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RE: Would you let your possession go? - 5/3/2009 5:05:44 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hibiscusamira

Would you still want your posession to go by herself?

it is my choice weather I go or not.

He could well be wanting to gain a better understanding of what you're made of by giving you the choice to step outside of your comfort zone and understand your reaction to this.

It would depend on her character for me. If it's a case of social anxiety, then it's a matter of degree - we all get a little anxious from time to time and that in itself wouldn't get my sympathy. If it's more of a phobia, then that's another matter altogether.

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RE: Would you let your possession go? - 5/3/2009 10:06:22 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

What is it that you think is so all-fired important about a munch that you'd want your newbie sub to attend alone and expect her to be comfortable socialising with a bunch of complete strangers to her?

So that she learns how to socialize well with strangers? Because she likes people? Doesn't get out a lot? Maybe he enjoys it when she's uncomforable - I know one dominant who adores his submissive but likes making her uncomfortable. Could be anything really.

When I scared of going to my first munch Val ordered my ass out the door, despite having never gone himself to the munch. He knows me and he knows that I'm extremely social - I thrive on being around people yet I'm also strangely shy and may duck new social situations out of groundless fears. I don't need him to hold my hand, that just makes me rely on him. I need him to shove my butt out the door. He knows that I'm quite capable of leaving a social setting in a public resturant that I'm bored or uncomfortable in by getting up and returning to my car so I was told to go. I had a fanastic time socializing with strangers and made some new friends that I now hang out with outside of the munch. Hopefully she'll have as good an experience with it as I did.

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(in reply to Focus50)

RE: Would you let your possession go? - 5/3/2009 10:27:48 AM

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To me, if this is a regular munch he attends, and i have never been to one but aren't they just like a dinner at a restuarant get together? Anyway, i wouldn't want to go by myself with a bunch of strangers and if its people he knows and friends, why couldn't he introduce you to a couple people before hand instead of making you go someplace you don't know ANYONE? If he is that comfortable with the people he socializes with, then to me i would think he can introduce you to a couple people prior after all these are his acquaintences at the very least in the area he lives yes?

Unless its some test he is trying to see how you will handle, why put you through such stress of something that should be enjoyable. That being said, my former Master is much of the mind of Focus, he would want to be present if it was a new situation for me simply because he enjoyed being the one to introduce me to new things grins, and he enjoyed seein the reactions of people when they met me.

angel

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RE: Would you let your possession go? - 5/3/2009 4:27:44 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Anyway, i wouldn't want to go by myself with a bunch of strangers and if its people he knows and friends, why couldn't he introduce you to a couple people before hand instead of making you go someplace you don't know ANYONE?

From the OP's post:

quote:

He is not telling me I have to go, it is my choice weather I go or not.

He isn't making her. He is allowing her if she wants to go and is curious if others would allow the same if they could not attend themselves.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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(in reply to barelynangel)

RE: Would you let your possession go? - 5/3/2009 5:14:31 PM

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If he's made it an option, I am going to take it as that, an option.
If I gave someone the same option, I would want them to choose based on their preference. If I wished them to make a particular decision, I would explain my desires as it's not fair to expect another to be a mind-reader.
Davan

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(in reply to Focus50)

RE: Would you let your possession go? - 5/3/2009 7:06:18 PM

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Thank Y/you all for your responses.

It is indeed my choice if I go or not. He is not telling me I have to go. He would like me to because he thinks that it would be good for me to meet people in the lifestyle, but he knows that I am very shy in those types of things.

(in reply to DavanKael)

RE: Would you let your possession go? - 5/3/2009 11:01:26 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

I mostly *disagree* with the other posts....

If I'm "training" her, then I'd make it my business to be front row for all things new to her. So her first munch would be at my side and, that aside, I can't even contemplate suggesting a novice attend a gathering of total strangers on her own!

Talk about setting someone up for failure (not to mention a loooooong, boring night) - what are you people even thinking?

Focus.

Focus, I like the way you think !!!

First show her the ropes, so she know how it works
the next time !!!

I wish you enough.

GoddezzT`

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(in reply to Focus50)

RE: Would you let your possession go? - 5/4/2009 3:38:26 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

What is it that you think is so all-fired important about a munch that you'd want your newbie sub to attend alone and expect her to be comfortable socialising with a bunch of complete strangers to her?

So that she learns how to socialize well with strangers? Because she likes people? Doesn't get out a lot?

Hmmm, I already addressed these questions in the section you've edited out...! I prefer the horse ahead of the cart.

quote:

Maybe he enjoys it when she's uncomforable - I know one dominant who adores his submissive but likes making her uncomfortable. Could be anything really.

