Confessions of a femdom cougar

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Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 9:38:34 AM

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Getting old sucks. Well, kind of.

I never thought I would be 40. It seems like just yesterday I was on the net, on newsgroups just like this one (alt.sex.femdom anyone?) in what I thought was my prime: Late 20s, employed and upwardly mobile, single and seductive.

I have no real complaints about being 40 - I am right where I wanted to be, financially and physically. Yet, my cravings, urges and desires are not meshing with my sense of right and wrong and -- well, appropriateness. While I don't doubt I could "get" early-20s-boytoys as my harem pets, my boytoys, my bondage buddies, I grapple with the appropriateness. Even if all parties agree and are on board. As much as I find the idea hot on many levels, I always come back to the sense: It's just not right.

Now, why is that? If the boytoy doesn't care, so what? If I am not *dating* them or romancing them or whatever and all parties are fine with that, who cares? If they still find me hot, who cares? Why is it that I care?

I don't have children and will not be having children, and on most days I feel easily as good, if not better than I did in my early 30s. Still, if I *did* have children in my early 20s, they'd be about the age of the boytoys I sometimes eye. Holy inappropriateness! I find the idea of "cougar" to be awfully cheesy and lame - I don't want to be a "cougar." I don't wear heavy makeup, have fake boobs or aspire to be a cougar or force myself to fit in with college kids; however, if I take in a 20something boytoy, let's face it - I'm a cougar.

Nor do I have any desire to 'fit in' with the 20s crowd anyway; I don't need to feel young, and that's why I want to tie up and beat a young hot thing. I just find myself more *physically* attracted to men who are around 21 - 24 years old. Sometimes. Now, I can ignore those urges, just as I ignore other inappropriate urges, or I can say - who cares. But it certainly isn't worth it to do something that feels great at the time but I feel like shit about it afterwards. And there are certainly many "age appropriate" boytoys that interest me, so it's not that I'd be left wanting.

How do femdoms feel about younger men? Do you feel if you pursue, "play with" or otherwise entertain a man younger than you, that makes you a cougar?

Akasha

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 9:53:25 AM

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If it's what you like, great! I have friends who are with younger men, and good on 'em!! I have spent my life dating OLDER men, and am just now getting to the point of men in my own age group. I am constantly approached by men young enough to be my children, and to me that is just what they are---NOT erotic objects, not suitable life companions. Just a preference! I don't have that feeling about young women---I would love a female pet in her mid 20's!

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 9:58:03 AM

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My wife is 45. Her new boyfriend is 26...go her! And go you too if that is your style.

Check out dateacougar.com...you are not alone...

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 9:59:01 AM

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I can't say anything about the male aspect but I've only ever had women that were younger than I. Usually by 15 - 20 years......or more. Not what I was really looking for but it is what it is.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 10:11:47 AM

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My male sub is 9 years younger than myself. Men in their 30's turn me on but younger than that...no they look to young to me, too babyfaced (no offense to young men). I just prefer someone a bit older and closer to my own age. In my 30's I did have a sub that was 17 years my junior and what a nightmare that turned out to be so I made a rule for myself. Only men within 10 years of my own age.

~Lashra

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 10:15:54 AM

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I turned 40 last September. No, I never thought I'd be 40. Yes, it was weird.

No, I actually don't pursue boytoys that might have been attractive to Me a decade ago. The just don't have what I want. They may look pretty on the outside, but it's an unfair match. I can dominate a bug. It doesn't mean squashing an ant is fulfilling.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 10:44:05 AM

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I'm not sure what you allude to when you refer to a 'Cougar', but I can guess it's not pretty and smacks of desperation of a maturing person hanging onto some youthful experience, rather like an alcoholic that's been dry for a day and finds themselves in a distillery unsupervised.

I am going to be forty-five years of age on 1st March. I don't kid myself, I'm very aware that I am middle-aged, that my skin has lost that youthful glow and my tits bounce a few inches lower than they did when I was in my thirties. I also have a live in submissive partner who is nineteen years my junior. That could put me in the category of 'cougar' in your perception and if it does, that really doesn't matter. I don't need to aspire to anyone else's standards, I have my own and live very happily with them and without make up or breast augmentation. Is my submissive partner a status symbol, that 'trophy'... I can categorically say 'no'. I, and many others, think I look younger than my forty-five years on this planet, I also have a rather young outlook in life - not immature, but without the jaundiced perception that many middle-agers seem to acquire as a result of hard knocks and over twenty years of graft. Men peak in their 20s, women in their 40s. It's a perfect combination in my opinion.

