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First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 9:47:49 AM

Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

I talked yesterday to a guy from another site. The conversation went
pretty well, he seemed to be a good guy, with interests that were
very compatible with mine.
It was our first conversation, after E-mailing back and forth a
couple times the day before.

I got the following message from him this morning.

"Ok...thought about this allot and willing to give this a try...As I
See it..wee meet one day next week at my home for a one day
trail..you...need to a garter belt and nylons and 5 inch heels..also
a ball gag would be nice...there is a Christie's shore a mile from
my home that sells all that stuff...easy to stop and buy...you need
to understand I'm into bondage and humiliation and have to except
same....If you agree to this we can talk more..."

He lives about 45 minutes from me, near the city, but in a fairly remote, lakeside area.

Now..what do you think???
Dominants -- Do you expect a sub to be willing to meet you at your
place and scene on the first meeting?
If she said NO, she didn't feel comfortable doing that... would that
end your desire to meet her and pursue a potential relationship?
Should I consider doing this? Sounds to me like he wants to tie me
up, gag me and have his way with me on the first meeting. Could be
fun, right? After all.. i've not tried bondage and been wanting to.
If I don't agree... does that make me less of a submissive?

Submissives.... how would you respond? Do you think this would be OK?
Does his aggressiveness, demanding, controlling manner turn you on?
What would your response be, under the circumstances i've described.

I really really want to hear from ya'll on this one.
I'm not going to tell you how I responded to this just yet. Maybe I
said yes.. after all, i AM looking for a dominant to serve, and who
will control me.
Maybe I said no.
I'll tell you once I see what some of your responses are.

thanks for the input, in advance
regards,
cravin

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 9:50:07 AM

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Only you know how comfortable you feel about this scenario.
You have a gut, listen to it.
You know about safe calls, etc, yes?

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 9:59:11 AM

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin

I talked yesterday to a guy from another site. The conversation went
pretty well, he seemed to be a good guy, with interests that were
very compatible with mine.
It was our first conversation, after E-mailing back and forth a
couple times the day before.

I got the following message from him this morning.

"Ok...thought about this allot and willing to give this a try...As I
See it..wee meet one day next week at my home for a one day
trail..you...need to a garter belt and nylons and 5 inch heels..also
a ball gag would be nice...there is a Christie's shore a mile from
my home that sells all that stuff...easy to stop and buy...you need
to understand I'm into bondage and humiliation and have to except
same....If you agree to this we can talk more..."

He lives about 45 minutes from me, near the city, but in a fairly remote, lakeside area.

Now..what do you think???
Dominants -- Do you expect a sub to be willing to meet you at your
place and scene on the first meeting?
If she said NO, she didn't feel comfortable doing that... would that
end your desire to meet her and pursue a potential relationship?
Should I consider doing this? Sounds to me like he wants to tie me
up, gag me and have his way with me on the first meeting. Could be
fun, right? After all.. i've not tried bondage and been wanting to.
If I don't agree... does that make me less of a submissive?

Submissives.... how would you respond? Do you think this would be OK?
Does his aggressiveness, demanding, controlling manner turn you on?
What would your response be, under the circumstances i've described.

I really really want to hear from ya'll on this one.
I'm not going to tell you how I responded to this just yet. Maybe I
said yes.. after all, i AM looking for a dominant to serve, and who
will control me.
Maybe I said no.
I'll tell you once I see what some of your responses are.

thanks for the input, in advance
regards,
cravin

First meet? No... not in his home. A first meet should alway be very public. Take the time over a cup of coffee or something to look at this person. really find out if you feel a pull to him. Or are your urges pulling you.

Play it safe, safe call too. Let someone know you are meeting someone off line. Where, when, rough time you should return.

Especially being bound on a first meet!. Just how much trust can be formed yet?

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 10:06:05 AM

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin

I talked yesterday to a guy from another site. The conversation went
pretty well, he seemed to be a good guy, with interests that were
very compatible with mine.
It was our first conversation, after E-mailing back and forth a
couple times the day before.

I got the following message from him this morning.