Yep, I like watching the girl squirm, too. I'm wondering how I'd do that when she's across town with a bunch of strangers. I could maybe ring someone I know from the munch, even though they'd be acquaintances moreso than a close, personal friend? I know I appreciate it when couples play out their personal relationship in everyone's face at social gatherings - NOT! Perhaps I could ring two (or more) knowing full well I'd likely get contradictory observations.... Or for some real objectivity, I could call one of the single doms who was probably hitting on her all night? Nahhh, I can't get past a *trainer* being on hand to orchestrate or react to how new experiences unfold....

quote:

When I scared of going to my first munch Val ordered my ass out the door, despite having never gone himself to the munch. He knows me and he knows that I'm extremely social - I thrive on being around people yet I'm also strangely shy and may duck new social situations out of groundless fears. I don't need him to hold my hand, that just makes me rely on him. I need him to shove my butt out the door. He knows that I'm quite capable of leaving a social setting in a public resturant that I'm bored or uncomfortable in by getting up and returning to my car so I was told to go. I had a fanastic time socializing with strangers and made some new friends that I now hang out with outside of the munch. Hopefully she'll have as good an experience with it as I did.

So you're advocating a universal training method of shoving a butt out the door? Kinda reminds me of oldtimer's tales (or myths) of teaching their kids to swim by shoving them out the boat or off a jetty and leaving them to work it out.... But there's the rub! If the swim turns into sink, they're still there to dive in after them. And all these premises of just sending the newbie sub along to a munch of strangers assumes there won't be any dramas. It's likely there won't be, BUT, what if there is? Exactly who should have made it their business to be there; who was ultimately responsible for their submissive and the situation she was placed in?

No offense OP; I am fully aware you were *offered* the choice to go. My real issue is with the one who'd leave you hanging out to dry like that - the absent "trainer". I don't know you or the munch you're attending - but I do know you're gonna feel like a prize goose when you front up to a room full of strangers and make your own introductions, maybe several dozen intros. And if you do feel humiliated or at least out of your comfort zone, maybe your trainer will hear about it on the local grapevine in coming days....

Focus.

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RE: Would you let your possession go? - 5/4/2009 4:32:08 AM

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It wouldn't do her any harm to go and she might have a good time so you, I'd be happy for My submissive to go by herself. I'd just tell her to contact Me when she got there to make sure she got there ok, not to agree to go somewhere else with anyoneshe met there (probably common sense but I tell her anyway for My own peace of mind) and I tell her to tell Me she got back ok (if I wasn't going to be at home when she got back, obviously).

(in reply to hibiscusamira)

RE: Would you let your possession go? - 5/4/2009 5:23:52 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hibiscusamira

Thank Y/you all for your responses.

It is indeed my choice if I go or not. He is not telling me I have to go. He would like me to because he thinks that it would be good for me to meet people in the lifestyle, but he knows that I am very shy in those types of things.

Well, I think the fact that he wants you to go on your own, means that at some point you will have to go on your own. I can understand whence he's coming. I suppose he's asking you to stand on your own two feet - perhaps he's the type who really doesn't want to have to hold someone's hand and this could be the chance for you to show you're not that person. Assuming this is the case, I would agree with him because in my experience the more self-sufficient a woman is, the more she is able to give me what I need. I don't agree with the "setting up to fail" comments; you're an adult and we can all be shy, anxious etc from time to time: we all step outside of our comfort zones and just have to get on with it. In a life where no one did anything that they found uncomfortable, we wouldn't get very far.

You could argue that these things are better done step by step, I suppose, which has some merit. I'd estimate it's a matter of personal preference, and only your master will know his motives - you could always ask him?

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I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to hibiscusamira)

RE: Would you let your possession go? - 5/4/2009 6:15:59 AM

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I'm partially in agreement with Focus. Yes, I am selfish enough to want to be with the person for their first experience, if at all possible. With that said, I certainly wouldn't forbid a person to go just because I couldn't be there. Just the same as I wouldn't make someone go if I couldn't be there. I'd be doing the same. Offering the choice as an option. I do have to admit, I would make My preference known, just because I get such a kick out of introducing people to those I know in the community. Especially for the first time.

Due to life circumstances, clip often attends munches and other events without Me. I will admit, we had issues twice. Both were considerable indiscretions of protocol, but nothing major. (Just gave Me a terrible impression of certain folks for their own lack of knowledge. That's another subject.) Something I highly doubt would happen if the munch group is familiar with the person who can't attend, or they are aware that he will be able to be at the next one.

