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RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 3:00:35 AM

YoungBlondeSlave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Eigenaar

The answer why people go on about poly is embedded in your own words. You call yourself a slave. A slave has no choice and no say and no hard limits. The reactions I read astound me. A slave does not decide about poly. I met a slave on this site a few days ago that was polite in her first messages. She was new to bdsm and when she found out I am poly she said she did not want (a) poly (master). When I confronted her with that her profile said she was interested in serving more than one master and that this meant she is poly she disagreed and became impolite, saying that more people messaged her this nonsense and that she would never accept a master who already has a sub/slave/partner but that she did not want to pin herself down to one master and wanted the freedom to see any master she wanted.

I even would not call such a person submissive, let alone slave. If one wants to have hard limits as '' no poly'' one should list as submissive and not slave.

Slight tangent here but i think it needs to be said.

Okay, so a slave is allowed no hard limits. Hmm, well, try this one on for size: i'm allegic to latex, it will kill me. So therefore i've listed it as a hard limit. But, since i'm a slave my owner is allowed to dress me up in latex for his amusement and consequently kill me because i'm a slave therefore have no say in what he does to me?

< Message edited by YoungBlondeSlave -- 4/19/2009 3:04:41 AM >

(in reply to Eigenaar)

RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 3:32:53 AM

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You are not allergic to poly.

(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)

RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 3:59:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YoungBlondeSlave

Okay, so a slave is allowed no hard limits. Hmm, well, try this one on for size: i'm allegic to latex, it will kill me. So therefore i've listed it as a hard limit. But, since i'm a slave my owner is allowed to dress me up in latex for his amusement and consequently kill me because i'm a slave therefore have no say in what he does to me?

OK, this old chestnut..... Now firstly I am in the 'limits are the Owners concern' camp here however what many who throw that line fail to grasp is that an Owner is TRUSTED to have a duty of care. He can and will hurt the girl all He likes however He has a responcibility not to break His toys....

Now in the case of a girl who is allergic to latex, she submits because she trusts Him... she is responcible for giving the information regarding the allergy, HE is the One who has the 'limit' not her because of His duty of care... she is slave, she lives within her Masters limits.

If He should ever order her into a latex zenti suit of anything as stupid... she would remind Him... if it wasn't a mistake and it was still being done, it is as stupid as telling her to jump off a cliff.... directly opposing His duty of care... a breach of the Trust.... He is revealed to not be tha Man she thought she was submitting to... one she could Trust not to HARM her. Dealbreaker, submission removed hasta la vista.

The shared definition of HARM is one of the areas of compatability

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 4:39:31 AM

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Your reaction shows you are not the slave you say you are. As RavenMuse points a responsible owner will of course consider an allergy. Concerning the killing you an owner can in theory kill you as the state can and as your neighbor can. I would like to know why you call yourself a slave and not merely submissive. It looks like you gave this choice no thought and there is a difference between the two.

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 4:59:06 AM

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People can be unsuited to poly, wether they are slave or not. I am Poly I would NOT take on a mono slave, she is wired such that the situation would screw her up badly... emotional HARM is part of a duty of care too.

Compatability and trust is needed BEFORE a girl submits. If she and I both find We are compatable after discussing her nature and what I offer, if she finds herself TRUSTING Me then she submits.... after that point her safety is MY concern and responcibility, she trusts in that and obeys ANY command I give (Unless as above it is something that shows Me not to be the person she believed she was submitting to)

But before that point she has the responcibility to see to her own well being... that includes not submitting to idiots who try and force her into someting she isn't compatable with.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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(in reply to Eigenaar)

RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 5:18:17 AM

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Why would persons call themselves a slave when being unsuited/not wanting poly? Can't they call themselves sub instead and come with a substantial list of hard limits?

