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RE: What makes you stay here? - 1/25/2009 11:01:57 AM

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Hey, I just posted the darn thing... lol... I don't know how to add more than one quote and didn't just want to highlight one... as there were a number of them from two poster's that I was commenting on... so I just posted. Didn't mean to be confusing! Can I blame mind fuck or maybe... um... hormone's? Dingy domme might do... but that is actual fact some days! lol

lol...I was just letting him know that just because it says "in reply to" doesn't mean that you were necessarily talking to him....lol

I've been jumped on so many times about that...lol that's why I choose fast reply and that way is show's in reply to the poster...and I don't get me widdle fewling hurt...lol

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...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: What makes you stay here? - 1/25/2009 11:13:04 AM

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Thank you Journey! lol I am sticking with the dingy domme on this one. You can remind me and I will forget within the hour, when I have a headache... so... dingy domme's can't always learn new things! I just wonder when the guys will bring on the white bondage jackets and put me somewhere...

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to DrkJourney)

RE: What makes you stay here? - 1/25/2009 11:21:23 AM

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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I didn't join this site to meet anyone. I was involved at the time. I don't have high expectations of internet connections. I was curious and wanted more information. When that relationship ended I wasn't even sure I wanted another. Let alone through here.

Regardless of all of that, I think there is far more of quality here than the faint potential of meeting someone. I've learned so much and made some really fabulous friends. That is what keeps me coming back.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 1/25/2009 11:22:44 AM >

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to aussiesub07)

RE: What makes you stay here? - 1/25/2009 11:25:32 AM

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Thank you Journey! lol I am sticking with the dingy domme on this one. You can remind me and I will forget within the hour, when I have a headache... so... dingy domme's can't always learn new things! I just wonder when the guys will bring on the white bondage jackets and put me somewhere...

They can come get you after they drop me off...lol

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: What makes you stay here? - 1/25/2009 11:30:48 AM

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I didn't join this site to meet anyone. I was involved at the time. I don't have high expectations of internet connections. I was curious and wanted more information. When that relationship ended I wasn't even sure I wanted another. Let alone through here.

Regardless of all of that, I think there is far more of quality here than the faint potential of meeting someone. I've learned so much and made some really fabulous friends. That is what keeps me coming back.

Well I did come here to meet someone, but as I "slowly learned" that on here was probably not a good possiblity and poked my nose around the corner and started looking at the boards.

You are right this site has a wealth of information and I have made some wonderful friends, so glad I stopped by.....lol

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: What makes you stay here? - 1/25/2009 11:46:43 AM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: UPSG
Walking around in a bar with my dick in my hand my evoke some reactions (perhaps physical) that I wouldn't want.

So does wanker email. In my case, it usually gets the message reported. Enough of those and your account will get frozen. Not exactly conducive to finding a prospective partner, is it?

quote:

If a woman walks around naked in a bar - even though we are often told touch a woman naked in front of you is not a right - might potentially lead to her rape.

Not sure what your local ordinances are like, but where I live it's more likely to get her arrested for public indencency. However, the pub's security is obligated to make sure none of the other patrons break the law --including sexually assaulting her. So, your presumption that a naked woman in a bar is more likely to be raped is falacious. It's also a straw man argument. A dominant woman's profile is not the equivalent of walking into a pub in the nude. It's closer to the equivalent of sitting at the bar, having a cocktail, and checking out the other patrons to see who strikes her fancy. Hence my comparison. As I said before, there is no logical reason to expect a dominant woman to be more receptive of licentious email than it is to expect any other woman to react positively to said email.

quote:

In a perfect world, I suppose that wouldn't happen.

I hardly think the world need take on utopian qualities to expect a submissive man to approach me with common courtesy. At what point did creating a profile on a DATING site (not a sex site) become the equivalent of handing out carte blanche to innundate me with requests to be the faceless drone to satisfy his fetish whims to every kinky man on the planet? Apparently, I missed the memo.

quote:

However, I'm just stating I understand how males think, and it would be reasonable to presume many would do exactly what some of you don't like.

