Collarchat.com

Join Our Community		 Collarchat.com

Home  Login  Search 

RE: Why force poly?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Why force poly? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 11:53:38 AM   
sweetgirlseeks


Posts: 131
Status: offline
quote:

But, for me, it's a total confidence killer and, basically hurts my feelings because it's like screaming at me, or putting a big neon sign over my head that says "Monumental Failure!!!" and that i'm not good enough and there is a constant reminder there, every day with the other person present to fulfill whatever else he needs that i guess he feels i'm unable to do.

The past situations of poly basically destroyed any hope of me ever having one...most recently i almost decked the other girl (i walked off and screamed to let off steam). i don't handle manipulation or insults well.


Hi YoungBlondeSlave,

I kind of laughed when i read this because i've been there/done that ... and i shared the same thinking as you.

I don't think anyone should force poly, but i can see why someone might take the time to try to explain, that just because you had one bad experience, doesn't mean you should necessarily close the door forever on that possibility for your life.   I agree that someone should not harass you or  go on and on and on about it with you, but an intelligent person who enjoys the poly lifestyle, might take an interest in you and try to spend a little time helping you to reconsider the fact that you've totally slammed the door shut on this possibility for your life.

Some things are an acquired taste... for me, i think, poly might be one of them.   I felt the same way you did just a short time ago.  I felt that if a man needed someone besides me, it was because i wasn't everything he needed... and that was somehow awful and i should feel horribly bad and lose all of my sense of self-worth over it.   Turns out... for me... i'm okay with that idea now.  I have had the benefit of living in a poly household where i could understand that maybe i didn't fulfill each and every need he had... that is not anything i needed to lose self-esteem over.  Also, there were needs of mine that he couldn't fill.... but having other girls around... those needs were met... like the need for a motherly figure in the house... or a sister to hang out with.    Those are needs that can't be met in a monogomous relationship.

I also laughed when you talked about almost decking the other girl... i have been there too... but come to find out, most of those issues were ways in which I needed to grow.   Poly does help you grow... you learn to listen more, to be less selfish.  But it can be difficult and frustrating as you break through those barriers... but in the end, the person who ends up all the better for it is YOU. 

So i can understand why someone might want to take a minute to point these things out to someone... especially someone who has been in the same situation or shared the same feelings/apprehensions/frustrations that you have.  But that doesn't mean you should feel like they are trying to force poly on you.  Perhaps they are just giving you something to think about, and you can do with it what you wish.

~sgs


< Message edited by sweetgirlseeks -- 4/17/2009 11:54:52 AM >

(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 12:26:51 PM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		If poly is not something you can or want to do then make it a hard limit and deal breaker and make it clear it is both to the dominants who are interested in you; then if the pushing for it begins you simply remind them of what you already told them and say good bye and go on with life.

Don't compromise your own needs and happiness just to widen the pool of potential masters. Do you want just any one claiming to be a master (like the ones claiming to be a master want a slave not the person) or do you want a man, compatible with you, that you care about and cares about you who is also dominant?

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to sweetgirlseeks)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 12:40:16 PM   
YoungBlondeSlave


Posts: 953
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		Recent conversation. Message edited to ensure sender's anonymity.

"DomGuy"

I sure wish you wanted more then friends. I need a good pig slave.

me
 
 i hope you are able to find her, best wishes.

"DomGuy"

I know you are tired of being alone and tired of guys making promisses and then dumping you. you were born to be a mans pig. Contact me when you want a man that will keep you.

me
 
 Yes, but your profile says you are poly and i have no interest in poly.

DomGuy

have you ever tries poly?

me
 
 Yes, i have. And it didn't work out.

"DomGuy"

you have had many relationships with men that didnt work and you tried again. "screenname here" on yahoo.

me
 
 So? i don't like poly.

"DomGuy"

what part of slavery do you not understand. what you like or dont like mean nothing. you are a thing, an object... nothing more. Do you think I ask my DVD player what find of movies it likes? Do you think I ask my car if it likes driving in the rain? I dont understand wht cunts want so badly to call themselfs slave when they have no idea what slavery is. The reason you keep finding players and wannabes is because your not a slave, and a real owner will not take you as is. If you are tired of games, I can make your fat ass into a slave.

me
 
 i don't like poly, get over it. Calling me a fat ass isn't going to endear you to me, moron.