My submissive partner has more nous, more maturity in attitude than a great many people double his age. He's far removed from a 'toyboy'. He has more integrity and honesty, courage and intelligence than any other man I have met previously, and I have met a lot over the years in both professional (job-wise) and personal realms, and, yes, he is every inch a man and more.

What's amusing is the way that others critique our relationship based solely on our age difference. We have even experienced a woman point at us in the street and utter loudly, "Oh my god, it's disgusting." It makes me wonder why people are so personally dissatisfied with their own lives that they have to police other people's. If they looked more closely, they would see two persons deeply in love, who are so comfortable with one another that every perceivable 'flaw' is cherished, a couple who enjoy spending every moment they can together, who laugh frequently when together, who go to sleep in each other's arms and wake up the same way, who would kill to protect and sacrifice to provide, who in essence have a marriage of minds and souls.

My twenty-something partner is a year older than my son, they have formulated a very good friendship. Some people have the 'squick factor' when they discover that, but I am not responsible for their failings. I do what is right for me and mine, and do not force my own views on anyone else. We each are attracted to what we are, we all have our preferences. Make no excuses for that.

AAkasha, you said, "It's just not right" and that's fine, for you it's not. For me, and us, it's perfect.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 10:50:13 AM

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Hello from a certifed and proud to be ~cougar~.

It seems that I have been a cougar all of My life, since way before the term was ever coined. At the age of 21, I was involved with someone 2 years younger than Me. I was fine with it. But the entire time I was with that person, all I got was grief from a family member who kept calling Me a "cradle robber".

I have dated men My age, older than Me, and younger than Me (vanilla). And all I can say is that the My age and older men just do NOT do it for Me. They are dull, boring, unimaginative, and old (in mindset).   They have no "zest". No sense of fun and playfulness. No sense of adventure. An "exciting evening" to them is to sit in front of the TV (on 'opposite' ends of the couch), watching '60 Minutes', while sipping lukewarm, weak tea. Many times I have felt like I needed to put a mirror under their nose to see if they were still alive.   And don't even get Me started on trying to have sex with them!!!!!!   Don't get Me wrong. I am certainly not a party animal -- out till 4AM every night... going to clubs... partying like a rockstar.... But, geeeez, guys!! Could ya maybe show Me at least some tiny little spark of life in ya???

On the other hand...... there are the younger men. They are curious, adventurous, lively, and fun to be with. The only area in which I have ever been aware of any noticeble difference between them and Me is in our music preference. And even that isn't always the case. Maybe they don't remember vinyl records, and rotating dial telephones, but so what? In the grand scheme of things, that's no biggie.

Society still frowns upon an older woman/younger man pairing. You can feel the stares, and hear whispered comments of "GASP!" "would you look at that? " "he's young enough to be her son!" .    Meanwhile..... An older man/younger woman pairing is not only accepted, but cheered. "Hey...... way to go dude! you rock!" Then give them the thumbs up.    Why is there such a double standard??

If society wants to look down on Me for choosing to be with a younger man, let 'em. If they don't like it, or are bothered to see us out together in public, tough noogies. If ya don't like it, then why are ya starin'? Just look away.

I am happy to be with a younger man. And that's all that matters. Oh. And when I see those stares, and hear the whispers.... I just smile a little brighter, stand up a little straighter, hug him a little tighter, and glow....

The boy who just left Me was 21 years younger than Me. I had no problem with his age. I did not see him as a "younger" man, but simply as a "man".

I know I am dating Myself here, but...... a long time ago, when I was still in high school, I remember coming home and sometimes watching the "Merv Griffin Show". (MTV and cable hadn't been invented yet)   One time, he had Jackie "Moms" Mabley on as his guest. (she was an old [60's, maybe even in her 70's?] , black female comic, for those of you who don't know)  Merv asked her what was the best thing that an old man could do for her. Without a moment's hesitation she answered "introduce me to a young man!"

I smiled and laughed at that reply.   And apparently, I took it to heart without realizing it.

