ResidentSadist
Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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So many eloquent and comprehensive replies. I can’t keep up and thank everyone for expanding the point of the OP with their clean thinking and clear examples. I got a bit of email and someone put it rather concisely saying, “I was rather fond of your thread...the entire purpose of "labels" is to be able to effectively communicate. If everything is variable to our whimsy, then we effectively lose the ability to interact.”
Now to catch up with the replies.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyPact
……..Suppose you have decided that you are going to go to the store to buy yourself some chicken soup. ….. Imagine how difficult it would be to make your purchase if when you got to the store, none of the cans had a label on them. ….. Without a label, there would be no way of knowing a can of chicken soup when compared with a can of baked beans……
I feel the same way and recently used that very analogy.
”Labels (stereotypes) are a good thing and like labels on the cans of food in my cupboard, they help prevent me from biting into the wrong thing. I love labels, they help me communicate. In a social setting it lets me know what type of people and protocols to use.”
-From: link
quote:
ORIGINAL: T1981
……..I think people often get tired of seeing the same questions/posts/pleas/etc etc over and over and over again. Perfectly understandable. …..But just because we know doesn't mean they do, and that's what we try to remember. Hell, for all we know, that poster's question could be the first time they've ever been on the internet, let alone asking a question about the specific subject….
Like many, I also fall victim and get lazy in my replies to recycled FAQ questions. Almost everything in my “wall of text” OP are tidbits from things I have said in other threads. I never put it all together in one large post before. I wish we could have perfect etiquette and always treat our newcomers with the respect and consideration your perspective shows.
quote:
ORIGINAL: laura2161
…….The problem I see is when someone takes their own meaning to a word and tries to shove it down soemone else's throat…. We can not change other's views on what they think slave and sub mean. It doesnt matter what the dictionary says, people still have their own definitions so when someone comes along and asks what's the difference, I can understand why some tell them not to worry about labels....and round and round it goes.
…and round and round and round it goes. I wish the Mods here would post an FAQ sticky with links to the better threads that address the common recycled topics.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Timoty
……..If I ask and […] you are a submissive. That should symbolize to me a very definite starting point of who you are, and, who you are not. What a great place to start a discussion about the intricacies of life and relationships.
I am symbolized by many things …. etc. I am all these things and more but they do not define me, they are definitions of words used to foster communication and share our understandings. I know the worth (or. worthlessness) of the symbol and they don't bother me. Instead, I take it as a starting point to tell you who I am.
Yes, labels/stereotypes are a foundation, a starting point for communication and understanding. No matter how you look at our BDSM relationship role labels and their definitions, whether or not that definition is as complete and complex as you are, often one of the most important things it may tell us is who or what you are not. Like your red vs blue example demonstrates how important understanding the words we use is.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Catgirl711
If I ask a student if they would prefer to do a Salsa or a Mambo, my student becomes confused. … They very similar. So similar in fact, that without the knowledge of what makes them different, how can my student choose…….In social dancing (ONLY) there are differing opinions on what makes the dance the dance. My student will eventually learn their own interpretation of the dance, but I want to give them a starting point in which to interpret from.
Good point! Nuances are subtle and styles can mingle in dance or relationship styles and roles but, you have to have a basic understanding first and in the end, Salsa is not a Mambo anymore than the color red is blue.
quote:
ORIGINAL: IronBear
All words are labels, every blessed one of them. … . If we didn't use them we'd all be pointing at some one or something and grunting which wouldn't translate well into cyber space. ….
LMAO… I love the primal example and think the grunting is supposed to come with play or sex after communication is established. Labels and the communication it affords is a good thing indeed!
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[edit to add, I couldn’t find scottjk at the wall, it was too crowded!]
quote:
ORIGINAL: scottjk
… 'labels' are only limiting because you believe they are. You did it to yourself, no one did it to you. …. If you would like to have a relationship building discussion with me, guess what? You'll have to whisper one of those dratted labels into my ear to get me to respond appropriately….
Good point. There is a vast difference between someone that says they don’t know who they are yet and someone that rejects definition, labels or thinks they are restrictive instead of a definitive foundation or starting point for communication as explained by so many replies. Especially someone that claims to defy the sum total of mankind’s collective self introspection and the labels or definitions created.
I would describe myself as a gentleman sadist that prefers the Master’s role in a poly TPE. Life is simple now but as a teen I was bisexual switch exploring all of the alternative lifestyles, swingers, hippies, BDSM, pansexual etc. All these labels served to describe me accurately. I do not see exploration as conflict or oversight as a flaw. I just feel when exploring, you cannot observe everything at once. I do not feel inadequate saying “I do not know yet”.
You don’t have to be a sub or a slave in the BDSM lifestyle to “fit in”. You can even just be kinky and enjoy slave/sub or other role play. I always thought being a “kinky switch” while discovering who you were was a fine label. Labels work and there is a way to communicate who you are using words we understand.
< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 1/4/2009 2:22:48 PM >
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I give good thread.
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RE: -=Sub/Slave, Guppy/Shark, Role Mislabeling Fatal, S... - 
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