-----
Okay, maybe the calling him a moron didn't help anything but, it's not like i'm telling him anything he didn't already know, right?

(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 12:59:27 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		It is OK sweetie... hope he (lowercase intentional!) reads the forums...... If so he will find more than one person refering to his uncommon lack of functional braincells. That isn't a Dom sweetie, its a cockroach.

Sure I do things with My girl that she doesn't like.... but nothing that would HARM her. If you are not suited for Poly then it would cause such an emotional screw up that it would be HARMFUL. He needs to learn what a duty of care is, You don't break Your toys else You can't play with them again.

Also My girl found the connection and trust to submit so even if she doesn't like something she still gets something possitive from doing it for Me.Before that connection is made, before that trust is built, before she submits there is no upside, nothing positive.


< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 4/17/2009 1:02:14 PM >

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 1:22:54 PM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		Well OBVIOUSLY that's the sort of idiot who gives dominant men a bad name. He mistook "self identifying as slave" to mean "I am everybody's object." Shame on him. Also, that reverse psychology "I don't need you, you need me" bullshit stops working half way through high school.

There's a lot going on here, but I feel the question was resolved. Why do people force poly? It's a grab bag ranging from "more blowjobs" to "It's the only way I can love." The point to take away is that anyone who forces a dynamic you don't want can be instantly dismissed as incompatible. Good for you, he was being a moron, and you shouldn't be a moron's slave. (To quote Obi Wan Kenobi, "Who's the more foolish: The fool, or the fool who follows him?")

But... His gorilla logic does intrigue me. As someone who thoroughly enjoys his poly dynamic, it saddens me to see someone dislike it so much to be turned away from what I love forever. I understand its not for everybody, so I don't blame you, Young Blonde, for your decision. (It's the same as mine, just in reverse).

Why, as humans, do we so often respond to misfortune as YoungBlondeSlave has with poly, or how I responded to being put in a box as a child (I'm claustrophobic now and would never volunteer to be placed in such confining quarters). It's not "once bitten, twice shy", but "once bitten, I HATE DOGS DON'T LET IT NEAR ME!"

Young Blonde Slave, I feel for you. If I submissive, and it seems like every mistress was into shoving slaves in boxes, I'd be similarly distraught.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 1:50:14 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YoungBlondeSlave

Recent conversation. Message edited to ensure sender's anonymity.

"DomGuy"

I sure wish you wanted more then friends. I need a good pig slave.

me
 
 i hope you are able to find her, best wishes.

"DomGuy"

I know you are tired of being alone and tired of guys making promisses and then dumping you. you were born to be a mans pig. Contact me when you want a man that will keep you.

me
 
 Yes, but your profile says you are poly and i have no interest in poly.

DomGuy

have you ever tries poly?

me
 
 Yes, i have. And it didn't work out.

"DomGuy"

you have had many relationships with men that didnt work and you tried again. "screenname here" on yahoo.

me
 
 So? i don't like poly.

"DomGuy"

what part of slavery do you not understand. what you like or dont like mean nothing. you are a thing, an object... nothing more. Do you think I ask my DVD player what find of movies it likes? Do you think I ask my car if it likes driving in the rain? I dont understand wht cunts want so badly to call themselfs slave when they have no idea what slavery is. The reason you keep finding players and wannabes is because your not a slave, and a real owner will not take you as is. If you are tired of games, I can make your fat ass into a slave.

me
 
 i don't like poly, get over it. Calling me a fat ass isn't going to endear you to me, moron.

-----
Okay, maybe the calling him a moron didn't help anything but, it's not like i'm telling him anything he didn't already know, right?


I have to wonder why you continued to respond to this complete and utter idiot. You don't have to subject yourself to random abuse from people you don't know.  Unless of course that's your kink. I understand you reconstructed this exchange between yourself and 'DomGuy' so it's not verbatim but there is still not one message from him that had any sense at all in it. If you haven't done it yet please take the advice from the many other posters here that suggested you block him and anyone else who doesn't 'get' what you want and what YOU are looking for.

Mr. DomGuy seems to think that BDSM means you can leave your good sense, intelligence, and common manners at the door. He also seems to be using D/s as a dumping ground for his lack of social skills. In fact if someone called "here piggy piggy" I think he'd come running, not you or some other potential 'pig slave'. Someone like him gives the respectable Dom's/Domme's out there a bad name.

