quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

CP, in my first BDSM-oriented relationship I was a Domme, and there was a definite power exchange. That lasted for almost 5 years, and I then had other relationships (top, bottom, and switch, lasting between 3 months and 2 years) over the course of the next 4 1/2 years. Then, I finally started exploring BDSM on the Internet and in my local community - until then, we just figured out what worked for us, collaboratively, rather than focusing on "you can't do this, you must do that" before we even started playing. I don't know that that's necessarily the best approach to take, but it worked for us at the time, and nobody got damaged physically or emotionally by the lack of "limits" pre-negotiation. Usually I brought up my being kinky on the 3rd or 4th date, and we started physical play within a date or two after that.

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ORIGINAL: Briansc30

Personally I have to say that I would never consider sharing my sub or slave with another Dom for any reason. Simply because I have a thing about the idea of someone else being there before me in a recent time frame. But, that said I would not think twice about sharing with a Domme simply because the other person is a she not a he.

That said:

From my point of view the determining factor about power or right goes without saying if the person being shared is a slave who has committed their self to serve the M without limit, simply because from my perspective that is what slave means. No rights that are not given by the M. However if the person is a sub then that person has the right to set limits and say "No I won't do that". That is for me the separator between the two types of s.

But, that is something that should be discussed at length before a commitment is made. What are the relationship rules and limits? What level of submission is expected or desired from both parties.

There was also the point made that the needs of both M/s must be met in order for the relationship to be able to last, and on that point I have to agree completely. It has to be a two way street in order for any relationship to survive on matter the situation. So we are living a M/s lifestyle, so what. As an M, I set goals for myself that I will make an effort each day to show my s that she has pleased me in what ever way I know she will respond to most favorably. Which in turn gives her more reason to want to continue to please me because she knows that I will return that pleasure to her in kind.

So yes I do feel that for some s's it is implied that they might be loaned out and have no choice but to comply and for others it is not or it should be spelled out in the beginning just depending on the level of control and submission that the relationship is designed around by the M/s.

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
since you mentioned me in the above i will assume it was directed to me. In reading your profile, methinks that your way above average in the flexability dept so power dynamics just sort of slide away........I think.

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ORIGINAL: Andalusite

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
since you mentioned me in the above i will assume it was directed to me. In reading your profile, methinks that your way above average in the flexability dept so power dynamics just sort of slide away........I think.

Yeah, since FastReply just puts in a reply to the last person, I always use a quote, or the person's name or initials, if I am addressing something specific they said.

You're mistaken about the power dynamic, though - I can feel a very strong power exchange in a D/s relationship, I'm just not able to consciously *decide* to feel that way about someone, any more than I can decide to fall in love with him. I can choose not to act on it, if I feel a relationship with him would be a bad idea.

To me, it's just not a relationship determinant in terms of whether or not I can be with someone, just as ethnicity and height aren't particularly important to me. It's important for him to be kinky in a way that isn't completely incompatible with me, that he's local, that he's interesting to talk with, that he's gentlemanly, that I enjoy spending time and doing stuff with him, that we have chemistry, etc. If we do have a strong power exchange on top of that, it's a lagniappe. :)

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ORIGINAL: Andalusite

Huh? No, it's not a choice either - I don't choose to submit to anyone, or to dominate someone, any more than I choose to fall in love with him. It either happens or it doesn't, and there isn't a checklist that guarantees how I'll feel toward any individual man - I have to get to know him.

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ORIGINAL: Andalusite

CP, of course I can decide not to act on my feelings of dominance or submission toward someone, if I feel that the relationship isn't what I want/need. However, if there were 3 men who expressed an interest in getting more serious/committed around the same time, one dominant, one submissive, and one top/bottom switch, I wouldn't choose which one to be with based on which general dynamic they were offering. It would depend on what specifically how they envisioned the D/s playing out, who had a schedule/etc. that was more compatible with mine, so I could see him more often, which one I had the most chemistry with, which of them had a play style that would be most compatible with mine, who I felt would get along best with my friends, that kind of stuff.

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ORIGINAL: Andalusite

Ok, now *I'm* confused! Ah, well, since we're not involved with each other, I guess it's not particularly important.