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RE: Looking for safe call - 10/5/2008 8:59:44 PM

Alumbrado

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quote:

ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

That isn't what a safe call is.
A safe call is when my friend tells the guy that she will meet him at a certain place at a certain time, and I am just around the corner, waiting for her to call regularly and say she is still OK while they talk...then they leave separately.

Yes, some Hannibal Lechter type super-predator could have already rendered her zombie like with invisible mist from a rare South American potion, and smuggled a battery powered surgical saw into the restaurant to carry the pieces of her body out through the tunnel he dug beneath their table 3 days earlier, and I wouldn't be able to help her...

Get real people, precautions minimize risk, they don't make things risk free.... anyone who advises against taking precautions because they aren't 100% guaranteed, isn't on your side.

Did ya miss the OP saying she "doesn't really know anyone around here?"
That was what i was referring to and, just a question... when you're the safe call, does the person REALLY interrupt their conversation to call you? And, if so, does she leave the person she's sitting with or does she do it in front of him? And, how long after she was supposed to call do you go looking. And, if you went looking and she wasn't there, what would you do? i'm just sayin here. You don't think a smooth talking guy has ever gotten a woman into his car?
i never said don't take any risks. If i had, i might have suggested she invite him to her house in the secluded wilderness. Don't try to put words in my mouth please.

Nobody has done any such thing...you clearly labelled safe calls as less desirable because they promoted a false sense of security... your exact words, and the exact words used in the article you agreed with that also said don't use safe calls for the same reason.
If that isn't what you meant to say, then correct your mistake, don't try to blame it on other people.

< Message edited by Alumbrado -- 10/5/2008 9:00:41 PM >

(in reply to apiercedkitty)

Post #: 21

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/5/2008 9:42:57 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
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A safe call is more than just a phone call. This is a person who has all the information you have obtained from your "date". DL, Registration, work and home numbers, adresses to all these. your homework before going should include a call to his work. if a man has "other" intentions, when you start baggering him for information, can you honestly see him sticking around? if that person is intent upon killing, little will stop them. but, can you truly see them finding you worthy enough, miles and miles away, to stop and give you such information... after you have told him others will have it too?

its more than a call

< Message edited by tazzygirl -- 10/5/2008 9:44:16 PM >

(in reply to Alumbrado)

Post #: 22

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/5/2008 11:12:41 PM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz
You don't have to sit at the same table at the restraunt do you? (Do you? I have never gone on a double)

Technically...

otherwise it's two separate dates that you just happen to be having at the same restaurant and traveled to together...

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 23

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/5/2008 11:17:43 PM

LadyPact

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One of My boys is in Dallas. Further concern is no longer needed.

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(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 24

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 8:15:58 AM

apiercedkitty

Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

Nobody has done any such thing...you clearly labelled safe calls as less desirable because they promoted a false sense of security... your exact words, and the exact words used in the article you agreed with that also said don't use safe calls for the same reason.
If that isn't what you meant to say, then correct your mistake, don't try to blame it on other people.

Again, putting words in my mouth. At no point did i use the words "less desirable" than anything else. i did say, however, that i do believe they give people a false sense of security - period. Anything else you take from that statement is YOUR thinking and inferring about what i meant. i would hope that more safety measures would be used besides a safe call. Again, if i didn't say the words, they're not mine. You're more than welcome to infer whatever you'd like - but don't make it out as something i said.

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(in reply to Alumbrado)

Post #: 25

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 10:44:08 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

i did say, however, that i do believe they give people a false sense of security - period.

What do you base this opinion on, yourself, friends, how many others?

I prefer any sort of safety measure that may keep someone safe. Some safe calls are better than others. You sound like one of those people that would say "Safety belts give people a false sense of security, because they wear them they take unnecessary driving risks", which is absurd. If you plan on meeting someone anyways, in a public place, etc, how do safe calls give you a false sense of security? How does that work? What does a person with a safe call do that is inherently more dangerous than someone without one?

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(in reply to apiercedkitty)

Post #: 26

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 10:58:01 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

A safe call is more than just a phone call. This is a person who has all the information you have obtained from your "date". DL, Registration, work and home numbers, adresses to all these. your homework before going should include a call to his work.

In LA, and in most cities, you can provide 100% of this information and 100% of it can be false, including a call to a POE.

quote:

What does a person with a safe call do that is inherently more dangerous than someone without one?

They put trust in the 'safe-call' and rely on it, instead of not going on the date/meeting in the first place until they can put just as much, if not more, trust in the person they are meeting.

All things considered the best consideration is that you are NOT safe when you meet someone new regardless of your gender or which side of the flogger you prefer. Life is chance. The best you can hope for is that you've thought about and eliminated the possibility of as much of the 'worst case scenario' as you can. However you should never let your guard down or create a false sense of security based upon information that you have been given by the other side of the meeting.

