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RE: service - 1/15/2009 2:20:00 PM

beargonewild

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*gulp* ......shall I get you anything, Ma'am?

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RE: service - 1/15/2009 5:11:04 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Okay. I thought we were clear that *I* am running the video camera, BEAR is doing the fluffing. Get it straight, people!

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Post #: 142

RE: service - 1/15/2009 5:17:15 PM

Loliita

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Joined: 1/15/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1

Why do men see performing simple tasks for a woman as humiliating?

They do? I've made boyfriends do chores and errands for me all my life and they never found it humiliating. Only lately have I started forcing them to do humiliating things (such as doing chores while in my clothes). That they do find humiliating.

I've never heard of guys thinking doing simple task for women was humiliating. Except those times when the women ask or makes the guy do the task in front of his friends.

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Post #: 143

RE: service - 1/15/2009 6:29:37 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Okay. I thought we were clear that *I* am running the video camera, BEAR is doing the fluffing. Get it straight, people!

Works for Me.

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Post #: 144

RE: service - 1/15/2009 7:28:52 PM

beargonewild

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Okay. I thought we were clear that *I* am running the video camera, BEAR is doing the fluffing. Get it straight, people!

Sorry Goddess.

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Post #: 145

RE: service - 1/17/2009 8:46:57 AM

underskin

Posts: 5
Joined: 1/16/2009
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I help out a domme friend of mine. In fact just did. She doesn't have a car and when she needs to buy some bulky items that cannot go onto the bus she gives me a text. I usually drive like 40 minutes to see her and help her out. Nothing kinky but she is a friend that needs help. I help and then leave. No play no nothing. She responds in kind when I am feeling a need to play but saying come on down and I will play with you. A give and take in friendship

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Post #: 146

RE: service - 1/17/2009 9:16:52 AM

Celene

Posts: 158
Joined: 12/28/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: beeble

quote:

PeonForHer wrote: The appearance of a man's nuts projecting from his nostrils would be unpleasant, I would imagine.

Damn right. They'd dangle in his soup, for a start.

beeble.

I've just had this really unfortunate visual of his balls flying across the room when he blows his nose.

Unfortunate, but damn funny. Thanks for sharing that image. LMAO

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Post #: 147

RE: service - 1/17/2009 2:21:24 PM

MistressAurora

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Well stated.. and as it should be! It is very rare to find such true generosity of spirit. - Mistress Aurora, Seattle, WA

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Post #: 148

RE: service - 1/17/2009 8:36:06 PM

AcademyForSlaves

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Hi.

If a guy thinks it's humiliating serving a woman then he's implying women are normally beneath him. It's like when guys tease each other about acting like a pussy or being pussy whipped or hitting like a girl. They think of it as being an insult. We prefer receiving email applications from guys that respect women and want to please us.

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Post #: 149

RE: service - 1/18/2009 12:55:15 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Sea, I don't know if I'm really appealing to that service side of you or not on the other side of the screen.

I see service to span many aspects: expression of D/s roles, expression of regard and fondness, spiritual gratification in helping or pleasing another, ego gratification for performing well, more.

My experience in service lies heavily towards initiating (versus receiving orders) via anticipatory service and pleasing. I consider this mode most resilient--it more easily fits various relationship dynamics and is more easy to sustain since I think it comes from parts that are more fundamental to social interaction. So I appreciate entirely the value of ancitipatory service and acts done to please.

Amongst the different motivations or gratifications associated with service, one comes from a masochism of sorts. I see the answer that the OP seeks to invoke this context for discussing service, and it is in this context that I have made most of my comments in this thread. Tapping this motivation has potential to tap the power of that that creates arousal and subspace. I see this motivation to be not mutually exclusive to others but one that can coexist with others. In my opinion, this motivation is not as well understood (because masochism is not well understood and not all dominants can relate to how this motivation makes one feel whereas they may relate to the more general motivations) and often overlooked.

Let's imagine a relationship between a woman and a man where one activity they mutually enjoy is that she gives him blowjobs. Even if she enjoys giving them, I expect it would offend her if the man said that for him to give her time or show any appreciation for her, she must first give him a blowjob.

I find the same concept to apply to service. Even though I enjoy providing it, if it is framed as something I must do to earn a dominant's time or attention, I think it carries an offensive message because it marginalizes my contribution within and without service. I do not object to one wishing for and enjoying anticipatory service. I object to the notion that a submissive is unworthy of attention unless he pays for it by providing service.

When come together two people who take interest in mutually contributing to the dynamic through compatible expressions, this issue is unlikely to arise.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 1/18/2009 12:56:48 AM >

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Post #: 150

RE: service - 1/18/2009 3:03:06 AM

beeble

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quote:

AcademyForSlaves wrote:
If a guy thinks it's humiliating serving a woman then he's implying women are normally beneath him.

Not necessarily. It would also be humiliating to serve in that way somebody who is normally an equal.

beeble.

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Post #: 151

RE: service - 1/18/2009 4:45:16 AM

lateralist1

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I think the last two posts sum up my thoughts.
Is it humiliating for a man to serve a woman because he sees her as beneath him or an equal?
I am talking about personal relationships not work dynamics which is something seperate but has similar psychology.
Man has always tended to be the hunter due to superior muscle strength women the one who serves due to her inate maternal qualities. ( Ok you can tear that to tatters if you wish)
However human beings are changing and adapting to different work and social cultures.
It is no longer anything to do with gender but genetics and socialisation. Which leads human beings to be far more individual therefore requiring more unique relationships.
some examples of what I mean
1 A woman who had an iligitimate child 50 years ago could have been locked in a lunatic assylum. Now there is no such thing as illigitimacy.
2 A woman could be forced to have sex in marriage now it is rape.
3 Extreme physical control of children was acceptable now it is abuse.
4 A gay man could be thrown in prison now he is at least protected at work from harrassment by the law.
It's mainly how we were brought up folks.
I was brought up to think that I should serve men.
However if I'm the bread winner that doesn't seem very fair now does it?
If we are both financially independent then we help each other.
I like men who are giving enough to want to be caring of me as I am of them.
I am not about to have a relationship with one that isn't.
But in my experience they are very hard to find.

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Post #: 152

RE: service - 1/18/2009 10:34:00 AM

undergroundsea

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1
Is it humiliating for a man to serve a woman because he sees her as beneath him or an equal?

Outside the BDSM context, it could be humiliating for someone to serve another. In the BDSM context, I think using the word humiliation causes confusion. I don't think it creates humiliation but a sense of a submissive or, in some cases, subordinate status within the dynamic.

Service can come from different places, one of which is submission. I think this sense of submission comes from the nature of service (one person expends energy for the sake of another, which one does either due to fondness, for barter of some sort, or for sake of authority) and from historical accounts of power heirarchies in various societies.

Are you thinking of a scenario where (1) you wish for a man to serve you and he does not wish to because he finds it humiliating, or (2) a scenario where a man wants to serve you but turns you off because he describes it as humiliating?

Cheers,

Sea

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Post #: 153