< Message edited by LadyTeazer -- 2/25/2009 10:59:59 AM >

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 10:50:34 AM

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That is a beautiful post MM.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 10:57:15 AM

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My ex husband was 9 years younger than me. Now he's with a woman 20 years older than he is. It can work very well. Nothing at all seems to interest me at the moment though... young or old.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 11:09:23 AM

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I hate the word cougar used in this context....nasty old bitch works better and isn't dressed up.

That being said, I often find myself attracted to "older" women. I don't like "older" either...yer women. I like most of you, some I don't like. Some I'd have sex with, some I wouldn't. Some I'd turn to if MsK had something horrible happen to Her (I'd be devastated of course), others I'd run away from if they thought about it. I like some women, I don't like others. Age has nothing to do with it. How pretty you are, on the other hand, does.

I'm shallow. I'm 20-something and I don't care. I have the other side of the age coin to fight. And frankly, I don't much like many 20-something anyways.

MsKitty's boi
Not like I was just compared to a bug or anything (jk)

< Message edited by BoiJen -- 2/25/2009 11:12:00 AM >

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 11:09:57 AM

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Thank you, Lynn. We all have an expiration date stamped on us, we just can't see when it's due. When I meet someone it's not their age I'm interested in, it's their attitude, their interests, their goals in life, etc... If I were to start looking at 20 somethings and had a knee-jerk reaction of, "OMG, that could be my son!" I'd wonder what latent issues I had that needed to be dealt with. What's interesting is that it is the societal 'norm' for a woman to be a few years younger than her husband... Gotta love conformity! We're not that far removed from the era when it was common for women in their late teens to be married off to middle-aged men. We, people that enjoy WIITWD, are enjoying their sexualities in ways that fall outside societal norms and yet, we still have a tendency to discriminate, I guess it's part of human nature.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 11:12:44 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen
I hate the word cougar used in this context....nasty old bitch works better and isn't dressed up.

Jen, you make being a nasty old bitch sound bloody damn horny. I think I just got an erection.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 11:19:01 AM

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LOL!

Poppin a boner in the middle of the day: boiJen is no longer the most guilty!

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 11:19:32 AM

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Hmmmmm, if you aren't accepting of your urges (I am not saying to act them out but accept them, understand them, etc.) then I would propose that there is some aspect of self that you aren't okay with. Afterall, these are adults beyond the age of consent that you reference. What is the pathology that you see?
As for the term 'cougar', I thought it was more specific than simply an age difference.
Davan

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 11:25:46 AM

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It's mid-evening here in the UK and talking nasty to me has the same effect that carving very rare roast beef does

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 11:26:39 AM

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LOL...I won't share then what MsKitty had for lunch :-)

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 11:28:46 AM

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It is a rare 20's something that capture's my attention. They may be very nice to look at and might be charming in their own way... but I cannot get over the fact that I could have birthed them for whatever reasons I feel that way. I am not all that concerned about figuring that out.

A man in his thirtie's I have often had to think about... most of the time ruling it out... but I can't say I wouldn't.

I have had a number of men younger than I am, but I have had a lot more older than I am. I like the package and that is what I go for. Now... A nice tight package... with a nice bit of humor and intelligence... oh yeah! lol But for a relationship... I consider those who are at least in their forties. I don't want someone asking if he is my son when out somewhere. lol It might embarass my real son! lol

But... some of those young one's... oh lala... hot... but hot isn't enough I guess... A fine tunned man with a few lines does me just fine! lol I am not sure a true cougar care's about age... eating someone up can happen at any age... So if being a cougar means I need to be a cougar with a young one... I guess I will just be a tiger or lion or just my beastly self.

Edit because I am really sucking with vowels lately!

< Message edited by Lockit -- 2/25/2009 11:31:04 AM >

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 11:29:29 AM

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I hope it all came with a side order of BoiJen and plenty of it! One can't live on lust alone, we must eat! Speaking of which, and to stop derailing htis thread, it is time for Reality and I to go eat dinner lol

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 11:33:18 AM

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Okay okay okay...the "Is this your kid" thing happens very rarely. But I look very young standing at 5 foot nothing. But for shits and giggles...

On a very bad day for me last week MsKitty made me go to a chanting class with Her then out to lunch. At both the chanting class and lunch the instructor and waitress (respectively) asked what Her UM would like or why I was there....oh boy. MsKitty brushed off the chanting instructor no problem, but I would have HATED to be that waitress.

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