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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 3/1/2009 8:34:02 PM   
nelly33


Posts: 96
Joined: 8/17/2008
Status: offline 		First I want to preface this by saying I've been following this thread since the beginning, and actually think that it's pretty interesting.  I loved the way that AAkasha started it, with the he question, and I think that both ShaktiSama and LP have made some pretty valid points, among others.  However, like Shaki stated, LP, I don't doubt for a minute that you could squash a 20 year old with no experience, but again... I feel that it is based on lack of experience, and not on age.  Are you saying that a 40 year old with no experience you would be unable to mindfuck?  Again, I'm not trying to pounce on you here, I just disagree with the assumption that it is youth that makes someone weaker in BDSM, but rather experience.
Texas, you do seem a little bigoted in some of your posts here though.  I am referring to one in particular, where u say something to the effect that all of the young people you work with are behaving like morons at your office.  You also say that, "When any young person demonstrates intelligence, ethics, self discipline and curiosity, they earn my respect and praise."  I go the other route, and respect somebody until they prove that they DO NOT deserve it, not the other way around.  I would also question where you work.  Some of the most racist people I've ever met in my life are corrections officer, saying that all the black people they work around are animals, not people, etc.  However, I don't think many people would say that the black prison population relates to the normal black person on the street, so the correction officers thinking is flawed.
That being said... I think it is a pretty reasonable line of thought to say that I'm far more immature than I will be at age 40.  I'm 22 years old, I drink like a fool, and collection agencies are always after me for throwing out my bills.  I'd like to think this all may change in the coming years.  I take very little offense to somebody saying that I act like a dumb kid sometimes, because I do.  However, in a professional setting, I always get my work done, and take my job very seriously.  I hold down a well-paying job, while going to school full-time, and support myself completely; many "adults" cannot claim any of those things.  Texas, I'm sure that I would be to immature for you outside of a work setting, so we may never go out for a drink if we worked together.  But I do resent that you say that you assume I would not do my job as well as you do yours, because I am young.  If that is your experience and your job, then its not a very well run company.
On a final note, just based on my reading on this post, I feel like the younger people are actually conducting themselves with the most decorum.  None of us are name-calling, or making things personal.  I understand that this is a rambling post, so sorry for that, but there was just a lot I wanted to say.
TTFN,
Andy

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 161
RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 3/1/2009 8:48:32 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nelly33

First I want to preface this by saying I've been following this thread since the beginning, and actually think that it's pretty interesting.  I loved the way that AAkasha started it, with the he question, and I think that both ShaktiSama and LP have made some pretty valid points, among others.  However, like Shaki stated, LP, I don't doubt for a minute that you could squash a 20 year old with no experience, but again... I feel that it is based on lack of experience, and not on age.  Are you saying that a 40 year old with no experience you would be unable to mindfuck?  Again, I'm not trying to pounce on you here, I just disagree with the assumption that it is youth that makes someone weaker in BDSM, but rather experience.
Texas, you do seem a little bigoted in some of your posts here though.  I am referring to one in particular, where u say something to the effect that all of the young people you work with are behaving like morons at your office.  You also say that, "When any young person demonstrates intelligence, ethics, self discipline and curiosity, they earn my respect and praise."  I go the other route, and respect somebody until they prove that they DO NOT deserve it, not the other way around.  I would also question where you work.  Some of the most racist people I've ever met in my life are corrections officer, saying that all the black people they work around are animals, not people, etc.  However, I don't think many people would say that the black prison population relates to the normal black person on the street, so the correction officers thinking is flawed.
That being said... I think it is a pretty reasonable line of thought to say that I'm far more immature than I will be at age 40.  I'm 22 years old, I drink like a fool, and collection agencies are always after me for throwing out my bills.  I'd like to think this all may change in the coming years.  I take very little offense to somebody saying that I act like a dumb kid sometimes, because I do.  However, in a professional setting, I always get my work done, and take my job very seriously.  I hold down a well-paying job, while going to school full-time, and support myself completely; many "adults" cannot claim any of those things.  Texas, I'm sure that I would be to immature for you outside of a work setting, so we may never go out for a drink if we worked together.  But I do resent that you say that you assume I would not do my job as well as you do yours, because I am young.  If that is your experience and your job, then its not a very well run company.
On a final note, just based on my reading on this post, I feel like the younger people are actually conducting themselves with the most decorum.  None of us are name-calling, or making things personal.  I understand that this is a rambling post, so sorry for that, but there was just a lot I wanted to say.
TTFN,
Andy