"Ok...thought about this allot and willing to give this a try...As I
See it..wee meet one day next week at my home for a one day
trail..you...need to a garter belt and nylons and 5 inch heels..also
a ball gag would be nice...there is a Christie's shore a mile from
my home that sells all that stuff...easy to stop and buy...you need
to understand I'm into bondage and humiliation and have to except
same....If you agree to this we can talk more..."

He lives about 45 minutes from me, near the city, but in a fairly remote, lakeside area.

Now..what do you think???
Dominants -- Do you expect a sub to be willing to meet you at your
place and scene on the first meeting?
If she said NO, she didn't feel comfortable doing that... would that
end your desire to meet her and pursue a potential relationship?
Should I consider doing this? Sounds to me like he wants to tie me
up, gag me and have his way with me on the first meeting. Could be
fun, right? After all.. i've not tried bondage and been wanting to.
If I don't agree... does that make me less of a submissive?

Submissives.... how would you respond? Do you think this would be OK?
Does his aggressiveness, demanding, controlling manner turn you on?
What would your response be, under the circumstances i've described.

I really really want to hear from ya'll on this one.
I'm not going to tell you how I responded to this just yet. Maybe I
said yes.. after all, i AM looking for a dominant to serve, and who
will control me.
Maybe I said no.
I'll tell you once I see what some of your responses are.

thanks for the input, in advance
regards,
cravin

I do not believe you should meet this person at his house on the first meeting. I have seen it happen way to many times where the submissive didnt know what they were getting into. They wanted so badly to "play and serve" that they didnt take precautions. Please do be careful! I would never ask a submissive to meet Me in private let alone My own home on the first meeting. Have you heard about the saftey call? You need to have one set in place before meeting. I would suggest you look into this prior to any kind of meeting, whether it is public or private.

As far as her saying no she didnt feel comfortable, she has every right to say that! I wouldnt think any less of her for saying it. Here is the other thing, he not only tells you what you should wear, but also what you should stop and buy on the way to his house? Stop and buy a gag? Come on..what is this? You said that it sounds like he wants to tie you up, gag you and have his way with you on the first meeting, sounds fun? No, it doesnt sound fun. It sounds dangerous and scary to Me. If he is interested in you, he will take the time to get to know you before even suggesting playtime. Tell him that you are not a bootie call. Because that is exactly what it sounds like he wants you to be.

_____________________________

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 10:07:22 AM

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin

I talked yesterday to a guy from another site. The conversation went
pretty well, he seemed to be a good guy, with interests that were
very compatible with mine.
It was our first conversation, after E-mailing back and forth a
couple times the day before.

alot of online interactions start this way.... but, too many take these initial exchanges as a reflection of the whole and rush to fast and are in for a rude shock.

quote:

I got the following message from him this morning.

"Ok...thought about this allot and willing to give this a try...As I
See it..wee meet one day next week at my home for a one day
trail..you...need to a garter belt and nylons and 5 inch heels..also
a ball gag would be nice...there is a Christie's shore a mile from
my home that sells all that stuff...easy to stop and buy...you need
to understand I'm into bondage and humiliation and have to except
same....If you agree to this we can talk more..."

mmmmmmmm shock time.... by this email occuring well before any relationship has been established. It seems clear to me that the person is interested in having a play event and not necessarily a relationship with play. Of course a play event may lead to a relationship or it may not. Beware of the risk if you go down this road, personally if your looking for relationship this is someone to be avoided.

quote:

Now..what do you think???
Dominants -- Do you expect a sub to be willing to meet you at your
place and scene on the first meeting?

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

quote:

If she said NO, she didn't feel comfortable doing that... would that
end your desire to meet her and pursue a potential relationship?
Should I consider doing this?

Since I said No to your first question.... I wouldn't be faced with a submissive that said No to me. Secondly, I don't believe anyone that asks make there first meeting at their home and make it a play event would be interested in a relationship. I wouldn't consider this for a moment!

quote:

Sounds to me like he wants to tie me
up, gag me and have his way with me on the first meeting. Could be
fun, right? After all.. i've not tried bondage and been wanting to.
If I don't agree... does that make me less of a submissive?

This has nothing to do if you being submissive or not.... but your choice is a reflections of the level of Risk you are willing to take. You might even be considered reckless to some if you go! I know I would consider it reckless.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 10:09:51 AM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin
Now..what do you think???

