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chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/23/2008 6:53:02 PM

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So I am looking to find a sub that among other things will help me with the more mundane aspects of life like laundry, packing my lunch for work, cleaning my car. I certainly don't want to be a slave driver! I want a happy submissive because happy subs make me happy. Though I worry that there isn't a sub out there that is actually happy doing those chores for me.

Is there a sub out there who genuinely enjoys the chore-aspect of their role and if so under what context are these chores done. Are you always rewarded for the work in some way? Or is the work and servitude reward enough. I have found that many subs will say the servitude is generally enough but that is not really true.

I am so interested to hear your experiences with this. It will help me understand what roles I should and shouldn't expect my sub to fill.

Thank you.

RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/23/2008 6:59:04 PM

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quote:

It will help me understand what roles I should and shouldn't expect my sub to fill.

I am a bit confuzzled. If YOU are the one looking for a submissive; why are you trying to change your life to fit theirs? It's your house, your rules...if you want them to help with chores, then by gosh, put your foot down and say 'this is what is expected of you' ....end of story.

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/23/2008 7:10:25 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youQadesh
I am so interested to hear your experiences with this. It will help me understand what roles I should and shouldn't expect my sub to fill.

You are seeking YOUR sub. You expect them to do for you what you want them to. If they are a good match, they will do so. If they are not a ood match they will not want to do what you wish of them. Its quite simple.

Fox enjoys doing chores. He doesnt live for them, and they arent all he does. He doesnt get rewarded for doing the dishes or vacuuming, since those are things we agreed would be his job when we got together. He is my version of a housewife, and much like being a good husband I do occasionally show my appreciation for what he does around the house. I say thank you. I bring home chocolates. Little things. For the most part, though, knowing he has made my life a little easier by finishing something I now do not have to deal with is enough for him. He does his chores just as well wether or not there is a treat in it for him.

DV

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/23/2008 7:12:35 PM

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Well, for one, I am new to the whole dominant role so I have questions about it. Secondly there is still a lot of flexibility with how I view my specific form of dominance. Every Dom views their role differently some play the totalitarian, others are a little bit more flexible.

I am definitely not the kind of dominant and never will be who says anything even resembling "these are my rules so put up with it." when it comes to chores. When it come to being faithful to my partner and I, sure I will be unyielding. When it comes to other things like respect, honesty, etc I will have no problem laying down the law, so to speak. Though with the chore situation, it's different for me. I don't want to take advantage of anyone, unless they want that of course. Though I don't know if there are people out there who really want it. So I am looking for responses from subs to hear about their dynamic with the mundane aspects of their position. Though some level of household work and chores will certainly be expected, I am just not sure to what degree. On some level I know I can't determine that degree until I enter into the relationship with that given person, because every relationship is different.

Thanks for the response. It was thought provoking!

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/23/2008 7:13:49 PM

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i like doing "choretype stuff" for him, it makes his life nicer and that's my primary motivation =p

some people like being "ordered' to do mundane things they dont necessarily like to do, though
it's part of their idea of "domination"

like irishmist said, you're the one in control. if you want a sub to iron your shirts, tell the sub to iron your shirts. =p
i guess this is one of those things to be brought up in the "negotiation" phase?
i dunno =p

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/23/2008 7:20:24 PM

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If I am not living with someone, then for the most part, I'm not doing chores at their house. I am a single parent, I work, I have my own chores at my own place. No way I can take on chores for someone else.

If I'm living with someone, then it all gets swept up in keeping up our home, and me taking care of him (gee, much like my vanilla female friends take care of their men). Although cleaning out a guy's car is pretty much a hard limit.

If you just want a maid, it might be easier to hire one. Although I hear tell that there are submissives that consider themselves purely "service" submissives and expect nothing in return.

Cali

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/23/2008 7:29:09 PM

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Yeah that makes sense.

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/23/2008 7:32:02 PM

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No I def don't just want a maid.

