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"Compromising" Positions - 10/6/2008 9:12:06 PM

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Hi, all----
I was discussing, off-board, with a rather prolific poster on-board the distinction between terms such as Dom, sub, and switch. Related to said identifiers, the individual queried me about an activity I cite in my profile as of particular enjoyment to myself (And, obviously, others). For the sake of condensing, I strongly prefer the s-side of the kneel in my contemplation of relations with men. I also very much enjoy f*cking men with a strap-on. The person with whom I was holding a conversation asserted that by virtue of my stated preference in that regard, I could not possibly be submissive with a Dominant male after such an activity (He also used some terms like Alpha Dom that I think completely 'jump the shark' on this topic and possibly at large but if someone else wants to use them, feel free. One citation he gave was that an Alpha Dom <whatever that particular creature is > could get oral from a male and not have it threaten his orientation but that being f*cked by a woman simply would not happen as it would eclipse his orientation and that which would serve him: I think that's a load of BS and said so). He stated that after 'going there' the other person's Dominance and my submissiveness would be ever-afer compromised and, at best, I am a switch (Which I identify as anyway but in his usage, it didn't seem a positive descriptor or in the spirit of why I use that identifier) and, I suppose, that would relegate the other person to the same negatively toned descriptor as well. I told him that I respectfully but most emphatically disagree with his assertion. I've experienced that which I assert (I have also experienced exerting total control with a male being submissive to me: the experiences, but for the 'nuts and bolts' aspects < no pun intended > are not in any way the same. Very, very different energy, experience, people, everything. Waaaaaaaaay different. Not the same at all; not even vaguely similar, imo. And, no alteration of energy or dynamics thereafter.). So, my ultimate assertion on the conversation was: "I think that it is insanely silly to distinguish being f*cked or sucked as a potential form of service. Service is service no matter where you're putting whatever you're putting."
I'm absolutely and abundantly certain of where I, and anyone of relevance to me, stand on this point but I'm picking the gauntlet the individual tossed in challenge to me to put this up on the boards for folks to toss around.
Davan

RE: "Compromising" Positions - 10/6/2008 9:23:27 PM

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If you are doing something for anothers pleasure and by their request, it matters not what the activity. What matters are the motivations and intentions behind the activity. If the D's intention is to receive pleasure, and your intention is to serve the D by giving him such pleasure, then the dynamic would remain intact.

It would be no different than you giving the D a massage, if it was requested by the D and performed by you, you are still the one giving and the D receiving.

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(in reply to DavanKael)

RE: "Compromising" Positions - 10/6/2008 9:27:08 PM

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yourMissTress----
Thank you for your post.
My point exactly! :>
I think that the other person somehow also connoted my pleasure in the act (Or even requesting it) as compromising to dynamics which I think is erroneous as well: that my pleasure factoring in at all diminished the service which, imo, is not only wildly one-sided but relationally unsound.
Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 10/6/2008 9:31:19 PM >

(in reply to yourMissTress)

RE: "Compromising" Positions - 10/6/2008 9:29:24 PM

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I had an ex that was "dominant" towards me (in quotes because it was his definition of what was in his mind, not reality). However, he enjoyed thoroughly being fucked up the ass with a dildo. And asked me to on occasion. I somewhat disliked it because he "melted" too much for my taste -- he was so not the dominant in that relationship. However, a dom that could keep his cool, it would have been ok. I think it's all about the dom themselves.

Maybe the one you were talking abut is just not happy enough with his sexuality...or something...or just doesn't like anal play? Doesn't mean that it's wrong always, just with that one person, I guess. Or there was a more thought out something here. But sleep makes me no sense right now.

(in reply to DavanKael)

RE: "Compromising" Positions - 10/6/2008 9:32:59 PM

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One of the strongest doms (whatever that means, but it has meaning to me) I've ever been with would sometimes ask me to fuck his ass. It was always clear, though, who was in charge. I did it because he wanted me to. And it absolutely NEVER changed our dynamic.

(in reply to DavanKael)

RE: "Compromising" Positions - 10/6/2008 9:35:37 PM

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At very deep levels of service, the distinctions between "dominant" and "submissive" as many people use them can become fuzzy and indistinct. I have topped women before, done things that would have looked quite dominant to an outside observer, but I felt very much in service to them because I was helping them meet their needs and free their energies. I think this level of service can be spiritually deeper than the standard routine of "dominant" and "submissive" fetishes.

(This is in reply to the OP's question about strap-ons and submission, not sure why it showed as a response to Silkenfire)

< Message edited by subexploring -- 10/6/2008 9:36:51 PM >

(in reply to silkenfire)

RE: "Compromising" Positions - 10/6/2008 9:41:55 PM

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Hi, silkenfire----
Not sure what the person's own personal sexual take on the activity related to themselves was as that wasn't the context of the conversation (It was a wholly platonic conversation; not 'looking', very clear on that in my profile). He seemed adamant about the idea of Alpha-ness related to Doms (Which I still honestly don't 'get' though I have the image of someone strutting around like a rooster in my head) and the whole blow-job from a male as more acceptable than being f*cked by a woman. Perhaps were it more an assertion of actions among equals I would understand it better in my own personal context (Ie: were he saying that because the blow-er was male, that is what made it different) but the focus was the action.
Lol, your previous "dominant" sounds a lot like a rather submissive boy I man-handled, much to his and my pleasure. That's nothing like f*cking a Dominant.
Totally different than someone who is Dominant. Totally! :>
Was your displeasure caused by the person's misidentification or another aspect?
Davan

(in reply to silkenfire)

RE: "Compromising" Positions - 10/6/2008 9:44:52 PM

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Beautifully stated, subexploring! :>
giveeverything: Precisely! :>
I am wondering if the person who challenged me to post this thread is going to pop in to assert the opposing opinion.
Gotta say, I feel my opinion and take on things has been very much understood to this point and am tickled that there are apparently lots of others out there who 'get' the energy of a thing rather than the stereotypical action. Yaaaaay, for thinking outside of the box! :>
Davan

(in reply to DavanKael)

RE: "Compromising" Positions - 10/6/2008 11:05:28 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

I think that's a load of BS and said so.