While it has strayed a bit from my original questions (and I'll state now I am very comfortable and happy being 40 and pursuing men in their 20s, I just wondered how it would *appear* to outsiders, but in reality, I guess I just don't care), the one thing it has made me stop and think about, seriously, is the concept of ageism.  I can honestly admit in my 20s I was TOTALLY closed minded about the idea of possibly dominating or dating a man in his 40s or older. It just wasn't going to happen.  That didn't mean I didn't respect men that age in my workplace, find them 'attractive' on SOME level at times, but the idea of being romantic with one or dominating one really, really had zero appeal to me.

So much so that I didn't really like most bdsm events if they were skewed toward older folks (as a young, single girl - it got very uncomfortable at many), and I didn't like the attitude I got from older guys when I turned them down, ("your loss, honey," or "you don't know what you are missing," or "you just like younger guys because you can boss them around, I'm too strong for you" or "you could learn a thing or two from an older man" blah blah, and it got old very very fast). I also felt I wasn't taken seriously because of my age. 

So was I just being prejudiced out of the gate since I really wasn't interested in giving these "older wiser folks" a chance, or was I just adhering to my own personal preferences? I don't know - probably a little of both.  But I can say that I have had the worse backlash from telling older folks "no thank you" when I was younger, than telling younger guys "no thank you," now that I am older.   Could be a small sample though.

I have always liked younger guys. Now that I am older, I still like younger guys.   I'll take nice guys of all age groups over assholes, but I am just talking about what has worked for me in the past. Now was I 'pre judging' and creating a self fulfilling prophecy?  Who knows, maybe.  It's good food for thought though.

Akasha

Akasha




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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 3/1/2009 10:07:33 PM   
aidan


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Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I have always liked younger guys. Now that I am older, I still like younger guys.   I'll take nice guys of all age groups over assholes, but I am just talking about what has worked for me in the past. Now was I 'pre judging' and creating a self fulfilling prophecy?  Who knows, maybe.  It's good food for thought though.

Akasha



I think this is probably the most important self-selecting aspect, Akasha. If you give people a chance to show you their best, they usually will.

All the women here who have said they have negative attitudes towards younger men, for whatever reason, I can almost guarantee that's gonna push away anybody who might have the goods to change your mind. Lord I knows I've avoided women like that for as long as I've been sexually active. Probably the most important reason I'm with Shaki now is because during the getting to know and courtship process she gave me the chance to prove her equal. She didn't expect me to be a dunce or morally substandard or anything simply because I was her junior. She didn't expect anything but for me to be...me.

Okay, sleepy time now.


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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 3/1/2009 11:13:07 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Why is it that when an older woman says she doesn't disrespect young people, but simply doesn't wish to be in a relationship with someone twenty to thirty years younger than her.. it is seen as an insult to younger people?  I have some close friends who are in their twenties and I respect them... they have been good friends and close friends... but they have not been my lover most of the time.  Only one in his twenties when I was in my forties.  I have a deep respect for people of any age that impress me with their maturity and personal make up.  I also respect those who are not mature.  They are just young... and I can't expect them to act like a forty year old.  That still doesn't mean I want to be in a relationship with them and it doesn't mean I am judging them morally or seeing them as anything other than what and who they are.  Maybe because I am used to mothering people of those ages!  That could make a big difference for some of us.  I simply don't want to have sex with them or have a relationship with them becasue I want someone with more life experience who doesn't remind me of my own um's.  I want someone who can understand the things that were in the decade's I lived through becasue they lived through them too and have their own take on it all.

