RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumber party.

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RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 11/30/2008 11:23:56 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dalanius

lol Bingo. Yeah, she really didn't think her premise through too well now did she? The ones that need to pay will go for the sure thing you point out; and the ones that don't have to pay, won't be there. Even the "pretty boi" type, often belittled unjustifiably as being stupid, are wise to this and realize their worth that they simply wouldn't settle and pay--because they need not pay.

This is for women seeking relationships. As in - full time, permanent. For some, that means marriage. For others, at least something permanent. Not just someone to "scene" with. Always with subs, the brain goes right to the assfucking, dildo play, facesitting and "scenes" - not the *relationship* which is the illusive element. For you guys who just want someone to top you -yes, by all means, go see a pro.

Akasha

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(in reply to Dalanius)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 11/30/2008 11:52:02 PM

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You must be in management or administration I am willing to bet. You have a delightfully assumptive, reactionary mind to not be, and attempting here to fit proverbial square pegs in a round hole. Please do try to realize the world is far more multivarigated than what you propose, and do not mistake your apparent personal experience wtih the situations you discribe with subs for being reflective of subs in general. Most subs (male and females) have a plethora of underlying motive, and often more than one operating at the same time. Some perhaps do wish to only be "topped" as your response here would suggest has been your limited experience. Many however, do not think of the "assfucking, dildo play, facesitting" scenes that you and only you here have brought up. Many subs simply have no need to pay. And again, these are the ones that will inevitably have the qualities your scenario is attempting to attract. In contrast, the ones that have to pay, are most likely exactly the types you described in your experience: the proverbial "ass grabbers" as you put it earlier, who are simply happy to have female flesh near by, and could care less about the overall physical and intellectual qualities of the femdom in question. You seem to be angered by this reality and almost need to see men simply lining up because women under the femdom banner will be there--and no other consideration will matter. I'm afraid, with the limited framing of this situation, you are just wrong on this, as more than post from both male and female now have correctly pointed out. No need to be clearly upset by this. Not everyone's experiences are the same as what you seemed to have had with the males subs you have encountered or seem to have attracted, and hence why many disagree with the realism and underlying logic of what you are both proposing and attempting to defend here. Good luck.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 12:01:48 AM

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Actually, Dalanius, the expression is, correctly, "couldn't care less." If you are going to spew invective, please do so correctly. Thank you.

(in reply to Dalanius)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 12:05:35 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dalanius

[clip]Even the "pretty boi" type, often belittled unjustifiably as being stupid, are wise to this and realize their worth that they simply wouldn't settle and pay--because they need not pay.

I believe you've just belittled them some more, by saying "even" they are smart enough to figure things out.

(in reply to Dalanius)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 1:46:33 AM

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I am turned off by the idea.

It seems to be a plan that seeks to get submissive men to finance a retreat for dominant women, and one that seeks to play off the mismatch in ratios or desperation.

If the retreat is for a given number of dominant women and submissive men, why do not those who participate and benefit from the retreat defray their respective costs?

I am unimpressed by the statement that a submissive man would be better off applying to this retreat that promises a relationship versus going to a professional domme. Geographical proximity is relevant for the types of relationships you describe whereas you suggest flying people in from different parts of the country. Will you check to see that all attendees are open to relocation?

And for those who are seeking relationships, they would be better off using that money to go to a BDSM convention that is somewhat local to them, or see if there are femdom groups local to them. There they are guaranteed participation and the opportunity to meet people for friendship or a D/s relationship. There are people who already provide this opportunity--for people to meet others and potential relationship partners--via conventions and BDSM groups without trying to milk those who are seeking.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 12/1/2008 2:16:11 AM >

(in reply to MadameMarque)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 5:37:57 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dalanius

lol Bingo. Yeah, she really didn't think her premise through too well now did she? The ones that need to pay will go for the sure thing you point out; and the ones that don't have to pay, won't be there. Even the "pretty boi" type, often belittled unjustifiably as being stupid, are wise to this and realize their worth that they simply wouldn't settle and pay--because they need not pay.