< Message edited by Eigenaar -- 4/19/2009 5:23:57 AM >

(in reply to RavenMuse)

RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 5:23:51 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Eigenaar

Why would persons call themselves a slave when being unsuited/not wanting poly? Can't they call themselves sub instead and come with a substatial list of hard limits?

i am a slave to my husband/Master. When we first began our relationship, terms were discussed and he knows i am not poly. Should he try to include a third, i would walk.

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 5:26:47 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Eigenaar

Why would persons call themselves a slave when being unsuited/not wanting poly? Can't they call themselves sub instead and come with a substatial list of hard limits?

Do you know ANYTHING about even basic psychology? No, silly question, obviously not... it used to be the field in which I worked. Do you even know what COMPATABILITY means?

People don't come out of a cookie cutter, slaves are people too. ALL people have individual needs and things they can or can't handle emotionaly. Thats why compatability is sought... Sure, some people are mono simply by default and once they have discussed the issue they find they maybe suited... others simply are NOT suited, they couldn't handle it no matter how hard they tried. If someone lables as Mono then they are NOT compatable with Me.

Are you the type that thinks lesbian slaves should fall at your oh so domly feet or else they are not slaves? Same thing, they are not compatable.

THEY are not coming with a 'list of hard limits'.... I offer what I offer, if they are compatable with what I offer then they submit and live within MY LIMITS.

< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 4/19/2009 5:28:30 AM >

_____________________________

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And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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(in reply to Eigenaar)

RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 5:28:31 AM

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Again, how would one define slave and sub and the difference between the two when the ''slave'' decides about the life the owner leads and if he has more slaves or a partner. This absolutely makes no sense.

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 5:34:30 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Eigenaar

Again, how would one define slave and sub and the difference between the two when the ''slave'' decides about the life the owner leads and if he has more slaves or a partner. This absolutely makes no sense.

look at it like this...it is HIS responsibility to ensure my health and well being. Attempting to turn me into something i am not (poly) would be emotionally damaging, and he would be negligent in his responsibility

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 5:38:32 AM

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Eigenaar... just a quick question... have you ever actualy lived this lifestyle or just read about it in porn mags? Once the girl submits she is under the Authority of her Owner, there is no part of her life He can not change/control.... but she is a slave not a doormat, she isn't going to fall down and do whatever the first wankstain with a capitalised name tells her to do. Before she submits she is only under her OWN authority and control, she needs to find COMPATABILITY and someone she can trust BEFORE she submits. If she knows she is not suited to poly then she doesn't submit to a Poly Master... end of story.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Eigenaar)

RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 5:42:27 AM

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I do not have oh so domly feet and nothing I put justifies disparaging remarks. I could also ask RavenMuse if he knows about psychology/compatability. And yes, there are no lesbian slaves, apart from the fact being lesbian only means one prefers females over males but has sex with both in general. This thread is about submissive women and not slaves. Again, what would be the difference between sub and slave when both can do as they please? A sub can be lesbian and have a female dominant, a slave does not decide about this. A consensual slave does not want to decide about this.

Before there will be more personal remarks, I do not give my opinion in this thread, I name facts. Naming facts and even giving once opinion does not justify throwing dirt. We can behave as adults are supposed to behave.

< Message edited by Eigenaar -- 4/19/2009 5:46:27 AM >

(in reply to Eigenaar)

RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 5:43:45 AM

YoungBlondeSlave

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Eigenaar, listen, i'm sorry that i'm not the robot that you want (call the Jetsons though, maybe they could loan Rosie out to you). Yes, i believe i'm a slave. Get over it, obviously we're not a match, oh friggin' well.

