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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/22/2005 5:56:51 AM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		'rasslin'

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

yum football yum
Not necessarily for the man-love bumping and grinding though. Although that makes for some fun moments.
I just like the thought of men being a bit boyish and still having their game going and huddling up with love.
I especially like snowy, muddy, messy field football.



_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/22/2005 8:59:48 AM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		gtthhaaa, sorry had to wipe the drool from my key board. I had this image of naked sweaty chest and leather pants *G* Has kyra ever heard of or watched Queer as Folk ?, some amazing imagery on that program.... I have the four seasons on DVD (giggle)

denika

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/22/2005 10:22:05 AM   
afmvdp


Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline 		I think it is an ever growing trend among the BDSM community to be Poly, and while to many that works just fine as a whole it brings about more issues than it is usually worth. I've tried it, it can be fun, but again it often doesn't have the same long lasting effects as a mutually monogamous relationship.

Mind you, to some I may be considered Poly as I have multiple submissives in my life at times, as well as keeping close ties with many if not nearly all of my priors on a regular basis. The difference being that while taking someone under direct consideration, I am not sexually involved with anyone other than that single one. To me anything else doesn't really give them the attention and focus that they deserve.

Again though, in the same paradox, since my prior children are always my children, they will always be in my life. Just that I see the point where they are allowed to fly with their own wings and own desires out into the world as sort of their new adulthood, and just as a parent never stops loving or being there for their child even after they have moved out and started their own life, the relationship is always different. It is not so much of a coddling as a concern and a backup.

And this post came out far more complex than intended but that tends to be my norm.

(in reply to denika)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/22/2005 3:19:57 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		candystripper,

I have read your profile (didn’t realize that you used to post under pinkpleasures, I’m slow to catch on sometimes) and some of your posts on the board. My impression is that you have set up a lot of conditions and expectations for a potential partner. The higher your expectations the smaller your pool of viable applicants becomes. While none of this is a bad thing, it does increase the amount of incompatible men and as a result your frustration from having to weed through them all.

I also have high expectations, but I try to balance that with making sure those expectations are reasonable. The perception that I have from reading things you have written is that you have the expectation that your partner will satisfy all your needs and that you will satisfy all of theirs. It is my belief that no one person can satisfy all of someone’s needs. I have a fabulous relationship, but it is unreasonable for me to expect that he will be able to satisfy every need I have and it is unreasonable for him to expect that I will satisfy all of his needs.

This is not a plug for poly relationships or bi-sexuality either. Poly is difficult when all parties desire it, so I would never advocate entering a poly relationship if you prefer to be monogamous. But just to consider a different perception that you do not have to be everything for someone else and they do not have to be everything for you. There is a difference between giving all that you have and being everything. One thing I have also discovered, is that many things that were on a “never” list are now the things that I crave and enjoy the most. Our image of self is constantly changing and only limited by our imaginations and the courage to try new things.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/22/2005 3:28:49 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Actually I am bi-curious, bi-willing (just not ready for that bi-sexual label), so it never bothered me when that question was posed.



When I've used the label to describe myself it's usually been because that was the only option available. It's only slightly more correct than "straight" or "gay" for me.

I consider my own preferences to be non-gender specific. Usually it's the individual I am attracted to - or the body - but it doesn't seem be exclusive regarding gender preference. If I have a preference at all it's for womanly women and manly men, but even that becomes less than important if I care about the individual.

To each his own, I suppose.


