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RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 11:02:48 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		The hardest thing thus far has been having someone I inherently felt a trust in, who accepted my deference, my exclusivity, and my submission, who made themselves a daily part of my life, a consistent presence, a confidante, a friend, a partner, a holder of the most powerfully intimate details of my life break promises, defile commitments, betray my friendship, and abandon me.  Would I work toward mutual redemption?  Indeed I would. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to loveandlight87)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 11:32:06 PM   
atypicalsub


Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
Status: offline 		The hardest thing for me is learning not to talk so much.  A big part of that is realizing I do not always need to explain myself. 


_____________________________

Polyamorous, solitary eclectic pagan, pansexual slut, and personal pet of MistressYes

"Do not do anything you are ashamed of, and don't be ashamed of anything you do"
(although I'm sure my bio-family wishes I did less and was ashamed of more)


(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/27/2008 12:27:35 AM   
NessunDorma


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline 		Realizing--after the fact-- that they did need a training period and they did need an evaluation period.

Just wanting to submit is not enough if you want something more towards the serious.

(in reply to atypicalsub)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/27/2008 3:05:09 AM   
sexisubi


Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline 		i have to say in a way i can't deny that i relate to all of these at some point in my life. The reason i posted this was i said before was because i was thinking about the first week (more like month) with my Master, i was thinking of all the stepping stones, the pace, the times i asked questions regarding his largest problems with me or other subs, (the ones that were mentioned in Padriag thread were mentioned a lot from his past submissives.)

Love brought up a huge challange for myself, i was a supervisor for a company and it was a desk job, so when i went to work i was a person put into a position of slight power... and position of slight 'hey do this for me' so when i got home and when He came over it was so importent for me to leave that at the door, which is harder said then done.

quote:

ORIGINAL: atypicalsub

The hardest thing for me is learning not to talk so much.  A big part of that is realizing I do not always need to explain myself. 



This was opposite for me, i am not good at saying no to Him, i can say no, its an easy word to say look no! there i said it, lol. However when it came to Him if he asked me i was so eger to learn and do things cause it was my first time i did it and it was work, a lot of work! i tried very hard to not complain the first week it seemed as though complaining was very bad. There were signles i'm sure i set off in some way cause He came over to me sometimes and asked me if i was ok or needed a break and i would smile and nod cause i -sure did!-

For me the growing period was instead of saying "i will do it," being able to say "'i'm very tired' but i will do it."

< Message edited by sexisubi -- 11/27/2008 3:12:08 AM >

(in reply to loveandlight87)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/27/2008 8:04:11 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

I agree with this - it's my experience that getting rid of the 'you' and 'me' and concentrating on 'we' and 'us' is much more productive for long term, healthy relationships.


It has been my experience that those relationships are talking "We or Us" are in long-term healthy relationship or at least heading in that direction.

If there was anyone one piece of wisdom that I would give to have a successful long-term relationship... it would be change your mindset from me and you... to  We and Us

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/27/2008 8:58:45 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
I agree with this - it's my experience that getting rid of the 'you' and 'me' and concentrating on 'we' and 'us' is much more productive for long term, healthy relationships. At this point in life I'm more about tweaking than actually changing a whole lot.


That's a really good point and on that point, I thought I would clarify my previous statement that in hindsight turned out to be more ambigous than I realized.

I'm not talking "Me" instead of "You" in the sense of sacrificing what you need/want for what I need/want, but rather focusing on what "I decide" instead of what "You decide".

When dealing with a person who is relatively new to this with a history of independence and making their own decisions, I've found this to be the most challenging transition. Psychology focusing on what "Your Owner decides" instead of what "You decide."

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/27/2008 9:02:29 AM   
bratb


Posts: 50
Joined: 11/7/2008
Status: offline 		Hello A/all,
 
i would humbly like to say that this post and replies have answered alot of questions that i was afraid to ask and thanks to A/all of Y/you .
 
It has been a long , bumpy , road for me in my quest for a Mistress W/who is a good match . i have served as a 24/7 to one Mistress for 1 yr and the most recent for 3 yrs only to be hurt . This has caused me to be very cautious now and have some walls around me .
 
Recently a friend told me about collar me , i decided to give it a try and put out a profile . To my surprise i started exchanging e-mails here with a wonderful Mistress & Master couple W/who i have met in person and connected with very well .
 
The hardest part for me is being trained in the past and now being retrained to meet the expectations and desires of the Couple i am now being courted by . i have made some mistakes and have been punished to teach me not to make the same mistakes again . i am really hard on myself when i do something that displeases Them although i know that They are willing to work on ridding me of some of my past training .
 
i am looking forward to my journey with Them .
 