I think it's your judgement call. Have I done it? Yes. Have I done it with everyone who asked? Not a chance. Did I expect more than a fun date? No. Do I trust my judgement? Yes.

I don't get the "trial" thing, trial for what? How hot you are to play with and have sex?

The way he wrote it and his style is fishy and suspect for me, I'd say no to this one. But like I said, I have said yes to others who pretty much wanted the same thing.

quote:

If she said NO, she didn't feel comfortable doing that... would that
end your desire to meet her and pursue a potential relationship?

No, but for some it might. That's irrelevant. What is relevant is doing what is best for you and your judgement. If someone disagrees with it, then it's best to end it there.

quote:

Should I consider doing this?

Sounds like you already are.

quote:

Sounds to me like he wants to tie me
up, gag me and have his way with me on the first meeting. Could be
fun, right? After all.. i've not tried bondage and been wanting to.
If I don't agree... does that make me less of a submissive?

Do you really have to ask? Yes it could be very hot and awesome. Yes it could be ridiculous and you never see him again (the most likely). Yes it could be stupid and you end up really hurt.

But it has nothing to do with being a submissive or not.

quote:

Does his aggressiveness, demanding, controlling manner turn you on?

I didn't sense any aggressiveness or demanding manner. Bad grammar and spelling is just a turn off for me so it comes off more like a guy working on a fantasy.

quote:

i AM looking for a dominant to serve, and who
will control me.

And how exactly will going over for an afternoon of play session and sex get you closer to knowing that this is right for that?

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 10:17:18 AM

Posts: 58
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

i won't meet someone in private the first or even the second time. This is the way i think of it....if you were meeting a nilla guy for a date and he asked you to meet him in private, would you? I don't think it is safe to meet anyone in private the first time even if all you want to do is scene and you are not looking towards a LTR. I also don't think it was right of him to ask you to buy things to take there.
just go by that "feeling" you have. it usually never steers you wrong.

_____________________________

lil wolf

D/s is my lifestyle, not my life

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 10:18:04 AM

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin

Dominants -- Do you expect a sub to be willing to meet you at your
place and scene on the first meeting?

No, I wouldn't expect a submissive, slave or anyone for that matter, to feel comfortable meeting me in my home OR to scene on that first meet. To do so is totally unreasonable, in my opoinion.

quote:

If she said NO, she didn't feel comfortable doing that... would that
end your desire to meet her and pursue a potential relationship?

No, that would tell me she is a smart girl that is worth more consideration.

quote:

Should I consider doing this? Sounds to me like he wants to tie me
up, gag me and have his way with me on the first meeting. Could be
fun, right? After all.. i've not tried bondage and been wanting to.

It could be fun. It could also be the last time your family sees you. How much do you know about this man? How easy is it to gain your trust if this is the first voice conversation after a few emails and you are actually considering doing this? Just how desperate are you to throw reason and precaution out the door?

quote:

If I don't agree... does that make me less of a submissive?

No, it does not make you less submissive. It just means your a little smarter then he gives you credit for.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 10:18:53 AM

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

i AM looking for a dominant to serve, and who will control me.

My concern is that in your haste to experience you will make some rash decisions that can put you in an unsafe situation.
He should understand any concerns you have. If he does't, he's not worth it.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 10:55:22 AM

Posts: 145
Joined: 11/28/2005
From: North of Boston
Status: offline

I would absolutely not go out and spend $ on toys for someone I hadn't even met.
Never mind the safety issue.

But that's just me.

CT

_____________________________

"If you build it, he will come"
~Field of Dreams~

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 10:57:24 AM

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin

Dominants -- Do you expect a sub to be willing to meet you at your
place and scene on the first meeting?
If she said NO, she didn't feel comfortable doing that... would that
end your desire to meet her and pursue a potential relationship?
Should I consider doing this? Sounds to me like he wants to tie me
up, gag me and have his way with me on the first meeting. Could be
fun, right? After all.. i've not tried bondage and been wanting to.
If I don't agree... does that make me less of a submissive?

Hi, cravin.

If a submissive was meeting me, and thought, or expected to partake of a scene on our very first meeting, let alone come to my home, I'd read him as being a VERY unsafe man. I would not meet him at all. In my experience, this would be a clear indication of someone that is either very, very new, or looking to take advantage of the situation.

