RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumber party.

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RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 11:48:21 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi
Just about every event I have ever attended had a meet and greet. They were always a lot of fun and I met a lot of really great people. Now why would I pay extra for something they already have? Are the dominants going to be extra special at these functions?

I took the post to mean that there would be an event for a special interest group (a given online forum or the like) which might have costs associated to arrange it (renting a hotel room, appetizers).

Whether these costs would be paid by men only or by all attendees is another question. I expect it would be the same for all but am open to reasons for why it might be different.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to thishereboi)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 11:56:48 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
the fact that this feels a little like exploitation of that ratio, that really grinds on you?

Yes, you have described it correctly.

While I see a troubling attitude (an unworthiness assigned to subs either due to the ratios or a belief that being submissive makes one a second class citizen) from time to time, it does not leave me depressed about BDSM. I am happy to tell you it is not everywhere. Not all dommes see subs in this light and a large majority of my experiences have been happy ones.

As for your comment in your prior post about wanting to meet others, I understand entirely. This idea has come up in different online communities in which I have participated. On another site, there was an idea for members of a forum to agree upon and meet at a large, regularly held BDSM convention (Thunder in the Mountain, Kinky College, etc). In my opinion, that is a good way to achieve such a meeting of familiar names and faces.

Cheers,

Sea

To hell with it. I'll just save my coppers and do that tour of the US to meet my favourite US dominas, assuming they're happy with my turning up on their doorsteps.

There's a certain sort of chivalrous, male-pays-for-female thing about Akasha's idea - but, to be honest, this goes beyond that. I can't go for it. It burns too much of the D/s, supply and demand ratio, to me. Sorry to any dominas who firmly believe otherwise, but there it is: what I've got to offer "Her" is, for me, too big a thing for me to offer to allow myself to be fleeced in the process. Their opinion of how small a thing they might feel it to be is irrelevant to me.

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 12/1/2008 11:58:16 AM >

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RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 12:44:25 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

Just about every event I have ever attended had a meet and greet. They were always a lot of fun and I met a lot of really great people. Now why would I pay extra for something they already have? Are the dominants going to be extra special at these functions?

From what I'm gathering from the original, part of the idea is to specifically allow an introduction of singles on both sides of the kneel who are actually looking. I'll grant you that meet and greets are wonderful, but at the same time, most don't cater only to those who are not in relationships. At a major event where a large number of people attend, it's not like people have "taken" or "looking" stamped on their forehead so everyone knows their relationship status. A dedicated block of time in one of the presentation rooms could be used for just such a purpose. If there was a high response to the idea, it might take that room for a significant length of time at the event, with extra help to organize and run such a thing (so those shy folks don't get left out), so I suggested a cost be included.

By reading some of the responses to the thread, I'm painfully aware that some have felt offended by the idea as it was presented. I'm not coming to the question from that light. What I'm looking at is might this be a way for single people in the lifestyle to meet potentials.

_____________________________

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 1:00:33 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

Just about every event I have ever attended had a meet and greet. They were always a lot of fun and I met a lot of really great people. Now why would I pay extra for something they already have? Are the dominants going to be extra special at these functions?

From what I'm gathering from the original, part of the idea is to specifically allow an introduction of singles on both sides of the kneel who are actually looking. I'll grant you that meet and greets are wonderful, but at the same time, most don't cater only to those who are not in relationships. At a major event where a large number of people attend, it's not like people have "taken" or "looking" stamped on their forehead so everyone knows their relationship status. A dedicated block of time in one of the presentation rooms could be used for just such a purpose. If there was a high response to the idea, it might take that room for a significant length of time at the event, with extra help to organize and run such a thing (so those shy folks don't get left out), so I suggested a cost be included.

By reading some of the responses to the thread, I'm painfully aware that some have felt offended by the idea as it was presented. I'm not coming to the question from that light. What I'm looking at is might this be a way for single people in the lifestyle to meet potentials.

Yes, you're right.
I guess I am looking at this as the kinky version of why someone would use match.com vs. a very high end service, like Great Expectations (if they are still around) - where you are targeting people who are VERY serious about entering into a relationship, not a fling, and who are willing to pay money. For the femdoms, this shaves right off the top the very high percentage of men (any dare to guess?) that really don't want to invest anything - time OR money - into anything. With a very aggressive screening process to ensure the men are real (and the women, too), it could be stated that it would be highly unlikely the ladies would not be coupled as a result.

