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"Policing ourselves" - 1/9/2009 3:44:19 PM

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I've often heard people say that as a community(ies), we should "police ourselves". What do you personally think that means?

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RE: "Policing ourselves" - 1/9/2009 3:54:32 PM

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It means identify the problems and implement the solutions instead of relying on an 'outside' influence to do so

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RE: "Policing ourselves" - 1/9/2009 3:55:08 PM

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protect, steer, punish, reward, help fellow users/lifestylers

it is not easy with something that is a lifestyle.....way more complex then for example computer or car stuff because it involves deep feelings.

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RE: "Policing ourselves" - 1/9/2009 4:12:36 PM

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To police oneself is to avoid harming another through manipulation cyber or physically (since humans are prone to do so).

There is nothing else lifestyle-ish one can do, unless an act were illegal or immoral.

Yet, not my job to step in unless it was personal of nature since I do not attend any lifestyle events to put myself in such a situation.

If everyone took care of their own actions or words with dignity and respect then policing would be a personal matter and no need for community interaction.

No different from a family, either the family learns self-respect and dignity and him/herself and others or they don't. We all see the difference daily in the news of those that don't as well as the rewarding of those that do.

< Message edited by came4U -- 1/9/2009 4:16:16 PM >

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RE: "Policing ourselves" - 1/9/2009 4:28:56 PM

MichiganHeadmast

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I agree.

I'll be the cop, and you be the cute speeder.

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RE: "Policing ourselves" - 1/9/2009 4:35:26 PM

DominiqueDuPris

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Policing yourself is a must in almost any role you play in life. For example, "That guy just cut me off, I want to hunt him down and whip his ass." This is an extreme example, but it is a form of self policing. Could I go whip his ass? Sure. Am I going to? No. They have places for people who can't police themselves, they are called prison.

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RE: "Policing ourselves" - 1/9/2009 5:09:04 PM

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I saw an example of self-policing this past week. A member of a group that i belong to posted a response in reply to a thread that he had started (hows that for a convoluted sentence), that was less than sane. In fact, it was abusive, and outright nasty.

The mods. banned him from the group, as was appropriate by the by-laws of said group.

Self policing in action. Worked for us.

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RE: "Policing ourselves" - 1/9/2009 5:30:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I've often heard people say that as a community(ies), we should "police ourselves". What do you personally think that means?

I think it means somebody did something somebody else didn't like and that irked them enough for them to launch into a fantasy where we actually are a community and that we're going to magically elect a governing body who will appoint those duelly authorized to spank those naughty individuals who did irksome things which said individual finds personally offensive or morally outrageous or puts the "community in a bad light"... which may or may not actually be true, but lets face it its all still just a fantasy because its never gonna happen.

Now if you'll excuse me I need to go breathe after that very long run on sentence.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: "Policing ourselves" - 1/9/2009 5:34:10 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag
I think it means somebody did something somebody else didn't like and that irked them enough for them to launch into a fantasy where we actually are a community and that we're going to magically elect a governing body who will appoint those duelly authorized to spank those naughty individuals who did irksome things which said individual finds personally offensive or morally outrageous or puts the "community in a bad light"... which may or may not actually be true, but lets face it its all still just a fantasy because its never gonna happen.

And I think you are absolutely right-on, not to mention brilliant. Super answer

...........luci

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RE: "Policing ourselves" - 1/9/2009 6:40:36 PM

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it means we are supposed to be something in here that is better than we are out "there"--now talk about a fantasy.

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RE: "Policing ourselves" - 1/9/2009 6:48:23 PM

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To me, it means that we take it upon ourselves to check out the stories of abuse that we hear. That if we find out that there is truth, we confront the person who is responsible and let them know that we KNOW. That we help the persons that have been hurt, and help them learn to speak up and defend themselves in the future. That if we see dumbass behavior at an event, we SPEAK UP THEN rather than gossiping about it later.

All this is pretty easy stuff. Remember how our elders told us that we would be judged by the company we kept? (well MY elders said that!) It's the same story here. We have enough collective influence to get the shit to go away for good, IF we stand together against it.

It will never happen.