So no, I never "expect" a sub to have a scene with me on first meeting, and if he requests one, or pushes to get initimate, then he's gone.

If "I" pursued him aggressively, and he said he wasn't comfortable...I would respect that, and not push him.

As Lucky pointed out, it appears you ARE considering this meeting, or you wouldn't have posted here to get POVs. I feel, based on what you posted, that yes, he is looking to use you, and take advantage of you being new, eager and willing. I, personally, don't see this situation as fun...ever. In fantasy perhaps

, but not in real life.

Rejecting someone, or not being comfortable with what they propose has nothing to do with you being, or identifying as, a submissive, as I see it.

Think about "your" comfort. Think about "your" safety. And...although here's me being rather blunt, yet again

...think about finding someone else to explore bondage with now. Doesn't sound like a good situation to be in, IMO.

K

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 11:01:08 AM

Posts: 149
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline

I would laugh at him and suggest we meet at a coffee shop one evening before considering private play.

I say laugh, because any stranger that thinks I would go out and buy toys, shoes and stockings and show up at his front door must be joking around with me.

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 11:12:03 AM

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I got the following message from him this morning.

"Ok...thought about this allot and willing to give this a try...

Give it a try? Sounds like he's going out to 'test' a car or something. Is that what you really want?

quote:

wee meet one day next week at my home

quote:

He lives about 45 minutes from me, near the city, but in a fairly remote, lakeside area.

BIG RED FLAG....I would have put the brakes on right there.

quote:

Submissives.... how would you respond?

With a polite, but firm....thanks but no thanks, all the while giggling behind my hand at the ignorance of others that think I would be that stupid.

quote:

Do you think this would be OK?

Umm, already answered. What's worse, is that I can not believe that you would even CONSIDER to place yourself in such danger.

/shrug

But, each to his own I guess

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 11:25:54 AM

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin

I talked yesterday to a guy from another site. The conversation went
pretty well, he seemed to be a good guy, with interests that were
very compatible with mine.
It was our first conversation, after E-mailing back and forth a
couple times the day before.

I got the following message from him this morning.

"Ok...thought about this allot and willing to give this a try...As I
See it..wee meet one day next week at my home for a one day
trail..you...need to a garter belt and nylons and 5 inch heels..also
a ball gag would be nice...there is a Christie's shore a mile from
my home that sells all that stuff...easy to stop and buy...you need
to understand I'm into bondage and humiliation and have to except
same....If you agree to this we can talk more..."

He lives about 45 minutes from me, near the city, but in a fairly remote, lakeside area.

Now..what do you think???
Dominants -- Do you expect a sub to be willing to meet you at your
place and scene on the first meeting?
If she said NO, she didn't feel comfortable doing that... would that
end your desire to meet her and pursue a potential relationship?
Should I consider doing this? Sounds to me like he wants to tie me
up, gag me and have his way with me on the first meeting. Could be
fun, right? After all.. i've not tried bondage and been wanting to.
If I don't agree... does that make me less of a submissive?

Submissives.... how would you respond? Do you think this would be OK?
Does his aggressiveness, demanding, controlling manner turn you on?
What would your response be, under the circumstances i've described.

I really really want to hear from ya'll on this one.
I'm not going to tell you how I responded to this just yet. Maybe I
said yes.. after all, i AM looking for a dominant to serve, and who
will control me.
Maybe I said no.
I'll tell you once I see what some of your responses are.

thanks for the input, in advance
regards,
cravin

You have “known” this person all of two days if I am interpreting your story accurately. My response would be a flat out “NO!!” and if he didn’t like it then he was not the one for me. My safety and security are of the utmost importance and if a potential partner cannot appreciate that, then he is not worth my time. Being careful and cautious in meeting someone from the internet does not make you less submissive. Meeting someone from the internet and going to their home to play is not the same thing as meeting someone in a play club and playing with them in a public setting. Once he gets you to his house, bound and gagged there won’t be a thing you can do to stop him from doing whatever he wants with you.

If you are going to meet someone from the internet, I am a firm believer in that it should be done in a very public setting and play should not be expected. There should be several safety precautions taken when you do meet.

