NuevaVida
Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
I asked for something very specific: just one example of the supposedly well-documented fact that abusers display a pattern of breaking inanimate objects before moving on to harming other people. Why? Because I think it's bullshit--and dangerous bullshit, for the reasons I indicated in the other thread.
Instead, I got accused of daring to question Lockit's unspecified experience as a counselor; sympathizing with an unsympathetic OP; condoning abusive behavior; and God knows what other crap that had nothing to do with what I said.
quote:
ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
You have been asking (in the other thread) for all sorts of clinical papers that define abuse and its progression. Why?
This is going to be lengthy, but perhaps it will help others who are reading. I'm all for educating those who do not know. Even in this advanced society where we are so much more knowledgeable about so many things, this is one topic that is still hotly debated. Having come from an abusive environment, I often become frustrated that so many are unaware about this topic. All I can do is try to educate, and hope that someone walks away with a little more understanding than when they arrived.
So here goes...(apologies in advance if the formatting is funky - I compiled it in Word and I'm pasting it here))
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The Michigan Judicial Institute authored the linked publication in 2004. It is a lengthy but extremely informative document which discusses abuse (physical and non physical) and its effects. In it, it mentions when someone in an abusive situation tries to leave, the abuse often escalates. http://courts.michigan.gov/mji/resources/focdv/focdv-chap1.pdf
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This website was created by Gary Direnfeld, child behavior expert, social worker, and the author of “Raising Kids Without Raising Cane.” He serves as an expert in the court system of Ontario, Canada. http://www.womansdivorce.com/psychological-emotional-abuse.html This site contains an interesting article on emotional abuse and its effects. In this article, he states: Escalating Control If she seems to be escaping his grip, he may then resort to more sinister control strategies. He may place his well-being or his very life in her hands. He may threaten to hurt himself or even suicide if she leaves him. Thus now feeling overwhelmingly responsible for his welfare, she succumbs to his demands for an ever-exclusive relationship. He then becomes more prone to using negative and upsetting control strategies to maintain his grip, knowing that his threat of self-harm is now all that is necessary to maintain her compliance.
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The (United States) Center for Disease Control and Prevention developed a standard definition for “Intimate Partner Violence” which can be found here: http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/dvp/IPV/ipv-definitions.htm They define Psychological/Emotional Violence as: “Psychological/emotional violence involves trauma to the victim caused by acts, threats of acts, or coercive tactics. Psychological/emotional abuse can include, but is not limited to, humiliating the victim, controlling what the victim can and cannot do, withholding information from the victim, deliberately doing something to make the victim feel diminished or embarrassed, isolating the victim from friends and family, and denying the victim access to money or other basic resources. It is considered psychological/emotional violence when there has been prior physical or sexual violence or prior threat of physical or sexual violence.” Here is a link to their interesting fact sheet on the consequences of Domestic Violence, now known as Intimate Partner Violence: http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/dvp/IPV/ipv-consequences.htm A tidbit on the escalation of abuse over time: More severe physical consequences of IPV may occur depending on severity and frequency of abuse (Campbell et al. 2002; Heise and Garcia-Moreno 2002; Plichta 2004; Tjaden and Thoennes 2000).
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The Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness, partnered with Stanford University, provides professional training, consultation, and prevention education for professors, students, corporations, health care providers, law enforcement, social workers and the general public. They provide support networks for battered women in the San Francisco area, as well as teen dating resources and free legal resources. In their website (http://www.stoprelationshipabuse.org/emotionalabuse.html) they post a bullet list about both physical and emotional abuse. In it, they state: · Recognize that emotional abuse should be taken seriously. · Know that emotional abuse can escalate to physical violence.
