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RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 7:29:17 PM

RoughFN

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I never found the standard "Are you fine?" "Yeah, I'm fine" style safe call to be effective.

It's entirely possible that some nefarious individual you've met with is holding a knife to your throat and telling you to respond that everything's fine when your safe call phones. Sure, you can say now that you'd just protest and scream for help, but if your choices are (1) lie and say everything's fine and hope to live 'til later or (2) scream for help and surely die immediately (further, with a good chance of the guy escaping before help arrives, assuming some sort of time delay), then you'll choose option (1) every time, if you're smart.

I'm not trying to scaremonger or anything, just proposing an enhancement.

When my wife goes out on dates, I ask her personal questions that only she'll know the answer to. Something we both know but it's not publicly accessible, or at least not available quickly. "Who did you have a crush on in high school?" or "what was my grandmother's maiden name?" I send her a text so as not to interrupt and just let her send me back the answer. She's always sent back the right one promptly. But if she were ever in trouble or under persuasion, it's easy for her to give a quick lie for a potential abductor to send back to me. An added bonus is that I know something's amiss whereas he would assume that the safe call is covered and he's free and clear, at least until the next one.

If she weren't to answer the text, I'd phone and repeat the procedure. But like I said, it's never been an issue.

I also send her a question every half hour or so for the same reason. Potentially, someone could always just wait until your safe call is done (if you only have one), and then kidnap you.

Of course, this doesn't necessarily work with someone that doesn't know you well enough to ask such questions, but you could even potentially provide a service or whoever with a list of questions to ask to achieve the same effect.

Like I said, I'm not trying to scaremonger and am sure I'm being overly paranoid, but when it comes to my girls I tend to be.

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RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 7:40:20 PM

moonvine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RoughFN

I never found the standard "Are you fine?" "Yeah, I'm fine" style safe call to be effective.

I never did that one...if there was a problem there was always a code word I would use that would sound ok, even if someone had a gun to my head. Like "Everything's fine, the weather's good" or some such.

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Post #: 42

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 7:51:35 PM

tazzygirl

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hmmm.. scaring people... guess so many have forgotten the slave master killings in kansas city

i never said dont use your gut instincts... never said.. trust them completely because you have a call coming up soon. of course you should follow yoru instincts, protect yourself at all costs. only an idiot would strap themselves with a cell phone and pretend life is sweet and dandy as a disney movie. but, why on god's green earth would anyone say that another level of protection is useless?

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RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 7:58:12 PM

Missokyst

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Ok.. this is what I do if no one I know is around. I arrange to meet at a local restaurant. I arrive early and I stay until after he leaves. In the few days prior to the meeting I visit that restaurant and chat up the staff. I get to know them, engage the bartender (if they have one) in chat so that when I come in he knows my name.
And during the quiet times I mention that I am going to be meeting someone from the net at this same place.
Around here I meet at the Red Lobster (they have a quiet bar), Chili's (they have a bar with food), or Logans.
Even when you don't know many people you can be known.
And never leave at the same time if you are at all nervous. Often a host will walk you to your car if you ask.
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RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 9:40:15 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

And, to answer the question of why do people in the lifestyle use safe calls and vanillas don't.

I would set up a call system no matter what stranger I was meeting, and I had a system in place before I discovered wiitwd

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Post #: 45

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/6/2008 9:58:43 PM

moonvine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

And, to answer the question of why do people in the lifestyle use safe calls and vanillas don't.

I would set up a call system no matter what stranger I was meeting, and I had a system in place before I discovered wiitwd

Really? That is good. I had never even heard of safecalls or had a call system before I discovered BDSM (well, really I "discovered" that I had these fantasies when very young, like 13....

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Post #: 46

RE: Looking for safe call - 10/7/2008 6:01:07 AM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

And, to answer the question of why do people in the lifestyle use safe calls and vanillas don't.

I would set up a call system no matter what stranger I was meeting, and I had a system in place before I discovered wiitwd

Really? That is good. I had never even heard of safecalls or had a call system before I discovered BDSM (well, really I "discovered" that I had these fantasies when very young, like 13....

I did not call it a "safe call", but I met friends from the internet and would constantly check in with my family, and they with me. I was not even romantically interested in these people... they were friends I had made via a political forum I frequented

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 10/7/2008 6:02:26 AM >

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RE: Looking for safe call - 10/7/2008 10:09:00 PM

moonvine

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Sadly, it appears as though a safe call will not be needed, but I will keep your helpful suggestions in mind for next time.

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RE: Looking for safe call - 10/7/2008 10:28:33 PM

Celene

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A safe call is smart and I hope you continue to seek out someone to be there for you, even though you don't have an immediate need.
I was very happy to hear that someone I met recently had made his call after he got home. The person wasn't near to him (or to me) but the fact is that someone was aware of where he went and when he'd be home (and who knows what else?) and was expecting to hear from him. That's just smart.
Tasha is right to post the down side and remind us that it's not a sure thing, but it's something and the article she linked also reminds us to do more than just arrange a safecall. How much more depends on your particular situation.

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RE: Looking for safe call - 10/8/2008 7:37:34 AM

Cyis75

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Joined: 8/31/2004
From: Georgia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Celene

A safe call is smart and I hope you continue to seek out someone to be there for you, even though you don't have an immediate need.
I was very happy to hear that someone I met recently had made his call after he got home. The person wasn't near to him (or to me) but the fact is that someone was aware of where he went and when he'd be home (and who knows what else?) and was expecting to hear from him. That's just smart.
Tasha is right to post the down side and remind us that it's not a sure thing, but it's something and the article she linked also reminds us to do more than just arrange a safecall. How much more depends on your particular situation.

I can't agree more... I've known those that have learned the hard lessons of not taking the necessary precautions and luckily were able to learn from them. I try to stress that to anyone I encounter whether as a friend or potential partner. I've even met with those that haven't setup some safety net and when I found out explained how risky that was if they had been meeting with the wrong person. Whether submissive or dominant, you still have an obligation to think about your own well-being when meeting someone you barely know yet and haven't met.

I've also known of those that waited until the guard was let down and then disaster hit. The predators are out there so you have to be wary of them, because just like us kinky folk look like everyday vanilla folk, predators can look just like kinky folk to lure in their prey.

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Post #: 50