I disagree. In the real world, as opposed to online, no man would come at me the way men do here. If he did, he would find himself in handcuffs wielded by the local authorities. However, something about "teh internetz" seems to rob some individuals of all logic and good manners. It's well documented and oft lamented.

quote:

And yes, there is a logical reason to presume PMing women on BDSM sites will go over better, especially if you're into sissy fetish and the like, than looking for that in other social atmospheres where fetishes like that are extremely looked down upon.

Only if the woman in question *likes* that sort of thing. Many do not and have said so time and again. I have stated that sissies are a Hard Limit both in the list of interests provided by CM and in the body of my profile. It's so clearly stated that anyone with a basic grasp of the English language can understand it. And yet, I still get sissies sending me email. This defies logic and I challenge you to find a logical basis for it. The ONLY reason I get such mail is because the men sending it either have not bothered to read my profile or simply do not care. In either case, the result is the same and neither has any basis in sound reasoning. Rather, the basis is entirely in selfishness and boorishness that is not excused by location.

Edited for typos

< Message edited by SylvereApLeanan -- 1/25/2009 11:53:37 AM >

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to UPSG)

RE: What makes you stay here? - 1/25/2009 12:37:01 PM

UPSG

Posts: 331
Joined: 1/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Usako

quote:

ORIGINAL: UPSG
My point with testosterone was not that it causes a fetish in a man but that it has an affect on how he pursues his goal to gratify his arousal.

Well, I find that a bit sad. I do not blame gender for anything. On a website where people write out profiles to explain what they want, it is not asking a whole lot for someone to read it before contacting a person.

I might blame it on someone being new. I might blame it on someone being overly eager. Hell, I might just think they're a stupid fuck. But I wouldn't blame it on testosterone. I think if they have it upstairs they'll be able to control what is downstairs, that goes for any gender.

Properly speaking, gender and sex are not necessarily the same thing. Social scientist and the Catholic Church are both in agreement on this. Social scientists, however, accept the opposite gender in either the male or female sex. The Catholic Church believes it morally disordered for a person to have a gender opposite their sex. Sissies for example, who PM you begging you to berate them as your "bitch" and use a strapon on them are people of the male sex but of the female gender. Transsexuals or effeminate homosexual males would be a better example. Masculine homosexual men are male sex and male gendered. "Lip Stick Lesbians" are female sex and female gendered.

The effects of testosterone on the human mind and body I would think (perhaps I'm making a leap of assumption) are well documented in medical journals - ones subject to peer review. My personal experience with steroids leads me to believe testosterone has a significant historical role in every aspect related to Darwinian evolutionary theory of the male sex (I'm not speaking of the female sex here or of other factors involved in evolution or the theory of).

So, are sexually aroused men more prone to aggressively pursue their ends to that gratification than members of the female sex (not female gender)? My personal opinion is yes.

I would wonder if women, typically speaking, that are submissive on this site, flood dominant males on the site with the same kind of aggressiveness and narrowed *sexualized* focus in their PM's as the male submissive members apparently, typically do? If they don't I would then question why there is such a difference in male and female behaviors toward pursuing sexual gratification. I would suspect, a major reason correlates around the effects of the hormone testosterone, but as I noted earlier, I would tend suspects the reason has multiple layers that deal also with sociological and psychological factors (e.g. personality) that have less to do with testosterone.

But this is my opinion, everyone is free to their own. I'm not the one frustrated by all of this - nor am I one of the males PMing women all over the board to make me their bitch. I just learned sometime ago that men are as men are and women are as women are and that the world in general is not going to change overnight for you simply to convert to your ideal world. And what is one man or woman's ideal world is not another.

(in reply to Usako)

RE: What makes you stay here? - 1/25/2009 12:38:38 PM

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

So am I to understand that you are saying that men NEVER approach women unless they are aroused?

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[page 23 girl]

(in reply to UPSG)

RE: What makes you stay here? - 1/25/2009 12:52:40 PM

UPSG

Posts: 331
Joined: 1/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

So does wanker email. In my case, it usually gets the message reported. Enough of those and your account will get frozen. Not exactly conducive to finding a prospective partner, is it?

I don't have a dog in that fight. I'm neither one of the males constantly PMing nor am I one of the men (or women apparently) seeking a partner or mate on this site.

Most people in daily life, off line, don't talk about BDSM fetishes. For me, I'm intrigued that there are so many others that do (from what I see online), and what's more some are even extremely well educated people!

