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RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 11:50:31 AM

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Here's an example of someone I think that has the victim mentality. I had a female tell me once that her Master took her in the middle of the night. She said to me it "felt like rape". I was taken back by the word and said to her that it was a pretty strong word to use. She then said well I'm not saying it was rape but it just felt like it. She went on to tell me that she had been raped around 6 times I believe so maybe she was just referencing the emotions that she felt before or maybe she hadn't actually been raped at all and was an attention seeker through a victims mentality? I wanted to believe her with my whole heart but it was hard because of that use of the word.

I think you have to be real careful that you don't get into a routine of calling everything abuse. I've had females "many females" in my life yell, scream, kick and a number of other nasty things, yet I've never even thought of them as abusers. Why? I'm not a victim. I was an active participate of that relationship and maybe I just have a tougher skin than most. Maybe I just don't cry wolf at every opportunity.

So in closing I say, sure look for the evidence of a possible abuser to protect yourself but be careful your not reading into more than is there. Not everything that shines is gold and not all is as transparent as glass.

< Message edited by Icarys -- 12/27/2008 11:52:28 AM >

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RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 12:22:18 PM

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Wow... that's all I can say... wow...

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RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 12:29:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Wow... that's all I can say... wow...

Can you be more specific :>

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submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
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RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 12:56:28 PM

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All I can say is that every person who has been a victim doesn't have a victim mentality. Some do, some don't. Anything out of balance is going to be a problem and some will use abuse as a manipulation and they need to be punished for that because they bring about doubt in those that experience their drama and manipulation.

But in a way I am kind of wondering if there is a bit of attitude, judgment or something I can't quite put a word to ( I don't feel well) ... kind of an attitude about those that cry wolf or call abuse when it isn't edite here(to you)or in a sense belittling things you would not cry abuse on, but others do and you somehow might be making less of their experience.

It is indeed looking for balance in all things. Reason and balance can go a long, long way. I'm sorry I can't put it any better at the moment.

Also... when someone is able to protect themselves... know they have the upper hand or can manage someone... and someone gets physical with them... they dont' have the same fear as one who knows they could get the hell beat out of them. So there is a big difference in how one would look at things.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 12/27/2008 1:10:53 PM >

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RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:11:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Maybe the next thread could be about Victim Mentalities? Those who love it and why.

Could you be more specific? Who do you see here as having a "victim mentality"? Where is the line between actual victims and those who only think they are....in your opinion?

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(in reply to Icarys)

RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:14:26 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

All I can say is that every person who has been a victim doesn't have a victim mentality. Some do, some don't. Anything out of balance is going to be a problem and some will use abuse as a manipulation and they need to be punished for that because they bring about doubt in those that experience their drama and manipulation.

But in a way I am kind of wondering if there is a bit of attitude, judgment or something I can't quite put a word to ( I don't feel well) ... kind of an attitude about those that cry wolf or call abuse when it isn't edite here(to you)or in a sense belittling things you would not cry abuse on, but others do and you somehow might be making less of their experience.

It is indeed looking for balance in all things. Reason and balance can go a long, long way. I'm sorry I can't put it any better at the moment.

I think the subtle abuse thing is bs. If it's a pattern that is escalating it's something to pay attention to but I wouldn't call it abuse. I would however agree with somethin that was said earlier. It's based on intent and context.

I want to add this: If someone tells me that they didn't get their way in some minor way and their Master has now abused them then I would call bullshit. If I'm then belittling them because of it..I can live with that.

< Message edited by Icarys -- 12/27/2008 1:17:17 PM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
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(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:15:49 PM

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So there is no such thing as sutble abuse unless it escalates?

< Message edited by Lockit -- 12/27/2008 1:16:44 PM >

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RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:21:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Maybe the next thread could be about Victim Mentalities? Those who love it and why.

Could you be more specific? Who do you see here as having a "victim mentality"? Where is the line between actual victims and those who only think they are....in your opinion?

I see a few that over time I would put in the victim mentality box but I won't name them. My post wasn't pointing at anyone in particular.

As for where the line is..I think I addressed a possible one in my above posts.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:21:49 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys
I think the subtle abuse thing is bs.

Are you essentially saying "No blood, no foul"?

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~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:22:18 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

So there is no such thing as sutble abuse unless it escalates?

yep for me...it has to start somewhere and then continue or get worse right?

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:22:37 PM

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I think you projected a bit in even the example you gave to represent where a line is.

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RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:24:08 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I think you projected a bit in even the example you gave to represent where a line is.

since it is my personal experience.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:25:01 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

So there is no such thing as sutble abuse unless it escalates?

yep for me...it has to start somewhere and then continue or get worse right?

Okay... around here they have mod's and those mod's enforce the rules. One is that we cannot call people names. There are reasons for things. If I called you a lil dick piglet every single day for years... and it made you feel bad... what would you call it?

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:25:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys
I think the subtle abuse thing is bs.

Are you essentially saying "No blood, no foul"?

I'll point you to your sig line.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:26:45 PM

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

So there is no such thing as sutble abuse unless it escalates?

yep for me...it has to start somewhere and then continue or get worse right?

Okay... around here they have mod's and those mod's enforce the rules. One is that we cannot call people names. There are reasons for things. If I called you a lil dick piglet every single day for years... and it made you feel bad... what would you call it?

Are you not reading what I wrote? Doesn't that fall into the it has to start and continue box?

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:27:05 PM

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys
I think the subtle abuse thing is bs.

Are you essentially saying "No blood, no foul"?

I'll point you to your sig line.

Which would tell me that you have absolutely no understanding of the meaning of my signature line.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:28:07 PM

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

So there is no such thing as sutble abuse unless it escalates?

yep for me...it has to start somewhere and then continue or get worse right?

Okay... around here they have mod's and those mod's enforce the rules. One is that we cannot call people names. There are reasons for things. If I called you a lil dick piglet every single day for years... and it made you feel bad... what would you call it?

If I called you a nasty cunt who's nothing but an attention whoring crybaby for that same amount of time I would expect someone to call it abuse?

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:29:11 PM

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys
I think the subtle abuse thing is bs.

Are you essentially saying "No blood, no foul"?

I'll point you to your sig line.

Which would tell me that you have absolutely no understanding of the meaning of my signature line.

I understand fully what you meant from it. It was slightly sarcastic.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:30:04 PM

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This is hardly rocket science, or is it?

Subtle abuse = harassment, putdowns, emotional manipulation, emotional blackmail, bullying, systematic taunts, systematic threats, unfair criticism, making someone feel bad, making someone feel guilty, ... it just doesn't get any simpler, or does it?

Or maybe this topic is a little too close to the knuckle?

Just out of curiosity...

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(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:30:22 PM

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So if I called you a lil dick piglet just once it wouldn't be abuse or something insulting?

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to mistoferin)

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