This is for women seeking relationships. As in - full time, permanent. For some, that means marriage. For others, at least something permanent. Not just someone to "scene" with. Always with subs, the brain goes right to the assfucking, dildo play, facesitting and "scenes" - not the *relationship* which is the illusive element. For you guys who just want someone to top you -yes, by all means, go see a pro.

Akasha

I am a sub and my mind didn't go anywhere near ass fucking or facesitting. I went directly to "would I pay 100 dollars on the off chance that I might get picked. Then take the chance that the female I am lucky enough to end up with, is someone I would want to play with, let alone be in a relationship with. Sorry to many chances to take. It is much easier to go to a local event and meet people. A lot cheaper too.

Now from the tops view, yea a free weekend sounds great, but honestly, how many of the men that are willing to put up the cash, will be worth the effort. Maybe it would be better to save up some money and throw a party. Then you can invite people you know you enjoy being around.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 7:46:32 AM

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I think that you could develop a model based on the 20.00 application fee which entitled them to a meet and greet... etc... certainly you could do it if you say had 5 big name ProDommes there to give classes etc.. and the women in attendance paid 50.00 a class and the a mimial amount for food and lodging.. the men who attended for the weekend had a slightly higher amont to pay...you would have to have a overseer to wrangle the boys into service for the weekend... you could do a speed dating thing each night to see who would be ameanable to serving who..etc.. sounds doable if you made it into a FemmeDomme lifestyle weekend event focusing on that with the service thing being a sideline..SD

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RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 8:24:50 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dalanius

lol Bingo. Yeah, she really didn't think her premise through too well now did she? The ones that need to pay will go for the sure thing you point out; and the ones that don't have to pay, won't be there. Even the "pretty boi" type, often belittled unjustifiably as being stupid, are wise to this and realize their worth that they simply wouldn't settle and pay--because they need not pay.

This is for women seeking relationships. As in - full time, permanent. For some, that means marriage. For others, at least something permanent. Not just someone to "scene" with. Always with subs, the brain goes right to the assfucking, dildo play, facesitting and "scenes" - not the *relationship* which is the illusive element. For you guys who just want someone to top you -yes, by all means, go see a pro.

Akasha

I am a sub and my mind didn't go anywhere near ass fucking or facesitting. I went directly to "would I pay 100 dollars on the off chance that I might get picked. Then take the chance that the female I am lucky enough to end up with, is someone I would want to play with, let alone be in a relationship with. Sorry to many chances to take. It is much easier to go to a local event and meet people. A lot cheaper too.

Now from the tops view, yea a free weekend sounds great, but honestly, how many of the men that are willing to put up the cash, will be worth the effort. Maybe it would be better to save up some money and throw a party. Then you can invite people you know you enjoy being around.

I agree 100%. In my earlier post when I said they (sub guys) might as well go to a pro domme I simply meant that that would be a more sure reward for the money they were putting out. Personally I AM looking for a relationship, and I have never been to a pro domme since that is not the kind of thing I'm interested in. And if I had $100-$500 to just throw away (which is what MOST of the gentlemen in the OP scenario would be doing) I would rather make a quick trip to Vegas where the odds of coming back a winner would be much greater.

(in reply to thishereboi)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 8:41:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003

I agree 100%. In my earlier post when I said they (sub guys) might as well go to a pro domme I simply meant that that would be a more sure reward for the money they were putting out. Personally I AM looking for a relationship, and I have never been to a pro domme since that is not the kind of thing I'm interested in. And if I had $100-$500 to just throw away (which is what MOST of the gentlemen in the OP scenario would be doing) I would rather make a quick trip to Vegas where the odds of coming back a winner would be much greater.

So if $100 guaranteed you a face-to-face introduction with 5 single (looking for relationships) women, you'd still find that too much money to spend if you were not guaranteed something in return? (boggle). Courting a vanilla woman, taking her to a dinner, can run you $100 if you get a nice bottle of wine, yet there is no guarantee of anything either. Obviously you are not the target market!

Akasha

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to igor2003)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 9:56:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003

I agree 100%. In my earlier post when I said they (sub guys) might as well go to a pro domme I simply meant that that would be a more sure reward for the money they were putting out. Personally I AM looking for a relationship, and I have never been to a pro domme since that is not the kind of thing I'm interested in. And if I had $100-$500 to just throw away (which is what MOST of the gentlemen in the OP scenario would be doing) I would rather make a quick trip to Vegas where the odds of coming back a winner would be much greater.