I'm a little surprised that the men here are so boldly able to say $100 is not worth it (especially the ones that are complaining about being single and there being no femdoms around) unless they GET SOMETHING in return. Why not strive to be the top percent and take advantage that if 5 very single, relationship-minded femdoms are in one place, it's a great chance to make a possible connection for life? It was just an interesting idea. As I said in the OP, I'm happily married, so I don't have any reason to consider it.

I'll also admit there's a selfish reason to think that it would be SO much fun to have 5 - 10 femdoms together for a weekend long slumber party. It was a creative way to make that happen - financially - that got my wheels turning. I thought for all the single men who are willing to pay $300/hour for a session, or $3 a minute for phone sex, or $50 paypal to a random stranger on collarme, surely there would be a few willing to pay $100 to be connected with a potential longterm mate.

I guess the secondary question would be this. If there were a femdom version of something like "Great Expectations" - with INTENSE screening and matchmaking - would you pay $2000 to be connected with ONE femdom who was aggressively screened to be a fit for you? I can't recall, but I thought GE charged something like $1,000 for their services. When I had heard about that it was ages ago and on a TV news show so I'm not sure.

I know the very high end executive matchmaking services charge in the thousands.

Akasha

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RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 1:23:29 PM

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I thought for all the single men who are willing to pay $300/hour for a session, or $3 a minute for phone sex, or $50 paypal to a random stranger on collarme, surely there would be a few willing to pay $100 to be connected with a potential longterm mate.

Why would you make that assumption, A? To me, it would seem that those looking for long-term partners aren't going to be the sorts who'd pay for sessions R/T, on the phone, or otherwise.. Wouldn't they be people who are after completely different things to longterm D/s mates?

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RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 1:29:45 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I thought for all the single men who are willing to pay $300/hour for a session, or $3 a minute for phone sex, or $50 paypal to a random stranger on collarme, surely there would be a few willing to pay $100 to be connected with a potential longterm mate.

Why would you make that assumption, A? To me, it would seem that those looking for long-term partners aren't going to be the sorts who'd pay for sessions R/T, on the phone, or otherwise.. Wouldn't they be people who are after completely different things to longterm D/s mates?

It's not mutually exclusive. There are some very eligible submissive bachelors who have paid for S&M on some level, and there are total wankers who pay for S&M and will never be eligible bachelors.

There's also a correlation between submissive men who have VERY busy lives, especially professionally, who are wealthy because of their work intensity, and they do not have time to go through the intense screening process of finding vanilla women who would be open to kink, and they are too high profile to go to dungeon parties. They are the kinky version of men who go through corporate matchmaking and pay very high dollars.

Akasha

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RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 1:40:02 PM

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If I'm going on a date with someone it's because we've already met before and there was some chemistry, so I'm not exactly dropping a large amount of money on a total stranger. But, if I were at a large bdsm event I'd definitely spend $20 or so to be introduced to a group of Dommes looking for relationships. I'd prefer some kind of filtering going on to improve matching, since I'm only really interested in women within a certain range of my age. Depending on the size of the event the demographics may not work in favor of being selective like that, and there is still a lot of benefit in making friends.

I'm not so surprised that so many guys here are saying $100 is not worth it, especially with the way the economy has been going the last 20 years. Real wages have been declining for all but the wealthy. Even those that manage the climb off the lower rungs of the ladder often have to do so under the graces of heavy debt. That's my situation...I'm going to be in my mid to late 30s before flying around the country on a whim will be anything approaching realistic. I'm not familiar with Great Expectations, but if it really was effective I'd be open to the idea of spending that kind of money on a match.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 2:05:57 PM

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If it were to be $100, I'd use that to buy the time to spend on the phone to someone I already liked. No matchmaking company on the planet, no matter how glossy and "professional" they want to look, could do the matchmaking job for me anywhere near as well as I could do it myself. Besides, if I were so short of time that I couldn't do my own matchmaking, then I'd be too short of time to have a proper relationship either. I've met so many women who've gone for rich men who've complained after they've nabbed such men that they never see their partners.

