ResidentSadist
Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
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-=Letter=-
Dear anti-label coalition:
The recurrent sub/slave definition requests from newcomers always seem to rally your anti-label coalition and you say there are no real definitions instead of helping define the language and terms we do use in our lifestyle. Shame on you.
You preach that we should all meet with open hearts and open minds and not label ourselves at all. You are hypocrites because you gender label yourself as male, female or transsexual as well as listing your sexual relationship preferences as gay, straight or otherwise in order communicate who you are. Why should we stop there . . . because you do? Why not use the commonly accepted roles and definitions created by the needs of BDSM community to define ourselves like sub/slave/bottom/switch/Master/Dom/Top. I can’t believe you spread misinformation to newcomers about the lack meanings or definitions for common BDSM terms in relationship roles. Shame on you.
I know why you label your sexual preferences, because it is dangerous not to. I learned that lesson well in my youth because I grew up in the gay/pansexual community. Shemales (drag queens) were called women and lived life in that role. More than one fem fatale found herself beaten or worse because she (he) didn’t label them self properly to their prospective new lover or client. When the nut sack was discovered, they were beaten and some were even killed.
These poor young new shemales weren’t warned. They were insulated from the straight world and had their heads fluffed with things like “labels don’t matter” or they got role reinforcement like “you’re a real woman” like in my gazelle parable (see below). On behalf of all my young shemale friends that suffered and all the BDSM newcomers here on collarme that ask for definitions and will suffer at the hands of your lies and misinformation, I say you are dangerous! Shame on you.
My attitude that you are dangerous in your deceptions about labels being meaningless applies even though a slave or submissive may not end up dead from mislabeling or a lack of, they will suffer even though others in our broad pansexual kink family have found incorrect information fatal. Labels and definitions for our roles are good, use them well and let them define your base not confine your reach. Shame on those that claim they have no meaning or don’t apply!
Sincerely,
Kalon Eric
-=Gazelle Parable=-
To those that preach there is no definable difference or categorization difference between a slave and submissive, I disagree from a social perspective. I agree that personally, in the end, all that matters between just two people is whether or not they’re happy. It doesn’t matter if they call themselves goldfish, zebras, vampires or Martians. However when it comes to interfacing socially with others, I offer you this proverb I crafted:
There once were two young gazelles. They were sleek and fast and beautiful. They loved to play games and lived a passionate and fulfilling life joining the gazelle community. Once they joined in the gazelle community, some mean gazelles decided to trick them. The mean gazelles filled the happy young gazelles minds with misinformation. They said that being happy was all that matted, no matter what they called themselves.
The young gazelles decided to call themselves lions. They went out in the grass together and had role play, doing lion’s games and reporting back to their friends and debating about how lions “really and truly” lived. They believed they were lions.
One day while strolling along the road, an older lion was walking along when suddenly two happy young gazelles came up and jumped into his mouth proclaiming, “look we are lions too”. …so he ate them.
Moral: There are many successfully mutually mis-categorized relationships. God bless them all but, don’t preach your ignorance to others or you may get them killed (see letter above).
-=Further Shame=-
Further, I often see some inherent ego in comparing the stereotype labels people assign to themselves. I see errant thinking that a submissive role is a "step on the path to slavery" like slavery is higher or further or better? I see incorrect assumptions that slaves are “lower” than submissives as if those are “ranks” not relationship roles. BDSM isn’t a contest, being slave or a submissive are not ranks nor is one necessarily related to the other and labels or stereotypes do have meanings. Shame on you.
-=Guppies & Sharks=-
I once said that guppies shouldn’t swim with sharks. I did not say that guppies weren’t as beautiful or as important but, it got blown out of perspective by the egos of those involved. Sometimes my Zen perspectives do not translate well to those with narrow minds, frail egos or insecurities. How could anyone see one creature as less valuable in their role than another? The same is true for all the many stereotypes (labels) and roles in our BDSM lifestyle. There are generally definable differences between us and we're each colorful, beautiful and valuable in our own ways. Shame on you.
-=Black & White=-
There are even label threads now. Today I find myself saying the same thing again with different words explaining that it is not a “One Way For All” definition but, like any term in the English language, it is a general base understanding. Like printers ink, the color “white” has many shades but “black” cannot be defined as “white” anymore than a “slave” is defined as a “submissive” no matter how ambiguous you claim it is. Shame on you.
/<dismount> 
< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 1/4/2009 12:05:54 AM >
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