Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Confused, need advice.


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Confused, need advice. Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Confused, need advice. - 11/2/2008 7:25:41 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		I was going to type out a long reply, but antipode said it all more succinctly than I would have.  I agree with his advice, and please - realize your strength and power and what you offer.  Take the time and use your intelligence to select the right one that you give it all to.  Talk to a lot of people.  Befriend others.  Read the boards.  Listen to your developing instincts (you had a question about this guy, which is your gut telling you to slow down, good for you).  You'll do just fine. 

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Confused, need advice. - 11/2/2008 7:54:36 PM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline 		what's the hurry?  you're 18!  there will be other dominants, lots of them drooling over that pic, who will email you promising you anything.  be picky.  don't settle for someone because he's close.  when i read the original post it screamed married wanker.  just because he turns on the cam and shows you he's human doesn't mean he didn't leave his wedding ring in his pocket so he could play while the wife and kiddies are gone.  people lie.  you have to be careful.
PM

_____________________________

That which does not kill me, better run pretty damn fast

I miss my ex, but my aim is improving!




(in reply to mc1234)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Confused, need advice. - 11/2/2008 11:54:35 PM   
monywildcat


Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline 		To the OP, you have gotten lots of sound advice, I'm willing to bet every last one of us was in this position at some point, hence the wisdom and experience gained that unables one to give such sound advice.  The maternal part of me would give similar advice "dump this dude, he's just a wanker, once he busts a nut after you undress and masturbate on cam he's gone" but you have heard this.  If you wish, ride it out, meet the dude if you are able, let things run their course and either you will eventually see him for the fucking toad he is, or surprise shock and awe he is your prince charming.  All the while, making sure that you are safe in that the meet takes place in public, all that good stuff.  This is called life experience, embrace it.  But make sure you are safe in the process.  Good luck with all this, we have to kiss lots of toads sometimes in order to find the prince charming. 

_____________________________

Major Life Change Necessitates Personal Reinvention...

(in reply to PanthersMom)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Confused, need advice. - 11/3/2008 2:43:16 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Dunno - I get the impression that wankers see a picture, and pounce. Boobs or no boobs. I thought the picture was rather cleverly taken - no chance of recognition, emphasis on, umm, assets, and not as torturous as the weird camera angles or idiotic cutoffs of those who try to hide their weight.

(in reply to Usako)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Confused, need advice. - 11/3/2008 2:49:12 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Until you are more experienced with ... online stuff


She is experienced. There isn't an 18 year old in the land who isn't. This generation on the freakin' keyboard by age three. And this particular OP is here asking sensible questions. Good for her.



(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Confused, need advice. - 11/3/2008 2:58:23 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

That computer would be outta there in a heartbeat


Urghh... that's a  bit like "I won't give you a credit card so you won't get in debt" - but how will they learn about things they can't use? You're only pushing the problem ahead, then, I think. Mind you, I had a vasectomy instead of a family, so it's easy for me to talk.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Confused, need advice. - 11/3/2008 3:13:13 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		Whatever a submissive -- or anyone else -- might feel is authentic for her (him, etc.)  It is not possible to have a 'dumb' or 'wrong' feeling. In fact, the more authentic you are, the better it is for you and anyone you interact with.  It does not need to be a commonplace feeling in order to be an authentic one for you or anyone else.
 
I've been in similar circumstance to the one described in the Op, and I have decided unless I know someone in real life and would 'flash' them there, I am not doing it on cam.  I have almost never let a man know I have a cam without hearing "O, Gawd!  Show me your tits!'  I find this preposterous; wtf?  They've never seen boobage before?  Would they talk to me that way if we were face to face?  I don't know what it is about a cam that reduces a mature man to a slobbering idiot, but it seems to have that effect on far too many.
 
An unwillingness to speak on the phone, among some of the other things mentioned in the Op, just shouts 'lying about being married' to me, and I no longer waste my time on the slim chance that this is not the case.
 
candystripper 
 

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Confused, need advice. - 11/3/2008 3:23:31 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

married wanker


And they are so easy to avoid. Ask for his home number, "to build trust", if you can't do a reverse lookup forget the guy, if if you can call him at 2 in the morning "because I wanted to hear your voice". If that upsets him you just woke two people.up.

I gave a sub of my acquaintance my home address after she had agreed to come over (this is flying over), and she sent me a postcard first, which I then mentioned the receipt of. That's a good one too, because no guy in a relationship will risk the "honey, who is this from?" thing, and she confirmed this was indeed my postal address.

Thinking of the OP's second fake profile, I had that happen to me. Talking to a girl, and another, on another board. First girl I eventually met with, and we played all summer. At some point she said I'd been really nasty to a friend of hers. Now it is usually relatively easy to analyze a person's use of language, at least for me, so I already suspected this was her second profile. I asked her, and she denied that. I didn't believe her, so ripped her ass off (figuratively speaking), and she then admitted, yes, it was her, sorry, tears, the works.