There is no friggin way at age twenty five one can have the same amount of learning in life and experience than someone older. (notice I didnt say maturity)  By the time I was thirty five I had bought many houses... I had been a boss, had ran business's, had my own um's, had partied, had made mistakes.. and lived... and lived well.  Those experiences count for something and it is that something I seek in a mate.  Can some people live a lot in a short time.. yes!  But... I doubt seriously that they could put twenty years of living in a few adult years.  There are exceptions to all things.. but it isn't unreasonable or insulting to think that most adult's have more experiences by age forty than those at age twenty something.  I am not talking maturity. I am talking life experience.  I don't want an immature forty year old any more than I want an immature twenty year old.  I want experience and maturity.

I am not working on the beginnings of life with someone... but more of a retirement of life with someone.  I couldn't keep up with some men of any age... but a twenty something aged person... there is no way I could!  There are a number of reasons that I want an older man... but not because I see younger people as anything less.  I just want certain things in a relationship a younger man couldn't give me and that is living experiences and his take on them.  If I am grandma... it might be nice to share those granny moments with a grappy kind a guy.

If that makes me a bad person in some people's eyes and I am unfair... I will just have to live with that.  But it is MY life.. MY choice and I want an older man to live out the time I have left on this earth.  My choice doesn't have to be an insult to anyone unless they choose to take insult.  Hell.. I turn a lot of older men down too!  I want what I want.  Can someone in their twenties talk to me about the huge out door concerts?  Can they tell me what they felt when Kennedy was shot?  I am not living in the past... but I want to be able to chit chat without having to give a history lesson and I don't want to deal with the different things that come up with too many challenges in any relationship, so I am narrowing things to where I am comfy.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 3/1/2009 11:27:41 PM   
nelly33


Posts: 96
Joined: 8/17/2008
Status: offline 		I think that it's more than fair to feel like that.  I would imagine it would be nice to grow old with somebody, and having a preference for being with people your own age; there's nothing wrong with that at all in my opinion.  Shared experiences are something that some people value.  I have no problem with older people not wanting to date younger people, just as I probably wouldn't be able to grow old with somebody who is 20 years my senior.  I just have a problem with people saying that their personal preference is based on MY shortcomings, based on my age, which it seems is not what you're saying.  Age is definitely something I think people are allowed to consider when choosing a partner... if I implied otherwise, that was my mistake. 
ps, Lockit, I really enjoyed your last post on this, it really seems thought out.  I really liked the Kennedy point as well.  Time for a slumber... goodnite everyone.

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Profile   Post #: 165
RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 3/2/2009 2:22:38 AM   
beeble


Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

TexasMaam wrote: ... I would most definately hire the disciplined, capable worker in Singapore for $4 a day...

Actually, the disciplined, capable worker in Singapore wouldn't know whether to spit in your face or just laugh at you if you offered him $4 per day.  Singapore has a per-capita GDP higher than the USA[1].  The average monthly salary there in 2007 was around $2,400 US[2] (i.e., about $30,000 US per year).

beeble.

[1] Source: CIA World Factbook
[2] Source: Singapore Ministry of Manpower (one Singapore dollar is worth about $0.64 US).


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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 3/2/2009 5:34:50 AM   
sodsta


Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline 		I've been reading since the thread started and things got a bit hairy there for a bit, didn't they?

I've actually found the whole thing very interesting, and while a few younger people have given their opinions, I couldn't help but notice, in general, the lack of younger voices.

As far as the age thing goes, I see no problem with people having preferences, whether those preferences are for older or younger people, or people of the same age. If an older woman likes younger men, that's fine. As long as no laws are being broken and both parties are consenting, what's the problem? But it's also fine if an older woman doesn't like younger men. Everyone has a preference, and surely that's what preference is? I don't think anybody should be persecuted or judged or insulted for theirs. I certainly hope I wouldn't be for mine.