So if $100 guaranteed you a face-to-face introduction with 5 single (looking for relationships) women, you'd still find that too much money to spend if you were not guaranteed something in return? (boggle). Courting a vanilla woman, taking her to a dinner, can run you $100 if you get a nice bottle of wine, yet there is no guarantee of anything either. Obviously you are not the target market!

Akasha

I must say, A, that when I read your first post here I got that now very familiar mixture of 'wow' and 'depressing'. On the one hand - great! A party and a get-together of some of CM's finest Ds and s's. On the other, it did seem that everything about the plan was premised on the old supply and demand ratio of dominants to submissives, now translated into hard-cash, economic terms. To be a 'winner' in the 'lottery' you propose would feel grotty (because I'd feel like other subs are paying for me and getting nothing in return); to be a loser would feel even worse.

To be honest, I'd rather save some more, buy a flight to the US, then tour to meet a certain few people - people of whom I've become very fond and in such a short space of time, too.

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RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 10:06:13 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I must say, A, that when I read your first post here I got that now very familiar mixture of 'wow' and 'depressing'. On the one hand - great! A party and a get-together of some of CM's finest Ds and s's. On the other, it did seem that everything about the plan was premised on the old supply and demand ratio of dominants to submissives, now translated into hard-cash, economic terms. To be a 'winner' in the 'lottery' you propose would feel grotty (because I'd feel like other subs are paying for me and getting nothing in return); to be a loser would feel even worse.

To be honest, I'd rather save some more, buy a flight to the US, then tour to meet a certain few people - people of whom I've become very fond and in such a short space of time, too.

I think you are looking at it from a different POV if you would fly from the UK to do it - it would make more sense to attend a BDSM event like one of the larger ones where you could meet dozens of people.

I am talking about getting single, relationship-minded femdoms in one location so that potential submissive partners could interact with them with the ultimate goal of coupling for the longterm. The challenge, financially, is getting the women to one single location. From a financial standpoint, if men are willing to pay $20 and women get in free to a singles bar, for example (without the guarntee they get laid for that $20), the same principles could apply on a larger scale for those men looking to meet not one, but multiple eligible women at a single venue. The men pool their resources to allow the women to get to a single location.

And I think when you get multiple femdoms in a room together, they feed off each other. That's a party in itself.

Akasha

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RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 10:17:49 AM

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I think you are looking at it from a different POV if you would fly from the UK to do it - it would make more sense to attend a BDSM event like one of the larger ones where you could meet dozens of people.

Oh no, A. I can go to a local BDSM event any old time. If there were to be an attraction for me in any way at all to the bachelorette party you're proposing, it would be to meet at least one of the dominas of whom I've become fond. Or at least, one that I've come to know, like and admire without her especially knowing it yet.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 10:27:13 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003

I agree 100%. In my earlier post when I said they (sub guys) might as well go to a pro domme I simply meant that that would be a more sure reward for the money they were putting out. Personally I AM looking for a relationship, and I have never been to a pro domme since that is not the kind of thing I'm interested in. And if I had $100-$500 to just throw away (which is what MOST of the gentlemen in the OP scenario would be doing) I would rather make a quick trip to Vegas where the odds of coming back a winner would be much greater.

So if $100 guaranteed you a face-to-face introduction with 5 single (looking for relationships) women, you'd still find that too much money to spend if you were not guaranteed something in return? (boggle). Courting a vanilla woman, taking her to a dinner, can run you $100 if you get a nice bottle of wine, yet there is no guarantee of anything either. Obviously you are not the target market!

Akasha

First, you are not talking about ONLY me meeting 5 possible Ladies. You are talking about me and 99 other men meeting ONLY 5 women. That means that AT LEAST 95% of the men are going home with nothing to show for their money! That is a LOT different than what you are trying to make it seem and not very good odds at all. Next, I don't drink alcohol of any form. Not wine, beer, or anything else. So if it takes a $100 bottle of wine to impress a woman then she is not going to be the one for me anyway. Even on a vanilla date it is quite unlikely that I would be willing to spend that much on a blind date with someone that i have never met before. Therefore, for the $100 or more that I might spend it would be on someone that I already knew to some extent and with whom there was a common interest in seeing each other beyond just the one evening.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 10:54:27 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
So if $100 guaranteed you a face-to-face introduction with 5 single (looking for relationships) women, you'd still find that too much money to spend if you were not guaranteed something in return?