Same girl had asked an older male friend to check me out, which to me is a smart thing to do. Except he then called a friend of his, who was an FBI agent in the small town in Ohio they all lived in. So I flipped my lid again, because even an innocuous-but-official FBI inquiry can affect one's security clearance. Hadn't happened, it transpired, but I was not happy.

Sub and I are still friends, so I guess that shows how truly magnanimous I can be. Or how desperate

(in reply to PanthersMom)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Confused, need advice. - 11/3/2008 5:52:07 AM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline 		Well....thanks for everyone who stuck up for me that's really cool and all the compliments.
And definitly thank you for giving me advice, I'm not going to talk to him again, believe me I deserve better and talking to you guys just made me see how correct my initial feelings were.
Thank you again for all your time.

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Confused, need advice. - 11/3/2008 5:27:41 PM   
Tsuriai


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/8/2008
Status: offline 		*blinks*............. *blinks again*

That is not the point lilmiss!  Any dominant that requires sex to be dominant is just a kinky bastard and that's all there is to it.  This lifestyle is not about the sex (though it can be totally righteous, don't get me wrong and the kinks can make it even funner *yes I know funner is not a word :-P*)

It is about the dynamic between two compatible personalities (physical sex and orientation not required) and that do not necessarily fit into the 'social norm', whatever the hell that is nowadays.  A dominant does not need to manipulate a girl into obediance and/or service.  He can take her or leave her, because having a girl does not a dominant make and He knows and understands that.  I find this nonsense about camming disgusting on this boy's part.  Not because of the camming per se (I think that could be fun lol) but because of his way of going about it and 'flexing his dommy muscles' in hopes that you'll swoon. (cue the violins and worshipping the porcelain god in 3...2...1.....) 

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Look, you're 18 years old, you have a beautiful, sexy pic that shows the promise of seeing oh-so-much-more.  He is either a kid, or living in mommy's basement, or an old geezer, or married, or has no social skills, or no teeth, or... you get the picture. 

If he was who he says he is, then he would be falling all over himself to meet you on ANY TERMS.


Cali



well i know he is who he says he is..i've seen him on cam....he's actually fairly good looking

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Confused, need advice. - 11/3/2008 5:46:15 PM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline 		I didn't say it was all about sex......uhhhhhh that's the last thing i want it to be about. It's about a relationship you have with your dom and liking to be around eachother and being compatiable and finding the right guy...
sorry....i don't want it to come off that i think it's all about sex because since i've ever gotten serious about getting into a relationship like this the last thing i wanted really was it all to be about sex.

" I find this nonsense about camming disgusting on this boy's part.  Not because of the camming per se (I think that could be fun lol) but because of his way of going about it and 'flexing his dommy muscles' in hopes that you'll swoon. "

I couldn't agree more.
I just knew something was wrong and wasn't adding up and i should of just trusted my instincs but im glad i came here and it made me realize how right i was.

(in reply to Tsuriai)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Confused, need advice. - 11/3/2008 6:27:18 PM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		chuckles, well i love the sex part and a huge part of a Man's mastery and enslavement of me is on a sexual nature but more my sexual reactions to him and his dominance and the core of him and that carries over to other parts of our lives.  i HAVE to have a sexual reactions to a Man which on many levels is my slave reaction to him, before he can actually reach into any other part of me.   I honestly know that if sex and a Man's ability to sexually master me didn't exist there would be no M/s relationship.  In my opinion don't allow others to make you feel uncomfortable or create inhibitions within you because a big part of your submission (or in my case the slavery) is sexually stimulated and catalystic and your reactions are very sexual in nature even if its not actual sex. When a woman is owned fully by a Man, to me, it is very sexual in nature and if that is how you react in submission and slavery to a Man, don't let anyone else put you on the defense for it being so.   Its okay to say hey, i need the sexual mastery and enslavement and that in and of itself many times is a catalyst for the rest of the mastery and enslavement or dominantion and submission to follow, and that also allows the creation of his ability to hold me in the existance he wishes of me.  I completely disagree with a the idea that this lifestyle isn't about sex, for some sure, not to offend anyone but i actually feel sorry for anyone its not, but then again i am not a service oriented person nor is pleasing my forte, i am a slut, and when a Man has mastery of me, the slut is out in spades and all parts of his mastery creates the results of my needing to please and serve,  for many sexual reaction is a main catalyst because its one of the main human reactions that is completely natural between a Man and a woman.   For some its not, and that's okay, but don't let them create a doubt in you that somehow sexual dominance is a no no.  Find, acknowlegde, and admit to yourself at the very least what is your catalyst in this life you are needing. Once you find that, you will be better able to adjust your interactions with Men. 

Of course, others very in what their catalyst is to their slavery or submission, but just as they do, for many people sexual chemistry is the catalyst for the dominantion and submission or mastery and enslavement to exist in all aspects of their life.  You just have to find what is your catalyst with men and what allows them that hold on you.

