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Best comebacks? - 2/27/2009 12:11:44 PM

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What are the best comebacks you've every heard? The best replies to insults, preferable one-liners or two-liners. Short and to the point.

Here's one of my favorites:

Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk. 
Wintson Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.

RE: Best comebacks? - 2/27/2009 12:16:45 PM

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The best one I ever heard and it was said to me, and I started laughing, which is a wonderful way to lose one of these arguments.

we were going back and forth when this girl said something and I tripped off with a really sharp comback and then she says:

"Nice Come (Cum) Back, no wonder your breath always smells like Dick"

Just lost it right there it was so cute she was like 5'1" and asian and spoke with an accent cause she actually came from another country and then learned english. I love that lil shit I wish I knew what happened to her.

Steel

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RE: Best comebacks? - 2/27/2009 1:08:57 PM

doll

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This is from a conversation I had with my sister on YIM a few weeks ago.

*me* (1/28/2009 4:00:09 AM): oh please....get over yourself
*my sissy* (1/28/2009 4:00:42 AM): I did then I fell back in love with me, I couldn't help myself, I am irresistible

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RE: Best comebacks? - 2/27/2009 4:30:35 PM

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When I'm cornered (for I'm usually not confrontational), I use the tried and true classic:
I refuse to have a battle of the wits with an unarmed person.

I have never used this one, but keep it tucked in my arsenal:
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable-- like a Coma!

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RE: Best comebacks? - 2/27/2009 4:37:39 PM

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"I bet you went to Dom school on the little bus, didn't cha?"

"I certainly hope that bug up your ass grabs that stick up your ass and beats some sense into you"

"Bite me. I'll show you where"

< Message edited by MistresseLotus -- 2/27/2009 4:39:29 PM >

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RE: Best comebacks? - 2/27/2009 4:53:23 PM

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People used to call me a smart ass. I'd just look at them and say, "better than a dumb ass". : )

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RE: Best comebacks? - 2/27/2009 5:19:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

People used to call me a smart ass. I'd just look at them and say, "better than a dumb ass". : )

That's a good one.

The others were cute, but don't quite fit my definition of comeback. To really be a comeback, it has to take the initial insult and somehow turn it around on the insulter.

Here's another example from Churchill:

Lady Nancy Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife, I'd poison your tea."
Churchill: "Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it."

(in reply to chamberqueen)

RE: Best comebacks? - 2/27/2009 5:22:42 PM

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Fro an email I recieved recently:
"All you need is to meet a True Dominant Male and you will realize your submissive side"
My reply "I'll be sure to message you if I ever meet one."

Or one I use as a stock answer to those submissives who tell me they are fantastic and far better than Fox (and go on to insult Fox... gotta love the idea of insulting the one they are with to get their attention.)
Do not tell me what a perfect slave you would be nor that you would do anything I ask. I will ask that you go away. So, either you prove me you really are a great slave and you do go away, or you prove you arent by staying and arguing. Either way, you lose.

DV

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RE: Best comebacks? - 2/27/2009 6:16:03 PM

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Here is my favorite. Perfect for most verbal insults - works best if you can at least affect disinterest.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention. Tell you what - think about what you want to say, punch it up a bit and get someone interesting to say it for you."

Then walk away.

P.S. If it's a girl,use 'pretty to say it for you' instead of interesting.

< Message edited by StrongSpirit -- 2/27/2009 6:17:45 PM >

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RE: Best comebacks? - 2/27/2009 6:35:05 PM

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The best ones are brief, and take something from the initial insult and turn it around on the insulter. If it's long, or general enough to be used with almost any insult, it just doesn't work as well.

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RE: Best comebacks? - 2/27/2009 11:44:22 PM

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I was at a football game and a friend of mine went up to a huge man , a fan of the opposing team and said to him "Eat me buddy!" The man looked down on him and replied "You grew it, you chew it."

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As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

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RE: Best comebacks? - 2/28/2009 9:13:26 AM

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This is not a comeback, it's a come-on:

He:   That outfit does not look good on you. Do you know what would look great on you?
She:   No, what?
He:   Me

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RE: Best comebacks? - 2/28/2009 11:49:13 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YoursMistress

I was at a football game and a friend of mine went up to a huge man , a fan of the opposing team and said to him "Eat me buddy!" The man looked down on him and replied "You grew it, you chew it."

My comeback to "Eat me" is "I want a meal, not a snack"

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RE: Best comebacks? - 2/28/2009 12:39:55 PM

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At a hockey game years ago, my buddy and I were wearing the visiting team jersey. (NY Rangers!) Some drunk guy started in with my friend (Probably because he was the smaller of the two of us.) The other guy tried to verbally taunt my buddy into a fight. I'll never forget his comeback. The exchange went something like this:

Drunken idiot: "C'mon tough guy...let's go."
My buddy: "Are you kidding? I kick the shit out of assholes like you on the way to a fight."

Between being drunk and being a moron, the guy didn't know where to go with that, so he just shut his mouth and walked away.

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RE: Best comebacks? - 2/28/2009 6:02:14 PM

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I agree with you. There is a something special when someone
gets paid back in their own coin instantly.

This has always been one of my favorites:

John Montagu, Earl of Sandwich to John Wilkes:
"Egad sir, I do not know whether you will die on the gallows
or of the pox."

John Wilkes retort:
"That will depend, my Lord, on whether I embrace your principles
or your mistress."

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RE: Best comebacks? - 3/1/2009 7:52:33 AM

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lololol....dam that was good!!!

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RE: Best comebacks? - 3/1/2009 8:46:54 AM

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Another of my favorite come backs.

Yeah... well go fuck yourself.

I always feel like I won then.

Steel

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RE: Best comebacks? - 3/1/2009 8:49:41 AM

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My personal favorite I use on idiots is:

Suck it up buttercup, you're not all that special.

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RE: Best comebacks? - 3/3/2009 7:01:12 AM

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When I use to be in school, it was almost standard to insult someone by calling them gay in front of everyone else...My response was usually, "Hey! You promised not to tell about the other night..I thought you liked what we did!"

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RE: Best comebacks? - 3/5/2009 9:14:06 PM

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Dom: Ok so I changed my mind...

Sub: Awesome! So, is the new one any better?

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