Or as RavenMuse suggests he may be a cockroach but I don't know exactly how to call a cockroach. Perhaps make noises like spoiled food or something...

(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 2:07:03 PM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

I wouldn't have bothered to respond to his second message and if he'd continued to message me, I'd have just blocked him. People like that only hear and read what they want so why court carpal tunnel to try and reason with them?

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 2:16:04 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If you're available to chat to strangers, what you mainly get are the HNGs.
If you respond to emails after telling someone you aren't compatible, you are leading them to think that you are interested in them.
Change your screening techniques because yours aren't working.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to SassySarijane)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 5:12:17 PM   
sblady


Posts: 433
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline 		Hmmm...perhaps because I'm still considered a newbie to the whole M/s, D/s, poly, etc., thing, no one can force me to do anything. 

I've often been approached by couples or those who feel I'd be a great addition to their house.  I respectfully decline as I'm not interested in a poly relationship.  If they insist, I ask that they first try to be monogamous to me...I like to turn the tables a bit as an example; if they can't do mono, why would they insist I try poly?.  Then of course, I'm topping from the bottom...but, that's another story especially when I'm not sure how I ended up on the bottom just by a simple chat.

You seem to waiver a bit by stating "perhaps I should try poly again to have a wider pool of people to chose from."  Maybe that's the part they're seeing.  As a former salesperson (and a damn good one I might add), when a "potential" customer wavered, I pretty much reeled them in. 

Anyway, my whole point is; no one can make you do anything you don't want to do. 

_____________________________

Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values. Dalai Lama





(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 5:31:37 PM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline 		You shouldn't complain to much about that conversation, you set yourself up for it. Here's how it should of gone:

quote:

ORIGINAL: YoungBlondeSlave

Recent conversation. Message edited to ensure sender's anonymity.

"DomGuy"

I sure wish you wanted more then friends. I need a good pig slave.

me 
 
 <block>


I just wish it was that easy in real life. When christians show up at my door I actually have to get up and turn the dogs loose....(sigh).

(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 5:49:53 PM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline 		I was under the understanding that "forced" anything in BDsM was actually consent to
"force" as in forced bi etc..??

then again there is actual FORCE used by those who misuse their power and position..or are just plain abusers with only the basic rudiments of brain stem function.

This is an interesting subject...  POLY  and forced poly
There is POLY as in more than 1 and POLY as in I will  accumulate a harem..even as I woo you I am looking at others

THIS NEVER WORKS
I lived in a POLY home for 18 years...myself and 2 men and at times invited play mates.
#1 was there first..and a BOND and communication established
#2 came later and was chosen carefully...so as we all fit..so as the dynamics would work..he was transitioned in carefully

#2 did not come to us becuz I needed more oral or another cock..he came
becuz my capacity for love is infinate...and he fit us both well..
in daily living...in order to create a family and group working together for the highest good for all..
we bought land..we had an organic farm..we loved deeply..and both surrendered all to me..in vanilla and BdsM

forced poly is probably a greedy sex thing//
iT IS a bunch of bull shit..take away the sex and what do you have..??
a set up to run from ASAP

GQ

(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 6:47:45 PM   
LovingMistress45


Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline 		hmmmmmm.....your bad experience sounds like a bad Dom, rather than poly.  However, if you don't feel poly is what you want you need to stay true to you and wait until you find the right Dom that does not want poly.  Poly is not for everyone and it takes a lot of work.  I have been considering poly but one thing I am not sure about is whether I want to deal with jealous subs.  That said when I talk with potential submissive I mention fairly quickly that I have play partners that I will not be giving up and that I am considering pursuing having a poly-house.  I think that anyone that waits to share that information is not worth your time.

(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 7:02:46 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		(Warning: skipped responses after reading OP)

From the way you mention things, it does sound like you are letting previous bad experiences taint your perspective of poly.

However, for a D-type who may be courting you to bring that up in an attempt to leverage you to suddenly change your mind on what you want qualifies under the 'rather rude' category.

And the D-types who responded with the "as many as possible" replies to how many slaves would be ideal clearly are not interested in a poly household at all, but rather in a stable.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 7:08:23 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YoungBlondeSlave

Recent conversation. Message edited to ensure sender's anonymity.