The 'Con' in 'Con-man' stands for confidence. He/she acquire victims by creating confidence. 'Safe-calls' are a con-man's friend. The 'Time' it takes to reduce the need for them, is the con-man's enemy; they don't want to waste it, CONvincing you.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 27

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 12:23:56 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

All things considered the best consideration is that you are NOT safe when you meet someone new regardless of your gender or which side of the flogger you prefer.

Well that should be common sense. Here is one thing a person meeting you cannot fake... their make and model car and their physical description and their email addy. All these things can be traced. All these this info can be given to a safe call at the beginning of the date. If you see someone pull up in a toyota celica that cannot be "faked". A person's cell phone number cannot be faked. Now does this info keep you safe? No. It does give the police a place to start if they are looking for your killer/rapist. It also could serve as a deterrent to someone intending you harm. If they know that they will get caught if they do something to you, they just may decide that someone else would make a better victim.

Arguing that a person has a false sense of security because they call someone is really a non sequitor. People have a false sense of security in their neighborhood, driving close to home, at work, and other familiar places... having a false sense of security when meeting a stranger is something only a very foolish person would have, that is why they set up the safe call in the first place.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 28

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 1:03:06 PM

GreedyTop

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Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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they can rent or borrow a car. email addy's are easy and free to create, and they can be done from the local library. physical description? ok, maybe they cant fake that, but how many people fit the same general description?

Just sayin....

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(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 29

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 1:23:01 PM

tazzygirl

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Joined: 10/12/2007
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would be interesting to see someone fake an ID, and get on cam... fake a registration to a car... and not have the names match... the addresses match as well. nor would i be above calling an employer, to make certain that person is actually employed where he said he was... they dont need to know why you called. it requires thought and planning, and a willingness to keep in the back of your mind that this person may or may not be who they claim to be. meet in a public place, for gods sake. better yet, meet in the lobby of your hotel, which is best. most have security cameras there. if someone is intent on killing you, they dont have to be a stranger on line to do so, they could be your neighbor, your kids soccer coach, ect. being in the lifestyle doesnt make you a special target. even a blind date could be the one out to slit your throat.

but, start asking a man for his identification, registrations, phone numbers for home, cell and work, and explaining how all this will be given to another person, and for what purpose, and they will probably think twice unless their motives are what they claim to be. with the advent of cell phones having picture taking abilities, text messaging, and the ability to locate someone based upon their last known signal... and you have given others as well as the police a better way of finding you should something happen, god forbid. i agree, to a point, a safe call wont save your life if someone is out to get you... however... how many would be killers chose a smart woman to kill when she starts demanding proof of what he claims to be?

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(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 30

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 1:38:25 PM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

they can rent or borrow a car.

a rented car would be traceable, as would a borrowed car. Just the fact that your loved ones know the location that you met the person at would be a help if you came up missing. It gives the police a place to start asking witnesses that may have seen you. Calling your safe call from your cell gives the police direct access to where you are in relation to cell towers that picked up your call. I would rather have that much for the authorities to go on than nothing at all. It is just silly to me to say a safe call is of absolutely no use and that anyone that would use one is only doing so to give themselves a false sense of security. When I used this when I first met my Daddy I knew it would not protect me if he wanted to kill me, but I gotta say that having him call me from his landline and his name coming up unblocked, looking at his license and giving the number to my mother when I called her, along with his registration and license no. was a hell of a lot better than not telling anyone where I was or who I was meeting. To me, just my opinion, it would be foolish not to tell others where I was going. In fact I let my whereabouts be known by those who love me at all times... if I end up missing they will be able to send the dogs to my last known location. I call my Daddy when I am on my way home. I call my mother when I am on the way to Central Cali, I call my son when I am out and about to let him know where I am. It is just one of those things that I do because I do not like those I love to worry about me... What is the difference in those types of calls and a safe call?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 31

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 2:37:49 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

they can rent or borrow a car.

a rented car would be traceable, as would a borrowed car. Just the fact that your loved ones know the location that you met the person at would be a help if you came up missing. It gives the police a place to start asking witnesses that may have seen you. Calling your safe call from your cell gives the police direct access to where you are in relation to cell towers that picked up your call. I would rather have that much for the authorities to go on than nothing at all. It is just silly to me to say a safe call is of absolutely no use and that anyone that would use one is only doing so to give themselves a false sense of security. When I used this when I first met my Daddy I knew it would not protect me if he wanted to kill me, but I gotta say that having him call me from his landline and his name coming up unblocked, looking at his license and giving the number to my mother when I called her, along with his registration and license no. was a hell of a lot better than not telling anyone where I was or who I was meeting. To me, just my opinion, it would be foolish not to tell others where I was going. In fact I let my whereabouts be known by those who love me at all times... if I end up missing they will be able to send the dogs to my last known location. I call my Daddy when I am on my way home. I call my mother when I am on the way to Central Cali, I call my son when I am out and about to let him know where I am. It is just one of those things that I do because I do not like those I love to worry about me... What is the difference in those types of calls and a safe call?

My apologies, I thought we were talking about being "safe". You're talking about catching the person after they've coned you into believing you were safe when you met them. That's a different subject.

