RE: Where are the submissive submissives?

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (Full Version)

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simpleplan2 -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 3:52:33 PM)
I think maybe it is more of a case of losing patience. As I posted above, I tried to be polite and tell the man I wasn't looking. Apparently, that wasn't the answer he wanted. I simply dropped it (well, I came here and bitched) but I didn't send back the answer I wanted. More and more, it's simply not worth it.

RCdc -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 3:54:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys quote: ORIGINAL: simpleplan2 Could you explain that please? No "rational reason for being that way" I mean despite what people will tell you..there is no good reason for responding in a bristly manner. You may think you have to or that it's needed but the truth is you want to. There are plenty of ways to deal with others that doesn't include attitude. Believe me I'm fully aware that people loose their patience from time to time. Still doesn't make it okay. Maybe I read into the words a little, still though. I believe that there is substance to what you say though. I believe (and I could be wrong, has been known) that the 'bristling' stems from the whole 'earn respect' mantra. I can't remember if it was on this thread - but someone mentioned about reactions to the 'on your knees bitch' emails too. Whilst I completely understand the reactions to these (I have been on the recieving end and have had to bite my tongue) - I personally tend to find it counter productive and its one of those things hey - two 'wrongs' do not make a 'right'. I still fuck up. I still bristle at times. But on the whole I try. But sometimes people get to a point where they are so tired that trying gets very hard and exhausting. the.dark.

catize -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 5:39:07 PM)
Are you suggesting that freedom of speech does not apply to those who identify as submissive? Would a switch be allowed to voice an opinion only if they were dominant at the moment? There is no one on this forum who I submit to, nor do I dominate anyone here. There are any number of folks who are more or less intelligent, have a bigger or smaller vocabulary, are better or worse at tact and diplomacy than I am. Sometimes I’m happy with the thoughts I have written out and other times, not so much. The bottom line remains: I am responsible for my own conduct here. No one has the right (well, okay, the Mods do but that’s different) to tell me what to say or how to say it simply because my orientation happens to be submissive. quote: ORIGINAL: masterforRT I think way too many people here are WAY too uppety and need to lower the rhetoric down a few notches....on in the case of some subs here, be put over their Doms' knees and receive a good spanking! “Lowering the rhetoric” would have led me to inform you that I think this is a dumb-ass statement. But I chose to take the high road……then again, maybe I ddn’t.

catize -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 6:03:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael What's wrong with that? It doesn't have that ring of "uberness" some so desperately need. Me, if I was born anything, it was a domineering asshole. I had to LEARN to be a loving nurturing dominant and it was, and is, a long slow process, one that I certainly hope I will never be done with. Few of us were born knowing who we would become or where our talents would lead us or what would fulfill us. I think that we who have had to work hard to get where we are and have struggled to understand what it takes to be a great submissive or dominant, can still get there---to the same place as the ‘naturals’ take for granted. That work and struggle has given me satisfaction, It isn’t a ‘better’ or ‘worse’ thing. What is important is that we have started and are making progress.

colouredin -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 6:49:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys I mean despite what people will tell you..there is no good reason for responding in a bristly manner. You may think you have to or that it's needed but the truth is you want to. There are plenty of ways to deal with others that doesn't include attitude. Believe me I'm fully aware that people loose their patience from time to time. Still doesn't make it okay. Maybe I read into the words a little, still though. I agree to an extent in a perfect world we would all respond politely and wonderfully to everyone. However when I politely tell someone i am not interested and they respond with a 'well you are ugly anyways' i do get bristley because though the mature thing to do would be to ignore it it also frustrates me that people get away with it. I have another issue at the moment with men who pose as women to 'see what its like' and then complain that all women are fake, well if half of them are men seeing what its like sure they are. I do get angry but never on the first message. I agree that the OP was taken out of context to a large extent in that he was arguing there are many subs who say they arent a doormat and that means they pretty much wont do anything and sure that isnt submissive however I dispute the fact that there are many people that actually do that and to a large extent its in fact projection often when people are rejected there seems to be this kind of response. It harps back to the time old message that I am sure most people have got saying well 'you arent a true sub' and often posts like this are borne out of that. Putting that aside there are going to be jaded people on here who have lost sight of what it is they initally got involved for and maybe are less than submissive but I stick my my earlier point in that event dont get mad just find someone else