If you want to play with him, there are quite a few questions to ask before playing. Have you ever seen him play? Do you personally know anyone who has seen him play? Do you know how he plays; is he a sadist or a more sensual player? Do you know what his experience level is? And if his answer to that question is I have been in the lifestyle for X number of years ask how many scenes have you actually been a Top in? The answer to that question can drastically change the perspective of an answer from the previous one. What does he do for after-care? How does he feel about safe calls? You would have a safe call if you went to meet him correct? How does he feel about you doing a background check on him to make sure he is who he says he is? How does he feel about giving you a copy of his driver’s license, his car tag? Who else in your local community knows him and what do they say about him? Do you have someone who can be a safe call and are they prepared to call the police if you don’t make your call? Is he active in the local community? How does he feel about limits; is he one to push limits or leave them alone? How do you feel about limits? Does he know your limits? What does he think of safe words (not everyone plays with safe words)? What toys is he going to want to use on you? What is his experience level with those toys? Does he know your experience level with those toys and how you feel about them?

I could probably think of a hundred more questions to ask before playing with someone you meet on the internet. And no, his aggressive, domineering and controlling manner would not be a turn on. It would be a huge red flag and a turn off for me. My Lord can be an extremely aggressive, domineering and controlling person, but he never attempted to control me until I became his slave. Once he earned my trust and I became his, then yes, it is a huge turn on.

If what you want is a relationship and not just a play experience, then there is a whole other list of questions to ask and information to learn.
Take your time; don’t rush into an experience just because you want to please someone. And anyone can seem like a good guy from a couple emails and a phone conversation but interaction over a period of time can drastically alter your perception. I can seem like a sweet, innocent lady but after a while the bitchy slut just comes through *g*

Knight's kyra

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 11:34:25 AM

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin

"Ok...thought about this allot and willing to give this a try...As I
See it..wee meet one day next week at my home for a one day
trail..you...need to a garter belt and nylons and 5 inch heels..also
a ball gag would be nice...there is a Christie's shore a mile from
my home that sells all that stuff...easy to stop and buy...you need
to understand I'm into bondage and humiliation and have to except
same....If you agree to this we can talk more..."

Submissives.... how would you respond? Do you think this would be OK?
Does his aggressiveness, demanding, controlling manner turn you on?
What would your response be, under the circumstances i've described.

cravin

how would *I* respond??? well i'm not you, lucky him...........

personally one day on the net isnt gonna give me what I need to know
about him. Although agressiveness is a turn on for me, the timing is
way tooo soon for me to buy his BS. But like the rest say, if it's in your
gut ok and your not expecting anything long lasting, so for it if you
can do so carefully........
Good luck.
Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 11:45:35 AM

Posts: 12
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline

After what happened to my friend who is a domme (!!!), I would never meet even a slave in his house - not to talk about unknown dominant.

I would also suggest some caffe or dinner together, take your time, trust your instincts, make it safe. If you want to try him after the meeting, get a hotel.

I would not recomend going to anyones place in a secluded area.... that smells fishy...

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 11:52:09 AM

Posts: 181
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline

I know a submissive who once did this, and ended up in hospital.

Once you are bound it is too late to change your mind.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 11:56:31 AM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prunesquallor
I know a submissive who once did this, and ended up in hospital.

I know a sub who took a bath, and ended up in the hospital.

Cmon...yes it's risky. Yes people do it all the time. Sometimes yes there are bad people to be careful of.

But it's a judgement call. I've done it many times...I'm shiny.

(in reply to Prunesquallor)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 12:11:14 PM

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

cravin,

You already know the answer - you are just looking for someone to agree with you. I agree with you. No, keep looking.

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 12:14:54 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

I wouldn't feel comfortable going to his place first.

There is a chance, after meeting in a publc place, I would go to his house with him, it depends on the person.

I prefer to get to meet someone first, as I've had too many people i met online turn out to be something other than what they say they are.

I figure, meet in a public place with the option to go home with him/her for play after y'all meet. Tends to work for me.

Also, I'm similarly confused by the "test" thing. I don't get why someone should need to "proove" their submission to someone they've never met. It's...I dunno. Doesn't jive with my worldview.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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