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Visions of fantasy or reality ? - 1/26/2009 3:44:58 AM

Aneirin

Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline

I was wondering, when people here message another on this site , say a sub messages a dom or vice versa, what is the image you hold in your head of that person ?

In the case of a sub, do you imagine the dom(me) decked out in leather with a crop wedged in their boot when they read your message or do you deal with reality and see the person as a person in normal attire ? Does it ever occur the lusty domme you saw in a profile picture might actually be slobbing out in house ware, the kind of appearance you might just pass by in the street without a second glance.

How much does fantasy, the image in the mind's eye play when you contact someone, would it be any different if it were on this site just passport type photos, the type that one would see on say a driving licence, would it affect your perception of a person ?

Finally, if you had an image in the mind's eye or the only picture you have seen of the person is in ' their best light', have you ever been dissapointed when you actually do meet them ?

_____________________________

Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

Post #: 1

RE: Visions of fantasy or reality ? - 1/26/2009 3:51:50 AM

thesugarplum

Posts: 49
Joined: 8/16/2006
Status: offline

I really see them as they are. Unfortunately, I have to admit that I am a little shallow, and superficial. I will judge someone by the way the dress, and their demeaner. What they wear in [scene] could really matter less to me.

When I personally am picturing a person as a whole, I judge them by their vanilla atire. You can tell a lot about a person by their clothes! Cleanliness, how they prefer to, or not to keep up appearances, whether or not they prefer, or they're comfortable with public displays of correction. Clothes make the man, and woman. Thats why, in my fantasy land, we all wear our Saturday Evenings Best Clothes!

Put on your S&M gear kids, we're going to Sears!

(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 2

RE: Visions of fantasy or reality ? - 1/26/2009 8:33:28 AM

MoGa

Posts: 1001
Joined: 8/25/2008
From: Hellizona!
Status: offline

I must admit that when a sub emails me with a photo, I tend to look in the background of the photo. Is the room clean? What items are lying around? If the room is messy or just downright filthy, I will be less likely to respond. First impressions are important to me. If the only impression I have of someone is a photo of themselves sitting in a dirty room, and that is the initial image they want to convey to potential dominants, then personally I can't see them getting many responses. Of course, if their introductory letter is outstanding, filled with intelligence and humor, I may take a second look at the picture. I try not to be so harsh as to not give them a chance, based on the background of their photo, but sometimes it just screams "I can't take care of myself!".

MoGa

(in reply to thesugarplum)

Post #: 3

RE: Visions of fantasy or reality ? - 1/26/2009 8:42:23 AM

QueenIsis

Posts: 27
Joined: 7/14/2008
Status: offline

I too need to see what My potential partner looks like, and while I do pay attention to the background, I also see if I can see Myself with that person, in a scene. I've had quite a few good "conversations" with potentials, but just couldn't see Myself being with them romantically, let alone BDSM-wise.

I do have to laugh, though, when I'm in a grocery store, for instance, dressed in sweats, my hair in a ponytail, no makeup on, someone no one would take a second glance at, cuz I invariably end up thinking something along the lines of "Man, if only all the males from CollarMe could see me now! How anxious would they be to submit to me, I wonder". But to me, that's the true test; can one be accepted when they're not all geared up?

(in reply to MoGa)

Post #: 4

RE: Visions of fantasy or reality ? - 1/26/2009 8:58:42 AM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
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If there is no pic, I tend to imagine them as a sexy, mostly naked person and depending on their self identification (M/D/S/S/S/JC) I attire them in something silky, leathery, or made of dark chocolate.

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to QueenIsis)

Post #: 5

RE: Visions of fantasy or reality ? - 1/26/2009 9:03:34 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I don't project. I see what is presented or not presented and try to know that person... not the one I could create in my mind. Hell.. I have had conversations and fantasies... I always will, but I won't replace a real person with what I think or desire. If I only wanted to play with myself... projection would be fine as long as I didn't try to fit someone into my projection... lol

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to feydeplume)

Post #: 6

RE: Visions of fantasy or reality ? - 1/26/2009 9:08:37 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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I have never been disappointed. I have never met someone who misrepresented and neither do I think it's all naked collar and cuffs....

Besides, you've seen me in my jammies...

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 7

RE: Visions of fantasy or reality ? - 1/26/2009 9:10:13 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

I don't, I find it a futile exercise, one that may even lead to disappointment. For me, the "getting to know you" track is vital in the entire dynamic, and I like to build the reality, once we hook up, rather than the fantasy, beforehand. I have a sneaking suspicion that the fantasy is what makes so many people cyber, which I do not do.