All those status or 'on the way' calls help establish where/when to start the search for you when you don't show up. They don't insure your safety.

You may be raped, maimed, or killed, but with your method there would be a place to start the investigation process. As long as the focus is on catching the person and not being 'safe' - your methods will work.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 32

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 4:44:55 PM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

Good grief people, yall are making me reconsider meeting anyone ever again!

I will say that the last time I did this I didn't even have a safe call, because I wasn't thinking of it as a potential BDSM relationship, just a vanilla date, and I was lucky enough to have it turn into something else. The last time I *really* needed a safecall was probably 10 years ago or more and cell phones were not as prevalent then, so getting a person's home phone number was a bigger deal... So I wonder why vanilla people do not have safecalls on their dates/meetings in public places with potential partners? Are we saying that someone in the lifestyle is more likely to kill/rape a person on first meeting than a vanilla person? I know we engage in activities that make it easier to kill or rape a person, but typically not in the I-Hop on I-35:) I'm not trying to be confrontational at all, here, just curious....

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 33

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 5:20:03 PM

CookieSlave

Posts: 74
Joined: 7/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine

Good grief people, yall are making me reconsider meeting anyone ever again!

Yeah, really!

And it's not that the information in this thread is bad, it's just.. I think.. a little bit overkill, the overthinking and overanalyzing. Like I said before, just "be smart" and everything that encompasses. Don't do dumb things. That's about as safe as you can be.

Good luck, moonvine, let us know how things work out for you! :-)

--cs

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 34

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 5:27:38 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

All those status or 'on the way' calls help establish where/when to start the search for you when you don't show up. They don't insure your safety.

You know, safety belts don't always work, safety glasses do not always work, and safety pins do not always work... yet we include the word "safety"... I think you hear the word safety and you immediately believe that what is being communicated is that it is a 100 percent cure against any sort of injury. Yes, I do think that if one is dealing with a predator they are not going to want to mess with the person that leaves a trail of witnesses and information that can be investigated. Those who prey on women usually wait for the opportunity and try to mitigate their risks. If you do some research regarding how predatory men target women you would know that they do not like dealing with women who set up safety measures to take care of themselves... they do not want that sort of resistance. Is this 100 percent guarantee of protection because you make sure you give your loved ones as much info as you can about strangers that you are meeting? No, never claimed it was, but it is a deterrent the same way that having a gun is a deterrent, or a security system, or a large dog in your house. Perhaps your objection is to the word "safety", perhaps you may like the word "deterrent call" better. And we can use deterrent belts, deterrent glasses, and deterrent pins too.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 35

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 6:20:19 PM

apiercedkitty

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Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
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~FR~

So we're basically arguing semantics then. i think the two camps need to agree to disagree. i'm not trying to convince anyone to believe, like i do, that safe calls aren't that great. The people who believe they are can also know they're not going to convince me. Ok. Great.
And, to answer the question of why do people in the lifestyle use safe calls and vanillas don't. Not everyone in the lifestyle does. i meet people as if i was meeting anyone else - i use my common sense. If something felt "off," i wouldn't be meeting the person in the first place.

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Post #: 36

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 6:23:21 PM

hapistan

Posts: 83
Joined: 9/11/2008
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but, at the risk of being pedantic
as a bloke, being the subject of a safety call is a good thing, it means i'm not a dodgy wierdo
being the subject of deterrent call means, i'm calling to stop him being a wierdo

and i dont mean that to be flippant, simply that surely part of the reason they caught on is that its a much easier to sell as a good thing

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 37

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 6:29:34 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty
And, to answer the question of why do people in the lifestyle use safe calls and vanillas don't. Not everyone in the lifestyle does. i meet people as if i was meeting anyone else - i use my common sense. If something felt "off," i wouldn't be meeting the person in the first place.

This goes for me as well.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
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(in reply to apiercedkitty)

Post #: 38

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 7:14:27 PM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty
And, to answer the question of why do people in the lifestyle use safe calls and vanillas don't. Not everyone in the lifestyle does. i meet people as if i was meeting anyone else - i use my common sense. If something felt "off," i wouldn't be meeting the person in the first place.

This goes for me as well.

It is interesting, though, apparently nothing about Ted Bundy felt "off" - it is always the people you don't suspect, I just think the likelihood of anything bad happening is really small....and the only way to ever be 100% safe is to stay in your house forever and never meet anyone ever again...which I'm not willing to do...

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 39

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 7:23:43 PM

apiercedkitty

Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine
It is interesting, though, apparently nothing about Ted Bundy felt "off" - it is always the people you don't suspect, I just think the likelihood of anything bad happening is really small....and the only way to ever be 100% safe is to stay in your house forever and never meet anyone ever again...which I'm not willing to do...

Valid point. Although, i doubt that everyone Ted met went off alone with him. So, maybe there were times that people got the intuition. i guess i just hope my gut doesn't fail me.

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(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 40

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