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Fiancee/sub disappeared, looking for a bit of advice. - 12/25/2008 5:24:42 AM   
Saishuu


Posts: 17
Joined: 10/28/2008
Status: offline 		Sorry about the long read, just sit back & take your time, it should be easy enough to read/fairly interesting, I'd like some advice on what to do because this is very important to me.

Hello, I wanted to ask you guys here for a bit of advice, I haven't posted on the forums before but I've talked to some people in the personal section. I wanted to ask the collarme community this because the ones of you who are genuine are very real, & I'm hoping you can share your experience/wisdom with me.

There will be no sex talk in this thread I'm looking for some relationship advice.

I'll begin

When I got home from work last thursday(18/12/08) half of the funiture was missing from my home, there was a letter on my desk with my Fiancees ring on it. (weve been together 2 year).

The letter said:-
-This shouldn't come as a surprise
-I had to do it this way because I was afraid of your temper and how you would react
-The lettings company are aware & I'm leaving the bills to you, the lettings company said to need to be out by 21/1/09
-I don't feel I need to give a reason as with a bit of thinking it should be obvious (its not because you don't have a job).

Her mum had helped her move out, it was obvious that that it has been planned and she was staying with her mum.

I rang her friend, her friend didn't know anything and was as shocked as me (we all went out for a meal the day before, my fiancee was completely normal/very happy).
We worked out all the reasons why she may have moved out  (extra info is in parenthesis)

-She felt she couldn't tell me things that I wouldn't like (I've have a temper, I've smashed a few things before (only twice) and I'd never be violent to my fiancee.
-Her mum hated me & her moms boyfriend scared me, He shouted at me once and kicked me out of mums house, I was seeing my fiancee (then gf) and we were there late after I finished work one night. Neway, point is that my I didn't want to see her mum with her BF and her mum would refuse to leave him behind, And I didn't want to be the one left out of seeing her mum, neway this resulted in my finacee not seeing her mum for along time.
-Later on her mum would ring us and make my fiancee cry without fail. After too many times of this I told her my not to ring if she can't be nice, she stopped calling completely.
-Later on my fiancee started calling her mum in secret, even though I had let her call her mum normally anyway (she should have said something).
-This last week i found out that my fiancee was invited to go out with her mates from Uni for dinner, she said she couldn't because she thought I wouldn't like it (even though I would love it, she should have asked).

Neway I haven't been able to speak to my fiancee, she has changed her number.

I rung her mum, apologised for all these things and she said she would not stop my fiancee ringing me if she wanted to (should I believe this?).

This is where it was left friday night. 19/12/08

There has been very slight communication between us.

Fri 19/12/08
Friend asked her to leave her old phone on so I could call her, (friend has new number but wouldn't give it to me), My fiancee did leave it on.

Sat 20/12/08
-I tried to ring her phone, it rung, I was surprised & very happy, but no answer, the phone is now off.
-Talked to her best friend again but just re-discussed whats above.
-I went out clubbing by myself (I alienate my friends apart from my fiancee you see), I met one of her work collegues, he gave me my fiancees new number.

Sun 21/12/08
-7.00 am I tried to ring my fiancee with the new number, thinking she would wake up, & actually answer (before the day moves on and she loses all courage to answer/her head conficts with her heart or whatever. No-answer, I rang about 7 times before her best mate rang me and said my fiancee rang her saying I wouldn't stop calling her new phone & that she'd have to change it again. I said to her mate I'd stop calling it. I tried her phone again but it was off (as I suspected it would be).

I left a long answerphone message about what I'd  (thought) I had done wrong, about how she was happy right up unitl the end, & I would go to anger management, & how we should take it slow for now & maby one day it may work out & how we just need to start talking.

I think I hit the nail on the head by reminding her of things she did & obviously feelings she felt by saying.
"You were happy, before you left you gave me that birthday card (17/12/08) with the drawings on and 10 kisses, & you bought me a kinder egg as a surprise, you don't do those things if you not in love. when we went to my parents last weeked you was loving sitting on my face & you was orgasming when I was having sex with you, I'm sorry I didn't realise what I was doing wrong earlier, you didn't tell me & you were so happy, I didn't stand a chance".

