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RE: Low Income Dominants. - 1/29/2006 7:51:46 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		/cheers loudly for RiotGirl

Well said

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RE: Low Income Dominants. - 1/29/2006 8:00:56 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Irish it sounds bad, but I don't mean like someone who's having a hard time for a little bit we all do. How can you offer security to someone when you're about to be homeless cause you can't pay rent. Or How can you assure them you'll be there for them and build something when someone may be minutes away from loosing everything.



How can someone take on the care of someone else when they're so down and out, not just a hard time down and out totaly and constantly?


I've had opps gonna be hard months, one month I couldn't afford dog food so I borrowd money, but normally I am regularly able to buy his food pay the rent ect ect, but If I was constantly near eviction, or constantly borrowing money to get by to feed myself, I couldn't responcibly see taking on a slave.


I don't mean little hard patches, I mean constantly all the time not having litterallty a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, to take a quote from my dad.

Life choices, Do you spend your last 3 dollars on getting home from work and not eat for the week, or do you eat a meager meal and end up walking home. Do you go to the dr when you're sick and missp aying rent and risking eviction, or do you pay the bill but spend a month with bronchitus because you needed the money to keep your house.

Things like that, always and constantly forever having to choose to between what little you have ie food, and scraping by or getting something you need and going with out other vital things, like getting medical care when you need it.


Ok, so the question arises:

You have been with someone (slave, sub ), and they have been taking care of you...when all of a sudden, something happens...they become so destitute that they are going to lose their home...or their health takes a horrid turn...do you just leave because ...well, shit, he/she can no longer provide for me so I am outta here......?

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Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Low Income Dominants. - 1/29/2006 8:02:10 AM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		I would have to concur with financially responsible, whether they make 10,000 or 100,000 dollars. I could not enter a relationsip where the Dominant shows irresposibility with finances. Having a roof over our heads, food in our bellies is security for me. I do not want to have to worry the my partner is going to blow the mortgage/rent money on a whim and leave us scurrying like rats at the end of the month to make ends meet. I know if my partner were to become ill or had an accident and could not work for a period of time, I could meet our basic needs at minimum. I look for the same in a partner. So, it's not about how much, but about how you use it. < similar to a certain anatomical body part >

As I have aged I have put more emphasis on how one conducts their finacial life as
* one * of the indicators of how a relationship will be. In any relationship, there will be disagreements on money issues to some degree, but I do not want that to be a major theme of my relationship. Therefore, Finances is a talking point when making a decision on entering a relationship.

mbmbn

(in reply to Sunshine119)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Low Income Dominants. - 1/29/2006 8:08:57 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Because i have slightly read a few threads, i'll post this. Being finacially responsible has NOTHING to do with lower income, upper income or middle income. Being fiancially responsible has to do with knowing how to spend what you have responsibly. For alittle example, as i love to give examples to prove my point.

My step mother has a 4 karat diamond ring the size of one of my nails. (i've short nails, bit figure the start of my nail to the end of my finger. Personally it just looked like a big shiny ring to me. (which is excatly what i said to her.. ooo thats shiney is it real? Sorry my own wicked humour) She spends 50 to 60,000 dollars a year on antique furniture. She's got expansive clothing, goes to all the nice places, and knows all the "high" class in paris. Has them over for tea (or whatever the paree's do for tea time)

Yet, she is THE most fianically IRRESPONSIBLE ppl i've met. Drives me up a wall. She over draws her checking account. My father has to fix it. i think what one of the biggest things that gets my goat is a year ago when my father was living in London my stepmother would take off and spend a month or so over there. Leaving my little sister on her own in Paris. You'd think if my stepmother could buy 50 or 60 thousand dollars in antiques it wouldnt be so hard to get off her lazy butt and buy grogercies? Heck no! too busy out blowing money to make sure my kid sister had enough to eat for a month or so.

Hope you got the point. Some one could have very little money, but knows how excatly to make it stretch, make it work for THEM, to use it right. While those with money blow it left and right.