Icarys -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 7:25:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys quote: ORIGINAL: simpleplan2 Could you explain that please? No "rational reason for being that way" I mean despite what people will tell you..there is no good reason for responding in a bristly manner. You may think you have to or that it's needed but the truth is you want to. There are plenty of ways to deal with others that doesn't include attitude. Believe me I'm fully aware that people loose their patience from time to time. Still doesn't make it okay. Maybe I read into the words a little, still though. I believe that there is substance to what you say though. I believe (and I could be wrong, has been known) that the 'bristling' stems from the whole 'earn respect' mantra. I can't remember if it was on this thread - but someone mentioned about reactions to the 'on your knees bitch' emails too. Whilst I completely understand the reactions to these (I have been on the recieving end and have had to bite my tongue) - I personally tend to find it counter productive and its one of those things hey - two 'wrongs' do not make a 'right'. I still fuck up. I still bristle at times. But on the whole I try. But sometimes people get to a point where they are so tired that trying gets very hard and exhausting. the.dark. I completely understand why it's done and I think you have it figured for truth. It does happen. It's going to continue to happen. Do the best you can to keep a level head and not take it personal (which is at times harder than it seems) and move on. I'm sure though, it's something we could all learn to do better.

Icarys -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 7:30:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: simpleplan2 I think maybe it is more of a case of losing patience. As I posted above, I tried to be polite and tell the man I wasn't looking. Apparently, that wasn't the answer he wanted. I simply dropped it (well, I came here and bitched) but I didn't send back the answer I wanted. More and more, it's simply not worth it. That's what I'm talking about. Maybe you felt like it but you decided it wasn't worth it. It isn't in the long run. Not to mention the sense of freedom you might attain from being able to handle that in a mature way. I would imagine that kind of maturity probably had more of an effect on him than getting worked up.

Icarys -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 7:38:54 PM)
quote: Putting that aside there are going to be jaded people on here who have lost sight of what it is they initally got involved for and maybe are less than submissive but I stick my my earlier point in that event dont get mad just find someone else I believe this to be true for some. As for the other part: No it's not a perfect world and never will be probably yet I know better than to add to that. That doesn't mean I don't do it on occasion but I do try not to.

umakemewanna -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 7:48:24 PM)
Just because you are slave, doesn't mean you aren't human ....you are so you still should be treated with respect and dignity. Being a slave is a way of life, that HUMANS live.If you were truly to treat someone like a doormat pretty sure they would die at an early stage in life, frankly a human body can't put up with being treated like a doormat.

Icarys -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 7:55:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: umakemewanna Just because you are slave, doesn't mean you aren't human ....you are so you still should be treated with respect and dignity. Being a slave is a way of life, that HUMANS live.If you were truly to treat someone like a doormat pretty sure they would die at an early stage in life, frankly a human body can't put up with being treated like a doormat. I think what some don't understand and others refuse to see is that doormat is only bad when your actually being treated like crap.There IS a good side to that term as well.

HornyToadsMI -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 8:04:33 PM)
Red - I could not have said it better myself. :) To the OP - Remember that there are alot of "whackados" who feel that ANY submissive should just bow down. These "Twue Doms" bombard our inboxes with wonderful messages of "Suck me off, Slave", without any prior knowledge or contact. BTW, I differentiate between "Slave" and "Submissive". :) But that is OUR dynamic....not everyones...... quote: ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead quote: ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor You have to be submissive to be a submissive. I disagree. This is the first relationship I've ever been in where I don't actively run the show, out of an agreement from the start. I'm not submissive by nature. My nature is to take the reins, kick the person out of the driver's seat, and show them how to drive. The past 5 years have been a decision to hand that over to Him, trusting that He will not do harm to me. I'm not a submissive, but rather *His* submissive. Our dynamics are our own, and He is securely in the Top spot.

HornyToadsMI -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 8:06:03 PM)
Maybe not a doormat, but some like to be chairs, end tables, foot stools......LOL quote: ORIGINAL: umakemewanna Just because you are slave, doesn't mean you aren't human ....you are so you still should be treated with respect and dignity. Being a slave is a way of life, that HUMANS live.If you were truly to treat someone like a doormat pretty sure they would die at an early stage in life, frankly a human body can't put up with being treated like a doormat.