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/23/2008 7:32:07 PM

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I think what you're looking for is a 'service oriented submissive'. Yes, they can sometimes be rather illusive, but I promise, there are many of us out there ;) I, for example, love doing things like you've mentioned. I like taking care of my Owner...I like taking care of my play partners. Hell, I just like taking care of people in general. I would feel bad if I weren't given chores and tasks. My reward for completing them is knowing I've made my dom's life a little easier, knowing that my actions have pleased him.

And I know I'm not the only sub who feels this way.

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/23/2008 7:47:33 PM

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Its automatic for me. I see dishes, I wash. Laundry, I fold. Sewing, cooking... Its what I do, part of who I am.

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/23/2008 7:57:28 PM

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<--- is NOT a service-oriented sub. I have too much to do between work, keeping up my home, taking care of pets, etc.

I think you should consider whether your sub will work outside the home or stay home all day. If at home all day, I certainly don't think it's asking too much for her to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc., although you must make sure that she is "domesticated" that way to begin with. (I am not.)

If she works outside the home, I personally think it is unfair (unless she truly enjoys it, as one sub here says she does) to ask someone to work all day, then come home and do the chores while you sit on the couch and watch TV. Maybe that's where your indecision lies? You realize that that scenario isn't really fair and, for that reason, are reluctant to ask it of someone.

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/23/2008 8:01:06 PM

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same for me as well, do chores because girl lives there too and there is no way in he- girl is going to serve in a pig-sty.
however, girl's desk is a different story, at the end of the evening it's a total mess

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/23/2008 9:50:26 PM

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There are certain chores I tend to procrastinate about because I hate doing them, namely vacuming, mopping and cleaning the shower

However I've got no problem doing dishes, cooking or laundry. I'm also rather messy - I tend to put things down rather than put them away

However I do have other responsibilities. I am responsible for setting up a haemodialysis machine, cannulating, and helping Sir get on and off the machine. He is on that machine here at home for 8 hours three times a week. It's stressful and I always feel like I'm "on duty" the whole time.
He's fairly easy going about the housework, He doesn't order me to do this or that although He will suggest that "maybe it's time you got that vacuum cleaner out/mopped the floor/cleaned the shower"

Sometimes we will have a day when we will both get stuck in and put stuff away and tidy up.
If I do something that He knows I hate doing, He always notices. This is a big thing for me, knowing that I'm loved and appreciated. Even for something as mundane as vacuming or mopping!

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/23/2008 10:25:23 PM

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I personally don't separate "service sub" from just being submissive. If I'm submissive to someone then I do what he wants me to do. I don't have a "service kink", although cooking and doing dishes tends to relax me. My life as a submissive is doing for the dominant what pleases him and makes his life better. As for rewards? Treat me well and appreciate me.

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 1:37:12 AM

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to be honest, i love chores if it means spending time together, getting held after, being praised, maybe even going out to dinner if i did a huge job or did something above my chores.

i think its kind of the whole wanted to be an ivy league mom thing i have in my dreaming fantasies! (to be a wife with a degree that chooses to stay home with the kids.)

However, if you find one that loves to do those things just dont overwelm them. there were many a times where i just wanted to break down in tears because i was doing double the work plus my homework it was like i had no time to reflect it was just work work work and it seemed like the apprication started to dwendal away...

it almost broke my heart until i felt like i was doing the chores with an empty heart. So i sat down and W/we talked it over and things of course got better(i was lucky to have someone open to discuss it, and that i am verbal enough to discuss it.)

So here is my advice,

1. always have open communication.

2. appricate it, expecially if you're not living together, think of new ways to do it, know that you dont have to apricate it all the time just most of the time (its ok to use the same idea twice)

3. One can tell when they are wearing, be subseptive and tell them to stop doing it and let them do something else instead, whatever it is.

4. Attention is fun and wanted, if they are cleaning your floor on there hands and knees maybe turn it into a sexual thing, or just spend time with them or help fold the cloths, anything to take a bit of the work out of work.

they might say oh i can't hang out cause i was doing my laundry, i just got done cleaning your house, and i still havent done my assignment but i would love to see you tomorrow.'i know you saw it sometimes its easier to see then hear!

or the conversation might go... 'hey how are you feeling?' 'fine... im just tired it's been a busy week.'

my Master had a girl say, before he met me, when He asked her to come over 'I am not in the mood for cleaning though sir, is that ok?'