This whole idea just isn't looking like either a romantic or an economic goer for me at all, I have to say.

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RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 2:08:05 PM

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I'd say those are some pretty desperate ladies and would never think of paying even $20 for something like that.
I mean if it's that hard for them to find men you've gotta wonder.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 2:13:53 PM

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I'm really interested to see the answers that the men are giving. I saw Akasha's OP as a kind of meet and greet in person, like a match.com thing. It's often the case at bdsm events that single males pay more for entry than single females, so why that is such an issue, I am not sure. I have to admit that I am amazed that someone wouldn't cough up essentially the cost of a date to defray the cost of meeting a pool of women who had similar interests.

As a (FORMER!) event organizer, I have learned the hard way that when it comes to paying anything, folks get all cranky. What am I getting for this? they demand to know. The safe play space, beverages, food, equipment, somehow seems to become less desirable when it isn't free... I am not sure why this is, but it's an attitude that has held back many a group.

Would the men at this event be guaranteed play? I would like to think so, though I know that I wouldn't be happy to have to dish it out~ I have been the Utility Dom for long enough, honestly. Still, it seems reasonable that they would be able to get a scene out of the deal...

I guess this lets us know that a bdsm matching service would have a hard row to hoe!

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RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 2:20:23 PM

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That's just it, Lady Hib. There's a lottery element to this particular idea. Who needs it? Whatever the amount of money put into it, the mere fact that it's got a lottery element to it sours the feeling of it. Ah well, for some, maybe not. Each to their own.

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RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 2:21:22 PM

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So I'm guessing the term "slave auction" doesn't thrill you so much either?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to PeonForHer)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 2:31:01 PM

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The problem with this scheme is that you are attempting to overcome extensively evolved biological programming. You are asking men to lose resources (money, time of the application) with no guarantee of any benefit. Moreover, you are telling them that they have a high chance of directly donating their resources to their competitors, other submissive men. This is not a winning reproductive strategy, and so the instinct for men is to not participate in such an event. Just look at the responses from the men so far. They all pretty much feel like the risk/reward ration isn't worth it, and that they are being exploited. You need to think of a strategy that exploits our evolution, not works against it.

A modified version might work. The general outline of the idea is interesting though.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 2:36:45 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

So I'm guessing the term "slave auction" doesn't thrill you so much either?

Ah stop that, LP. You know what I'm going to say. Of course it does and I've woven many a blissful fantasy around the idea. However, in those fantasies I always get picked and always by my perfect domina, Goddess and Mistress magically rolled into one. One who never takes off her stilettos (and Stetson, if she's American) even when taking a shower.

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RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 2:40:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sleuthingsub

You are asking men to lose resources (money, time of the application) with no guarantee of any benefit.

Men routinely gamble away huge amounts of money in casinos with long odds against winning anything. If they can take that kind of risk, surely a man can take a lesser risk to find a partner.

(in reply to sleuthingsub)

RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 2:43:49 PM

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sleuthingsub

The problem with this scheme is that you are attempting to overcome extensively evolved biological programming. You are asking men to lose resources (money, time of the application) with no guarantee of any benefit. Moreover, you are telling them that they have a high chance of directly donating their resources to their competitors, other submissive men. This is not a winning reproductive strategy, and so the instinct for men is to not participate in such an event. Just look at the responses from the men so far. They all pretty much feel like the risk/reward ration isn't worth it, and that they are being exploited. You need to think of a strategy that exploits our evolution, not works against it.

A modified version might work. The general outline of the idea is interesting though.

I am *loving* this post!

I am going to venture out of the box here and say that the majority of modern men are NOT run by their biological imperatives. You'll grow out of this kind of thinking when you graduate, honest.

(no offense intended, either, I have four degrees myself and am speaking from experience).

That said, why do you think that the ratio is skewed, and that the men in attendance would be offering up resources to the other men? They would be competing, certainly, but no more so than they would be in any other venue. Why would that competition be only on the male side? In my mind, both orientations are predators and prey in this scenario. Would the women not be competing for the atttentions of the same men? Is it not likely that one or two of the men would be desired by one or more or ALL of the women?