_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/22/2005 3:38:44 PM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello candystripper,
I see your dilema as bi-fold. One you want full monogamy and two no Bi encounters.
Those for me are two very separate issues.
I am not Bi as women just are not sensually stimulating to me. While I can admire the beauty of a lady's body, love her like a sister & be very affectionate to my female friends it's more of a platonic attraction at best for me.
I being new to BDSM have at age 41 gone down on a woman for a Dom friend , been topped by a woman, and topped another woman once. In these three encounters all it did for me was confirm it's not the same for me as it is with a guy. My master does not require me to be Bi, but I tried it just to be sure I hadn't missed something now that I'm more open and liberated in my life than a year ago when I was vanilla.
I agree most men find it hot for two women to play together, but I just don't feel it works for me.
As I would do anything for my Master I can't say one day I won't have a lady lover, but it will not be of my own choosing I assure you. Not that I'm phobic, just not thrilled or excited by it.
When it comes to monogamy, I feel like I've been there, done that my whole life. Now I'm actually really enjoying the notion of having an open relationship. My Master and I both can have other lovers if we so choose and he gives me permission. Neither of us feel our relationship or love is firmly attached between our legs. We don't feel having other lovers is a threat to our loving bond we share.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/22/2005 3:45:07 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		kinda makes me wonder if we're talking to the same men, and yeah, it is sad.. Sometimes i feel so out of it..so hopelessly old fashioned. i don't have any answers about how we wait for "the one". i never thought what i was looking for was all that weird or hard to find, but wow, was i wrong. i'm not a player, and there might be things i'd do for the man in my life that i loved and adored..but for a stranger? no way, no how.. i have to admit there have been a few times i've considered it, when asked, knowing it was probably sometime in the far off future, if ever, but then ended up running back to where i'm secure...well, sorta..lol.

good luck.


quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

Sometimes i see a profile and it's very appealing; then i get to the part where He discusses what He wants; and so often He wants a bisexual or "bicurious" woman; and i feel sad.

Are straight women just not exciting? Is monogamy just never enough? i have a clear vision of a life or peace and joy with my One; but apparently few men are interested in that vision.

Don't misunderstand; i get mail; but often when i actually IM with Him -- He asks "would you?' and the answer is "no f**king way"; and we come to an end. *Sigh*.

Am i suffering alone?

candystripper



_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/23/2005 12:11:23 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I really hope this doesn't come off as nasty or mean spirited... I'm just wondering who that rule belongs to... because it doesn't for me.

Madame Dahlia


Well, chalk it up to my BDSM learning curve. In my whole life i've never met (in real life, nor online) any woman who found sex between two men exciting. Which is why i added "as a rule"; because i knew there must be exceptions...just had not met them yet.

Hope this suits for an explanation.

candystripper

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/23/2005 12:25:23 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

This is not a plug for poly relationships or bi-sexuality either. Poly is difficult when all parties desire it, so I would never advocate entering a poly relationship if you prefer to be monogamous. But just to consider a different perception that you do not have to be everything for someone else and they do not have to be everything for you. There is a difference between giving all that you have and being everything. One thing I have also discovered, is that many things that were on a “never” list are now the things that I crave and enjoy the most. Our image of self is constantly changing and only limited by our imaginations and the courage to try new things.

Knight's kyra


If You remember my profile, it says "i will learn sex/play from my One". This means i will try and turn myself into a pretzel for Him, but i'm not gonna play at being a pretzel before i find Him. He may have no interest in pretzels.

i'm unsure what you mean when you say "one person cannot meet all the needs of another". It says further down in my profile that i have a child i adore and friends i would not give up for anything. So no; i think people are more social and simply relating to one person would not be healthy.

If what you mean is i should enter a relationship in which the ground rules are He will step out on me as he wishes, well, sorry, but that's not me. i can be peaceful and reasonably happy alone; i'd be mmiserable and heart-broken in a relationship where the Man steps out.

Thank you for taking the time to answer me; i'm not sure if you gave advice, but if so, thank you.

candystripper

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/23/2005 12:28:55 AM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline
quote:

Sometimes i see a profile and it's very appealing; then i get to the part where He discusses what He wants; and so often He wants a bisexual or "bicurious" woman; and i feel sad.


I remember the other thread as well as LuckyA, you didn't find your answers then?

And why the feelings of sadness? I find that a bit dramatic for someone else's sexual
preference to cause someone to "feel sad", they just are obviously not the right person for you, move on to the next profile. And you could even state in your profile that you are "no f**king way" interested in a bi-sexual experience, might save you from some of that unneeded sadness.

*Brightspot

< Message edited by brightspot -- 12/23/2005 12:31:24 AM >

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/23/2005 12:49:09 AM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline
quote:

One of life's mysteries is why men would find two women together exciting, but women do not want to see two men together (as a rule).


You might be somewhat surprised to know that some people don't want to see a man and a women having sex and/or don't find it "exciting".

*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/23/2005 12:49:21 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

candystripper,

I have read your profile (didn’t realize that you used to post under pinkpleasures, I’m slow to catch on sometimes) and some of your posts on the board. My impression is that you have set up a lot of conditions and expectations for a potential partner. The higher your expectations the smaller your pool of viable applicants becomes. While none of this is a bad thing, it does increase the amount of incompatible men and as a result your frustration from having to weed through them all.