Also... the whole age/maturity/experience thing? While I agree that age certainly doesn't necessarily equal maturity - I have met many a 20 year-old who could give the older generations a run for their money - experience is often something lacking in younger people. To some people, this lack of experience may be appealing, to some it may not. Again, it all comes back to preference.

One thing I was wondering while I was reading this thread was if it was as insulting for a 23 year-old to not want to date a younger person as it was a 43 year-old? See, I don't particularly want to date someone my age or younger, and that's a preference built on a lot of the same things I think some of the women on this thread have built theirs on. The main one being that a lot of younger people (at least a lot of the younger people I have known and met) just don't have the experience and maturity I look for in a partner. I tend to seek older people out, and that goes for friendships as well as relationships. The vast majority of my friends are a good 10 or so years older than me. I just find I can have better conversations with them; an observation based on personal experience. That's not to say I will avoid people who are younger, but (and at the risk of sounding arrogant) they have to "impress" me. A few have, and those are the 20 year-olds I mentioned above. My niece is 19 and she's more mature and more together than most people I have met of ANY age.

Anyway, I'm going to stop now because this is turning into waffle...

Mmmmm.... waffles....

-- Kye

< Message edited by sodsta -- 3/2/2009 5:37:31 AM >

(in reply to nelly33)
Profile   Post #: 167
RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 3/2/2009 5:37:55 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Oh, if I haven't already been nailed to the cross in this thread, I'm about to be.

quote:

Locket:  Can they tell me what they felt when Kennedy was shot?


Ever see "When Harry Met Sally?"  At one point in the film, Billy Crystal's character is dating a much younger woman.  In the scene, he's chatting with his friend about the age difference and mentions that he had asked the young woman that he's dating where she was when Kennedy was shot.  Her reply, "You mean Ted Kennedy was shot?"

I do have to say that I have appreciated the younger voices on this thread.  Some have said that they do have a bit of immaturity to them, at least in certain aspects.  (The bad bill paying habits.)  Another who says that he doesn't particularly favor relationships with those in his age group.  Here's the kicker, for the very same reasons that have come up in some of the posts throughout the thread.  Is it also ageism when those in the younger crowd feel that way about many of their peers?

One thing that I did take notice of during the exchange between Shatki and TexasMa'am.  While one is dealing with less responsible people of the age group through work (I feel for you TM.  I really do.) the other has some different influence.  Considering their committed relationship, doesn't it stand to reason that Shatki would be meeting more mature, responsible younger people at least to some degree because of Aidan's qualities and a tendency to associate with people with similarities? 

Nelly33, it is the inexperience factor that makes the difference.  However, age can contribute to that as well.  For example, something I decide that I want to use that I saw at a demo six months ago wouldn't necessarily be known to someone who was twenty if the group that held the demo had a restriction of twenty one and up.  The forty year old that I happen to meet at a social may have seen the same presenter two years ago for all I know.  The scene would lose the edge for the bottom with prior knowledge.  Make sense?


Edited because I hit 'submit post' wayyyyy before I was done.


< Message edited by LadyPact -- 3/2/2009 6:26:42 AM >

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 3/2/2009 6:00:41 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		well, you ARE standing in front of one, LadyP... LOL

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 3/2/2009 6:28:45 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

well, you ARE standing in front of one, LadyP... LOL


Happens to be a pretty good one, too.  For those who have some interest in the public play aspect of the conversation, again, a venue that is twenty one and up.


_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 3/2/2009 6:31:30 AM   
chiaThePet


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Cougars can run faster, because they're always wearing sensible shoes.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 3/2/2009 6:35:22 AM   
chiaThePet


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A Cougar won't wake you up in the middle of the night to ask you what you're thinking.