Mon 20/12/08
11.30 am Fiancee sent me a text while I was at work saying/
"hi listened to your message. Ok maby we could be friends but I need time to think more and I don't know if I could never be sure if you temper wouldn't get out of your control. So guess we can start talking but just give me time to think more so after new year and when I've become sorted back at Uni."

I tried to ring her, no answer, I rang her m8 & she was already on phone to my fiancee, her mate text me back saying it was getting too difficult for her and that she was only my friend because of fiancee and I shouldn't call or contact her again. She text me once more after that saying my fiancee didn't mean to talk now. Now I don't have anyone "in the know" to talk to about this.

I sent "heya glad we can talk again. I think what you say is best. Lets just take things slowly I dont want to rush."

then I texted her new phone if she got the message on her old phone, she texted back "yeah i did".

tue 23/12/08

10.00 AM I replied

"Ahh so you did get my text, Well I'm going to leave you with time to think, have a nice christmass & a happy new year, Keep Remy* warm & makesure he doesn't eat too much, (I know he's wasting away but still), still love you lots and lots Simon xxxxxxxxxx <(^.^)>."

*Remy is a stuffed rat I bought her and she cherished it, she took it to bed everynight and she sat it beside her while she did uni work, the stuffing has been compressed and he's quite worn/smelly.

11.30 PM (obviously she is checking her old phone when she goes to bed)
she replied
"thanks I  will, think lots and try to enjoy xmas and a happy new year. Yea I will do I may even give him a bath! Keep noodles* warm & well fed."

*Noodles is a stuffed dog she bought me for my anniversery last year, I always made it speak to my fiancee (everyday)  when we went to bed.

I'm thinking on boxing day (26/12/08) sending a text from Noodles to her, I know she'll get it and I think she will like it. I'm wondering if this would be the right thing to do however?

Is the best way forward in this situation to send her nice/funny/casual/non-pressure/non-serious/small talk text messages (not alot of texts, maby 2 a week,  as not to harrass her, in keeping with the idea of giving her some space?)

Or

Is the best thing to do totally ignore her time shes back at uni and settled a bit (so about the end of jan) & then just ring her?

Yes I'm going to the doctor for anger management.

For anyone whos gonna say leave it & move on, I'm trying, I asked a pub owner if I could work new-year so I can try to meet some new girls.

But ON the topic of by the end of january getting my fiancee to talk to me (In oppose to just not speaking to me or send me a text saying "I don't think we can be friends ever).

What is the best thing to do?

< Message edited by Saishuu -- 12/25/2008 5:31:54 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Fiancee/sub disappeared, looking for a bit of advice. - 12/25/2008 5:32:07 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Stop calling and texting her and let her have the time she asked for to think. Oh and....if you are smashing stuff in her presence that IS being abusive whether you realize it or not.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Saishuu)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Fiancee/sub disappeared, looking for a bit of advice. - 12/25/2008 5:37:01 AM   
Saishuu


Posts: 17
Joined: 10/28/2008
Status: offline 		Another important thing I forgot to mention above is she sent my parents a letter. Saying sorry for not comming to christmass and that she still loves me, but she can't trust me with my temper.

On the 2nd of jan im going to visit her dad & grandparents (they did like me & we got on well), to apologise & say if we ever do get back together I don't want this to ruin my relationship with them. (they live about 100 miles away).



(in reply to Saishuu)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Fiancee/sub disappeared, looking for a bit of advice. - 12/25/2008 5:40:06 AM   
Saishuu


Posts: 17
Joined: 10/28/2008
Status: offline 		Yes I know its abusive and bad, thats why I'm going to go to anger management.

Do you think if I just leave her for the month then that'll give me the best chance to have her talk to me as a friend?

I thought we was making progress talking a bit & that texting her about noodles on boxing day would make her happy.





(in reply to Saishuu)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Fiancee/sub disappeared, looking for a bit of advice. - 12/25/2008 6:04:42 AM   
MistressRouge


Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline 		Why would you want to meet new girls, working in a pub, if you are so heart-broken?