(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 8

RE: Visions of fantasy or reality ? - 1/26/2009 9:13:31 AM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

When I email someone it is usually about something they said in a post or to ask a question. Most of the pictures I see are not of interest to me. What I do enjoy are the avatars and some of the photography talents shown in some of the pictures.

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 9

RE: Visions of fantasy or reality ? - 1/26/2009 9:13:38 AM

Aneirin

Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline

Ah but you were better than I thought when I first met you.

Yes I have seen you in your jammies, but have seen me prior to coffee.

_____________________________

Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 10

RE: Visions of fantasy or reality ? - 1/26/2009 9:16:17 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

Ah but you were better than I thought when I first met you.

Yes I have seen you in your jammies, but have seen me prior to coffee.

hehe... you have that tousled look going on first thing... and less said about times prior to the first coffee the better....

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 11

RE: Visions of fantasy or reality ? - 1/26/2009 9:31:29 AM

GoodFeathers

Posts: 202
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

I usually picture a prospective Dom in jeans and a tee shirt...amusing as that's what they're usually wearing when we meet!

_____________________________

"The more I learn, the more I realize I haven't learned enough."

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 12

RE: Visions of fantasy or reality ? - 1/26/2009 9:32:09 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

There are a number of people whom I encountered first online for whom (even when they had a picture) my mind-image of them was significantly different than who they appeared to be in person (or in their pictures). To be fair, the internal image I have of myself doesn't really correspond to my current physical existence, but I think the telling aspect for me is that the 'vision' that I have of a person carries its own 'reality' for me -- and though it may sound strange, I'll often allow the overlay of that 'spirit-shape' to predominate in my encounters with that person. This is also true for people I meet in physical situations, though it isn't something I talk about much... even for people that I've known in person for many, many years.

I know there are a lot of people who won't understand how this can work, but the person beyond the person is typically the one I am attracted to. It also means that people sometimes have trouble figuring out what criteria I'm using to determine whether a person is attractive to me, and keeps me from getting hung up on the "shell" a person is wearing.

Technically, I guess this puts me in the "fantasy" category for some folks, but for me, that spirit overlay is often more real than the physical bodies, which are often manipulated to fit some externally (societally) enforced "reality". I always find it refreshing and quite a bit of a relief when the internal 'image' I get of a person matches the presence that xhe manifests in the physical world.

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 13

RE: Visions of fantasy or reality ? - 1/26/2009 9:40:53 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Many times I had a vision of what someone looked like that I was talking to from here only to find that they were nothinglike I imagined. It usually ended up with me not being attracted to the physical part of them. Some I continued on with just for the fact that I craved a d/s interaction soo much. I found those relationships to be unfulfilling and a lot of work mentally in the end. With the last, I had started to notice his posts and was prepared to once again be disappointed. Luckily, he turned out to be incredibly attractive to me on all levels. I find him to be more attractive each day.
I, on the other hand, have the ability to make myself appear much taller in photos than I really am even though I always listed my correct height at five feet. That tended to surprise people when they met me for the first time.

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(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 14

RE: Visions of fantasy or reality ? - 1/26/2009 9:45:10 AM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

I was wondering, when people here message another on this site , say a sub messages a dom or vice versa, what is the image you hold in your head of that person ?

I try not to preconceive what someone might look like (if no picture). Going by the tone of their profile I do have some ideas as to what their personality and demeanor might be like but I try not to lock down to exact of an idea

quote:

In the case of a sub, do you imagine the dom(me) decked out in leather with a crop wedged in their boot when they read your message or do you deal with reality and see the person as a person in normal attire ?

Honestly if i thought they were that much into their own image I'd never write them in the first place.
If some one has to "play" the part of a Dominant all the time then I don't want to be part of that fantasy. That badly immersed into a fanatasy world means there is going to be little reality and alot of dissapointment.

quote:

Does it ever occur the lusty domme you saw in a profile picture might actually be slobbing out in house ware, the kind of appearance you might just pass by in the street without a second glance.

Of course. They have bad hair days, jammie days. PMS, pimples, wrinkles, gas.... just like everyone else.

quote:

How much does fantasy, the image in the mind's eye play when you contact someone, would it be any different if it were on this site just passport type photos, the type that one would see on say a driving licence, would it affect your perception of a person ?

Considering most of us look like serial killers on our driver's license i'd not suggest anyone use that picture (shudders)

We post the pictures that obviously protray us at our best or what's the point?? We're trying to find a match and we are a visual world for the most part.

