RE: Where are the submissive submissives?

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (Full Version)

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RCdc -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 9:24:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: giveeverything This is one of those threads that has turned into the a high-school debate free for all. With people attempting to out-wit, one-up, and under-cut each other. Y'all are brutal and I can't quite figure out why? And ya... these boards have always been about a popularity contest and cliques... just go back and see how many people just reinforce each other's celebritism (I think I made that up) in an endless mutual appreciation society circle... and then nit pick others for (from what looks like on the outside) minor infractions. I am going to steal from Merc - one persons clique is just another persons friend group. Reinforcement is a great uplifter. People thrive on friendships and on likemindedness. For example, I wouldn't say that marie and I are best buds - I don't even think we have even spoken in such depth before on a thread, let alone via emails. But does that mean I cannot say that I find that she personally, has taught me something? You only have to look back on this thread to see that. There is nothing inherently wrong with a bit of back slapping, it's when people favouritise the person - rather than the moments thought or lesson - that it becomes a more blinded issue of appriciation and then a falsehood. I'm not going to suggest that it's sad that you feel like that. Because that would be a lie coming from me and also I do see where you are coming from on this issue. But you only see that there are favourites or cliques when you make the conscious choice to stand on the edge of them. No one is beyond approach nor reproach. the.dark.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 9:32:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar Mean, nasty, blunt, telling it like it is, no sugar coating. Im all of those. Seems like everyone is allowed an opinion but me. No biggie. Im still not going to coddle anyone. Im not a know it all or this won't happen to me type person. If you find an opinion you don't like move on. Seems like that is'nt happening on this post. It still makes good reading. Its true. He3 wont coddle anyone. he told me if I was his sub I'd be do wash on a rock at the creek.[:D]

subtee -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 9:50:25 AM)
~FR The "submissive" submissives are on the top shelf, near the back. The "obediant, servile" ones are kept way down on the bottom, next to the m & m's (meek and menial). Fawning, sycophantic submissives are double-wrapped and kept in the cooler. The Intractable, defiant submissives are seasonal, pre-ordering is appreciated. Due to the consistently high rate of returns, we no longer carry un-tamed submissives. [Edited for an un-tamed "n."]

kittinSol -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 9:52:00 AM)
That was brilliant, tee :-) .

Icarys -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 9:53:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtee ~FR The "submissive" submissives are on the top shelf, near the back. The "obediant, servile" ones are kept way down on the bottom, next to the m & m's (meek and menial). Fawning, syncophatic submissives are double-wrapped and kept in the cooler. The Intractable, defiant submissives are seasonal, pre-ordering is appreciated. Due to the consistently high rate of returns, we no longer carry un-tamed submissives. Where would you fit in that lol?

subtee -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 9:57:53 AM)
~FR Thank you, kittin. [;)] Icarys, I'm just the garden variety variety, blooming where I'm planted.

colouredin -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 10:17:56 AM)
FR I think one of the biggest problems is that we all come to think that the temrs mean differant things, submissive is a massively vague term, you could mean submissive in the bedroom or cleaning the house or writing notes or whatever, there isnt one fit all definition. I used to have not a doormat on my profile yonks ago now when i had no clue what I wanted and was getting freaked out by all the one true wayers that messaged me, thankfully i got over it. I would say that everyone lives this lifestyle to differant degrees there isnt only one way to do it (thank god) so Op your 'submissive submissive' to me may be really not submissive by my definition. What it comes down to really is finding someone with whom you mostly agree on what it means, what you want from it rather than spend your time worrying about those who simply dont fit.

marieToo -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 10:59:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark I have seen other posters come on here, years ago and be branded complete 'assholes' and then evolved through the years to become admired. I am definately not the same person, nor s-type, I was way back in the when. I hear exactly what you're saying about the potential of someone who is brand new, either to cm and/or to the bdsm life. And I do believe that in some cases, a lot of things that we may think should be obvious to someone, simply are not. I guess there was a point when we were all without a clue at one time or another. Like you, I have evolved a lot here too. And my mind continues to be opened up here all the time, on the other hand some days I am thankful that I still maintain some "judgement" on certain things. And as much as I curse the bullshit that sometimes goes on around here, and as much as I'm sometimes a PART of that bullshit, the things I've taken away from here, even from people that I dont like on a personal level, have really been a part of my growth in one way or another.. quote: I would disagree about you not being 'admired' because there are times you inspire me. Thank you. :) quote: I honestly believe that for all the hype certain people seem to get, that sensibility can see past all that and realise that there is no such thing as 'godz of bdsm' who are able to lead entire armies or communities - but there are individuals who lead by example. Name dropping counts for nothing - recommendations by people we do not know are essentially pointless - what counts is what a single person sparks as an idea at any given moment to oneself on an individual basis. If that makes any sense?[8\|] Complete sense.

