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Mistaking Passiveness for submission. - 3/17/2009 1:03:58 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'm curious as to how many Dominants kick back and use being passive as tool to; study, watch, listen, learn and getting a good grasp of who they are dealing with or WTF is going on.  Those that do, have you had people mistake this as a form of submissive behavior, only to bite them in the ass later?
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RE: Mistaking Passiveness for submission. - 3/17/2009 1:11:54 AM   
MasterRaid


Posts: 82
Joined: 8/16/2008
From: The Brink of insanity.
Status: offline 		Actually No I have not mistaken passive observance as submission. I consider it as a sign of intelligence. It is very rare to see someone sit and listen vs the loud cavorting and blustering I have seen many sub's and even Dominants do. (Myself included but if you repeat it I'll stomp on you...)

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RE: Mistaking Passiveness for submission. - 3/17/2009 2:18:31 AM   
Domin8tingUrDrmz


Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline 		I've had several people mistake my observance as a sign of whatever you want to call it (weakness, submissiveness, disinterest, insert mistaken judgement here) who have later learned otherwise.  It was rather amusing to see the lightbulb go off on the top of their head when they realized their mistake.  But then, I like to see people squirm.

OTOH, if someone is being quiet near me, I do my best to withhold any judgment of them until I see how their brain ticks. 

Edited for typo.

< Message edited by Domin8tingUrDrmz -- 3/17/2009 2:19:39 AM >

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RE: Mistaking Passiveness for submission. - 3/17/2009 5:40:43 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		I don't know if I would call it passivity.
I have a friend who says I am a conversational lurker.
that I sit quiet, watch and listen, but don't say a word.
I observe
I like to watch, find out what makes things tick, see dynamics, get a feel for things.
I have had people think that I am quiet as a result
More often folks think I am stuck up

Learning to control my tongue took years of discipline...
but once I start talking, I have never once had anyone see me as being passive.

The only time I really have anyone seeing me as being less dominant is that occasional episodes where I meet someone who confuses kindness with weakness.

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RE: Mistaking Passiveness for submission. - 3/17/2009 5:42:49 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Active listening isn't a passive activity. It takes involvement, not lying back oblivious to things.

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RE: Mistaking Passiveness for submission. - 3/17/2009 7:09:17 AM   
MsFlutter


Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Active listening isn't a passive activity. It takes involvement, not lying back oblivious to things.


what she said ....

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RE: Mistaking Passiveness for submission. - 3/17/2009 7:17:16 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

I'm curious as to how many Dominants kick back and use being passive as tool to; study, watch, listen, learn and getting a good grasp of who they are dealing with or WTF is going on.  Those that do, have you had people mistake this as a form of submissive behavior, only to bite them in the ass later?


This is pretty much an unknown behavior for Me--no one enters My circle without Me knowing exactly who I am dealing with.
 
Passive isn't a word in My personal language.

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"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

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RE: Mistaking Passiveness for submission. - 3/17/2009 9:32:55 AM   
VeryNastyDom


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/23/2006
Status: offline 		You learn far more with your eyes open and your mouth shut than the other way around.  People frequently mistake my quiet and gentle manner for weakness.  This is much to their detriment when they later discover that I am perfectly capable of unleashing the wrath of Yahweh on their ass. 

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RE: Mistaking Passiveness for submission. - 3/17/2009 10:48:10 AM   
InTonguesslut


Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline
quote:

Those that do, have you had people mistake this as a form of submissive behavior, only to bite them in the ass later?


This happens in reverse too yanno.
As a slave who has to be dominant in her working role people assume i'm dominant all round and it certainly bites them in the ass when getting to know me in a personal capacity.

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RE: Mistaking Passiveness for submission. - 3/17/2009 10:58:20 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

I'm curious as to how many Dominants kick back and use being passive as tool to; study, watch, listen, learn and getting a good grasp of who they are dealing with or WTF is going on.  Those that do, have you had people mistake this as a form of submissive behavior, only to bite them in the ass later?


I'm a people-watcher in general and an introvert.  So I tend to watch and learn and judge subs and people in general in those ways... not a lot of outward show unless I've something really to say or do. 