Best to give you fiance a bit of space, stop the texting and the calling, she will assess her feelings, and hopefully you can patch things up

It is good that you have realised you have "anger" issues, best to seek help when you are ready, not rush into anything.

_____________________________

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http://mistressrougeuk.c4slive.com/


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(in reply to Saishuu)
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RE: Fiancee/sub disappeared, looking for a bit of advice. - 12/25/2008 6:12:17 AM   
MsTrees


Posts: 17
Joined: 12/21/2008
Status: offline 		If my ex had given me the space I asked for (separation) I may not have divorced him. Can't say because he was hanging on to his lifeline and wasn't willing to hear my words or give me any space. My only recourse - as I saw it at the time - was to divorce him. Again, I'm not saying that I would have stayed married, I'm saying I'd have liked the chance.

This was me, not you but do take to heart the saying "If you love something, set it free. If it is your's, it will come back to you."

_____________________________

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit.
Moliere

(in reply to Saishuu)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Fiancee/sub disappeared, looking for a bit of advice. - 12/25/2008 6:28:04 AM   
gehennasfury


Posts: 60
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		I agree that destroying things is considered abuse, it's also an intimidation tactic. Having gone through someting like this myself, I know how you feel. Give her the space she's asking for. Maybe text her once a week, but not everyday. Do use small talk, ie: how are you? How are things going?. Don't for any reason bring up the relationship or the past. Let her be the one to bring it up at her own pace. If her mum and her mums boyfriend and you can't get along, the relationship is going to always be  more stressful. My wifes mum and I don't get along and the only things that made us "grow up" and tolerate each other is the fact my wife and I have two children. Before the kids were morn, her mum used a lot of dirty tricks and tactics to try and break us apart. Sounds to me like your fiancee may be listening to and being influenced by mum. It may help to figure out why exactly mum doesn't like you and then work on trying to correct those issues. 

(in reply to MsTrees)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Fiancee/sub disappeared, looking for a bit of advice. - 12/25/2008 6:28:52 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Saishuu
Hello, I wanted to ask you guys here for a bit of advice, I haven't posted on the forums before but I've talked to some people in the personal section. I wanted to ask the collarme community this because the ones of you who are genuine are very real, & I'm hoping you can share your experience/wisdom with me.

What is the best thing to do?


You are going to be nailed to the cross for your honesty but just know this, there are many here who respect me and in many ways, 15 or so years ago, I could have been you.  I shared your anger problems and didn't see it for the abuse it is.  The reason it is abuse is because you use your anger to control another even if you don't hit them.

The way to "fix" this isn't to patch things up with the ex, it is getting yourself into anger management therapy and CHANGING.  Most can't but I hope you can.

I am going to send you some writings of mine as I don't want to clog up the thread with my own stuff but I want you to know, I am VASTLY happier afterwards than I was prior.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_820422/mpage_2/key_anger%252Cmanagement/tm.htm#835379

http://www.collarchat.com/m_949788/mpage_1/key_anger%252Cmanagement/tm.htm#950313

I wish you the best with things and if you ever need to just talk, I will send you my phone number privately as my heart goes out to you.   What I will say will sound mean and cruel but it is far from it, it is simply truth you don't want to hear.  You can't DO anything to MAKE her be with you, the ONLY thing that you can do is become the man that is in your heart, become a better person, deal with the underlying causes of why you get angry.

In my case it was, oddly enough, an inability to ask for what I wanted. 

(in reply to Saishuu)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Fiancee/sub disappeared, looking for a bit of advice. - 12/25/2008 6:31:43 AM   
MsWolfPrincess


Posts: 53
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline 		Allow her some peace, time to think things through, decide what she really wants and how she really feels.  I think you are lucky she hasn't filed a restraining order for all the repeated calling and texting.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Fiancee/sub disappeared, looking for a bit of advice. - 12/25/2008 6:33:05 AM   
Saishuu


Posts: 17
Joined: 10/28/2008
Status: offline 		Hmm I don't want a new girl someone told me I should move on, thats all.

So you all agree don't call her. I will give her space. (I love her so much all I want is to make her happy).

How much time should I give her, obviously I shouldn't wait my whole life for the call... what do you think would be a good amount of time?