She doesn't care.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 3/2/2009 6:38:20 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
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Simple Cougar Math;

Twenty goes into eighty, a helluva lot more, than eighty goes into twenty.

chia* (the pet)


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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 3/2/2009 6:39:35 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Actually after watching this thread I've come to a conclusion.

When it comes to older women/younger men relationships, it isn't always the maturity of the younger men that make it work. I think it is possible that in some, it is the lack thereof, of the older women.

Neither age nor intelligence always equals maturity.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 3/2/2009 6:41:33 AM >

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 3/2/2009 8:37:42 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Lockit is my secret sister!

I have a sweet young thing (okay, he's 27) that I am talking to right now.   He's perfectly charming.  When he moves to my area this summer, I am sure we will be great friends.  If something else happens, well... then something else happens!   I am not planning on it though, because he is excited by my AGE.  When I reminded him that I could be his MOM he about fell off his chair.  While I respect that feeling on his part, I am not Mrs. Robinson, never have been, never will be.   Like 100% of the young men who have approached me in the last ten years, he is excited by my demeanor, my maturity, my (eeh!) MILF-ness.   There was a time when that would have been rather amusing, but I am not doing "interludes" anymore, no matter how much potential for fun and games they have, because the chance for personal damage is too great.  I hope to bring him to parties and show him around, and have a grand time.  I'm looking forward to exploring a town that I don't have great associations with.   I hope that we stay friends, because he's a cool person.   He doesn't deserve to get stuck with a Biddy, though.  There's acres of stuff that he wants to try that I am just not doing again.  I am not going to hold him back, because I have been there and done that, and *lack the desire to experience things through new eyes*. 

It's not only that honestly, I am not attracted to younger guys, and never have been.  I don't feel the excitement of bringing them into new territory, showing them new things, re-experiencing the activities that I am tired of now.  I respect and admire those that have that kind of mindset, but I don't have it.   I love to talk about ideas, explore why we do the things we do, and what their appeal is, but I am not going to say, "well, I never liked it the first half dozen times I did it, but since YOU never have...".  Will I try and find someone who CAN offer that experience?  You betcha!  I don't want to hold anyone back, in vanilla life, or in kink.  



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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 3/2/2009 9:26:35 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		There was an actress, very beautiful, who was in a show in the sixties or seventies where everything was centered around space traveler's with a family and a whimpy scientest and that little robot guy and the um.  I believe she was the mother.  (Forgive my memory here, I can't remember her name or the name of the series.)  Later in the seventies, she was in her forties and she married a man in his twenties.  They would do the Match show regularily and that is how I saw how they were together.  Now it wasn't a common thing back then and I felt she was a front runner for other's who might want the same type of relationship with someone.  I always respected her for not backing down and not keeping quiet about her relationship.  I always wished them the very best and hoped that despite what some people said, that they would make the lifetime relationship bit.  I don't know if they did or not, but I always respected them and thought they were a great couple.  I loved the smile she got when she looked at him and the respect between them.  They were my favorite couple of all the couples that were on that show. 

I was married to a man old enough to be my father at the time, who actually had less maturity than I did.  What did I like about the man? lol His life stories and experience!  He was eccentric, funny, talented and boy could he make a getting 'hit by a car and flying fifty feet in his new clothes on his birthday of Friday the thirtenth', while on a first weekend pass from the military... funnier than anything!  His story of another weekend pass and a sunburn he got that got him arrested becasue he damaged government property was another funny story.  But I outgrew him within a few years the funny stories were no longer enough.  I changed, he did not.  He had um's and I was a step mother of four by the age of seventeen, but I had been around and playing the part since sixteen.  I was actually the most mature of any of their parents and I stayed with the man longer becasue of them!  He could not give me um's of my own and I was fine with that.  Even then I knew something was very wrong with me and I felt it was wrong for me to have um's, but I couldn't prevent um's later on and had them.

