quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan

I am surprised that you could find nothing to say at having been made complicit in your 'friend's' affair/s.

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I've always seen it that way. Confessing relieves the confessor of guilt at the expense of the person receiving the confession.

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I've always seen it that way. Confessing relieves the confessor of guilt at the expense of the person receiving the confession.

quote:

ORIGINAL: beth314
Thank you for your comment Maam. Its true, i couldn't say anything because i was just flabbergasted. If i had spoken first, my response would have been to tell him and see if ya'll can work through it. If he doesn't forgive you, then you deserve it. You play, you pay. BUT when i heard Tasha's gut reaction, it made me think about what she said.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExKat

I'm the type who would rather be wise and miserable than in the dark and happy. Besides, confession won't really relieve the guilt (I assume), since then they'll be face to face with the pain that they were felt guilty of potentially causing.

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ORIGINAL: starshineowned

Greetings..

Guilt relief or not..If you do not have honesty..you have nothing. In continued deception she's not going to act and react the same way towards him, and deprive him of measures of happiness from that stance alone. He should be afforded the chance to decide for himself what he wishes to do from that point on. Ending it, and leaving would be a lifetime of grief enough it would seem.

starshine

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ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

My boy is not allowed to lie to me or withhold this type of information to do so would break our trust. Coming clean would allow us to work the issue (not that I would have one with him having a little fun as long as he told me about it and he knows that)

Mike

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan

My belief is that it isn't you who has the moral obligation to take responsibility for your friend's infidelity and notify Mark that Abby has had an affair.

Say what? Nobody has said anything about me telling Mark anything. 


Their relationship is their business, not yours. What you need to decide is what is/isn't acceptable in your friendship - quite a lot of the time people use the guise of friendship to get away with some really crappy behaviours.

Yikes! you and i have a whole different view of friendship! my friends and i confide in one another. We always lend an ear, or a shoulder anytime day or night. We help each other through the bad times and celebrate the good times. People are human they make mistakes and if you dont stand by anyone through the rotten times then i guess you deserve to be alone through your own rotten times. We all need somebody to lean on every once in awhile.


I also do not agree with the viewpoint of 'Tasha', it's akin to saying, "I don't care what you do provided I don't get to hear about it"...

Can't even begin to imagine what it is you are trying to say here.



If I could not have integrity and honesty in my relationships and friendships, I'd rather be single and friendless

Best of luck to you in that.... 
 


_____________________________

life is not measured by how many breaths you take...but by how many moments take your breath away!

(in reply to MissMorrigan)

quote:

ORIGINAL: beth314

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan
My belief is that it isn't you who has the moral obligation to take responsibility for your friend's infidelity and notify Mark that Abby has had an affair.
Say what? Nobody has said anything about me telling Mark anything. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: beth314
If i had spoken first, my response would have been to tell him and see if ya'll can work through it.

Actually, you mentioned that (see above) and I was reiterating my relief that you exercised good judgement in remaining silent and NOT adopting a cavalier attitude that you ought to be the one to interject in their relationship

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorriganTheir relationship is their business, not yours. What you need to decide is what is/isn't acceptable in your friendship - quite a lot of the time people use the guise of friendship to get away with some really crappy behaviours.

quote:

ORIGINAL: beth314Yikes! you and i have a whole different view of friendship! my friends and i confide in one another. We always lend an ear, or a shoulder anytime day or night. We help each other through the bad times and celebrate the good times. People are human they make mistakes and if you dont stand by anyone through the rotten times then i guess you deserve to be alone through your own rotten times. We all need somebody to lean on every once in awhile.

Infidelity is not a mistake. It's a choice. The choice was, in your friend's case, to have sex outside her primary relationship and make her friends complicit to ease her conscience - afterall, a trouble shared, right? I also have friends, we too support one another in times of difficulty but they know that there is no way I am going to hold their hands if they want to engage in shitty behaviours they refuse to take responsibility for. Dress it up all you want to and I understand why it is you are being defensive here, it still doesn't alter the fact that the one person your friend should be discussing this with remains ignorant. How would I feel if I were the man involved in this and people were discussing whether to keep something secret they had no right to being privy to in the first place? Angry. there are two issues here. Firstly, the infidelity. Secondly, the fact it was being discussed with others over whether they felt I had a right to know.

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ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan  I also do not agree with the viewpoint of 'Tasha', it's akin to saying, "I don't care what you do provided I don't get to hear about it"...

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ORIGINAL: beth314 Can't even begin to imagine what it is you are trying to say here.

I thought it quite clear. People can pretend a situation isn't occurring, people in marriages tend to do it all the time, at the end of the day the only people they are fooling is themselves. Would you much rather have a relationship where you can look across the dining table and directly into the eyes of your partner and know that you are united in honesty, integrity, faith and love or spend your days avoiding eye contact? I know which I prefer.

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ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan If I could not have integrity and honesty in my relationships and friendships, I'd rather be single and friendless

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ORIGINAL: beth314Best of luck to you in that....

 
I assure you there is no luck involved in having either, which I do.

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to beth314)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessTeaze

Secrets do tend to come to the surface..
One day or the other.

Honesty is the best road is My opinion.
And yes then she has to suffer the consequences,
he will sense something is wrong in time..

That's why think before you act.

I wish you enough.

GoddezzT

 

 

Hello Goddess:) So nice to get your input. I always value your opinion. Last time, i gained a wonderful friend:)

thank you!

_____________________________

life is not measured by how many breaths you take...but by how many moments take your breath away!

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)