(too short is pestering and no space, to long (10 years) and she'll have forgotten about me/ moved on).

or what if she is waiting on my call? (I know her very well, I fear she may not call even if she wanted to, due to mother/friend pressures, I hope she would though, what if she just needs me to call because she can't think how to start the convosation, (id just small talk & befriend her so we can build our relationship up on a solid foundation again & I can slowly rebuild her confidence in me).

what do you think?


(in reply to MsTrees)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Fiancee/sub disappeared, looking for a bit of advice. - 12/25/2008 6:33:39 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Do you want an honest opinion?  Knock it off!  You're acting in the exact way that she's afraid of (manipulating) and it's probably got some to do with why she left you in the first place.

Do you really think that just because you smashed things instead of her directly that she doesn't realize that she might be next on the list?  Guess what?  Abusive people start with inanimate objects and generally work their way up.  Don't you think she's aware of this?

Here's what you do.  Leave her alone for a while like she asked you to in the first place.  She's obviously afraid of you and that fear is most likely influencing some of the nicer messages that you are receiving.  You already proved yourself a stalker by obtaining the new number in the first place.  Personally, I'd be kicking the so called 'friend's' ass who gave it to you for not having the sense to know any better.  She changed it because of you in the first place.  Why can't you respect the fact that she doesn't want to hear from you for a bit?

Also, you don't go cruising for someone else by working on New Years.  You take yourself wherever it is that you've already planned and you work on YOU.  It's obvious that your temper makes you unfit for any relationship of any kind until you get yourself through whatever anger management course that you've signed up for.

Lastly, THIS IS NOT A BDSM ISSUE!  It makes Me absolutely infuriated that you would think it is.  Abuse is not BDSM, D/s, or anything like it.  If you think that it is, maybe you should do some additional learning on top of the anger management class.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MsTrees)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Fiancee/sub disappeared, looking for a bit of advice. - 12/25/2008 6:37:15 AM   
ThatDaveGuy69


Posts: 978
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		I think it is a good think to be separated now, before you get married.  Give your fiance all the time she needs/wants - don't try to set a time limit (1 month, 2 months, etc.).  Face the fact that your engagement is, at least for now, over.  Don't EXPECT her to come back.  Complete your anger management program but don't try to hold that out as proof you have changed - you haven't.  Controlling your anger - truly controlling it - is a process and it will take the rest of your life.

Dating is up to you - if you feel it would betray your fiance then don't.  If it doesn't bother you then go right ahead.  But I think that would be a sign that your engagement is truly over.

You have a lot of thinking to do, a lot of personal work to do, and maybe some growing up.

I'm very sorry that you're out of work - I was unemployed for 14 months and I know how stressful it can be.  I don't know what you do but this is a good time to re-invent yourself.  Get some training, take a class, learn something new. 

I wish you all the best but please try to keep everything in perspective.

~Dave

_____________________________

He said I'd blown a seal. I said fix the damn thing and leave my private life out of this!
What happens in the event horizon STAYS in the Event Horizon!
I have zero tolerance for Zero Tolerance

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Fiancee/sub disappeared, looking for a bit of advice. - 12/25/2008 8:05:52 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		How long have you been going to anger managment and why did you go in the first place.  Most are forced to go.  When I read your post, I felt... this is a man who hasn't a clue and hasn't learned a damn thing.  He is still working his patterns and is self consumed.  If you are continuing to text, call, anything your ex... and she is your ex... you haven't learned anything from your classes and this may be the exact reason your ex gave up on you.

To even entertain the idea of meeting someone knew suggest to me again that you haven't learned a damn thing and with the constant trying to reach out and get to your ex, shows me someone who is all about how he feels without any understanding of what it takes to be a person who is trustworthy.  I would have ran too.

Now you come here looking for advice.  You already talked to someone who told you to move on... so I assume that you have talked to others... and most likely as many others as you could find to listen.  Now you come here... this is still all about you, how you feel and excusing your behavior or issues by saying you are taking classes.  Those classes aren't doing any good and one of the first things you learn are to not start relationships at this point of growth and accountability.  Accountablity is not admitting there is a problem like many will say.  Sure it is a step but it isn't accountabilty yet.  It is only accountablity when you start addressing your issuses and stop doing them and accept what has happened because of your actions or faults. You aren't there yet.