First, $100 is not guaranteeing a face-to-face introduction per your plan. Instead it is guaranteeing a review to see whether one is considered worthy enough for a face to face introduction and that this $100 will be used to finance a retreat for some people.

Second, there is more to compatibility than for each to be simply looking for relationships. Even if $100 guaranteed a face-to-face meeting, I would think about compatibility odds and how well a given scenario aligns with my social and relationship objectives.

While I keep most of my focus locally, I allow that I might meet a compatible person who lives elsewhere and that, with enough compatibility, anything can happen. So the idea of meeting people who live elsewhere as potential partners is not extraordinary. Still, I remain cold to the idea and explain why.

I am going to gather 5 subs. Will you pay $100 to be considered by these men? Oh. By the way. There is no guarantee that you will be selected to meet them face to face since they will be reviewing 100-200 dommes. But hey, it's for a good cause. After they have done the reviews, they all will have a fantastic party. So even if you don't get selected, you get to contribute to the happiness of others. Cool, huh?

Does seeing the situation from this perspective help you see the matter in a different light?

Even if I find myself optimistic about my chances at such an event, what bothers me about your suggestion is that, to me, it seems unfair and carries a sense of disrespect for submissive men. It seems unfair because it is specifically designed to have some people pay for a retreat for others. In my opinion, it has an air of arrogance that marginalizes submissive men as a whole, and one that is based on ratios rather than personal merit. Lastly, it suggests a high fee for something that is already available via organized BDSM communities in a manner that is comparatively more fair, respectful, and compassionate.

quote:

Obviously you are not the target market!

He is not the target market because he disagrees with you. You are unhappy because he is disagreeing with you and, thus, are making a comment that is intended to be a swipe at him. If I am incorrect, please describe what the target market is and how he does not fit it.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 12/1/2008 11:23:40 AM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 11:05:18 AM

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Sea,

Is it the old ratio of subs to Dommes, and the fact that this feels a little like exploitation of that ratio, that really grinds on you? Because it sure feels like that to me. Personally, I find it demoralising and depressing. It's one of those things that makes me feel like withdrawing from D/s altogether.

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(in reply to undergroundsea)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 11:06:46 AM

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003

I agree 100%. In my earlier post when I said they (sub guys) might as well go to a pro domme I simply meant that that would be a more sure reward for the money they were putting out. Personally I AM looking for a relationship, and I have never been to a pro domme since that is not the kind of thing I'm interested in. And if I had $100-$500 to just throw away (which is what MOST of the gentlemen in the OP scenario would be doing) I would rather make a quick trip to Vegas where the odds of coming back a winner would be much greater.

So if $100 guaranteed you a face-to-face introduction with 5 single (looking for relationships) women, you'd still find that too much money to spend if you were not guaranteed something in return?
Bingo
(boggle). Courting a vanilla woman, taking her to a dinner, can run you $100 if you get a nice bottle of wine, yet there is no guarantee of anything either.
When I court a women, I know ahead of time that there is an interest there. That is why I ask her out in the first place. Because there is a possibliity of a relationship. In your OP I might meet someone that I click with, but to pay out 100 bucks ahead of time seems silly. There are too many parties in this area that I can go to for 15 and know I will at least have the experience of the party if I don't meet anyone. And to be perfectly honest, if all I wanted to do is play, I have friends that will beat my ass, if I ask nice.
Obviously you are not the target market!
What is the target market?

Akasha

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 11:16:48 AM

Posts: 2400
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From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
the fact that this feels a little like exploitation of that ratio, that really grinds on you?

Yes, you have described it correctly.

While I see a troubling attitude (an unworthiness assigned to subs either due to the ratios or a belief that being submissive makes one a second class citizen) from time to time, it does not leave me depressed about BDSM. I am happy to tell you it is not everywhere. Not all dommes see subs in this light and a large majority of my experiences have been happy ones.