I've really wanted to create a fake female account just for this type of entertainment. Well, I mean...a lot of women don't find it entertaining...but you could lead these brainless twit-Doms around for hours with the right schtick!


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 11:45:30 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Slight hijack.
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'd be weary of anyone trying to force anything down your throat in the first place. 



My girl rather 'enjoys' that..... oh hang on, not the context You ment it in


I knew this would be coming as soon as I hit enter.

Good to see you, Raven.  It's been a while.  My best to you and yours.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Why force poly? - 4/18/2009 2:06:54 AM   
YoungBlondeSlave


Posts: 953
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: YoungBlondeSlave

Recent conversation. Message edited to ensure sender's anonymity.

I've really wanted to create a fake female account just for this type of entertainment. Well, I mean...a lot of women don't find it entertaining...but you could lead these brainless twit-Doms around for hours with the right schtick!



Yes, some "doms" can be rather entertaining, a couple weeks ago i encountered one who wanted to be a live-in Dom. Meaning, that i would pay for him to come live with me, i would give him my bank account numbers and credit cards, work full time, take care of all the household chores, pay all the bills and attempt to maintain a 4.0 while he "stays at home, does some light exercise, plans things and goes on the internet." BUT, since he's so terribly kind, if i'm unable to keep up with the duties he will hire a maid, driver (if he needs to go anywhere and i'm too busy), nanny (if we have kids) etc.

i was having quite a bit of fun with him in the beginning but i tired of him quickly.

But, of course, the fake female profile thing has been done to death.

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Why force poly? - 4/18/2009 6:46:00 AM   
Christinestill


Posts: 1199
Joined: 12/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

Why force poly???

the best one that was said to me...Well baby..what makes your master happy should make you happy.





um no thank you. it's more like what pleases me as your sub pleases you dude.  oh wait!  i'm not sounding very subly am  i this morning?  (i'm blaming it on the tylenol pm i took last night.)

_____________________________

"Ya can't be scared if you're laughing!" -lushy

Learning to color outside the the lines a little more each day.

yes i'm pro-gun, i'm not about to sit around with a fucking rolling pin and hope for the best.


(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Why force poly? - 4/18/2009 11:13:33 AM   
MelluthTur


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/3/2009
Status: offline 		The best general way to answer is be S S & C. And that means the girl should not only have with them there fetrish list when meeting. But also your hard limits. Always before getting heavy into your common desires. spend a fair amount of time on those things in which the girl will not agrre to before a contract is signed...(YES A CONTRACT!) If both parties are truly chocolate in their lifestyle, this is your out when forced into a situation you did not want....This is much better than wasted time and possible a destroyed life....Trust Me. it happens more often than you think.....

(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 2:23:53 AM   
YoungBlondeSlave


Posts: 953
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

You shouldn't complain to much about that conversation, you set yourself up for it. Here's how it should of gone:

quote:

ORIGINAL: YoungBlondeSlave

Recent conversation. Message edited to ensure sender's anonymity.

"DomGuy"

I sure wish you wanted more then friends. I need a good pig slave.

me 
 
 <block>


I just wish it was that easy in real life. When christians show up at my door I actually have to get up and turn the dogs loose....(sigh).


You're right i should have just blocked him straight away, i just wanted to see if this guy was really this much of a pompous ass. He was. It was fun getting him pissed though. i'm not really complaining, it was just used as an example. i get a lot of these morons and i block them all.

(in reply to GotSteel)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 2:50:30 AM   
Eigenaar


Posts: 352
Joined: 5/3/2008
Status: offline 		The answer why people go on about poly is embedded in your own words. You call yourself a slave. A slave has no choice and no say and no hard limits. The reactions I read astound me. A slave does not decide about poly. I met a slave on this site a few days ago that was polite in her first messages. She was new to bdsm and when she found out I am poly she said she did not want (a) poly (master). When I confronted her with that her profile said she was interested in serving more than one master and that this meant she is poly she disagreed and became impolite, saying that more people messaged her this nonsense and that she would never accept a master who already has a sub/slave/partner but that she did not want to pin herself down to one master and wanted the freedom to see any master she wanted.

I even would not call such a person submissive, let alone slave. If one wants to have hard limits as '' no poly'' one should list as submissive and not slave.

(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Why force poly? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2024
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

1.555