If you had accepted the results of your anger problem... which in my opinion is a symptom and not the root cause... you would have maybe tried to talk to the ex once and would have sat down and told yourself that you had caused this to happen and you must not be working your program so well.  Your concern would have been for your ex who felt threatened and known that you were someone failing at your self awareness or living it all OR you did so much damage and didn't do enough to repair it or show you were changing that your ex who loved you and had family ties with you would actually go so far as to leave.

You have a long way to go and you get no sympathy card from me.  She did the right thing for herself and maybe for you.  You can't expect to slowly change while someone puts their life and safety on hold so you can attempt to change or give the appearance of change.

Now it is time to face the music you played on that fiddle.  Get to it or you will repeat.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 12/25/2008 8:10:58 AM >

_____________________________

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RE: Fiancee/sub disappeared, looking for a bit of advice. - 12/25/2008 8:31:32 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Saishuu

So you all agree don't call her. I will give her space. (I love her so much all I want is to make her happy).

How much time should I give her, obviously I shouldn't wait my whole life for the call... what do you think would be a good amount of time?

(too short is pestering and no space, to long (10 years) and she'll have forgotten about me/ moved on).

or what if she is waiting on my call? (I know her very well, I fear she may not call even if she wanted to, due to mother/friend pressures, I hope she would though, what if she just needs me to call because she can't think how to start the convosation, (id just small talk & befriend her so we can build our relationship up on a solid foundation again & I can slowly rebuild her confidence in me).

what do you think?


Leave her alone. 
 
If she wants to talk to you she will call you.  If ten years go by with no call, then she still needs/wants to be away from you.  Forcing someone to talk with you is NOT a good idea, and pestering her is also abusive given your history with her.
 
I know it's cliche, but it's true.
If you love someone let them go.  If they never come back, they weren't yours to begin with.
 
Let her go, leave her alone, and before you move on, spend some time thinking about how you can learn from your mistakes and not repeat the same in the future.


_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to Saishuu)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Fiancee/sub disappeared, looking for a bit of advice. - 12/25/2008 8:55:39 AM   
hopelessfool


Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Im going to give advice everyone else is going to hate but hell im used to it.

Send her a text after the new year with the small talk how are you how are things.

Im going to say its NOT all YOUR fault because it is never ANY one partys entire fault. Personally I dont agree with smashing things but did anyone ever thing the girl didnt give him space and it was the only way for him to get alone time to cool off?  Sure its not ALL about him but these are HIS feelings meaning its going to mostly be about him. Work on the anger management, also look into getting in to running and other activities. Once i started running i had no energy to be angry for a long time.

Also I dont think your a stalker, i mean its not like you held the friend at knife point and said give me the number or else (you didnt do that right?) Im given tons of numbers by friends of friends simply because i dont see that friend. maybe the girl wants to talk and just didnt have the nerve to give the number herself. and momma found out and said why in the hell is he calling and she got scared and made an excuse for it.

There are a THOUSAND different stories of whos and whats and whys. But making Only one person the bad guy because of a few mistakes he made is just hypocritial.

We all make mistakes and alot of people dont know how to deal with anger simply because they learned from their parents. My dad would hold it inside untill one day he would simply explode yelling and screaming and at time throwing small things at the wall then it was done and over for another few years. where as my mom did things more subtle when she was mad like burning dinner or washing red in with my dads white shirts or other little tiny things in acts of revenge. As a result all of the children they raised does a mix of both of their actions. I learned it wasnt okay my sister and brother havent. I worked to change it.

I wish you good luck with her and if she decides she doesnt want to talk to you shes a grown enough woman to say look FUCKER leave me the hell alone. if she does then do so and move on.


_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Fiancee/sub disappeared, looking for a bit of advice. - 12/25/2008 8:55:55 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline 		My advice is let her go, but send her a bill for the furniture she stole.