I also have high expectations, but I try to balance that with making sure those expectations are reasonable. The perception that I have from reading things you have written is that you have the expectation that your partner will satisfy all your needs and that you will satisfy all of theirs. It is my belief that no one person can satisfy all of someone’s needs. I have a fabulous relationship, but it is unreasonable for me to expect that he will be able to satisfy every need I have and it is unreasonable for him to expect that I will satisfy all of his needs.

This is not a plug for poly relationships or bi-sexuality either. Poly is difficult when all parties desire it, so I would never advocate entering a poly relationship if you prefer to be monogamous. But just to consider a different perception that you do not have to be everything for someone else and they do not have to be everything for you. There is a difference between giving all that you have and being everything. One thing I have also discovered, is that many things that were on a “never” list are now the things that I crave and enjoy the most. Our image of self is constantly changing and only limited by our imaginations and the courage to try new things.

Knight's kyra


i am bumfuddled at how you could read my profile and come away thinking i wish to meet all a Man's needs and i wish Him to meet all of mine. i speak of children and parents; of friends. i say i will not reliquish my friends for a Man. If time permits, i'd appreciate it if you could email me a pointer or two that made you feel i wished no one else would be in our lives. Please do not post your remarks on my profile here on the boards.

i don't know what to make of your last paragragh; you say you're not "plugging" bisexuality or pologamy; but then you say you know our self-images are always in flux and what was once unacceptable is now desirable. To me, this is a part of the "bluesy" effect straight women suffer: as if we're too stupid or fearful to try bisexuality or pologamy and thus cutting off our noses to spite our faces. IMO, BDSM should be flexible enough to allow for the possibility of monogamy between straight people. If two lesbians want a monogamous relationship, no one raises an eyebrow...but if two hetero people want this, we're "living in a fantasy land".

i know i can be peaceful and happy without a Man; but i'd be distraught and heart-broken if i started a relationship with a Man and He stepped out on me. i passed the "must have a boyfriend" stage decades ago. Some things are not negotiable with me.

i'm like anyone else; i think my "orientation" is fine and that other people should accept me as i am. i am prepared to move heaven and earth to make my One happy and i am expecting sexual and emotional loyalty from Him in return, amoung other things.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 12/23/2005 12:52:28 AM >

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/23/2005 12:57:50 AM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline
quote:

Men should realise how discouraging it is to read "must be bisexual or bicurious" in a profile....it makes me feel a gap that cannot be bridged. So if it's NOT a requirement, perhaps You might edit that out.


Why should men realize how discouraging this is for you to read?
Or edit their profiles so you feel better? I find these statements somewhat disturbing.
Is it that you feel CM "should"revolve around you and your wants and needs? If so you are always going to be sad and disapointed.

*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/23/2005 1:01:18 AM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline
quote:

Am i suffering alone?


Are you Suffering alone?
The question I have is are you Really Suffering?

*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/23/2005 1:04:54 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		deleted.
candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 12/23/2005 1:20:19 AM >

(in reply to brightspot)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/23/2005 1:18:59 AM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline
quote:

BDSM should be flexible enough to allow for the possibility of monogamy between straight people. If two lesbians want a monogamous relationship, no one raises an eyebrow...but if two hetero people want this, we're "living in a fantasy land".


Where in the heck does this statement come from?
I am totally at a loss at all the generalizing.

BTW, I like to watch football and many other sports but not to watch
the players touching each other's asses, I like the game.

*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/23/2005 1:39:48 AM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline
quote:

Just checking....i see nothing has changed. Having CM revolve around me? So now i'm suffering grandiosity? BTW brightspot, how long is this fixation/pique with me going to last? Nobody (including me) even knows what set it off. It's boring....i don't understand why you can't move on. How sad to carry a grudge in a virtual world.


Oh Pla-leese, there is no fixation with you, maybe you have a fixation on my responding to you, I respond to many people here and share my thoughts not to "Just You"!
In fact it wouldn't bother me in the least if you left CM because of all the suffering and complaining you do here. Maybe with your expectations your "One" does not even exists here or anywhere else, why continue to be so sad and suffer as you do?