Personally i'd rather be with some one who is "lower income" (and i have) and is finacially responsible then be with some one who is "higher income" and be finacially irrespsonsible.

So i'll state again. Money has jack to do with anything. You're either responsible or not.

P.S. from what i've seen, those with good substanial amounts of money, ALWAYS blow it on stupid inane crap. LIKE a PRADA bag!!!!!!

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Low Income Dominants. - 1/29/2006 8:27:50 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Thanks Irish - ) At some point i'm going to try and read the rest of the threads. But i swear, money gets me going like no other. People ar disgusting. They're views are disgusting. And no i'm not talking about anyone here, as i havent read what anyone wrote.

Personally, i think i am lucky i can see the fallacies of both side.

and really money is just that. It says nothing about a person.

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Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Low Income Dominants. - 1/29/2006 8:42:55 AM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

And no i'm not talking about anyone here, as i havent read what anyone wrote.

Personally, i think i am lucky i can see the fallacies of both side.

and really money is just that. It says nothing about a person.



RG:

When you do read what most of us said about finacial responsibilty, you will notice, for the most part we said it wasn't about how much money they had, But about how they handled the money they did have.

Money in and of itself, does not say a whole lot about the person, but their ability to handle it in a responsible fashion speaks volumes.

So there isn't really that big a difference in what we are saying, just how we are saying it.

mbmbn

< Message edited by maybemaybenot -- 1/29/2006 8:45:27 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Low Income Dominants. - 1/29/2006 8:47:15 AM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Ok, so the question arises:

You have been with someone (slave, sub ), and they have been taking care of you...when all of a sudden, something happens...they become so destitute that they are going to lose their home...or their health takes a horrid turn...do you just leave because ...well, shit, he/she can no longer provide for me so I am outta here......?



IM:

This is one of the reasons for my three month rule. I have a bank account where I keep three months worth of mortgage payments, car payments, insurance payments, etc. This money does not get touched. I find people rarely become detitute overnight and that if there is a little fund for the rocky times, you can generally get back on track.

Of course sometimes it is not that easy, so you simply have to re group and start over from the bottom up. If the two parties have the same ethics in regards to finances, income, etc, many times it makes the bond stornger and you look back with pride that you fell and pulled yourself back, even if you never attain the level you had before.

Part of the gig in being finacially responsible is in planning for unforseen things that may arise. Speaking only for my own experience, I do not want a Dominant who isn't prepared for anything beyond his next paycheck.

mbmbn

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Low Income Dominants. - 1/29/2006 9:01:09 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Oh, I am not disagreeing with what you have said, only trying to understand Feline's position on this.

IE; you take on a slave/submissive ( or vice versa...you begin a relationship with a Master/Dom )...and down the road...say a year or so...things start to go bad financially, due to unforseen circumstances...and they are not getting better...do you walk away because of that? Do you release your slave/submissive because of that? Or health wise...their health is going downhill...do you stop the relationship because of that?

That is what I was trying to ask her

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Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Low Income Dominants. - 1/29/2006 9:10:33 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:

RG:

When you do read what most of us said about finacial responsibilty, you will notice, for the most part we said it wasn't about how much money they had, But about how they handled the money they did have.

Money in and of itself, does not say a whole lot about the person, but their ability to handle it in a responsible fashion speaks volumes.

So there isn't really that big a difference in what we are saying, just how we are saying it.

mbmbn


Actually, i havent read any of the posts. But i'm glad to see others are in an agreement. And yes we are prolly saying things in the same way, i'm just abit odd in the way i say them. = )

(in reply to maybemaybenot)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Low Income Dominants. - 1/29/2006 9:11:54 AM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		Ahhhh.. gotcha !