Without risk there is no reward. I'm sure I heard that somewhere before. It seems to me that this scenario is a lot closer to a sure thing than the average bdsm event!

As to men feeling "exploited"... well, let me just thank you for that laugh! I adore irony.

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RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 2:49:56 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I'm really interested to see the answers that the men are giving. I saw Akasha's OP as a kind of meet and greet in person, like a match.com thing. It's often the case at bdsm events that single males pay more for entry than single females, so why that is such an issue, I am not sure. I have to admit that I am amazed that someone wouldn't cough up essentially the cost of a date to defray the cost of meeting a pool of women who had similar interests.

As a (FORMER!) event organizer, I have learned the hard way that when it comes to paying anything, folks get all cranky. What am I getting for this? they demand to know. The safe play space, beverages, food, equipment, somehow seems to become less desirable when it isn't free... I am not sure why this is, but it's an attitude that has held back many a group.

Would the men at this event be guaranteed play? I would like to think so, though I know that I wouldn't be happy to have to dish it out~ I have been the Utility Dom for long enough, honestly. Still, it seems reasonable that they would be able to get a scene out of the deal...

I guess this lets us know that a bdsm matching service would have a hard row to hoe!

I guess what has been most interesting about this thread is the number of men who say they won't spend money without getting anything in return, yet the quality of the men (don't let this go to your head, boys) in this discussion is clearly higher than the general sub population. In other words, the men that post here are generally more well rounded, intelligent about their submission and power exchange and have a good head on their shoulders because they mostly "get" the difference between BDSM porn and BDSM reality. If anything, I would think that most subs here would be much more likely to be in the top 10% and "make the cut," and I also would expect that level of confidence about it. Instead, it's "well, if I can't be guaranteed, I don't want to pay" -- what happened to, "Of course I know I'd make the cut."

People pay application fees with many things, not a promise to get into whatever it is. Whenever I have had to pay a fee to do something, or enroll in something, my goal is always to be in the accepted part - otherwise, why bother? I don't go into it thinking, "Well if I am not going to get it for sure, I refuse to pay the money."

What if they were to pay an application fee and be eliminated based on test scores, physical tests, romance tests, aptitude tests. Why not just go into it with a lot of study and prep? LOL....

Akasha

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RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 2:55:55 PM

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Ooooh, don't you try pulling that degrees thing on me, Lady Hib - I have the same number, yet I still don't agree with you.

They would be competing, certainly, but no more so than they would be in any other venue.

So they would. But some venues are a lot cheaper, and better for competing, than others. In this one - CM - for instance, I can find out huge amounts about a "target" for nothing.

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RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 3:28:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

Just about every event I have ever attended had a meet and greet. They were always a lot of fun and I met a lot of really great people. Now why would I pay extra for something they already have? Are the dominants going to be extra special at these functions?

From what I'm gathering from the original, part of the idea is to specifically allow an introduction of singles on both sides of the kneel who are actually looking. I'll grant you that meet and greets are wonderful, but at the same time, most don't cater only to those who are not in relationships. At a major event where a large number of people attend, it's not like people have "taken" or "looking" stamped on their forehead so everyone knows their relationship status. A dedicated block of time in one of the presentation rooms could be used for just such a purpose. If there was a high response to the idea, it might take that room for a significant length of time at the event, with extra help to organize and run such a thing (so those shy folks don't get left out), so I suggested a cost be included.

By reading some of the responses to the thread, I'm painfully aware that some have felt offended by the idea as it was presented. I'm not coming to the question from that light. What I'm looking at is might this be a way for single people in the lifestyle to meet potentials.

Yea, I can see where a singles get together could be benificial to both sides. The last black rose I attended we set up an age play breakfast. They had a webpage to set up meetings ahead of time. Leather retreat also has a page for this purpose. If there was a cost involved, then I think anyone who attends should pay, whether they are a top or a bottom.

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RE: Femdom "Bachelorrette" - big femdom slumb... - 12/1/2008 3:32:37 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Ooooh, don't you try pulling that degrees thing on me, Lady Hib - I have the same number, yet I still don't agree with you.

When I said rhat, I was referring to how the topic being studied ends to colour one's worldview!

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