Respectfully,
girl
 
 

(in reply to loveandlight87)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/27/2008 9:21:59 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit


I'm not talking "Me" instead of "You" in the sense of sacrificing what you need/want for what I need/want, but rather focusing on what "I decide" instead of what "You decide".


For us, this is the crux of our power exchange relationship. The relationship I share with Himself is best served by him deciding and me complying .. that works because the compatibilty is there. I trust him to make good decisions most of the time. I think most relationships are going to start out with 'me' and 'you' until it gets to the 'we'. That can take some time, of course, but as a goal, it's worked out really well for us.

quote:

When dealing with a person who is relatively new to this with a history of independence and making their own decisions, I've found this to be the most challenging transition. Psychology focusing on what "Your Owner decides" instead of what "You decide."


Guilty! My main issue was trying to impose my own will when I thought I knew what was best for him and how I should serve him instead of serving how he decided I should serve.

I'm over that now but it did take a while to get there and I was far from a newbie when I met him.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/27/2008 9:31:01 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
I'm over that now but it did take a while to get there and I was far from a newbie when I met him.


If I have learned anything, it is the frustrating truth of that statement and the patience needed to deal with that reality.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/27/2008 12:53:15 PM   
tkenslve


Posts: 98
Joined: 2/23/2004
Status: offline 		Patience has been the hardest thing to learn, the ability to wait for what He wants when He wants it and not when i think it should happen.

_____________________________

Give me life, give me pain, give me myself again. - Tori Amos

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/27/2008 5:27:20 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		What year does that happen...
 

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/28/2008 6:55:21 AM   
atypicalsub


Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexisubi

quote:

ORIGINAL: atypicalsub

The hardest thing for me is learning not to talk so much.  A big part of that is realizing I do not always need to explain myself. 



This was opposite for me, i am not good at saying no to Him, i can say no, its an easy word to say look no! there i said it, lol. However when it came to Him if he asked me i was so eger to learn and do things cause it was my first time i did it and it was work, a lot of work! i tried very hard to not complain the first week it seemed as though complaining was very bad. There were signles i'm sure i set off in some way cause He came over to me sometimes and asked me if i was ok or needed a break and i would smile and nod cause i -sure did!-

For me the growing period was instead of saying "i will do it," being able to say "'i'm very tired' but i will do it."


When I said about not always explaining myself I didn't mean just in saying 'no'.  In complying I still have a habit of explaining how and why I did it a certain way.  I know a lot of this is left over from a previous non-D/s relationship where I too often had to cite justifications for my decisions.


_____________________________

Polyamorous, solitary eclectic pagan, pansexual slut, and personal pet of MistressYes

"Do not do anything you are ashamed of, and don't be ashamed of anything you do"
(although I'm sure my bio-family wishes I did less and was ashamed of more)


(in reply to sexisubi)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/28/2008 8:55:36 PM   
sexisubi


Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: atypicalsub

When I said about not always explaining myself I didn't mean just in saying 'no'.  In complying I still have a habit of explaining how and why I did it a certain way.  I know a lot of this is left over from a previous non-D/s relationship where I too often had to cite justifications for my decisions.



Oh i see, verbal is good but i can see where you're coming from. i am pretty verbal myself so i can see how cutting down my communication or justification of how or why i did something would be hard! absolutly! Thank you for clearing that i am sorry for the miss-read =)

(in reply to atypicalsub)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/29/2008 8:29:46 PM   
VAcontroldom


Posts: 65
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline 		For me the hardest thing was face slapping for someone who wanted it. I had always linked that with abuse, and even though I knew this was something this submissive wanted, it was a hard barrier to break

(in reply to sexisubi)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/30/2008 4:32:03 PM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Why in the name of God would I want to change somebody?
I play with subs and entertain slaves, but it's all fun, not psychotherapy.
If there is something I don't like about somebody, I tend not to take them on.
Life's too short to be that pompous. Trust me.

(in reply to sexisubi)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What was the hardest thing? - 12/2/2008 9:19:31 AM   
sailorfrank


Posts: 127
Joined: 6/18/2008
Status: offline 		     Observing the proper break in period was rough for me, as you dont want to shock your new slave too much!
Second was testing her pain level and her trying to be tough and not using her "safe words".  I could tell by her jumping and stopped with the flogging.

Now she does use them as needed.  She is a smart slave and learns easily, but her best service to me is accidental.  She calls me Master on her own(I never required that) shows her trust in me.   I am not working on changing her but making her better for herself!

(in reply to tweedydaddy)
Profile   Post #: 36
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