Maybe I shouldn't have found that surprising but I do for some reason. Anyways, my fetishes, which have as yet, and maybe which will remain so, have so far only existed by-and-large in my head. To be honest I'm a bit fearful of actually living them out - of crossing that line even further. For me, I'm mostly motivated to be on board this site just to glimpse futher into what some of the people with BDSM fetishes may or may not think.

I don't even *entirely* know whay I have some of the fetishes I do. Interesting enough there a fair number of other men that seem to approximatly have some of the same fetishes I have. This board allows me anonimity where real life doesn't. On this board I can state - and at first with some fear I'll admit - that I have a fetish for humiliation and degradtion, that includes sissification but that is not the biggest or primary thing for me. I could remain in masculine, naked, spanked form and still be aroused.

That said, I personally have not solicited on this board for dominant women to make me their bitch. Some men apparently have, and while I have not, I think I understand what motivates them to do so. (whether that is right or wrong of them to do so in the fashion they do)

< Message edited by UPSG -- 1/25/2009 12:53:04 PM >

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

RE: What makes you stay here? - 1/25/2009 1:00:44 PM

UPSG

Posts: 331
Joined: 1/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

So am I to understand that you are saying that men NEVER approach women unless they are aroused?

No, not at all. I would suspect, however, that the men PMing these women in the aggressive, sexualized, tones are sexually aroused when they are doing so.

You ever see that movie, "There's Something About Mary"? If I remember correctly, there is a scene in that movie where one guy tells another that he should always whack off before going out on a date. Lol. I don't suspect most guys do that, I think most have developed the social skills and control where that is not need. But that being said, there is some level of truth in what the character in that scene of the movie stated. I have always found, that if I am less "charged up" and not really thinking about sex or sexual end when I'm around a woman, I tend to be more naturally "cool" (e.g. laid back etc.).

Once I'm aroused it is very much like my mind and body feels consumed in one direction. And it has nothing to do with socialization (that changed feeling in me) and everything to do with a chemical change - or something like that (I'll leave detailed explanation for the biologists).

< Message edited by UPSG -- 1/25/2009 1:01:26 PM >

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: What makes you stay here? - 1/25/2009 1:03:08 PM

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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When hungry I am motivated to eat... when hormones flash, I hot flash... but you don't see me running around half naked because of the hot flash, taking food from people's plates. Seek... go for it... but you must consider we live in society and there are boundries and some of those boundries may be harder to deal with, but adults with any hormone induced state, should be able to control themselves.

What some might understand that motivates... other's will see as an excuse.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to UPSG)

RE: What makes you stay here? - 1/25/2009 1:07:02 PM

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Thank you, Lockit. I was trying to formulate a response as to why it was okay for men to behave like animals or toddlers (or teenagers!), and it wasn't coming together!

I have been on dates where I swear {tmi expunged} but I did not leap across or crawl under the table to get to my companion. I am a grown up person with a sense of decorum. I have seen naked men, and done all kinds of stuff with them. I don't have to overheat every time I go out with a new one that I like.

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[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: What makes you stay here? - 1/25/2009 1:12:34 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

And a poor excuse, at that.

Look at it another way...we talk a lot about consent here. Consensual slavery, consensual beating, consensual whatever. The men who approach dominant women in the ways we've discussed have removed consent from the equation. They have forced themselves and their libidos upon unwilling participants. And, while it's a quite a stretch to call it textual rape, it does violate the woman who is forced to endure it. No one would expect ranging hormones to absove a rapist; I see no reason for that excuse to give absolution to the perpetrators of wank-mail.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: What makes you stay here? - 1/25/2009 1:21:48 PM

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

And a poor excuse, at that.

Look at it another way...we talk a lot about consent here. Consensual slavery, consensual beating, consensual whatever. The men who approach dominant women in the ways we've discussed have removed consent from the equation. They have forced themselves and their libidos upon unwilling participants. And, while it's a quite a stretch to call it textual rape, it does violate the woman who is forced to endure it. No one would expect ranging hormones to absove a rapist; I see no reason for that excuse to give absolution to the perpetrators of wank-mail.

beautifully said.