Just because i don't want poly doesn't make me any less of a slave. In your eyes, apparently it does, but that doesn't matter to me. i've had experiences in poly and i've been positively miserable during those relationships. What slave would subject herself to a life of misery in a poly relationship(that she knows with absolute certainty she is not suited for) with her Master and whatever other slaves he takes on. It's one thing to take a beating that she despises because she misbehaves (though for me a far worse punishment is knowing how i dissappointed). But it's a far different thing to be subjected to a living hell, day in and day out just because "Master says so." This is CONSENSUAL SLAVERY! It means (to me) that previous to accepting any collar i would make sure that all of my questions and concerns were answered and that i felt very safe and comfortable with whatever Dom offered me his collar. That i knew he had my best interests at heart, that i could trust him to help me develop into a better slave.That means we discussed all limits and maybe had to come to some compromises but hard limits remained hard limits. Maybe that wil include expanding on some limits, or re-visiting some at a later date. i.e. i'm not big on the needle play idea but if i was at a club and there was some amazing needle play scene and it got me thinking "shit, that looked really intense, i'd like to try that." i'd ask him if we could re-visit the discussion we had about limits and re-evaluate them.

But a hard limit is a hard limit dude, don't do it just because you want to and because you can.

Anyway, please accept my apology for having a brain and expressing my opinion. i hope that you can find it in your cold, cold heart to forgive me.

This seems fitting:

< Message edited by YoungBlondeSlave -- 4/19/2009 5:47:20 AM >

(in reply to Eigenaar)

RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 5:47:39 AM

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quote:

A sub can be lesbian and have a female dominant, a slave does not decide about this. A consensual slave does not want to decide about this.

Dude....you said it yourself! A CONSENSUAL slave. She consents!!!!! She may CONSENT that she does not wish to decide...but she still consents.

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 5:49:36 AM

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quote:

And yes, there are no lesbian slaves, apart from the fact being lesbian only means one prefers females over males but has sex with both in general.

this is one of the sillier things i have ever read on these forums.

Actually...it might just make the top three.

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 5:56:00 AM

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Why do people always use belittling words when someone questions what they say. I am not calling a single person a doormat nor brainless. I did not and will not call a person less than me for having an opinion, even if this opinion is not based upon facts. I simply mention there is a difference between sub and slave and asked why one would call themselves slave when one has a bag full of hard limits concerning mainstream bdsm? It is not an option to simply call yourself a sub instead slave so you will be more compatible?

(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)

RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 5:56:13 AM

YoungBlondeSlave

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Probably wouldn't accept it anyway since i chose to give it to him, that means we thought about it. He'd probably like to pick it out for himself.

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 5:57:40 AM

YoungBlondeSlave

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What "bag full of hard limits"?? First of all i do not carry a bag around with me full of my hard limits, secondly we are discussing ONE. Poly. That's it that we're discussing, that's all. That's not a "bag full of hard limits." Sheesh.

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 6:06:47 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Eigenaar

Why do people always use belittling words when someone questions what they say. I am not calling a single person a doormat nor brainless. I did not and will not call a person less than me for having an opinion, even if this opinion is not based upon facts. I simply mention there is a difference between sub and slave and asked why one would call themselves slave when one has a bag full of hard limits concerning mainstream bdsm? It is not an option to simply call yourself a sub instead slave so you will be more compatible?

oh lordie....does this phrase speak volumes!!

I cannot help but feel one who uses the term "mainstream BDSM" has obtained all of his info from books/porn magazines and on-line. It reeks of no real time experience whatsoever.

You have a great deal to learn and it will not happen by sitting in front of a computer or reading a book in bed while wanking off under the sheets.

Get involved in your local BDSM community. But let me warn you...approach them with the attitude you have displayed here and you will find your ass meeting nothing but the curb.

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 4/19/2009 6:07:36 AM >

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(in reply to Eigenaar)

RE: Why force poly? - 4/19/2009 6:14:07 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Eigenaar

You are not allergic to poly.

Doing emotional harm to someone is frequently worse than physical harm.
If poly causes someone emotional distress, you know this and force her to accept it, then you are an unsafe person to be with. No ifs, ands, or buts.

And until and unless you are able to accept that other people know what's best for them, and you sending emails do not, you will not be able to have a healthy relationship if any relationship at all.

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