When my son was brain damaged, I was fighting a hospital that was at fault, was dealing with family struggles and trying to save my son.  The hospital was doing unlawful things in an attempt to control the situation and cover their tail end.  Becasue of it, my son was suffering at their hands.. again!  Not only did I have to face the fact that my 22 year old son was now... somewhere inbetween a three and five year old, I had to protect him from the hospital and what they were doing.  I was about to go postal with my anger and frustrations and pain.  I would walk through the basically old folks home I lived in and the older ladies would tear up and as I passed I could hear them saying... I feel so bad for her... I just can't believe all she is going through.  Why is that... oh you didn't hear about her son and what's happening?  They offered prayers but few knew what to say to me.  They were thinking as parents.

But there were two online friends who did know what to say to me.  One aged 32 and one aged 28.  Those two men held me up when I was ready to blow a gasket.  They were exceptional men of any age and will forever have my love and respect.  The younger one was a caregiver to a man in his ninties.  His information and experience helped me greatly in information on dementia and how to care for someone who didn't have a healthy brain.  His marriage, his family life, his religion, his experience taught me so very much and helped me help my son when I finally got him out of the clutches of the hospital.  The 32 year old became more.  We became lover's as he gave me so much that I could not get from anyone before or since really.  But he wanted what a lot of men his age want.  Um's.  These men were mature, helpful, insightful and amazing.  I would have kept that 32 year old forever had he not wanted to live parts of life I had lived.  Not only was he younger than I, but he was also another race!

My life changed one fateful night and I have walked lot's of horrific things and yet in the middle of it all there were two amazing younger men who held me up when it was dominant Donna down time!  I have had to face a lot in the past couple of years and I faced it mostly alone.  I have had to look at death in my face for many years but never so much as these last few, when I aged ten to fifteen years over night, when I stroked out many times becasue of the stress and I had to learn to live in a small apartment, totally alone except for my son and some times not actually talking to anyone but my son, so much that when I did start to talk, I would choke becasue it had been so long since I had talked more than, what do you want to eat honey?

I decided then that I needed an older man for sure because of my experiences and becasue of my life and what I needed in this time of life.  My days of going out and dancing were over.  My days of even going out once a week to do more than a walmart trip were over.  What man wants to live like that?  Maybe... just maybe... another parent... another who may have some age limitations on the body... maybe a lot of things... but life experience that they have lived and won't miss out on and a calm that can come through many years of parenting, working, struggling and success was now my comfort spot and it would be comfortable with them.

So it isn't anything but.. this feels more right to me that makes me say... I want an older man.  And anyone who says differently simply doesn't know me and is judging me when I may flippantly say.. I dont' want a man I could have birthed... Well that and the fact that most younger men who contact me simply want a sexual high from an older more experienced woman.  They don't want my mind and experience of forever... they want my sexual teaching.  So while I think some younger men are very wonderful... I need that old shoe of a guy who wants to low heel it with me for the rest of our sunset years.

Am I settling for an older man because I have to?  Oh hell no!  This is my life... this is where I am now... and I am not settling one bit... I am facing reality... my reality and very happily moving into a new phase.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 176
RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 3/2/2009 9:31:36 AM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aidan

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I have always liked younger guys. Now that I am older, I still like younger guys.   I'll take nice guys of all age groups over assholes, but I am just talking about what has worked for me in the past. Now was I 'pre judging' and creating a self fulfilling prophecy?  Who knows, maybe.  It's good food for thought though.

Akasha



I think this is probably the most important self-selecting aspect, Akasha. If you give people a chance to show you their best, they usually will.

All the women here who have said they have negative attitudes towards younger men, for whatever reason, I can almost guarantee that's gonna push away anybody who might have the goods to change your mind. Lord I knows I've avoided women like that for as long as I've been sexually active. Probably the most important reason I'm with Shaki now is because during the getting to know and courtship process she gave me the chance to prove her equal. She didn't expect me to be a dunce or morally substandard or anything simply because I was her junior. She didn't expect anything but for me to be...me.

Okay, sleepy time now.