Agreed.

He's using a personal choice of kink as a barometer to gauge an entirely unrelated dynamic of control. Nonsense.

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(in reply to DavanKael)

RE: "Compromising" Positions - 10/6/2008 11:10:35 PM

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Master: "Slave, I'm in the mood to have you penetrate me with a strap on."

Slave: "I'm sorry, Sir, but I cannot allow you to compromise your dominance by finding such a thing pleasurable...let alone demanding such a thing from me."

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
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(in reply to NihilusZero)

RE: "Compromising" Positions - 10/6/2008 11:47:16 PM

RCdc

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Action does not = orientation.

the.dark.

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(in reply to DavanKael)

RE: "Compromising" Positions - 10/7/2008 2:15:50 AM

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It's what feels good that matters, not what anyone else thinks. You do what you like, is it really anyone else's business?

(in reply to DavanKael)

RE: "Compromising" Positions - 10/7/2008 2:27:46 AM

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I suspect the dominant you were talking to was expressing his own personal reservations about having a sub penetrate him with a strap-on. Most likely he would feel his dominance had been compromised in this situation. It doesn't mean all doms would react this way.

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(in reply to DavanKael)

RE: "Compromising" Positions - 10/7/2008 2:41:09 AM

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...what everyone else said.

I would not see how I would service my Dom/daddy/whathaveyou/etc would in any way compromise his Domly-ness. Service is service. Whether I fetch a beer, make a sammich, or stuff an ass, it's pleasing to Daddy, therefore I will rise to the occasion. That's what I do. It's in my job description.

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RE: "Compromising" Positions - 10/7/2008 4:37:12 AM

Rover

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Just adding to the chorus of agreement here...

What determines if an activity is simply enjoyment of sensation, or is outright submission? Motivation.

John

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Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to DavanKael)

RE: "Compromising" Positions - 10/7/2008 5:24:41 AM

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Also agree with what everyone has said. As long as i am doing what my 'Daddy' is asking of me and i am serving him it would not hurt or change or dynamic at all. I could f*&@ him in the ass and then right after go make him something to eat and get him something to drink. He would still be my 'Daddy'. It wouldnt change a thing.

(in reply to Rover)

RE: "Compromising" Positions - 10/7/2008 5:45:06 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

Hi, silkenfire----
Not sure what the person's own personal sexual take on the activity related to themselves was as that wasn't the context of the conversation (It was a wholly platonic conversation; not 'looking', very clear on that in my profile). He seemed adamant about the idea of Alpha-ness related to Doms (Which I still honestly don't 'get' though I have the image of someone strutting around like a rooster in my head) and the whole blow-job from a male as more acceptable than being f*cked by a woman. Perhaps were it more an assertion of actions among equals I would understand it better in my own personal context (Ie: were he saying that because the blow-er was male, that is what made it different) but the focus was the action.
Lol, your previous "dominant" sounds a lot like a rather submissive boy I man-handled, much to his and my pleasure. That's nothing like f*cking a Dominant.
Totally different than someone who is Dominant. Totally! :>
Was your displeasure caused by the person's misidentification or another aspect?
Davan

IMO, the person with whom you were speaking is not comfortable with himself yet. He feels threatened by an activity that is neither inherently dominant or submissive.
For him, receiving anal sex from a woman would be submissive and he isn't comfortable with it, that is fine-for him.
Others would have no problem.
If you flip the scene around, does that mean I always have to be on top because I'm the Dominant? Oy, how utterly boring that would be.

Lady Jag

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(in reply to DavanKael)

RE: "Compromising" Positions - 10/7/2008 5:50:35 AM

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Being fucked up the ass would with a strap-on by your sub would AUTOMATICALLY change the dynamic because the one being penetrated in any instance is automatically submissive. In the case of a male, it also makes him instantly homosexual.
Doms who are masochistic and/or enjoy CBT are also not true Doms..they are subs.

Just the same it would instantly make the sub the Domme and the Dom the sub if you were lower yourself over your Dom's mouth and released all of your nectar because He wanted to see you happy and He decided to fullfill a major fantasy of yours and bottom to you...

No.. it wouldn't, it couldn't be that it might make your submission to Him even deeper.. Solidify your relationship and your dynamic even further...and make you feel even more grateful that you chose the right man to submit to because He not only understands but embraces all your deep, dark, disgustingly sick and perverted fantasies and wants to see you experience it all and help you grow as a person and understand yourself and your motivations as much as you can..

Geez Davan, haven't you read the official manual? Duh!

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(in reply to Rover)

RE: "Compromising" Positions - 10/7/2008 6:01:29 AM

Rover

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Does having her digitally stimulate your prostate during sex make you submissive, the same way a strap-on would? Or is that dependent upon the size of her finger?

John

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"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to DavanKael)

RE: "Compromising" Positions - 10/7/2008 6:07:51 AM

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i think its still okay as long as there is no thumb...ill have to get back to you later on that one...check all the appendices. ill let you know.

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Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Rover)

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