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From the (United States) National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: “Abuse generally falls into one or more of the following categories: physical battering, sexual assault and emotional or psychological abuse, and generally escalates over a period of time. Victims of abuse may experience punched walls, control of finances, lying, using children to manipulate a parent's emotions, intimidation, isolation from family and friends, fear, shame, criticism, cuts, crying and afraid children, broken bones, confusion, forced sexual contact, manipulation, sexist comments, yelling, rages, craziness, harassment, neglect, shoving, screaming, jealousy and possessiveness, loss of self esteem, coercion, slammed doors, abandonment, silent treatment, rape, destruction of personal property, unwanted touching, name calling, strangling, ripping, slapping, biting, kicking, bruises, punching, stalking, scrapes, depression, sabotaging attendance at job or school, brainwashing, violence to pets, pinching, deprivation of physical and economic resources, public humiliation, broken promises, prevention of seeking medical and dental care, ridicule, restraining, self-medication, forced tickling, threats to harm family and friends, threats to take away the children, threats to harm animals, threats of being kicked out, threats of weapons, threats of being killed.” http://www.ncadv.org/learn/TheProblem_100.html Here is the Coalition’s Fact Sheet: http://www.ncadv.org/files/DomesticViolenceFactSheet(National).pdf Page 2 shows a “Power and Control” diagram.
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The Santa Clara County (California) Public Health Department prepared another document/statistical report on domestic violence, which can be found here: http://www.growing.com/nonviolent/ Excerpts: Domestic Violence is the escalating pattern of behavior where one partner in an intimate relationship controls another through force, intimidation or the threat of violence. definition used by five domestic violence agencies for training Santa Clara County staff on domestic violence.
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From the Mid Valley Women’s Crisis Center, Salem, Oregon: Venting Is Not OK Techniques and therapies like pillow-punching or primal-screaming are NOT appropriate for abusers. They tend to reinforce, rather than discourage, violent behavior. These techniques should not be a part of any intervention program.” A very good informational document can be found here: http://www.mvwcs.com/pdf/DomesticViolenceMVWCSEn.pdf Other excerpts from that presentation: · FACT: Domestic violence has nothing to do with anger. Anger is a tool abusers use to get what they want. We know abusers are actually very much in control because they can stop when someone knocks on the door or the phone rings; · FACT: Survivors of abuse may have had great self-esteem at the beginning of the relationship, but the abuser uses emotional abuse: calling her names, putting her down, telling her it is all her fault, in order to destroy her self-esteem. Some abusers look for women with low self-esteem, as they believe she will be more likely to blame herself and less likely to report his behavior. Other abusers will seek women with high self-esteem, as they may represent a greater challenge to control over time. · FACT: Abusers usually escalate violent behaviors in frequency and intensity over time.
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Doctor Lenore Walker (Center for Psychological Studies, former professor at Rutgers and Colorado Women’s college, author of “Battered Women,” “Dynamics of Domestic” and 9 other books, and recipient of the APA Presidential Citation award for her work in forensic psychology, currently working at NSU as the Coordinator of Clinical Forensic Psychology Concentration) is the director of the Domestic Violence Institute created the following questionnaire, stating if you answered “yes” to 5 or more questions, or to questions #12, 13, 14 or 15, “…there is too much violence in your home and you need to do something right now” http://www.dviworld.org/battered%20women.html Her Cycle of Violence theory, introduced and accepted in the 70s, can be found here: http://www.mysistersplacedc.org/HOcycle.asp
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Domestic Violence and Resource Center, Australia Website for young people in relationships: When Love Hurts http://www.dvrcv.org.au/whenlove/infospace.htm “Thousands of girls experience violence in their relationships, probably more than you think. An Australian Bureau of Statistics survey of women in 1996 found that young women were more likely to be at risk of violence from their partner compared to older women. The survey estimated that 7.3% of women aged 18-24 had experienced violence by their current partners in the previous 12 months in Australia, compared to 2.1% of women aged 45-54 years. A New Zealand study of 21 year olds found that in the previous 12 months, 11.3% of females and 2.7% of males had experienced physical assault from their partners. Australian Bureau of Statistics. Women's Safety Australia. Canberra: ABS, 1996.” Page 10 of this online Relationships booklet put together by the above organization provides a checklist for young people to understand if their relationship is healthy or abusive. One of the checkbox statements is: “My boyfriend or girlfriend sometimes scares me or hurts me by being aggressive or violent”. Page 13 lists the feelings an abused person might experience in a relationship: Humiliated, bad about yourself, confused, nervous, guilty, depressed, scared, trapped. http://www.dvirc.org.au/PublicationsHub/RelationshipsBooklet.pdf
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_____________________________
Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.
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RE: Subtle Abuse - 
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why do i have the words from that song "another one bites the dust" in my head? 
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