HotMistress22 -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 11:14:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 quote: ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor So I've been asking myself this, and it's plagueing me. Why is this site full of "submissives" who put stuff in their profile like, "I'm submissive, but I'm not a doormat!"? I hear this, and then I talk to them only to find that the most basic of submissive acts is considered being a doormat. They won't obey a Dom, because this is being a doormat. They won't speak respectfully to their Dom because this is being a doormat! What the hell people!? You have to be submissive to be a submissive. I'm starting to think these girls only say they're submissive because they're to lazy to get on top and ride their Dom like a good little slut. What do you other Doms and subs think? ~Aslanemperor Maybe they don't speak respectfully to you because YOU are not their Dom. I certainly am not going to obey someone through an e-mail. After we meet and determine vanilla compatibility plus lifestyle compatibility we start negotiating and working on trust from there. Try the respectful approach. I'm sure it will work better than '"ON YOUR KNEES BITCH" coming from a total stranger. Gotta agree with this. You need to earn that submission. Maybe learn how to be a Dom with respect. Grandma ever tell you that you will attract more flies with honey? HM

Icarys -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 11:44:42 AM)
quote: I would disagree about you not being 'admired' because there are times you inspire me. I honestly believe that for all the hype certain people seem to get, that sensibility can see past all that and realise that there is no such thing as 'godz of bdsm' who are able to lead entire armies or communities - but there are individuals who lead by example. Name dropping counts for nothing - recommendations by people we do not know are essentially pointless - what counts is what a single person sparks as an idea at any given moment to oneself on an individual basis. If that makes any sense? the.dark. Absolutely rational from where I'm standing.

masterforRT -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 11:50:19 AM)
I think way too many people here are WAY too uppety and need to lower the rhetoric down a few notches....on in the case of some subs here, be put over their Doms' knees and receive a good spanking!

auburnvixen -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 12:12:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: masterforRT I think way too many people here are WAY too uppety and need to lower the rhetoric down a few notches....on in the case of some subs here, be put over their Doms' knees and receive a good spanking! Over THEIR Doms' knees, not yours, IF their Dom thinks they should be spanked. Threatened by subbie free speech, perhaps? This is why my profile has included the "not a doormat" thing...if I have a Dom or Master and he wishes for me to speak up or shut up or anything else, I do as he wishes. Otherwise I am not beholden to any others in any way just because they call themselves Doms or Masters (or Mistresses).

simpleplan2 -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 12:16:23 PM)
Ok...how about a dom who contacts me...I very nicely tell him no thank you, I'm not looking and I get "O well, here's another one that lacks respect" Now you tell me, just what was so disrespectful about saying no thank you? I took the time to answer...to answer nicely at that...and I get crap for it? Sounds to me like He needs to be spanked!

SimplyMichael -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 12:34:40 PM)
I don't come to collarme to be coddled or to head up any supposed "fan club" or "clique". I come here because there are people here level headed enough and smart enough to call me on my shit. This thread started as a discussion of why there are not "good" submissives, people who actually desire to submit. This wasn't a thread about "give a complete definition of how your dominance/submission works" I posted that those who complain that there are no "good" submissives quite often are not "good" dominants themselves. I realize the use of the word "great" set a lot of people off and I of course projected my own sense of what is and isn't a "great" submissive into my post. For those who wish to project "true" into my use of the word "great" while I understand your objecting, you need to step back and look objectively at the context of the thread, I think my meaning is clear enough.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 1:29:27 PM)
I would have to agree with SimplyMichel that those who complain about no good submissives are not good dominants. Alot of subs are defensive and bristlely. We have to be in order to protect ourselves from predators. We are our own dominant until we find a suitable one. I describe myself as 2 people. The submissive me who is pliable and sweet and approval seeking and the mother lioness in me that has to protect her. Once the Master of quality is found and I am confident that I am in the right hands I can breathe fulll life into the submissive me and she can expand. Under the tootelage of a wonderful Master I am growing leaps and bounds and running smack dab into my fears and insecurities and letting them go. So yes, a good Dominant brings out the best in the submissive and the good submissive brings out the best in the Dominant. Its beautiful when there is a meeting of the hearts and minds to create a symphony.

CalifChick -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 1:50:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael This thread started as a discussion of why there are not "good" submissives, people who actually desire to submit. This wasn't a thread about "give a complete definition of how your dominance/submission works" Well, I originally decided I wasn't going to post on this thread, because I had to read up to page 5 before I found anyone that I thought understood what the OP was talking about... so many people came in with "I'm a submissive but not YOUR submissive", which I thought had zero to do with the OP, or subs talking disrespectfully, which also had nothing to do with the OP. If I read it correctly (and lord knows, I could be wrong), this was the gist of it: Dom: Your profile says "I'm a submissive, not a doormat", so what does that mean to you? Sub: Well, I'm not going to do what my Dom says, because that would make me a doormat, and I'm not going to do what my Dom wants me to just because he wants it, because that would make me a doormat. So, how exactly is that person a submissive? The dom has to be in control of SOME part of the relationship, right? The sub has to give control over to the dom for SOME part of it, right? As much as we disagree on terms, is that much universally believed to be true? Or can you be in a D/s relationship as a sub and be the one in control? Oy, my head hurts just trying to figure out how THAT could be. Cali

Icarys -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 2:05:59 PM)
quote: Alot of subs are defensive and bristlely. We have to be in order to protect ourselves from predators. Side note: No rational reason for being that way. There may be excuses for the behavior but none good that I've seen. Not saying that all of us have our moments but they should remain only that and not become a pattern. Anyway, back to the post.

simpleplan2 -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 2:38:47 PM)
Could you explain that please? No "rational reason for being that way"

Icarys -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 3:21:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: simpleplan2 Could you explain that please? No "rational reason for being that way" I mean despite what people will tell you..there is no good reason for responding in a bristly manner. You may think you have to or that it's needed but the truth is you want to. There are plenty of ways to deal with others that doesn't include attitude. Believe me I'm fully aware that people loose their patience from time to time. Still doesn't make it okay. Maybe I read into the words a little, still though.

tweedydaddy -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 3:33:50 PM)
Maybe they will obey a dom, when they meet one.

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