating my key was down stairs. (amazing how they just showed up ) The bruises he left on my body by manhandling was visually seen by my teenage boy. When my boy said he would never talk to me again, If I went back to this man, that was enough to say, "enough and never again". The choice I needed to make was clear. Complete drama through the prior three years as I tried to understand this man, snapping at him more then one time hitting him in his face which is clearly unlike my regular personality, should have been enough, but wasn't. edited for spelling errors. What were you doing there "50 miles from home?" Why did he "snatch" you out of your truck? If he had indeed brutalized you, enough so that your injuries were viewable by others, why didn't the police arrest him? If they responded to a domestic situation and saw any visible marks, they would have hauled him straight to jail. Did they charge him with assault? They couldn't arrest you for drunk driving if there were no keys. Believing that your teenager would not ever speak to you again if you went back to this man makes you appear as if you may be almost as immature as the teenager is. This was a thread for us to share our stories. When did we finally wake up; when did we draw the line. The invitation was given to us with the premise of support and safety. We can not adequately condense our whole experience into a few paragraphs. I am dismayed that the comments from this post seem to be an attempt to discredit the poster rather than coming across as an attempt to understand. Frankly, it makes me angry. I am grateful to the women who shared what they went through. They are all brave.

Alphascendant -> RE: When Enough is Enough (6/26/2009 6:12:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelikaJ We can not adequately condense our whole experience into a few paragraphs. I am dismayed that the comments from this post seem to be an attempt to discredit the poster rather than coming across as an attempt to understand. Frankly, it makes me angry. I agree with you 100%, as I can relate with trying to understand and becoming angry. You should also learn to keep your anger to yourself before making your holier and mightier than thou comments, which seems as if the majority of women that post in here feel they are. The questions were directed at Candisa not you, so why did you feel the urge to stick your nose in it? Do you have some information that was omitted from her post? Brave?? Since when does punching somebody in the face who refuses to resist become bravery? Typing a story of any kind on the internet is not brave at all, regardless of it's authenticity. Yes, I wanted to understand, that why the questions were asked. Do you feel brave for defending her? So mighty noble of you!

angelikaJ -> RE: When Enough is Enough (6/26/2009 6:16:29 AM)
This is a public forum. You posted, I responded.

Alphascendant -> RE: When Enough is Enough (6/26/2009 6:31:23 AM)
I can appreciate that!. And let me rephrase something, posting anything on the internet is almost the least courageous as anybody can be, unless you live in Iran......

Page: << < prev 2 3 [4] 5 6 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875