I do feel it a violation when I open an email and there's this big cock right in my face...lol

or some guy send some story and either wants me to finish it or ask what "I" would do next.

get's my hackles up

(yes I do have hackles...just not sure where they are located...lol)

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

RE: What makes you stay here? - 1/25/2009 1:24:30 PM

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LOL...

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to DrkJourney)

RE: What makes you stay here? - 1/25/2009 1:27:36 PM

UPSG

Posts: 331
Joined: 1/22/2009
Status: offline

Women are given the excuse in behavior change from PMS all the time. It's in fact, widely held by men now that they should be understanding when women turn into "bitches" that time of the month.

I'm not offering any excuses. I'm simply stating a fact, that if women dominants come on these boards geared toward BDSM they can reasonably expect to be flooded with the kinds of solicitations many are complaining about. That's not going to change. Life on life terms, it will happen, today and 20 years from now.

Kind of like if I had a teenage daughter. I know the difference between ideals and reality, and the reality is that most teenage boys if they take her on a date, will try and convince her to screw, especially if he gets a hard on while kissing her. Ranting and raving about how that should not be and how boys should act is not going to change that. And I understand how the male sex is when it comes to thinking about sex and sexual release, especially when aroused.

Anyways, that's about all I have to say on this.

< Message edited by UPSG -- 1/25/2009 1:28:12 PM >

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

RE: What makes you stay here? - 1/25/2009 1:32:21 PM

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I never... I repeat... never used pms.. cramps... ovalation repeatedly in a month to be an excuse for allowing myself to unleash on people. It is a big joke... but an adult knows when they are crabby and should take measures to control themselves. Again... an excuse. If I unleashed, I was wrong... no excuse... I was a bitch and paid the price. It wasn't the hormones... it was lack of control.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to UPSG)

RE: What makes you stay here? - 1/25/2009 1:34:52 PM

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I agree, PMs may hurt and it might be a bitch, but I never used it to excuse my behavior. Actually I was really lucky because I never really got pms, or all the pain some have associated with menstruation. My menstrations were quiet pleasant pain wise. But even if they were not I'd still say it's a cop out to blame pms.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I never... I repeat... never used pms.. cramps... ovalation repeatedly in a month to be an excuse for allowing myself to unleash on people. It is a big joke... but an adult knows when they are crabby and should take measures to control themselves. Again... an excuse. If I unleashed, I was wrong... no excuse... I was a bitch and paid the price. It wasn't the hormones... it was lack of control.

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: What makes you stay here? - 1/25/2009 1:47:45 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

UPSG, you *do* realize that using "PMS" or "hormones" is yet another way men have attempted to keep women as subjugated, second-class citizens, right? The term "hysterectomy" comes from ancient Greece when doctors would remove a woman's uterus to keep her from becoming "hysterical." I could list multiple examples of this and I'm sure TammyJo could give even more. It's hardly an excuse for bad behavior although there is some research to suggest that some women have such severe symptoms that they experience psychotic breaks. However, as a woman, I remain skeptical of such diagnoses.

At any rate, this argument does not prove your case. You have failed to demonstrate that men may presume that their solicitations for sexual gratification are in any way based on logic. Nor have you managed to prove that hormones are an acceptible excuse for a man's bad behavior. Lastly, you have failed to prove that it is logical to assume that "boys will be boys" when it comes to a bdsm dating site and that we women should suck it up and cope because it's not going to change and we should just expect it. While the last may be true, it is still not an assumption based on sound logic. I think it far more logical to assume that a majority of people have a modicum of social grace and courtesy. Sadly, this does not always prove to be the case.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: What makes you stay here? - 1/25/2009 1:47:49 PM

Posts: 68
Joined: 10/13/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrkJourney

quote:

ORIGINAL: gumshoe

Well it does say <in reply to gumshoe> in the bottom right hand corner of your posting.

Ah well never mind.

If you go to the bottom of the page and start typing a reply in the box, it automatically says "in reply to" to the last one that was posted. Just like you would choose reply connected to someone's post. Not sure why that happens, it is confusing...lol

Now I know. Well at least we straightened out who was replying to who. Hopefully.

_____________________________

Where there is no imagination there is no horror, Arthur Conan-Doyle.

(in reply to DrkJourney)

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