Never be ashamed or defensive of what your catalyst to your needs are.  Never allow someone else to make you feel ackward because of it.  Own it, know it, but more importantly and perhaps most importantly embrace it -- that is what this lifestyle is about.


angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 11/3/2008 6:50:01 PM >

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Confused, need advice. - 11/4/2008 9:07:12 AM   
subintrainingnc


Posts: 42
Joined: 1/16/2008
Status: offline 		wow your message was almost exactly what i am going through right now! i can relate, and i feel the same way. i think your feelings are completly justified, yes we maybe sub, but they have to give too. until you are HIS, you still have a choice. and hopefully he isn't just trying to get off, but there is definatly that possibility there. atleast you HAVE seen him on cam, i have yet to even see a photo, so you have that going for you, i would love to know how this turns out..

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Confused, need advice. - 11/4/2008 9:50:55 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		If you want to undress in front of someone you have never met, that is your choice. I wouldn't, but there was no internet when I was your age, so no telling what I would have done. Just don't be surprised if you never meet him and don't be upset if your video ends up all over the internet. If your going to be a porn star, you should at least get paid well for it.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Confused, need advice. - 11/4/2008 9:52:51 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Any dominant that requires sex to be dominant


You are so right. I require sex, period. Hah!

(in reply to Tsuriai)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Confused, need advice. - 11/4/2008 10:19:12 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		antipode, I was speaking as a mother about what I would do with my daughter if she was coming to a message board asking what this young lady asked and I will continue to think as I do.  If someone doesn't have the whatever it takes to know that a guy online posing as anything he wants to pose as, asking for cam is most likely a wanker wanting her to share her body by cam and might pose some sort of risk and needs input on that... I will stand by my opinion that they need to step away from the computer and learn a few things.

Yes, she does ask good questions in a sense, but if she has to ask them... it might be good cause to not be involved in some of what she is involved with until she does know more.  If not... get on out there, learn your lessons and I hope you will be safe.  But having had to counsel a lot of young women in my time... I just hate to watch a potentual emotional train wreak about to happen.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Confused, need advice. - 11/9/2008 9:06:22 PM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline 		LOL ok so now he randomly messages me and tries to put all the blame on me.
He knows i suspected him of being a wanker....so i think he just wanted to try to make a half smart ass move and try to blame it on me.
so after i undressed for him and i didnt hear from him i gave him a couple of text messages that sounded insecure yea i was on my period and i NEVER ever show guys my full body that meant something to me..sorry i just don't know what guys think about my body.
anyways he said the reason why he stopped talking to me was because of my insecurities a big turn off...

My thinking was ....was it because of my "insecurities" or because of the fact you know you wont get another show from me and i figured out your game and now you gotta try to make it end on your terms....


am i totally off?

< Message edited by lilmisssubmiss -- 11/9/2008 9:07:35 PM >

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Confused, need advice. - 11/9/2008 9:59:09 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		The only problem I see here is the fact that you're still communicating with him ... who cares the why's, how's, what if's ... let it go, learn from it and move on. 

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Confused, need advice. - 11/10/2008 4:14:47 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

I met this guy on here he lives in my city we tried getting together once it just didn't happen. I found out later it's because he wanted us to meet on his terms...since he's the dom. Which i get, but the only reason why i pushed for meeting is because...well i don't want to waste our time.
So on his terms we are trying again....he wont even phone because he wants to wait to do that till he wants to do that since he's the dom...which i get that's fine....but yet he wants me to undress in front of webcam...and masterbate for him.. so i "show my submission to him".
I refuse to do that to every guy ....i mean if i was claimed as his ....i wouldn't mind undressing doing all that...but i'm not. I understand proving myself if he gives me a bit in return like idk...meeting up...get on the phone.
I finally drew the line when he wanted me to masterbate in front of cam for him i was like i feel like you are using me i have to have some sort of foundation with a guy isntead of a text mesg when to get on when youre horny so you can see me masterbate...and he goes ok i understand we need to take things slower.
No....not take things slower... maybe with the sexual stuff...but take things faster with getting to know eachother...IRL not just  over IM.
Is what i'm feeling dumb? should i give myself full out to this guy before we meet...before we talk on the phone? To me...there are other ways of showing I can submit to him other than getting naked and sexual things. I mean i know he's the dom and I'm the sub...but in every relationship both people have to be doing something why am i the only one doing?

Am i in the wrong? And if so...how do i tell him what i'm feeling..does this even make sense?

-And believe me, i'm willing to give myself full out to someone whatever he desires,...but i need to have a foundation first in this case since he lives in my area meet up first talk on the phone frist...get to know eachother first. I just need those couple of things before i go full out.


lilmiss,

I think you know the answer in self reflection but you appear to be a nice looking girl so he will eventually want a r/t meet, just be sure of who he is first.

CP

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 79
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Confused, need advice. Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.110