I hope if this happens to me, that I have chosen wisely and that together our comitment to perserevering and working together to get thru the bad times is greater than our privileged times of enjoying a little excess.

mbmbn

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Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Low Income Dominants. - 1/29/2006 9:13:04 AM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
I say Bear the strong survive and the rest are trampled and as a Alpha Dominant Woman My self I will always seek out
the strongest of the strong, and the One/s who will provide Me that which I am accustomed to and have provided Myself of late
and that which I have been provided in My past by Stronger Dominants then My self and expect any whom are around Me to be no less then Equal in My Dominance and Strenths to be concidered such by Me but prefer to have that which is Stronger.

There are many Dominants whom Thrive with in Their Means and are still Dominant and control Their world
These I would call the Beta Dominant as They contol that which is around them to the Best of Their abilities and limits
and that might include having a low income but its not always what One has but how its used that is of the importance too.
However there are the Alpha Dominant whom strives to always be the best at what They do and that includes having the ways and means to provide for Them self as well as those around Them to a point of access and luxury that only a few Dominants can acheive and enjoy. Each holds a position with in Our Alternate Lifestyle World just as any would hold a position in a Vanilla world.

When I think of Dominance I think of My Linage and Procreation and how I can best continue My Stong Line of such and would seek out and gain that which I perceive as such so that My Familys Line and My Heritage can be carried on in the ways that I feel are Our and My strenths and Dominance and that would include a Financial Strenth here in the real world today. Would I seek out a Dominant who has a low income? It would not be the first thing that I seek in a Dominant however I would look at how that Dominant controls such issues and the reasons for such a Dominant to be a low income Dominant and see if such mindsets and thoughts and means compliment Mine to take such a step in the Dominants direction. But then again I am allready a self suficient Dominant as well. Those whom are slave and seek out that which will provide all in the exchange of service might not be as willing to forgive such things as a Low Income Dominant in One who will be Dominant over them. I think it would also depend on what kind of Dominant You are. There are Pro Dom/mes who thrive off of the income of others and what others provide to Them, would I give Their Dominance any less respect because They basically have no income but are still financially secure with in Them selfs based off of Their Dominance and contol of others income? Each of Us define Our Dominace off of differing views and issues. JMO Good Questions Bear. Made Me think for a moment on My Own Dominance and Values of Such.



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RE: Low Income Dominants. - 1/29/2006 9:28:40 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Associating two unrelated issues and making one a condition of another is a fun way to create debate. There will always be someone having both conditions thinking they are being attacked and there will be just as many with directly opposite situations. Of course if you stated that the "best" BDSM sessions happen in zero gravity, so astronauts are ideal doms/dommes, what about us non astronauts, would give you a smaller sampling range.

"Low income dominants"? - What about them? One arm dominants, doms with one nut, what difference is there in their dominance? Wealth and Dominance. One is who you are; one is a condition. What you can and can't do within who you are is a function of wealth, but that is in the category of body type attraction. As such, it's a condition considered in the same manner. It's not fundamental, fundamental is the dominance and submissiveness. Having or not having money isn't a condition of how well you submit or dominate. BDSM relationships regarding the creature comforts of life are no different than those of the outside world.

I don't believe that it's any different for casual relationships as it is for people living 24/7. Both require agreement on all the ancillary traits, from weight and hair color to cash. Disappointment ensues only when what was represented was a lie. Or the goals were only lip service dreams used as bait with no real plan or behavior supporting them.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Low Income Dominants. - 1/29/2006 10:07:37 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		as always, well said Mercnbeth

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Low Income Dominants. - 1/29/2006 4:19:01 PM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline



Rayne your master is a very lucky man. And you are a very decent human being. Good luck to Y/you both.




HalloweenWhite.

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Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Low Income Dominants. - 1/29/2006 5:03:41 PM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		This something that's been playing on My mind for a long time-would I even be able to attract a submissive if I was on a low income. I have a permenant disability-I use a wheelchair, the jobs market in the U.K is hard to join if you have any physical limitations, and Ive been unable to work for a long time now because I became ill due to My disability. So Ive been on a low income a long time.