You smashed a few things in her presence.....HORRORS!!!  So her response is to pull a quasi disappearing act--only she doesn't really disappear because she makes sure you have a way to get in touch with her, making damn sure you crawl on your belly over broken glass to do so.  She doesn't want out, she just wants to "dom" you, and apparently is succeeding wonderfully. 

Immature, irrational, and insipid response at best, devious deceitful and manipulative at worst.  She doesn't like your "temper" so her solution is to castrate you.  Charming girl.

Let her go.  Maybe she'll grow up and figure out what she wants.  Until then you're better off without her emotional blackmail games in your life.


_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Fiancee/sub disappeared, looking for a bit of advice. - 12/25/2008 9:27:28 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

My advice is let her go, but send her a bill for the furniture she stole.

You smashed a few things in her presence.....HORRORS!!!  So her response is to pull a quasi disappearing act--only she doesn't really disappear because she makes sure you have a way to get in touch with her, making damn sure you crawl on your belly over broken glass to do so.  She doesn't want out, she just wants to "dom" you, and apparently is succeeding wonderfully. 

Immature, irrational, and insipid response at best, devious deceitful and manipulative at worst.  She doesn't like your "temper" so her solution is to castrate you.  Charming girl.

Let her go.  Maybe she'll grow up and figure out what she wants.  Until then you're better off without her emotional blackmail games in your life.



CP, I would ask you to reread the original.  He obtained the new phone number from a friend of hers who he ran into at a club.  It was not by the ex-fiance's intent or design.  She was dumb enough to give it to a so called "friend" who was too stupid to realize why it was changed in the first place.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Fiancee/sub disappeared, looking for a bit of advice. - 12/25/2008 9:44:48 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Leave her alone and let her contact you, should she feel the need. Otherwise I think she has made herself pretty clear, she does not want to be with you. If you keep contacting her, she may view you as a stalker and you really would not want that, would you?

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Saishuu)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Fiancee/sub disappeared, looking for a bit of advice. - 12/25/2008 9:46:28 AM   
GoodFeathers


Posts: 202
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline 		My granddaddy said to me, "It's unwise to try to keep someone who doesn't want you."

Heed those words, my boy.  Yes, boy.  You're behavior toward her seems to be manipulative and boyish (not boyishly cute).  Let her be and let her live her life.  It's obvious she doesn't want you and there's probably more to it than just an anger issue on your part.

She wants space.  Don't call.  Don't text.  If it takes ten years, then so be it.  Hopefully, you will have grown as a person and moved on by then. 

I apologize for my harshness, but I feel it was well deserved.  Fact is, when a woman asks for space it's the equivalent of saying, "Right now, I can't be around you & it's a pretty safe bet to say you will never see me naked ever again." I know, I've said it. 

Anger management is a good idea, but right now, that's all it is.  You have to take the initiative to follow through with it and make it happen.  Give up on this relationship, but don't give up on yourself.


_____________________________

"The more I learn, the more I realize I haven't learned enough."

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Fiancee/sub disappeared, looking for a bit of advice. - 12/25/2008 9:47:36 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5159
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Keep doing the things you are doing and you'll never see her again..and for good reason.  She doesn't trust you.   You have quite frankly done everything you can to lose her trust.  Now you say you want to change.  Well...earning that trust back is going to be a long difficult process and i'm not sure you have the patience to handle it.  It might be 6 months or a year before she's ready to talk with you again.  You don't want to wait even a month.  You sneak behind her back, use her friends to get what YOU want.  That is NOT showing compassion, understanding, or patience. 

This all started a week ago.  How many anger management classes have you been able to attend during that time?  Have you attended any or are you merely planning on attending some in the future if and only if she will talk with you?   Have you even signed up for the classes yet?

Before you can even being to patch things up with your girl, you need to patch yourself first.  You need time to yourself to fix yourself.  Only when you are a strong and healthy person will you have anything to offer to another...whether that other ends up being your ex fiance or someone else. 

Finding more sneaky ways to keep in contact with her will only earn you more distrust.  I repeat...fix yourself first.  Take time to become the person you would like to become with no pressure from others.  Your ex fiance, her parents, your family can't do anything to help you change.  That is something you, and you alone must tackle. 


(in reply to Saishuu)
Profile   Post #: 20
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