As for your comment in your prior post about wanting to meet others, I understand entirely. This idea has come up in different online communities in which I have participated. On another site, there was an idea for members of a forum to agree upon and meet at a large, regularly held BDSM convention (Thunder in the Mountain, Kinky College, etc). In my opinion, that is a good way to achieve such a meeting of familiar names and faces.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to PeonForHer)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 11:22:43 AM

Posts: 32566
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quote:

Original: Undergroundsea:

Even if I find myself optimistic about my chances at such an event, what bothers me about your suggestion is that, to me, it seems unfair and carries a sense of disrespect for submissive men. It seems unfair because it is specifically designed to have some people pay for a retreat for others. In my opinion, it has an air of arrogance that marginalizes submissive men as a whole, and one that is based on ratios rather than personal merit. Lastly, it suggests a high fee for something that is already available via organized BDSM communities in a manner that is comparatively more fair, respectful, and compassionate.

Just a curiosity question here. What if such an arrangement *could* be made at a major BDSM event? In that situation, you have a place where single, Dominant women are already going to be, and have paid their own way, so no one is paying for anyone's "retreat." It could be something of an added ticket price, say $20.00 for the males to attend a mixer or speed introduction of sorts. Security is already in place at these events, so no extra tab there. If held during the day, say during what otherwise would have been one of the presentation blocks, or a room dedicated to the idea at the event for an afternoon, play or a scene could be had that evening at the event's dungeon party.

An idea of the type might draw more people to the aforementioned event, raise additional money to defray costs of said event, or be donated to charity. The males would get the opportunity to meet and the Dominants wouldn't have to have the same worries that come with meeting males that they do in other scenarios.

Would it still be as distasteful of an idea to you under these circumstances?

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(in reply to thishereboi)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 11:32:04 AM

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From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
What if such an arrangement *could* be made at a major BDSM event?

I think such a get together at a BDSM convention is an excellent way to do so. There is so much to be had: meeting people from a forum, meeting other attendees, classes, access to vendor markets, social events.

The costs to attend a convention can be several hundred dollars (airfare and other trasportation related costs, hotel, convention fee, meals). Still, I have and continue to attend conventions.

At some level we are discussing a meeting for those who have already developed familiarity via forums. At some level we are discussing a meeting between people who have not had any introduction before. For the former, I think a mixer at the beginning of the event would be best. There are plenty of opportunities to socialize thereafter at conventions.

I do not have any thoughts about speed dating because I have not done it. I am familiar with mixers and I think this approach aligns better with me.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 12/1/2008 11:37:42 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 11:33:48 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

Original: Undergroundsea:

Even if I find myself optimistic about my chances at such an event, what bothers me about your suggestion is that, to me, it seems unfair and carries a sense of disrespect for submissive men. It seems unfair because it is specifically designed to have some people pay for a retreat for others. In my opinion, it has an air of arrogance that marginalizes submissive men as a whole, and one that is based on ratios rather than personal merit. Lastly, it suggests a high fee for something that is already available via organized BDSM communities in a manner that is comparatively more fair, respectful, and compassionate.

Just a curiosity question here. What if such an arrangement *could* be made at a major BDSM event? In that situation, you have a place where single, Dominant women are already going to be, and have paid their own way, so no one is paying for anyone's "retreat." It could be something of an added ticket price, say $20.00 for the males to attend a mixer or speed introduction of sorts. Security is already in place at these events, so no extra tab there. If held during the day, say during what otherwise would have been one of the presentation blocks, or a room dedicated to the idea at the event for an afternoon, play or a scene could be had that evening at the event's dungeon party.

An idea of the type might draw more people to the aforementioned event, raise additional money to defray costs of said event, or be donated to charity. The males would get the opportunity to meet and the Dominants wouldn't have to have the same worries that come with meeting males that they do in other scenarios.

Would it still be as distasteful of an idea to you under these circumstances?

Just about every event I have ever attended had a meet and greet. They were always a lot of fun and I met a lot of really great people. Now why would I pay extra for something they already have? Are the dominants going to be extra special at these functions?

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to LadyPact)

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