I think age is irrelevant to maturity; if you've been through enough learning experiences (particularly hardships) you can be mentally mature as someone a decade older.


Side note: There's no question your Mistress is a forcible speaker, strongly opininated and passionate about her feelings. Yet, I've always found her posts intelligent and well articulated - - even if I don't necessarily agree with her side. That she has maintained tact within this confrontational thread is a sign of maturity and, in my opinion, is what sets her apart from others. No matter how convicted and passionate we are in our arqument, once we leave diplomacy at the door and start to attack our opponent personally, our arument is overshawdowed by the immaturity of our character. Kudos to you both on making things work.







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m y s p a c e


(in reply to aidan)
Profile   Post #: 177
RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 3/2/2009 10:00:12 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Why is it that when an older woman says she doesn't disrespect young people, but simply doesn't wish to be in a relationship with someone twenty to thirty years younger than her.. it is seen as an insult to younger people?  I have some close friends who are in their twenties and I respect them... they have been good friends and close friends... but they have not been my lover most of the time.  Only one in his twenties when I was in my forties.  I have a deep respect for people of any age that impress me with their maturity and personal make up.  I also respect those who are not mature.  They are just young... and I can't expect them to act like a forty year old.  That still doesn't mean I want to be in a relationship with them and it doesn't mean I am judging them morally or seeing them as anything other than what and who they are.  Maybe because I am used to mothering people of those ages!  That could make a big difference for some of us.  I simply don't want to have sex with them or have a relationship with them becasue I want someone with more life experience who doesn't remind me of my own um's.  I want someone who can understand the things that were in the decade's I lived through becasue they lived through them too and have their own take on it all.

There is no friggin way at age twenty five one can have the same amount of learning in life and experience than someone older. (notice I didnt say maturity)  By the time I was thirty five I had bought many houses... I had been a boss, had ran business's, had my own um's, had partied, had made mistakes.. and lived... and lived well.  Those experiences count for something and it is that something I seek in a mate.  Can some people live a lot in a short time.. yes!  But... I doubt seriously that they could put twenty years of living in a few adult years.  There are exceptions to all things.. but it isn't unreasonable or insulting to think that most adult's have more experiences by age forty than those at age twenty something.  I am not talking maturity. I am talking life experience.  I don't want an immature forty year old any more than I want an immature twenty year old.  I want experience and maturity.

I am not working on the beginnings of life with someone... but more of a retirement of life with someone.  I couldn't keep up with some men of any age... but a twenty something aged person... there is no way I could!  There are a number of reasons that I want an older man... but not because I see younger people as anything less.  I just want certain things in a relationship a younger man couldn't give me and that is living experiences and his take on them.  If I am grandma... it might be nice to share those granny moments with a grappy kind a guy.

If that makes me a bad person in some people's eyes and I am unfair... I will just have to live with that.  But it is MY life.. MY choice and I want an older man to live out the time I have left on this earth.  My choice doesn't have to be an insult to anyone unless they choose to take insult.  Hell.. I turn a lot of older men down too!  I want what I want.  Can someone in their twenties talk to me about the huge out door concerts?  Can they tell me what they felt when Kennedy was shot?  I am not living in the past... but I want to be able to chit chat without having to give a history lesson and I don't want to deal with the different things that come up with too many challenges in any relationship, so I am narrowing things to where I am comfy.


I just don't know, to be honest.   My husband is 10 years younger than I am, and while we don't share the same life experiences - he is so mature intellectually and so perceptive that he's simply immediately up to speed on any level I need him to be at.  With the exception of pop culture, simply because he was a kid in the 80s when I was in my teens, he can run circles around me as far as practical knowledge on any topic.  Granted, he didn't live it, but he's read about it, and he retains information so well and puts it into perspective that he's got an incredible foundation for understanding and empathy.