If i saw a picture of a Dom, all slobby and scratchin his nuts in the pic on his profile I'd pass it by. But also if I saw a pic of a Dom all decked out in leather, with a whip in one hand and a crop in another trying to look all stern and dommly at the camera, i'd also pass it by.

I like people that look like they are just trying to be themselves.

quote:

Finally, if you had an image in the mind's eye or the only picture you have seen of the person is in ' their best light', have you ever been dissapointed when you actually do meet them ?

Hmmm no not really because I don't base everything on looks. I have been slightly "suprised" at their idea of what 6'2 might be hehe.

The only time I have been dissappointed is when it seemd like there was chemistry when talking on line and talking on the phone but when we finally met there was absolutely no spark at all. That is kind of a let down cause you think, "omg i might have finally met the right guy" and then it's blah. Your brain and body go... "yaaaa, no" and I tend to listen to that more then I listen to my eyes.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 15

RE: Visions of fantasy or reality ? - 1/26/2009 9:53:46 AM

LunaVenus

Posts: 161
Joined: 1/4/2009
Status: offline

Most of the men that I have met could never dream of being in a fashion magazine....Then again, neither could I ... maybe a porn magazine. LOL. Therefore, I look at the total package. What are they bringing to the table that can make up for their wrinkles, bad skin and flabby bodies? How do they treat me? Do they make ME feel special even when I have bags under my eyes and look tired?

But true.... the next time you wonder if a Domme looks like a fashion model....look in the mirror, and see if you look like one to match. If not... what else can you offer as one real person to another?

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 16

RE: Visions of fantasy or reality ? - 1/26/2009 10:09:06 AM

synningsub

Posts: 19
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline

i agree with akisha.. i have been disappointed but only with the chemistry aspect of things.. looks dont mean much, on the other hand, if the only pic i have of you is 15 yrs old and blurry then of course im gonna be a bit upset you didnt think of telling me about the real You.. im honest to a fault and feel no need to "settle" if the chemistry's not there.. my chemistry doesnt go on looks, size, or shape but instead on personality, laugh, and the level of mischief theyre up to..

(in reply to LunaVenus)

Post #: 17

RE: Visions of fantasy or reality ? - 1/26/2009 10:18:09 AM

NYLass

Posts: 409
Joined: 12/30/2008
Status: offline

I fantasize that a guy is dressed in leather, feather boa and fuzzy slippers. After that, a golf shirt and dockers is hawt.

(in reply to synningsub)

Post #: 18

RE: Visions of fantasy or reality ? - 1/26/2009 10:25:26 AM

MsMillgrove

Posts: 260
Joined: 5/27/2008
Status: offline

One of the men i met from CM has a photo that turned me off completely.. but I liked a lot about him. In person, he looks nothing like that photo--he is so cute, a very attractive personable young man. Tho i have reminded him many time to get a new photo up, he never does.

The flip side of that is the man who is now claiming to be in his forties, when I met him he was supposedly 50 something. He is actually Older than I am (63 i think).. and his photo doesn't reveal the gut.
I don't have a photo for a lot of reasons, but I will send one if things seem to be shaping up positively, yet I've heard that mine, while accurate, doesn't capture a lively spirit that shows in person.
After a raft of shocks (both good and bad) regarding the photo vs the live person, I use the photo only as a reference to recognize the person when we meet. Even that's a bit chancy. LOL

I am also surprised.. frequently...to discover how great someone might look naked, compared to clothed. While I wouldn't unnerve a potential sub male by requiring to meet him naked, I've wished I could do that. At this time, I don't fantasize about any male. The reality won't match up to what I can imagine. I spare myself the disappointment.

(in reply to LunaVenus)

Post #: 19

RE: Visions of fantasy or reality ? - 1/26/2009 1:54:20 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

Everyone I have ever met has been a complete disappointment. No matter what is listed in their profile I always assume that they will look something like a cross between an Alba or a Berry.

It is not uncommon for me to say something like, "Jessica, don't you think that you have had more than enough to eat for one sitting?"....Or..."Halle, I didn't realize you were pregnant once again." It is at this point that subsusie will tilt her head like a confused dog and pronounce that her name is neither Jessica or Halle...At some point our initial date will end with her abruptly fleeing our meeting place, running away as fast as she can and periodically glancing back over her shoulder to make sure that I am no longer in pursuit.

God I love those first meetings.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 1/26/2009 1:55:51 PM >

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Post #: 20

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