All of these tell tale signs (some more blunt then others) means she needs a week to gather and relax... shes starting to hate it.

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 4:44:16 AM

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Good morning!
I often do things for Daddy, shopping, mail, laundry, dishes when I come over. Anything he does not want to do or just wants done. He is very picky so alot of times I had to learn his standards. It Is his house! More often than not, it is hugs, cuddles that he gives me. Other times, it can be extra apples or groceries that he bought-sometimes even a candy bar or coca-cola. Ia m naturally a stay home mom so service chores come easy for me and I like doing them. But the little extras Daddy gives me tingle me from inside out, making me love him even more.
Find someone who wants to do things for YOU, someone that wants to make life easer for you. Anything I can do for Daddy-to make life easy for him I will. Even if that means going to doctor's visits with him or hauling that deer out of his truck that he just shot while hunting-ick but interesting! Cause when it is all said and done, I can lay my head on his chest and he strokes my hair and calls me his silly lil' one, knowing that I love him for him. Patience in your search, good luck!
Very truly,
Zechriel

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 4:57:00 AM

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I found that, while I was beneath M.S.W's collar, that I was actually quite elated to do chores.

He asked me to do dishes only once, and I ended up doing them any time the kitchen was used for the week I was there. I knew a clean kitchen would make him happy, and knowing it was going to give him peace of mind made me happy.

Hell, I even raked leaves without complaint. ^_^ He let me listen to my Ipod while I did it.

I was not seeking to be rewarded really. I was grateful that it made him happy; however, when he gave me a firm embrace or some form of pet and a, "good girl," it definitely helps to make labor far more worthwhile.

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 5:06:55 AM

ExKat

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Although I think service submissives are rarer among women (there are hardly any of us looking for no-strings-attached housework), I feel most of us probably don't mind doing those types of things. I hardly count myself as service-orientated, and I probably wouldn't have hung out with a dominant who wanted that. However, I still find myself cooking (sometimes...I'm not the best cook), doing all the cleaning, doing odd jobs like cutting his hair and sewing minor tears in his clothes.

Submissives like to please. Doing chores is pleasing. Since you seem to be talking only about minor household stuff, I don't see why it'd be a problem. If you wanted your submissive to come to your house and just scrub the hell out of it every time you saw her, you might have a problem.

~Domestic Katie

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 5:27:33 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youQadesh

Is there a sub out there who genuinely enjoys the chore-aspect of their role and if so under what context are these chores done. Are you always rewarded for the work in some way? Or is the work and servitude reward enough. I have found that many subs will say the servitude is generally enough but that is not really true.

Grins, hmm...i love cooking, i am a scratch cook not a "box" cook, whistle while i am doing the laundry, scrub at stuff naturally, do the gardening, work on the cars and go into zen space while polishing the bikes. Does that count?

I do it all automatically, it is simply part of being nurturing to me.

Am i rewarded, yes, of course. Sometimes by a simple "Thank you that was good" sometimes with the worlds first biker flannel nightgown, in yellow and orange flames, with pockets, handmade just for me.

Just reward them like you would any other life partner that you cared about.

If you are looking for the nurturing type do expect them to tend to nurture all the time, not just when it is convenient for you. If it is cold out i say, put on your coat, or at meals, take your pills. Some dominants might construe this as being dominant myself. Luckily mine realize i am being who i am doing what i do, which is take care of the stuff i love.

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 5:31:20 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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personally, i don't have an ounce of domesticatedness (don't care if it's not a real word) in my submissive body however as a single mom, i do the cooking, cleaning, etc because it needs to be done.

yet like others have posted/stated - there are some who are completely happy doing chores as way to please. i can think of other things which makes me happy like rockin' all night with bands. in my opinion, i don't find doing chores fun or pleasing for someone else.

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