No there is not an existing grudge, I just find that you repeat threads for no reason then as far as I see it to draw attention and I am mostly just dumb-founded by the things that you write about and this is a PUBLIC forum, when you decide to write things that others may find incredibly strange and/or insulting with vast generalizations, they and myself have the right to express their thoughts in response. Maybe some pause to think about how you might come off or effect people with what you write might be of some benefit to you, ever think of that, or are you the "only one" who can have feelings or reactions to what others write?

*Brightspot



_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/23/2005 3:24:53 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

I have read your profile (didn’t realize that you used to post under pinkpleasures, I’m slow to catch on sometimes) and some of your posts on the board.

The perception that I have from reading things you have written is that you have the expectation that your partner will satisfy all your needs and that you will satisfy all of theirs.



quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

i am bumfuddled at how you could read my profile and come away thinking i wish to meet all a Man's needs and i wish Him to meet all of mine.



It is all of your writing that has given me this impression and not just your profile. Truthfully, I had that impression before I even read your profile based on your posts here on the board. While your profile portrays you as a well-rounded individual I still think you believe than a man and woman can satisfy all of each other's needs.

If my Lord allows, I will spend some time going through your posts and let you know the statements that give me this perception and send you an email.

quote:



i don't know what to make of your last paragragh; you say you're not "plugging" bisexuality or pologamy; but then you say you know our self-images are always in flux and what was once unacceptable is now desirable. candystripper


You are making the assumption that when I speak about self-image that I am only referring to things sexual and I am not. Self-image can be many things. For instance, before my Lord met me, his opinion on cats was "No way, not in my house, never!" Now he is eagerly anticipating the arrival of my 3 cats and every now and then gets the desire to go buy one of his own. Nothing sexual about that, but a change in his self-image and something that was a "never" is now a desire.

Regarding your sexuality, that can change as well and it doesn't have to mean that I am advocating poly or bi-sexuality. I would have never thought I was a masochist and I was not interested in a sadist. But because I did not allow that to be an excluding factor with my Lord, I had the opportunity to discover that I am an intense masochist and I absolutely love pain. This is a huge shift in my self-image and has nothing to do with poly or sexual orientation. Now, if it had turned out that I was not a masochist, then the play between my Lord and me would have been vastly different.

Knight's kyra


< Message edited by kyraofMists -- 12/23/2005 3:25:25 AM >

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/23/2005 6:02:16 AM   
B1gbear


Posts: 81
Joined: 5/7/2004
Status: offline 		Its a common fantasy for men to have two women sexually ....most often the idea of two women together as well. Most who pursue this life for the first time want it ALL, not just part of the fantasy. Very few men don't like the idea of having two women at once, but on the flip side, how many women out there fantasize about being with two men at once. The funny thing about fantasies is that they often fade once explored and taken to reality.

I don't think a lot of men wanting that fantasy consider that the woman they consider might be open to a sexual encounter where she is not expected to actually play with the other woman. (Not sure where you fall in this catagory). I have one friend who has two slaves...neither are bi, both are very happy with him and he with them. Sex is just something they each do with him, not each other. This is the difference between poly and the threesome fantasy though.

There is a Dom out there that is fine with your choices and prefers it that way I'm sure, just take comfort in knowing that most of those Doms who pass you by for that reason are probably having just as much difficulty finding their 'ideal' situation as you are.

If your hard limit is a monogomous relationship, then don't stress those who move on. They are not for you....period. If your hard limit is personally having sex with another woman, then perhaps point out that you won't do that, but your not necessarily setting a hard limit of ever bringing a second woman in the bedroom or play. Just that you don't want to have sex with her. That might be better recieved than NO F***ing WAY! ;O)

Hang in there.

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/23/2005 6:03:10 AM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Actually I am bi-curious, bi-willing (just not ready for that bi-sexual label), so it never bothered me when that question was posed.



Bi-willing. I like that. That should be added to the options.
I think that when I was looking I said something like "Im not comfortable with labels. I find women attractive but want my primary relationship to be with a man." That's pretty much bi-willing, I guess. Maybe bi-motivated? Somebody call Webster's!


(edited for capitalization, but that's another thread...)

< Message edited by justheather -- 12/23/2005 6:04:26 AM >

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 80
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