SlayerZ -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 8:17:30 PM)
I just think it's sad that subs/slaves feel like they have to underline and punch the fact that being a submissive doesn't equate to being a doormat. I think the very fact that subs/slaves feel like they have to make that very point says more about the standard, the expectation and the sheer manner of Doms that it does about them. I've read stories about subs here receiving personal messages from complete strangers (Doms) who are so abrupt and so rude and so very presumptuous, to the point where that I feel deeply embarrassed for them. It doesn't take a lot of energy to be nice and to be friendly and to attempt a foundation of something more substantial than "You are mine. Got it? Good. Now lick the dirt off my shoes, for I don't want to waste my brand new doormat" and for a Dom to initiate contact with a sub with the heading "Bow down and kiss my feet, for I am your master and you are my slave - You are nothing and I am everything. Your values, your worth as well as your very existance are in my hands" is really out of order, as well as clueless. Sure, I was paraphrasing, but you get the gist. [;)]

beargonewild -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 8:22:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: umakemewanna Just because you are slave, doesn't mean you aren't human ....you are so you still should be treated with respect and dignity. Being a slave is a way of life, that HUMANS live.If you were truly to treat someone like a doormat pretty sure they would die at an early stage in life, frankly a human body can't put up with being treated like a doormat. I don't believe any poster on this thread stated that a slave was less than human. As it was pointed out to myself earlier on, being a doormat does not necessary mean it's a negative thing. As a couple posters had enlightened me on how it can be a positive situation. (my thanks for the .dark and a couple other posters for this enlightenment!) Just take notice that each of us has a different perspective to what we define a "doormat" is and it's neither right or wrong, just how we perceive the term based upon our individual experiences.

beargonewild -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 8:24:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SlayerZ I just think it's sad that subs/slaves feel like they have to underline and punch the fact that being a submissive doesn't equate to being a doormat. I think the very fact that subs/slaves feel like they have to make that very point says more about the standard, the expectation and the sheer manner of Doms that it does about them. I've read stories about subs here receiving personal messages from complete strangers (Doms) who are so abrupt and so rude and so very presumptuous, to the point where that I feel deeply embarrassed for them. It doesn't take a lot of energy to be nice and to be friendly and to attempt a foundation of something more substantial than "You are mine. Got it? Good. Now lick the dirt off my shoes, for I don't want to waste my brand new doormat" and for a Dom to initiate contact with a sub with the heading "Bow down and kiss my feet, for I am your master and you are my slave - You are nothing and I am everything. Your values, your worth as well as your very existence are in my hands" is really out of order, as well as clueless. Sure, I was paraphrasing, but you get the gist. [;)] In my view, I see that as plain rudeness and isn't exclusive to the world of D/s.

HornyToadsMI -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 8:26:45 PM)
It is sad.....it is a lack of respect for ones self as well as for others. But it is a fact of life, no matter where you go, there will be that one "guy" who comes up, pinches your ass, and thinks that he is "Superman" and every woman will sleep with him. He is where you work, at your church, at the grocery store... (Not meant to be a slam on guys in general....just an example). quote: ORIGINAL: SlayerZ I just think it's sad that subs/slaves feel like they have to underline and punch the fact that being a submissive doesn't equate to being a doormat. I think the very fact that subs/slaves feel like they have to make that very point says more about the standard, the expectation and the sheer manner of Doms that it does about them.

umakemewanna -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 8:38:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: beargonewild quote: ORIGINAL: umakemewanna Just because you are slave, doesn't mean you aren't human ....you are so you still should be treated with respect and dignity. Being a slave is a way of life, that HUMANS live.If you were truly to treat someone like a doormat pretty sure they would die at an early stage in life, frankly a human body can't put up with being treated like a doormat. I don't believe any poster on this thread stated that a slave was less than human. As it was pointed out to myself earlier on, being a doormat does not necessary mean it's a negative thing. As a couple posters had enlightened me on how it can be a positive situation. (my thanks for the .dark and a couple other posters for this enlightenment!) Just take notice that each of us has a different perspective to what we define a "doormat" is and it's neither right or wrong, just how we perceive the term based upon our individual experiences. Well exactly, each of us has different points of view and interpert that word in different ways. But i think most of the people who are so against it think of it the way i described it...i know i do. But i understand it can be used as something that is not negative, but the way society really shapes that metaphor it is negative most of the time. I understand what you are saying though.