Is that a unique trait? I guess so.  As another poster who is a younger man pointed out here, he was disinterested in dating girls his age. He was disinterested in dating, period, because of the immaturity and game playing.  And while he had zero experience in running a business - hell, even being EMPLOYED in a business (outside of using his brawn in a construction site), he adapted immediately to my working environment and was accompanying me in board rooms without a problem, yet I would take semi-seasoned junior folks to similar things and they'd stumble.

How could this be?  It's not that he was super worldy or had all these huge life experiences; he was sheltered, never had been out of his home city (yet I had visited most of the major cities in the US and run my own company by the time we met), had very little social experience outside his own safety net - how on earth could a 20 - 22 year old "kid" be so mature intellectually and able to share knowledge of life experiences with me?  He didn't even live in the US, but when I talk about growing up in the Cold War, and Reagan, and when the shuttle blew up, and desert storm - he knows it better than I do. He was 6 or 8 or 10 years old, etc..  How can this be? I have no idea. Like I said earlier, people tell me he is in 'old soul.'  All I know is that he reads voraciously and remembers every line of anything he has read, and can put it into perspective.  He can tell me the political ramifications of all the things I remember, while I just remember how it felt.

Akasha


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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 178
RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 3/2/2009 10:07:06 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		When I was new to CM, I met up with a young man who is no longer here.  He was from India.  The boy... was amazing and if he wasn't in India... I would have let him been my sunshine!  He brightened many of my days.  His maturity was beyond any I had known from anyone even the special one's I mentioned.  All he wanted to do was brighten my world and serve me.  I know they are out there.

I also know that some older men look like shit compared to the exceptional younger men I have known.

The point of my long post was... age has meant little to me, throughout my life.  It is the person.  But in general, life happens and when it does, sometimes our needs are such... that we are more likely to find what we want and need... in a certain age frame.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 179
RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 3/2/2009 10:37:49 AM   
innocentdarkness


Posts: 43
Joined: 10/13/2005
Status: offline 		A few simple thoughts; not looking for acceptance or debate.  For my purpose here, only my opinion counts.

The term "cougar" as used in this context is, to me, a fun, flirty word for a 40+ lady with an affinity for 30- men.  Catholic upbringing, with its threats of eternal damnation, should have kept me in the missionary position for my whole life.  But it was not who I am.  Still, as Stephanie Plum once said:  "Lose the faith, keep the guilt." 

Since the age of 17, my usual preference for relationships has been "considerably older" men.  For the past year (and maybe it has something to do with some hormonal change that occurs in the 40 year old body of a female) I have come to "notice" younger men more (I just could not understand the odd tingling Josh Groban gave me).  Of course, it was with the "oh, how I wish I were young enough for that" attitude.  However, thanks to an extremely intelligent, confident, classy lady I met within this very realm, I have come to allow myself the enjoyment of being able to attract and being attracted to those 20-something darlings with a whole new outlook on myself:  While I'm 40+ and my body is not perfect anymore, I still get mistaken for my daughter's sister on a regular basis, younger men find me attractive, I am a great person, and I deserve to have whatever tickles my fancy.

I know that it's not about age.  I know that younger does not mean less.  I always hated it when I got that attitude from "grown-ups".  Society has attached a certain negativity to the May-December concept.  Does society determine what I do in my life?  Obviously not.   But I have been immersed in that society for just shy of 42 years, now, and it's a hard habit to break.  Nonetheless, as long as I am not hurting anyone else or myself, there is no reason for me to deny myself a simple pleasure, nor the possibility of fulfillment no matter how far it may be outside tradition.  I still have to remind myself of that now and again, but it's getting easier.

Am I a cougar?  OMG... yes.  And you know what?  I know now that it's OK. 

Thank you Aakasha.  ::hugs::




**on a side note:  As usual, my perceptions of human beings have been re-enforced during my reading of this entire thread.  1) Women are bitchy- which is why I prefer to "hang out" with the boys.  2) People take offense less easily than they give it.  3) John Gray is right on so many levels.


_____________________________

...close your eyes, let your mind go... just breathe.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 180
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