I got chatting to someone on this site some time last year and we got on well, but she told Me she wanted 24/7. I have My own home but because Im on a low income due to My disability, I was sure I wouldnt be able to be any good to her, and also, I was sure she wouldnt want to live like that so we drifted apart-I guess I lost My nerve and she picked up on it.

Ive met online, many Domme/Doms who are very successful and Ive read that people in this lifestyle tend to be highly intelligent, and often self employed so that was something else that made Me think-Im not a genius and.at the time wasnt self employed.

Although Im trying to make a mark for My self-Im slowly getting Myself set up in My own business-Im not there yet, and I have very little money,Im responsible-bills payed on time,food in the fridge and things I "just want" wait. I also run a car...which hardly ever runs out of petrol........lol.

I just wished Id read this post sooner and maybe, just maybe things may have been different,but you live and learn.



HalloweenWhite.

< Message edited by HalloweenWhite -- 1/29/2006 5:04:10 PM >

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Low Income Dominants. - 1/29/2006 5:33:00 PM   
Dollbecky


Posts: 197
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		I would take substance over flash any day ....I left a man who is very rich for a man who amazes me with his mind...my love will never be rich; why isnt he rich ? He is a researcher who is making a differance to humanity and our understanding of the universe, to me that is better than money.
I guess I respect what people do not what they are paid

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Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Low Income Dominants. - 1/29/2006 5:47:31 PM   
MysticalPhoenix


Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

P.S. from what i've seen, those with good substanial amounts of money, ALWAYS blow it on stupid inane crap. LIKE a PRADA bag!!!!!!


Yeah, but it's their money, and if they want to spend it on designer handbags, or shoes or jewelry, or antiques, it's their business. Just because you have issues with your family's conspicuous consumption and your stepmother's irresponsibility, doesn't mean that it makes someone a bad person if they have what they consider nice things.

When it comes to Female Dominants and low incomes, there are people (as we've seen in the thread regarding tribute and hookers) who expect their Domme to pay for everything. This sets the barrier for entry fairly high, as she is required to have an income sufficent to support herself, her sub(s) and any unmentionables that she or they may have.

This, is of course, a nice fantasy, but it doesn't play out in reality, except in rare instances. Most of the people I know in the BDSM community have average incomes, as do I. Supporting another person, that I can't claim on my income taxes as a dependent, is not something I'm willing to do.

If push came to shove and I had a live-in relationship partner who was suddenly without income or disabled, etc., that's a whole 'nother kettle of fish. You do what you have to do.

But to accept someone who comes to me with the expectation of living with me while I put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads, no. Some people like that level of control, it puts both partners in the right space, with the breadwinner dominating and the dependent submitting. Some people are into the opposite, where the submissive person supports the dominant person. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

In my life, I do things my way. My former sub had a higher income than I did, but we split the expenses 50/50, and everything over and above that was ours to spend as we each saw fit. And whether it was designer bags, computers, fetish wear, Manolo Blahnik's, or books, it was ours to spend on whatever pleased us. We took turns paying for dinners out, for toys, travel, etc.

Your mileage may vary, but my bottom line: I don't believe that income is the defining factor in determining dominance or submission. And I won't involve myself with someone who does. To me, that means they are giving money more significance than I do.

Phoenix


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RE: Low Income Dominants. - 1/29/2006 5:57:51 PM   
fergus


Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		I think if I had a lot of money, I'd just spend most of it on hookers, beer, and gambling.

The rest of it I would squandor on USELSS stuff!

fergus

(in reply to MysticalPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Low Income Dominants. - 1/29/2006 6:11:14 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fergus

I think if I had a lot of money, I'd just spend most of it on hookers, beer, and gambling.

The rest of it I would squandor on USELSS stuff!

fergus


LMMFAO!!!!


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Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Low Income Dominants. - 1/29/2006 6:32:22 PM   
ponygirlzira


Posts: 30
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

I'd say it's none of my business.

Celeste



I second that.

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