It's always a good idea to contact the host if you have concerns about anything when attending an event. If your trainer can't go, this is the best way to get introductions to others, have someone to talk with if you're shy, or even just tell you what is a good dish at the restaurant where the munch is held. Don't let the decision about whether to go or not be based on fear.

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RE: Would you let your possession go? - 5/4/2009 9:45:55 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

So you're advocating a universal training method of shoving a butt out the door? Kinda reminds me of oldtimer's tales (or myths) of teaching their kids to swim by shoving them out the boat or off a jetty and leaving them to work it out.... But there's the rub! If the swim turns into sink, they're still there to dive in after them. And all these premises of just sending the newbie sub along to a munch of strangers assumes there won't be any dramas. It's likely there won't be, BUT, what if there is? Exactly who should have made it their business to be there; who was ultimately responsible for their submissive and the situation she was placed in?

I never said such a thing. You asked why anyone would do that so I responded to show that a universal rule of never allowing a submissive to attend alone would be faulty.

And if things sink - she's an adult, not a child. She can get her car and drive home or to his house to be comforted from whatever verbal insults might happen. It's a munch in a public place - the odds of her being held down and molested are about the same as letting her go to Wal-Mart by herself.

quote:

No offense OP; I am fully aware you were *offered* the choice to go. My real issue is with the one who'd leave you hanging out to dry like that - the absent "trainer". I don't know you or the munch you're attending - but I do know you're gonna feel like a prize goose when you front up to a room full of strangers and make your own introductions, maybe several dozen intros. And if you do feel humiliated or at least out of your comfort zone, maybe your trainer will hear about it on the local grapevine in coming days....

Focus.

Or you could suggest she give feedback to him immediately about how she felt. Being out of your comfort zone isn't always a bad thing and that could be something he wants. Or maybe he just wants to allow her to go because he honestly thinks she'd have a good time. Nothing about her, so far, implies to me that she's definately the type of woman who would "hung out to dry" by being in a social situation with new people. Now maybe she is but we just don't have that information.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 5/4/2009 9:46:21 AM >

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Focus50)

RE: Would you let your possession go? - 5/4/2009 10:30:46 AM

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Having been in a very similar position as the OP and looking back at the impression of that experience - ofcourse it was a play party and not a munch, Focus is making a very good point about the "imprint" of the experience - especially the first one~

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RE: Would you let your possession go? - 5/4/2009 11:19:23 AM

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Stay, go make up my mind. That's a tuff one have you consulted with your psychic?

BadOne

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RE: Would you let your possession go? - 5/4/2009 11:23:33 AM

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Whilst my original comment that if I instructed her to go or even "suggested" she go (Came as an order in my book), then she had better well get her ass in the door of the munch. However, like Focus, I tend to believe the horse is better preceding the proverbial cart unless you intend fir it to travel in reverse all the time. I do have a history of dropping people in the deep end as soon as I believe they are ready for it and whilst they may not see me I will be there in case a rescue is needed or an emergency happens. I just don't believe in risking any valuable property of mine and I especially do not trust humans until I get to know them personally.

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RE: Would you let your possession go? - 5/4/2009 11:59:40 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hibiscusamira

Thank Y/you all for your responses.

It is indeed my choice if I go or not. He is not telling me I have to go. He would like me to because he thinks that it would be good for me to meet people in the lifestyle, but he knows that I am very shy in those types of things.

What I am reading into this and forgive me if I am wrong, is, he is not giving you clear instructions and that is interfering with your emotional security. You need him to say either 'you will be going to the munch' or 'you will not be going to the munch'

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(in reply to hibiscusamira)

RE: Would you let your possession go? - 5/4/2009 12:47:57 PM

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I do like the clear orders, but I understand that he's giving me the liberty to choose.

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RE: Would you let your possession go? - 5/4/2009 2:01:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hibiscusamira

I do like the clear orders, but I understand that he's giving me the liberty to choose.

Then the choice is in your hands.

I hope you don't mind me asking you but who was it that brought up the subject of going to the munch? was it you ? or him?

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RE: Would you let your possession go? - 5/4/2009 2:11:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
So her first munch would be at my side and, that aside, I can't even contemplate suggesting a novice attend a gathering of total strangers on her own!

I mostly agree with Focus here. It's not even that it's a munch. I wouldn't send a sub to the Pagan moot I go to without me, for similar reasons.

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RE: Would you let your possession go? - 5/4/2009 2:33:45 PM

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I actually don't remember. I know that I asked about it, because he hadn't discussed the munch/social before and I had heard about it. The other day he said that it'd be a good idea, but again that it was my choice.

(in reply to allthatjaz)

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