SlayerZ -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 8:42:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: beargonewild quote: ORIGINAL: SlayerZ I just think it's sad that subs/slaves feel like they have to underline and punch the fact that being a submissive doesn't equate to being a doormat. I think the very fact that subs/slaves feel like they have to make that very point says more about the standard, the expectation and the sheer manner of Doms that it does about them. I've read stories about subs here receiving personal messages from complete strangers (Doms) who are so abrupt and so rude and so very presumptuous, to the point where that I feel deeply embarrassed for them. It doesn't take a lot of energy to be nice and to be friendly and to attempt a foundation of something more substantial than "You are mine. Got it? Good. Now lick the dirt off my shoes, for I don't want to waste my brand new doormat" and for a Dom to initiate contact with a sub with the heading "Bow down and kiss my feet, for I am your master and you are my slave - You are nothing and I am everything. Your values, your worth as well as your very existence are in my hands" is really out of order, as well as clueless. Sure, I was paraphrasing, but you get the gist. [;)] In my view, I see that as plain rudeness and isn't exclusive to the world of D/s. I wouldn't be particularly inclined to argue with that. It does happen here a lot, though. I would even suggest that it happens on here more than any other D/s / BDSM site. From a personal point of view I've messaged a few subs on here and I've never received a reply. I can only interupt that as them saying "Oh god, not another self-important douchebag who wants me to be his sub after 2 messages" - Hell, I've even read a few profiles where subs actually say that.

SlayerZ -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 8:46:22 PM)
What, you mean the pinching your ass thing wouldn't work? I was under the impression that women, en mass, would melt at the sheer thought of a pinched bottom. I guess that's where I'm going wrong. :p But I agree with you, it is a blanket lack of respect. Well, that and stupidity and deep ignorance. quote: ORIGINAL: HornyToadsMI It is sad.....it is a lack of respect for ones self as well as for others. But it is a fact of life, no matter where you go, there will be that one "guy" who comes up, pinches your ass, and thinks that he is "Superman" and every woman will sleep with him. He is where you work, at your church, at the grocery store... (Not meant to be a slam on guys in general....just an example). quote: ORIGINAL: SlayerZ I just think it's sad that subs/slaves feel like they have to underline and punch the fact that being a submissive doesn't equate to being a doormat. I think the very fact that subs/slaves feel like they have to make that very point says more about the standard, the expectation and the sheer manner of Doms that it does about them.

beargonewild -> RE: Where are the submissive submissives? (10/3/2008 8:50:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SlayerZ quote: ORIGINAL: beargonewild quote: ORIGINAL: SlayerZ I just think it's sad that subs/slaves feel like they have to underline and punch the fact that being a submissive doesn't equate to being a doormat. I think the very fact that subs/slaves feel like they have to make that very point says more about the standard, the expectation and the sheer manner of Doms that it does about them. I've read stories about subs here receiving personal messages from complete strangers (Doms) who are so abrupt and so rude and so very presumptuous, to the point where that I feel deeply embarrassed for them. It doesn't take a lot of energy to be nice and to be friendly and to attempt a foundation of something more substantial than "You are mine. Got it? Good. Now lick the dirt off my shoes, for I don't want to waste my brand new doormat" and for a Dom to initiate contact with a sub with the heading "Bow down and kiss my feet, for I am your master and you are my slave - You are nothing and I am everything. Your values, your worth as well as your very existence are in my hands" is really out of order, as well as clueless. Sure, I was paraphrasing, but you get the gist. [;)] In my view, I see that as plain rudeness and isn't exclusive to the world of D/s. I wouldn't be particularly inclined to argue with that. It does happen here a lot, though. I would even suggest that it happens on here more than any other D/s / BDSM site. From a personal point of view I've messaged a few subs on here and I've never received a reply. I can only interupt that as them saying "Oh god, not another self-important douchebag who wants me to be his sub after 2 messages" - Hell, I've even read a few profiles where subs actually say that. As a side note to this: being part of the LGBT community, that same type of attitude is quite common also. Which is why I don't see that type of rude exclusive to the BDSM community!

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