At times I *do* use it intentionally to entertain myself with a sub/slave, yes.  There are times that stillness inside me really does work well in dealing with someone because it can throw them off-kilter to be faced with it and have to find what to do or say.  Sometimes, that shows a lot that someone may have been hiding, intentionally or unintentionally.

But, usually it's just my way... I don't punish or dictate unless there is something specific I want, otherwise I'm happy to let a sub/slave use their judgement or to just go about what's assigned.  I like "passive dominance" because it is what's natural to me:  set up the protocols, give what specific instructions I feel are necessary for individual things/places, and then sit back and enjoy them doing what we're partnered to do. 

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RE: Mistaking Passiveness for submission. - 3/17/2009 11:01:40 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I am usually always very quiet and watchful, regardless of the setting. I don't like mindless chatter, not from myself and certainly not from others. Besides, I've been told I communicate quite well without words. More than once I've had a discussion swirling around me, about "the look", and how they hate getting "that look". Apparently my eyes are very good at expressing.

I've never had anyone assume I am passive or submissive, just because I am quiet. I have heard that they thought I was a stuck up bitch. Usually not the case either. I just don't feel the need to talk to fill silence.

I am a huge huge HUGE fan of people watching. Keeping your mouth shut and your eyes open, you can learn a lot about people.

My habit of quiet watchfulness is how Amelia came up with the idea for my name here.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 3/17/2009 11:05:37 AM >

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RE: Mistaking Passiveness for submission. - 3/17/2009 12:00:15 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		While I like to converse with people I've always believed that for it to be a conversation vs. me talking/lecturing, I had to listen.  I tend to be a quiet person...and yeah, I know there are some who would roll their eyes at that...as anyone who is around me for any length of time knows.  Yes, I can converse for a long time on the phone because that is not the same as being with someone in  person where there are other things to focus on along with...or besides...each other.  When I am physically with someone, I don't need to be speaking to watch how they behave with me and, in some ways just as important, with others.  I don't need to be speaking...except to start and guide the conversation...when I ask her to tell me 5 things that neither I nor most people around her know that she would not mind us knowing, when I ask her to tell me 5 things about her that she doesn't mind my knowing but would not want anyone other than a select few to know and finally, when I ask her to tell me 3 things she dreams about doing with me in a D/s manner or sexual manner or BDSM manner or any combination thereof. 

Somewhat like LaT...I've had people assume that the quietness and the civil manner cannot possibly mean that there is a core underneath which is almost always strong, almost always sadistic, sometimes dark, firm in my convictions until someone proves them wrong in a convincing fashion, and always willing to discipline and bring things right back to where they should be.

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RE: Mistaking Passiveness for submission. - 3/17/2009 3:30:10 PM   
d1ll1gaf


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline 		I always sit back observe and listen. People will tell volunteer much more information about themselves if you are listening tentatively than you can ever obtain by being loud and boisterous.

More than once I have found people assuming that because I am actually listening to others that I must be a submissive.

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RE: Mistaking Passiveness for submission. - 3/17/2009 3:55:55 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Another non-existent profile..

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RE: Mistaking Passiveness for submission. - 3/17/2009 4:37:51 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

Another non-existent profile..


remember, you can make your profiles private--lets you post, but no one can read it--



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I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

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RE: Mistaking Passiveness for submission. - 3/17/2009 5:13:26 PM   
MidnightKat5000


Posts: 97
Joined: 1/10/2009
Status: offline 		Actually, yes I do!  And of course it pisses people off when they find out how dominant I really am.  I am the type who saunters is and assess the situation as opposed to busting in and finding facts out later.


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RE: Mistaking Passiveness for submission. - 3/17/2009 6:05:00 PM   
FawneTwo


Posts: 98
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

My habit of quiet watchfulness is how Amelia came up with the idea for my name here.


in witless admiration:   

"that's hot"

smiles 4


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RE: Mistaking Passiveness for submission. - 3/17/2009 10:15:23 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode
Another non-existent profile..

Yes, and yet another public comment about me not having one.  The count is up to three times now.  I'll ask for a third time, so exactly what are you trying to specifically infer?

Why does it concern you?  Why does it trouble you that I don't have an active profile?  I believe these are reasonable questions for me to ask, in response to your repeated comments regarding my profile status.

I'm going to email you in private on the other side, as an attempt to engage in hashing out any personal issues, misunderstandings, feelings or differences. 

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