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RE: "Policing ourselves" - 1/9/2009 6:50:27 PM

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Blacklists.

At least that's how it was in the brief time I came in contact with a local group. They couldn't wait to tell me who had physically hurt whom and who I needed to look out for. Did I mention that I did not solicit this information from anyone. This is one reason why I will not participate in lifestyler groups.

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RE: "Policing ourselves" - 1/9/2009 6:52:37 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag
I think it means somebody did something somebody else didn't like and that irked them enough for them to launch into a fantasy where we actually are a community and that we're going to magically elect a governing body who will appoint those duelly authorized to spank those naughty individuals who did irksome things which said individual finds personally offensive or morally outrageous or puts the "community in a bad light"... which may or may not actually be true, but lets face it its all still just a fantasy because its never gonna happen.

And I think you are absolutely right-on, not to mention brilliant. Super answer...........luci

I agree, although for some reason now I'm singing, "Hey...oh won'tcha play...another...somebody done somebody wrong song..."

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RE: "Policing ourselves" - 1/9/2009 7:20:47 PM

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The trouble with policing ourselves is open to interpretation, are there any set guidlines on how BDSM behaviour is to be conducted ? If so, by whom and of what qualification and does that qualification actually mean anything, people do what people do and therein lies the problem, what is consenting between two goes, despite rules. What people keep private is known to none.

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RE: "Policing ourselves" - 1/9/2009 7:29:06 PM

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um i am not sure that really applies we are all adults what someone does is not up for us to judge or not judge while we may voice our opionion only if we lknow beyond the shawdow of doubt if someone is going to harm someone physically should we interfere other wise keep your nose out of other peoples back yard and stuff lol

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RE: "Policing ourselves" - 1/9/2009 7:30:49 PM

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I tend to think the community is pretty effectively self-policing, in the sense that there are commonly accepted guidelines for correct and courteous behavior, and most people in public BDSM gatherings recognize when these are broken.

There are also some ways in which the community can "police itself" in terms of offering one another support when meeting new potential partners (phone buddy system), information on techniques and tools (lots of BDSM play is potentially dangerous if done incorrectly) and upholding certain standards for toys, equipment, etc. (lots of toys are unsafe if badly made or maintained).

I tend to avoid any concept of "policing" the community which involves committing violence in retaliation for abuse or harm done to community members. I have seen a few people get hurt over the years, and have often wished there were better ways to protect individuals from abuse of various kinds--heard a lot of horror stories over the years, and even witnessed a few.

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RE: "Policing ourselves" - 1/9/2009 7:32:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsFlutter

It means identify the problems and implement the solutions instead of relying on an 'outside' influence to do so

that was quick.

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RE: "Policing ourselves" - 1/9/2009 7:32:44 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

The trouble with policing ourselves is open to interpretation, are there any set guidlines on how BDSM behaviour is to be conducted ? If so, by whom and of what qualification and does that qualification actually mean anything, people do what people do and therein lies the problem, what is consenting between two goes, despite rules. What people keep private is known to none.

It is not to okay to rape people.
It is not okay to give them injuries severe enough to hospitalize them.
It is not okay to hold people hostage against their will.
It is not okay to put people in positions where they can lose custody of their children.
It is not okay to bilk people of money.
It is not okay to have unprotected sex with a person when you KNOW you have an STD.

All these things have been done by members of the Detroit BDSM community. They continue to go about their business. It's an "everybody knows" situation. I know that my town is not unusual.

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RE: "Policing ourselves" - 1/9/2009 7:36:29 PM

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For me it is all about self discipline and self control. Being accountable for all our actions.

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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RE: "Policing ourselves" - 1/9/2009 7:44:48 PM

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For me, it's two part.

One, it's listening to that part of me in the back of mind that is right 99% of the time instead of listening to my ego which is usually wrong 80% of the time and only wants me to protect itself.

The other part is simply maintaing a moral compass and examining my behaviors objectively to determine if what I did was the "right" thing.

No external punishment could compare to the sickening feeling of shame in the pit of my stomach when I realize I have done the "wrong" thing and can't look myself in the mirror.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 1/9/2009 7:50:46 PM >

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